The Midlife Reframe

Category: blogger

  • #ProjectAmy and #FightForHappy

    Sometimes I have great ideas…

    But I don’t follow through.  I’ve been caught up in so much lately that I’ve dropped the ball on myself.

    Part of the problem with depression/anxiety is you have so many great ideas, but when you go to carry them out, the “doubt voice” pops up.  It can be pretty darn convincing.

    “Why can’t you just DO IT?”

    If I could turn that voice off I would.  Unless you suffer from mental illness it is hard to explain to someone.  I WANT to do all my great ideas. Sometimes I can get started, but the inner doubt voice catches up to you.

    “It’s just an excuse…”

    No – it’s not.  It’s an illness.  Like every other illness you have good and bad times.  When I am overwhelmed, it gets worse.  It’s like sitting at the bottom of the well, knowing that you can get out because the rope and bucket is sitting right there.  You just can’t grab it. 

    “Just ask for help!”

    Well, I do. But sometimes I don’t know how to phrase it.  Or I am afraid that it will overwhelm me even more, so I don’t ask.  It’s a double-edged sword.

    What the heck is #ProjectAmy?

    Well, #ProjectAmy was started today, by my Greg, who was trying to help me earlier when I became extremely overwhelmed.  I cried all over the phone.  

    He is my rock, especially when I do break down.  He can turn it around for me and lead me in the right direction.  Baby steps he told me today.  Start with one thing.

    So tonight is food prep and tomorrow morning is gym bag packing.  I always forget to take care of myself, even when I am feeling good.  I worry about everything and everyone else.  

    That’s not a bad thing per se, but when I forget about me….well I’m no good to anyone if I am not at my best.

    #ProjectAmy is about renewal and recovery.  

    I have my Mantra: I Am Open.

    I need to keep on track until the knee scope. I need to move for me at least once a day.  I need some #Earthathon kms.

    So my friends.  I need your help.  

    I need you to make sure I am doing at least one thing for myself every day.  If you follow me on Twitter and do not see #ProjectAmy, kick me in the butt and give me a challenge (i.e. plank, situps, etc.).  

    Ask me if I have meditated, taken a few minutes to just sit and be aware.  

    Keep sending me FitBit challenges and annoy the crap out of me until February 18th! (Surgery Day!).

    After that, I will just need help with my sanity until I am cleared to weight bear, lol.

    #ProjectAmy and the continued #FightforHappy are on.

     

            

  • Knee Surgery BABY!!!!!

    Yes, I Have a Surgery Date!

    Relief is in sight!!  Happy Dance all around!

    When I arrived home last evening after getting the new hairs (check out my FaceBook Page for pics!) I checked my voicemail.

    *Insert Angelic Music Here*

    There was a message from the Surgeon’s Assistant telling me off I go for surgery on February 18th.

    Happy is just one word I can use.  Nervous and excited for sure!  All depending on what the CT Scan shows and what he sees when he gets in there – there MAY be a bone graft for my femur.  Crossing my fingers that this is not the case and he can just screw the hangy piece back in and work on the dead fractured area.

    What does this mean?

    Well, we are looking at a 6-8 week recovery where I can not have any weight on my leg AT ALL (unless I am doing well, and may be able to put weight on my toes after a few weeks).  Then physio and check ups.  Not sure of the full recovery time yet, but it would be wonderful to run in the late summer early fall.  Just recreational at first, but man, I CAN’T WAIT!!!!!

    So NOW

    I begin my crazy Virgo induced worrying and preparing for the worst, lol.  My V and I will get the apartment in order (two level two bedroom = stairs) so I will be able to survive the first little bit without moving too much.

    And then meal planning and prepping after that.  V will be able to help out big time since she’s 16, but to have simple, fast things to pull out and heat up would be great, and some slow cooker stuff frozen so she can dump it in before she heads to school.

    All that being said, I know I have some great resources at my hands – YOU!

    • What are some quick and easy freezer meals?
    • Any sites you would recommend for easy recipies?
    • Any injury experiences you would like to share?

    Feel free to comment below – I love getting feedback!

    #crazymamaruns

     

  • And I am CLOSER to my Surgery!

    I never thought this day would come!

    This April will have been one full year since my slip in the Dominican and this journey began!

    What started out as a possible meniscus tear was discovered to be an actual joint condition that I’ve had since I was a teenager!

    Osteochondritis Dissecans

    So, since the knee has been getting progressively worse over the past couple of weeks, I went back into the surgeon last Friday.
     
    He asked me some questions about my activity (“You’re doing no sports….RIGHT?”) and manipulated my knee.

    We discussed the options:  If the piece that was still in there hanging on was still, in fact, hanging on, there will be a screw put through that to save it and stimulate healing.  

    As for the piece(s) still floating around, they will be removed.  All depending on whether or not the CarGel is available, there will probably be some microfracturing as to regenerate the bone and cartilage.

    IF the piece hanging on for dear life is NOT able to be screwed in – the words “bone graft” were spoken.

    FUN TIMES!

    So I sit now and wait for the phone call to come this week telling me my actual surgery date.

    I am in good hands, but, I am nervous, excited and vomit-like all at the same time.

    And then I remember, in the not too distant future, I CAN RUN!

    Stay tuned for further updates in the Knee Chronicles!

    #crazymamaruns

  • I Mustache You A Question……

    So I was nominated by my Twitter runner bud Rod over at Runnersmythos to answer these 12 questions so that ya’ll can learn some more about little ole ME!

    Here we go, hang on for dear life!

    1. Four names that people call me, other than my real name:

    • Mom – well this one is obvious.  I have a beautiful 16 year old daughter 🙂
    • Auntie – another obvious one.  I have two awesome nieces!
    • Aim/Amz/Aimz – when you thought you couldn’t shorten Amy, you can 😉
    • Whiskers – this was a nickname given to me in junior high by my friend Ernie Wasson.  I had a large sweatshirt with a pink cat face on it.  He called me that for the remainder of my time back in Oromocto.

    2. Four jobs I have had:

    • Candy Concession Stand Chick – I worked at the Famous Players Theatre in Penhorn Mall during Grades 11 and 12.
    • Legal Secretary – I worked at one firm for 4.5 years before I got pregnant.
    • IT Helpdesk Support – I went back to school to obtain my Network Internet Support Specialist (Microsoft Stream) Diploma when my daughter was 3 and landed a job right out of school at a law firm in their IT Department.
    • Paralegal/Litigation Support – I left IT in that firm to become a Paralegal in their Litigation Department, it was there that I transitioned to a Litigation Application Specialist role.  (I left that firm after 6 years and went to the firm I currently work at where I am a Litigation Support Paralegal and part of a great team!)

     3. Four movies that I have watched more than once:

    • Star Wars Trilogy – I mean come on, you HAVE to watch these over and over!
    • Back to the Future Trilogy – These are just awesome, enough said.
    • Grease – My mom and dad had the album and I listened to it religiously.  When my mom took me to see the movie in the theatre, I sang EVERY SONG.  lol
    • The Exorcist – Because I love to scare the living crap out of myself and sleep with the bible under my pillow for a week after I watch it.

    4. Four Books I recommend:  I have so many more than 4, because I LOVE to read, but I pick these…

    • The Book Thief – Because it is narrated by Death.
    • Under The Dome – Stephen King.  Need I say more?  I love how he dives into human nature and the whole “what would people really be like in this situation?”.
    • Gone Girl – I could not put that book down.
    • The Game of Thrones Series – I started reading these when I was diagnosed with depression.  It really helped me escape and relax.

     5. Four places I have lived:  (My dad was a Military Policeman, so we moved around a bit)

    • Baldy Hughes, British Columbia – This was a Canadian Forces Station – a Radar Base.  In the middle of NOWHERE.  We lived in a barrack block that had been split into “apartments”. (This is now home to the Baldy Hughes Therapeutic Community)
    • Oromocto, New Brunswick – I was born here, and we were posted back to CFB Gagetown when I was a teen (where I completed Grades 8-10 before we were posted to Halifax).
    • Summerside, Prince Edward Island – I started school here (Kindergarden to Grade 3), we did not live on base, but in the actual City of Summerside in the PMQs. 
    • Cornwallis, Nova Scotia – Where we were posted after Summerside.  I completed Grades 4-7 here. I love the Annapolis Valley. (This is now home to Cornwallis Park – a business park).

    I made some awesome friends through my travels.  But now I have this weird desire to move every 3-4 years.  It kind of stays with you.
     
     6. Four Places I have been:

    • St. John’s, Newfoundland – A business trip, but I saw it!
    • Orlando, Florida – Took my daughter to Disney in 2010 🙂  She was an awesome travel buddy, and we totally want to go back!
    • Punta Cana, Dominican Republic – My Greg and I went.  LOVE. Stayed at the Grand Bahia Principe.
    • Calgary, Alberta – I was there when I was really young, we went to the Zoo and the Tower.  That’s all I remember, lol.

      7. Four places I would rather be right now:

    • The Bahamas – Because it’s cold here now.
    • Hawaii – Because it’s cold here now.
    • Spain – Because SPAIN.
    • Scotland – Because my parents both have Scots in their backgrounds.

     8. Four things I don’t eat:

    • Brussel Sprouts – GAG
    • Liver – GAG
    • Caviar – GAG
    • Snails – GAG

     9. Four of my favourite foods:

    • Pizza – YUM.
    • Chocolate – I would swim in it if I could.
    • Coffee – Don’t mess with my caffeine intake…I will hurt you.
    • Peanut Butter – MMMMMMmmmmmmm 🙂

     10. Four TV Shows I watch(ed):

    • The X Files – Mulder and Scull were my peeps.
    • NCIS (the original) – I just love Gibbs, and Abby.
    • SOA – Hello, need I say more?
    • Salem – This is pretty cool so far.  Just watched Season One.

    11. Four things I am looking forward to in 2015:

    • MY SURGERY!!!!!!!!!!!
    • Running again.
    • Growing my yoga practice.
    • SUMMER!

     12. Four things I am always saying:

    • WHATEVER – Sometimes there is a name attached to it, depending on the situation.
    • Really? – Because I am a mom.
    • F Off – I have a potty mouth, sorry!  I do know when NOT to be a potty mouth, for real.
    • Because – usually attached to “I told you so”, “I said so”, and “I am the parent”.

    So, there you have it.  A little bit more about me.

    Thanks Rod for tagging me, this was really fun!

    #crazymamaruns 

  • 2015

    A blank canvas.

    Where there is much uncertainty in the land of Crazy Mama.

    Yep…whole lotta empty right there.

    I had what I am sure was the beginning of Knee-mageddon on Saturday where I went to stand up and something moved….something REALLY moved inside my knee.  

    There was pain and quite a few bad words.

    When I woke up the next morning, there was a smallish lump up above my knee.  I tried to show my Greg, but he SO did not want to see it.

    So I moved it.  Smooshed it back to where it came from…I think.  Then something tried to escape on the inside of my leg from inside my knee.  So, I smooshed IT back to where it came from.  

    I think.

    I called the surgeon’s office on Monday and got an appointment for January 9th.

    I figure the piece of cartilage/bone that is already in there really wants to escape, or a friend has joined it from FemurTown.

    This also happened after my FitBit christening.  I took over 13,000 the first day.  Now I am lucky to make it to 10,000.  Boo-urns.  My cousin’s wife is currently kicking my BUTT.

    Not that I am taking this lying down!

    Because I am not.  I am still goal planning with yoga, and gym stuff, and my whole life in general.

    I just want to be able to plan a run.  Not a big run, but a run.

    And I know I will.

    But back to my FitBit…

    I absolutely LOVE my FitBit Flex! My Greg gave it to me for Christmas. It has a lime green band and I am absolutely enthralled.

    This puppy tracks my steps, my sleep (the quality and quantity), I can also plug in my food and water on the app.  I don’t know how I survived before it!!!  (Well, okay, I DO, but shut up…..lol)

    This is my first “device” that I have attached to my body to track anything, so I am totally biased right now.  I believe that you have to find what works for you.   But I just love this little guy and so enjoy having it buzz and light up when I hit 10,000 steps!  So addicted!

    I am still really digging into all it can do.  So awesome.

    So, resolutions?

    Have to say, not really making any this year.  Only because it really is a blank canvas for me.  A lot of unknowns.  

    Usually, as a person with depression/anxiety, this would send me around the bend.

    But for some reason.  I’m okay.

    I think that maybe I needed this break to realign.  To get back to the other forms of fitness that compliment my running.

    A crappy way to take a break, but you have to play the cards you were dealt.

    So, I have begun to read The Complete Guide to Yin Yoga

    I am writing down things that inspire me, so that I can share them on my blog.

    I am also doing a 10 day Yoga InstaG Challenge with Erin Motz.

    What has been inspiring you lately?  Who has been inspiring you lately?

    #crazymamaruns

     

     

     

     

  • Christmas Vacation Check In

    Okay, Are You Ready??

     I will do a pic post today 😉

    Christmas Eve – Spotted Christmas Car
    Candied Bacon on my cupcake after Turkey Dinner #3
    Christmas Day – My “Greg” was good to me! xo
    Christmas Day with Auntie – Turkey Dinner #4
    I now scare my kitties with my Yeti Feet I got for Christmas 🙂

    I logged 13,800 steps yesterday with my FitBit Flex, and I am loving it!  Not being able to run until surgery in the New Year had me bummed, but my FitBit has movitated me to kick butt!

    I hope you are enjoying your Christmas! And yes, I am totally doing a FitBit Blog Post in the near future!!!

    #crazymamaruns

  • What I thought of the 30 Day Yoga Challenge!

    Kickin it with Erin Motz!

    So now that I have some time to breathe and reflect, here it is!

    When I was told not to run until my surgery, I was feeling kind of down.  I  knew I had to keep moving somehow!

    I hopped on the interwebs and searched diligently.

    It was then that I saw Erin Motz’s 30 Day Yoga Challenge.  It said “Hey, pick me!”

    Every morning I would roll out of my bed and fling out my mat.  Erin was happy and real.

    Because I have an injury, I had to modify my poses.  I picked a nice spot in my bedroom where I had access to furniture and walls in case I fell over during my knee “give out” moments.

    I was pleasantly surprised about how sweaty I was at the end of each session 🙂

    These are not super long sessions, which is another bonus.  It allowed me to get my yoga in before getting ready to start my day.  If I really enjoyed the session, I would sometimes do it again at night.  Because YOGA.

    One of the things I really enjoyed were the restorative days.  As in the photo above, there were days set aside for muscles we all forget about.  The wrists and hands are important!

    I also enjoyed the days focused on the lower backs and hip openers.  As a runner, these days were awesome!!

    I can say that there are many moves that I was not able to do, and wish there had of been a sidebar for a slow progression into Crow Pose or a Headstand.

    At the end

    All in all, I really enjoyed this challenge!  Would definitely recommend for anyone who has been doing some yoga 🙂

    Has anyone else done this challenge?  What did you think?  Any others you would like to share?

    #crazymamaruns
     

  • Christmas Post….What I Learned About Charlie Brown Today….

    Yes, Charlie Brown.

    Today, V (my daughter) and I attended a concert.  Tales of A Charlie Brown Christmas.

    Such classy broads 😉

    I was lucky enough to win tickets to this event through a Twitter Chat I participated in last Wednesday with East Coast Moms 

    For those of you that don’t know, Jerry Granelli (drummer of the Vince Guaraldi Trio who wrote the score for A Charlie Brown Christmas), is from Halifax, Nova Scotia.  His Trio performed for the audience today with the Vivace Children’s Choir.

    We attended the Matinee, which was filled with families.  Such a great atmosphere!

    Once the Trio and the Choir took to the stage, Jerry shared many stories about Vince, the recording of the soundtrack and the cartoon itself.

    Things I did NOT know:

    • Lee Mendelson heard Cast Your Fate to the Wind and contacted a jazz writer for the San Francisco Chronicle who put him in touch with Guaraldi, and asked Guaraldi to score the cartoon
    • Coca Cola commissioned and sponsored the special 
    • CBS did NOT want to air it.  Too slow.  Did not like the Linus reading from Bible. They said “NO”
    • Coca Cola said “YES”

    And we know who won.  Thank you Coca Cola!

     
    They also showed a clip during the performance of the Guaraldi Trio recording the score in the studio.  I had no idea Vince had a stylin moustache!

    Apparently, the ‘stache used to scare Jerry 😉

    The afternoon was filled with the awesomeness of Charlie Brown and has totally gotten me in the Christmas mood!!

    If they do something similar next year, I am totally getting tickets!

    I think we often lose track of what Christmas is all about, and the reason I love A Charlie Brown Christmas is that it brings it all back to the real reason in a super cute way.

    So, take some time with your family and remember why we celebrate this wonderful holiday!

    #crazymamaruns

  • Getting Close to the End – 30 Day Yoga Challenge!

    Today was Day 22 – Restorative Yoga

    What I love about this challenge is that Erin throws in restorative days.  These are days with nice, slow stretches that feel sooooooooooo goooooooooooood.

    Another thing I love about this challenge, is that it has opened me up to so many poses.  I get excited for the next email to pop into to see what I am doing the next day!

    What I can offer as advice is this:  If you are not comfortable with any pose – do not feel like you have to do it.  A big part of any physical activity is listening to your body.  

    Runners are guilty of ignoring certain tweaks 😉  But – since I can’t ignore my tweak, it reminds me that I really SHOULD listen to anything that doesn’t feel right.

    Any runners out there as stubborn as me?  Does anyone else have a weirdo knee issue?  Floating cartilage?  lol

    (What did she do with the Coconut Butter??)

     

    This is the coconut butter I won at yoga 🙂

    WELL, this past week has been crazy busy at work and at home.

    I have been using it in smoothies.  Let me tell you – it is the BOMB!  Of course, it helps if you love coconut, which I do.  A lot.  I am searching recipes for fudge (yum) using coconut butter, so I may be doing some fun food stuff on the weekend.  Already planning for apple butter 🙂  

    If anyone has a great easy recipe for slow cooker apple butter, please let me know!

    So, what’s coming up in the next little while?  THE GYM.  You’ll be seeing some gym blog posts in the near future…and look out for my gym selfies 😉

    Until next time my interweb peeps!

    #crazymamaruns


     

  • Mom Post – Overwhelmed and Holding it Together

    It’s that time of year.

    Getting close to the Holidays (I know we’re not THAT close, but it is gonna sneak up on you I tell ya!) and my brain is close to being fried.


    Keeping myself on track, happy, healthy and on top of all my tasks is becoming overwhelming.  I have things to keep me on track, don’t get me wrong: Reminders, Apps, Calendar Appointments.

    I just feel like I am drowning.  Like there are not enough hours in the day.

    Work is becoming crazier.  It’s that “let’s get it all done before the end of the year” push.  Piles of paper and boxes are everywhere.  Nerves are frazzled.

    Then, there is getting everyone’s Christmas Gifts made/purchased (I do not like being a last minute shopper) while completing other projects for paying customers….hibernation seems like a great idea.

    It is during times like these that I just want to sit down and cry.  For real.

    But, as a single mom I have to keep it together, without losing myself to the chaos.  I do have a great support system.  Some days it’s good to know I can just rant and they will listen.  But some days I just don’t want to burden them, because I am just so tired and don’t want to talk.

    So at night, before I go to bed, I sit.

    And breathe.

    Just for a couple of minutes.

    And then, I may or may not scream into my pillow, depending on the day.

    But I take comfort in knowing that I am not alone.  That moms everywhere are sharing my plight, and are in the exact position I am – whether you are a stay at home mom, or a working mom.

    We all get overwhelmed.  And we all collectively scream into our pillows.

    So if you will excuse me, even though it is mid-day, I think I need to scream into MY pillow.

    #crazymamaruns