The Midlife Reframe

Blog

  • Goodbye Foundation

    And eyeliner.

    And mascara.

    And bronzer.

    I have been slowly transitioning to a tinted moisturizer.

    I have gotten to the point where I am just not into foundation anymore. It doesn’t feel good on my face and it has ruined the collars on my coats.

    Also, good foundation is expensive, and I’m done shelling out money that could be put towards things I really need.

    My priorities are shifting. I no longer need to look a certain way, or to hide behind foundation (which I was doing, it was a mask for me).

    Today was day one (outside of weekends) of my journey with just tinted moisturizer.

    I found this brand via social media, and get it through Amazon.

    It’s light and has an SPF. My face feels great.

    I will admit, I was very self conscious. My daughter and her friend were my hype women when I got home today and announced I had done my first work day without makeup (get yourself some hype women, it’s worth it).

    I don’t even think anyone really noticed to be honest.

    It felt freeing, AND it gave me back precious time in the morning when getting ready for work.

    I’m also curious to see if my skin does its weird little breakouts now that I’ve moved on. Also, how will my brain try to sabotage me? That’s the big question.

    Stay tuned. I’ll be sharing more of this journey in the coming weeks!

  • And So We Begin Again

    My first Parkrun, but starting out walking

    So.

    Running.

    Haven’t been doing it regular like.

    Decided I really need to, for my mental health more than anything.

    So this weekend I went to my first Parkrun.

    For those of you who are unfamiliar, Parkrun is a free timed 5k event run by volunteers. You register, get a barcode, and take that barcode with you to the event.

    You can run, walk, or run/walk the event. At the end you scan your barcode and the chip they give you. Your time is recorded and that’s it!

    I was thankful to run into friends for my first time around. We started out walking and the did a nice slow pace for running. It was a great way to get back into something I’ve been doing since 2011. I really moss getting out and hitting the pavement for some stress relief.

    I’ll be taking it slow and steady through the winter months, hopefully building up a good base for the spring/summer.

    I am looking at races and may wait until the spring/summer to tackle those, we’ll see how the winter treats me!

    For now, some small trips around the neighbourhood and Parkrun on Saturdays to start.

    So glad I took the first step this weekend.

    Here’s to more KMs under my belt!

  • It’s That Weird Time

    You know, those days in between Christmas and the New Year where you can’t remember what day it is and you’re eating chocolate for breakfast…and living in your sweatpants.

    It’s also when people start reflecting and thinking about the year to come.

    You know what?

    It’s okay to not have resolutions. It’s okay to not have a plan for 2024. I don’t have one. Nor do I do resolutions. It’s too hard on my brain. Also, I would self sabotage so there really is no point.

    My mental illness would go into overdrive and I am not risking my mental health setting up expectations that I can’t reach.

    I’m going to take things day by day. Like I am now. I woke up with no plans and I’m just playing it by ear. Do I get restless? Yes. But then I just try and find something to occupy my time. I ask myself why I am restless and narrow it down to what I need (a snack, water, get outside, human interaction).

    I can usually calm my restlessness. If I can’t, I hop in the car and go for a drive.

    Naps also work, lol.

    So don’t stress if you don’t have it all figured out for 2024. Just worry about today. Tomorrow will be here soon enough.

  • Do You Trust Your Instincts?

    That is the writing prompt of the day.

    I don’t think I’m trusting them as much as I should.

    I tend to doubt my instincts thanks to my mentally ill brain.

    I have, on more than one occasion, kicked myself in the arse for not trusting what my gut tells me. I always want to see the good in people. But that has burned me a few times in the past.

    So then the doubt kicks in. Is my gut right? Is this a false negative? Or a false positive? Should I really trust what my gut is telling me, or is it my brain interfering?

    That is my struggle. But more often than not, my instincts are right.

    It’s a matter of trust. I need to start trusting what my instincts are telling me.

    Trust, that’s a whole other issue, lol.

    There are times I can’t trust my brain, so attempting to trust my instincts creates some inner turmoil.

    I need to stop thinking that I need to react immediately and take the time to think about what I am doing in making the decision when it is time.

    Flight or freeze really creates issues in my world. I need to find a happy medium to get back in the green zone.

    It will take some time, but I think that slowing down and not immediately reacting (unless it’s necessary) will help me out.

    Fingers crossed. Let’s see how it goes!

  • Here’s Where I’m At

    Well, four months now on Pristiq.

    My doc and I decided that my dose was good, so I am continuing with the med and my antipsychotic as well.

    Now that the cobwebs are clearing I can start purging my surroundings and my brain of everything that isn’t serving me.

    Time to get back on track with the things I enjoy doing.

    I started reading again. Small books so I don’t get discouraged. I am picking up my crochet hook again, and I plan on getting outside for movement.

    I’m not totally delusional, I know there will be hard days, there always are, but this new med has given me some hope that there are more better days than bad.

    I’m recovered from my second bout of COVID, relatively unscathed. We’ll see how things go there.

    My daughter is also on a new med, and seems to be doing much better. We even attended a small Halloween Gathering as The Great Pumpkin and Linus.

    As we roll into “the dark season”, I am hoping to use the tools in my toolbox to keep moving and stay ahead of my brain. And on those days my brain gets the better of me, I will show myself some grace.

    Let’s help each other get through the winter together.

    We can all give ourselves some grace this time of year.

  • Conference Time: Atlanta

    I was in Atlanta this past week for a work conference.

    We were located in Buckhead, and right next door to a mall. Could have been dangerous, but my wallet was safe, lol.

    A definite shift in culture from Halifax, Nova Scotia. The Mall had not only Mall Security, but there were also Sheriffs manning the scan area going in and out of the food court for guns, and Atlanta Police.

    After wandering around the area with my colleague on Tuesday, we went to register on Wednesday morning and were told we shouldn’t have been wandering around, looking like tourists. There was random violence and we had to be careful. Naive Canadians!

    Our Wednesday started out with breakfast at Corner Bakery, where we ordered a fantastic breakfast, and were greeted by the most wonderful staff. We were hugged and made to feel like we belonged there. Southern hospitality at its finest.

    I was happy to reconnect with colleagues from North America and brainstorm ideas. It was a great time with great food and I made some good memories.

    Fox Bros BBQ
    Ranger Station Speak Easy
    Couldn’t leave without a Starbucks Mug!

    Next year the conference is in Aurora, Colorado. Hoping I can attend, it would be amazing!!

    Back to the grind this week.

    Looking forward to applying what I’ve learned.

    Until next time….

  • Our Nala

    We had to put our sweet old girl Nala to sleep about 5 days ago.

    You forget how old they get. She was 18.

    She came to us from Cape Breton. A friend of mine brought her down to “the big city” to become a kitty of leisure.

    I remember going out with my then young daughter and choosing toys, a kitty blanket, food dishes and food. She was so excited for her first cat.

    Nala endured quite a bit those first few years. Being dressed up in doll clothes and paraded around. She took it all in stride.

    She was so ingrained into our lives that I never thought about what would happen when she got older. She was going to live forever.

    We got her a sister, Jax, when she was 8 years old. She welcomed the little feral kitten and they enjoyed each other’s company.

    Over the last year and a half we noticed the arthritis setting into her two front paws, and her inclination to sleep more than play. Bet visit ls were a little more frequent.

    When we added Eggs Benedict to the mix a little over a year ago, she wasn’t really up for a new addition, but she tolerated him nonetheless.

    Her rapid decline started a few weeks ago, and it was getting harder to watch her struggle with her litter box. She started vomiting up anything she ate.

    I made a call to our vet, explaining all of what was happening and made an appointment for her.

    The day before that appointment I woke up to her hiding, and not begging for food. Something felt off. I went into work, thinking that I would split my day and work at home in the afternoon.

    The text came in at 11:30 from my daughter: “I think you need to come home now”. Nala had soiled herself in her chair, and wouldn’t let my daughter clean her.

    I made it home, and called our vet, they had just gotten in an emergency and were not able to see us. I had to call the Emergency Vet.

    Needless to say, we had to make the hard decision after seeing the Emergency Vet.

    It’s not easy saying goodbye to a pet after all that time. The day is a now a blur in my brain.

    It’s been hard not hearing her meow from her perch when we walk through the door, or see her in her favourite chair.

    Day by day it gets a little bit easier, and we are glad that Jax is not alone, even though Eggs Benedict is a little bit of a hellion.

    We will miss her always.

  • Little Bit of This…..

    Coming to the end of a two week vacation. It was sorely needed. I kind of wish I had some more time, lol.

    I’m going into month three on Pristiq, and I’m feeling pretty good. I’m going into the next two months hopeful that this dose is where I need to be. I mean, it can be increased, and I would be okay with that.

    The only thing that seems to be steady is my innate desire to sleep, lol. I’m staying awake better into the evening, but want to sleep forever in the morning. That may take time to sort itself out.

    The month of July zoomed by, and I can’t believe we are into August. Soon it will be spooky season. One of my favourite times!

    Not that I am wishing summer away, but this summer has been less than ideal with wildfires and flash floods in the last few months. Humid and hot. I’m up for some steady temps and lots of sunshine.

    Been crocheting a lot, and it’s helped to keep my brain focused. Making some things for friends, some Christmas gifts (yep, need to start that now), and testing out some Amugurimi toys.

    The start of a Amugurimi doll

    Going into this week rested, and with a new outlook.

    Hoping the latter part of this year improves, with no other natural disasters on the horizon.

    Here’s to later summer/early fall, and to time focused on what’s important.

  • New Meds All Around!!

    So it’s not only me with some new meds, my daughter has been prescribed something new as well.

    It hasn’t been easy these past few months with her trialing ADHD meds. She started out on Biphentin, and when that wasn’t working out, moved onto Vyvanse.

    The Vyvanse was definitely an experience. She was overstimulated ALL THE TIME, and it was like she was manic. I started questioning whether there was something deeper here that we weren’t seeing.

    I made an appointment with our family doctor (she is Val’s doctor too, and delivered her as well) to express my concerns with the mood swings, the manic type behaviour and her depression. Then, by some sort of weird coincidence, Val told me she had made an appointment with the doc right after my phone call with her.

    We found a psychiatrist close to home that bills through MSI for an assessment and some therapy, so at her appointment, Val mentioned that to our doctor. She sent off the referral that day. It is time we get a concrete diagnosis for her mental illnesses so we can manage it properly.

    Needless to say, the doc told her to immediately stop taking the Vyvanse and to just stay on her Sertraline. We waited two weeks for her system to regulate.

    We just saw the doc the other day, where I attended to help corroborate her symptoms. At this time, she is adding some Wellbutrin as a boost for the Sertraline. She told us that she had yet to hear from the psychiatrist, but hopes it will be soon.

    So we are moving forward in the right direction, but it has been hard watching Val struggle with all of this.

    She’s been amazing though, and keeps on giving what she has to get better.

    My hope is that we hear from the psychiatrist soon. That will be the determining factor in medication management and a better future.

    So, the roller coaster keeps rolling, and we keep riding.

    Hopefully we’ll be able to get off soon and move to the lazy river!

  • My New Meds and The Crochet Adventure

    It’s been a little over a week on Pristiq.

    I am finding it easier to get out of bed, and my focus is starting to come back.

    I’ve started crocheting again, which was something I loved to do. I’m starting a small crochet business with my Aunt and I am making plushies, along with custom orders, blanket, and the like.

    I’m hoping this means the medication is turning things around for me. I’ve had a rough go and would like some up time. It’s been a while since I’ve WANTED to do things.

    I am hoping that my desire for my weekly running is in the queue for things I get back to soon. I’m missing my community and the good feelings I get when I get moving!!

    My crocheting really brings a sense of calm and accomplishment. It’s something I want to share so A & S Crochet Creations was born. We are aandscrochet on Instagram, and I have a little shop on the Tedoo app. Getting ready to also build a website soon so everyone can see what we’re up to!

    I will say that the itch to run HAS surfaced since I ran the 5k at the Bluenose. I just need it to ramp up so that I get back to doing what I love and get back to the people I have been missing!

    Are there still crappy things? Oh yeah. But ai think I am really finding my footing. I am really thinking about where my energy needs to be and WHERE and I want to spend it.

    I’m setting my boundaries and focusing on me, which I haven’t been doing.

    Therapy is also helping, and it’s a great tool for me to hash out my thoughts and feelings. So glad I took that leap.

    So, let’s keep collective fingers crossed that these tools keep me on the up and up!!

    I’m going to try and be optimistic 😉

    Until next time!