Anxiety Wins Again (Yay?)

Here I am, writing at 11:56pm on a Monday evening.

If you’re like…”Hey, this looks different”, you’d be right. My brain decided that I didn’t like how busy this blog looked, so a total revamp happened.

It is nights like these, the ones where my brain is in overdrive, that I wish would stop.

In the few minutes it has taken me to write this post, I have overthought every previous post I have written so far. Because…REASONS (not sure what yet, but my brain WILL come up with some, of that I can be certain).

Thankfully, my fiance is still downstairs. He has no idea what I have been up to (yet).

I have the heebie jeebies. I cannot sit still and I want to crawl out of my own skin.

It is like a hamster’s horror movie, where they are on the running wheel and they keep running faster and faster…but can’t get off, and they know they will probably die here.

My favourite piece of advise during these times is: “relax”.

Late Breaking News: I CAN’T.

I am stuck in flight or fight – with no way out.

I will eventually go back downstairs, and my fiance will make me a cup of tea and we will talk about why my brain is on fire.

It’s suffocating, and frustrating. I just wanted to come up to bed and go to sleep. I mean, I am yawning as I sit here.

There has been too much going on…everything all at once and I can’t seem to totally shut things off.

It is like my body feels guilty for attempting to relax.

I have been in freeze for so long. Is this the release? And my whole psyche can’t handle it?

Whatever it is, I need to go downstairs and unload.

So…

Good Morning, it is now Tuesday.