My Brain, Featuring Depression and Anxiety: Overthinking, a Look Into Why I Think The Way I Do

The one thing that has always thrown me into full throttle overthinking is when I was starting a new journey.

No matter what it was: a course, a position, a life event, I would overthink that thing into OBLIVION. If someone said “Have you thought about….” And I would stop them right there. I would ask the question: “You mean *insert thing here*?”

If I do not overthink it at the beginning, it is coming. Could be in the middle, or my favourite, AT THE END.

Once something is over, look out. I will chew on that until it bleeds.

While you may be thinking most of this is great, because I have considered every angle (I mean sure, I most likely have), I am going to tell you a secret…

This is what holds me back. It will stop me from moving forward because I will hyper focus on the things that could possibly go wrong.

See what happens here? It’s a vicious cycle.

When I overcome a hurdle, it seems like I end up choosing a different, very curvy road. A road I know has been well travelled. A road that I now need to look at through a very uber science-y telescope.

Sometimes I will write things down and read them over to see if I am going down an unnecessary path to insanity.

Other times I will write to someone I trust, and genuinely ask them if I am crazy (they usually say no…except the smartass ones, they pile onto why I am crazy and then we laugh and I feel better).

There is the three deep breaths rule I have been following. If I find my heart start to race and my attention all over in different directions, I stop and take three deep breaths.

It restarts my thought process.

Getting up and “doing some laps” around the office helps, especially if it leads to someone you can word vomit with.

Finding that confidence, that nugget of “frig yeah I know this” is not always easy.

I will often remind myself that if I didn’t know what I was doing, I would be unemployed, and the fact that I HAVE been employed since my teenage years (minus childbirth and my mental breakdown) really speaks for itself.

So, if you have been in the bucket of self doubt, you’re not alone. Look around you, the bucket is definitely not empty.