The Midlife Reframe

Category: overwhelmed

  • #ProjectAmy and #FightForHappy

    Sometimes I have great ideas…

    But I don’t follow through.  I’ve been caught up in so much lately that I’ve dropped the ball on myself.

    Part of the problem with depression/anxiety is you have so many great ideas, but when you go to carry them out, the “doubt voice” pops up.  It can be pretty darn convincing.

    “Why can’t you just DO IT?”

    If I could turn that voice off I would.  Unless you suffer from mental illness it is hard to explain to someone.  I WANT to do all my great ideas. Sometimes I can get started, but the inner doubt voice catches up to you.

    “It’s just an excuse…”

    No – it’s not.  It’s an illness.  Like every other illness you have good and bad times.  When I am overwhelmed, it gets worse.  It’s like sitting at the bottom of the well, knowing that you can get out because the rope and bucket is sitting right there.  You just can’t grab it. 

    “Just ask for help!”

    Well, I do. But sometimes I don’t know how to phrase it.  Or I am afraid that it will overwhelm me even more, so I don’t ask.  It’s a double-edged sword.

    What the heck is #ProjectAmy?

    Well, #ProjectAmy was started today, by my Greg, who was trying to help me earlier when I became extremely overwhelmed.  I cried all over the phone.  

    He is my rock, especially when I do break down.  He can turn it around for me and lead me in the right direction.  Baby steps he told me today.  Start with one thing.

    So tonight is food prep and tomorrow morning is gym bag packing.  I always forget to take care of myself, even when I am feeling good.  I worry about everything and everyone else.  

    That’s not a bad thing per se, but when I forget about me….well I’m no good to anyone if I am not at my best.

    #ProjectAmy is about renewal and recovery.  

    I have my Mantra: I Am Open.

    I need to keep on track until the knee scope. I need to move for me at least once a day.  I need some #Earthathon kms.

    So my friends.  I need your help.  

    I need you to make sure I am doing at least one thing for myself every day.  If you follow me on Twitter and do not see #ProjectAmy, kick me in the butt and give me a challenge (i.e. plank, situps, etc.).  

    Ask me if I have meditated, taken a few minutes to just sit and be aware.  

    Keep sending me FitBit challenges and annoy the crap out of me until February 18th! (Surgery Day!).

    After that, I will just need help with my sanity until I am cleared to weight bear, lol.

    #ProjectAmy and the continued #FightforHappy are on.

     

            

  • And I am CLOSER to my Surgery!

    I never thought this day would come!

    This April will have been one full year since my slip in the Dominican and this journey began!

    What started out as a possible meniscus tear was discovered to be an actual joint condition that I’ve had since I was a teenager!

    Osteochondritis Dissecans

    So, since the knee has been getting progressively worse over the past couple of weeks, I went back into the surgeon last Friday.
     
    He asked me some questions about my activity (“You’re doing no sports….RIGHT?”) and manipulated my knee.

    We discussed the options:  If the piece that was still in there hanging on was still, in fact, hanging on, there will be a screw put through that to save it and stimulate healing.  

    As for the piece(s) still floating around, they will be removed.  All depending on whether or not the CarGel is available, there will probably be some microfracturing as to regenerate the bone and cartilage.

    IF the piece hanging on for dear life is NOT able to be screwed in – the words “bone graft” were spoken.

    FUN TIMES!

    So I sit now and wait for the phone call to come this week telling me my actual surgery date.

    I am in good hands, but, I am nervous, excited and vomit-like all at the same time.

    And then I remember, in the not too distant future, I CAN RUN!

    Stay tuned for further updates in the Knee Chronicles!

    #crazymamaruns

  • Mom Post – Overwhelmed and Holding it Together

    It’s that time of year.

    Getting close to the Holidays (I know we’re not THAT close, but it is gonna sneak up on you I tell ya!) and my brain is close to being fried.


    Keeping myself on track, happy, healthy and on top of all my tasks is becoming overwhelming.  I have things to keep me on track, don’t get me wrong: Reminders, Apps, Calendar Appointments.

    I just feel like I am drowning.  Like there are not enough hours in the day.

    Work is becoming crazier.  It’s that “let’s get it all done before the end of the year” push.  Piles of paper and boxes are everywhere.  Nerves are frazzled.

    Then, there is getting everyone’s Christmas Gifts made/purchased (I do not like being a last minute shopper) while completing other projects for paying customers….hibernation seems like a great idea.

    It is during times like these that I just want to sit down and cry.  For real.

    But, as a single mom I have to keep it together, without losing myself to the chaos.  I do have a great support system.  Some days it’s good to know I can just rant and they will listen.  But some days I just don’t want to burden them, because I am just so tired and don’t want to talk.

    So at night, before I go to bed, I sit.

    And breathe.

    Just for a couple of minutes.

    And then, I may or may not scream into my pillow, depending on the day.

    But I take comfort in knowing that I am not alone.  That moms everywhere are sharing my plight, and are in the exact position I am – whether you are a stay at home mom, or a working mom.

    We all get overwhelmed.  And we all collectively scream into our pillows.

    So if you will excuse me, even though it is mid-day, I think I need to scream into MY pillow.

    #crazymamaruns