The Midlife Reframe

Category: self care

  • My Love/Hate Relationship with June

    The Month, Not a Person

    June:
    The month where summer starts.
    We (kind of) get warmer weather.
    Kids are gearing up for their summer vacation.
    Everything is in full bloom.
    June:
    The month I was diagnosed with a mental illness 5 years ago.
    The month I was lost.
    The month I broke down.

    Photo courtesy of the American Psychological Association

    Every year I mull this over.  Awful, right?
    Yes and no.
    I take time to try and remember the signs.  I want to remember so that I never forget.  Knowing the signs reminds me of how I felt before I broke down.  This is important.  If I remember then I know when I need help.
    That being said, there are times that I have a bad day.  As someone with a mental illness, I can say that I worry about that day becoming the next.  And so on.
    This is where Anxiety is a big jerk.  This is when I take some Ativan.

    But you’ve said in the past that movement is medicine.

    Yes, it is.
    But sometimes moving itself is a struggle.
    Every day is different and it is on the days I DON’T want to move that I struggle to move the most.  Getting out of bed, getting dressed are sometimes the biggest ones.
    Making sure I keep moving is why I have been signing up for more races.  Having a goal, a target, works best for me.  Keeps me moving forward.

    “The Plan” to keep moving.

    I have signed up to do Maritime Race Weekend in September to give me a month to work on my 5k pace after Epic Canadian 10k on Canada Day.
    Will be looking for an October/November Race of a smallish distance and will probably end off the year with the Resolution Run.
    After those races, I can plan for 2017.  No half in the spring though, lol.  Will save that for the fall.  Smaller distances so winter training isn’t so daunting 😉
    What does your race calendar look like until December?

    @crazymamaruns

     
     

  • Why I am NOT making Resolutions for 2016….

    I Decided to Take a Different Approach.

    This year, I am making Intentions for 2016.

    5 of them.

    Wanna know what they are?

    Here you go!

    My 5 Intentions for 2016:

    1.  I intend to meditate daily.
    2.  I intend to create a solid yoga practice.
    3.  I intend to bring more peace into my life.
    4.  I intend to forgive myself more.
    5.  I intend to run more.

    There you have it.

    I am also carrying over my “give zero fucks” view on life into next year too.  Because really, we all need to do the stuff that makes us happy.  

    When we are happy, we radiate that to everyone around us.

    So radiate all over the place!!!

    @crazymamaruns

  • When Two Sentences Bring Back a Memory So Vivid…

    It’s Funny….

    You would think that having a mental illness would make one steer clear of reading or immersing one’s self in the topic.

    But being who I am I need to learn more.  Not only about my illness, but about other mental illnesses as well.

    I am reading Fast Girl right now by Suzy Favor Hamilton.  I had heard about this book while listening to my Another Mother Runner podcast where Suzy was the guest and spoke so candidly about her Bipolar Illness.

    After I heard her speak to Sarah and Dimity, I needed to read this book.

    I got to page 84 on my iPad.

    I read this:

    “When my doctor walked through the door and smiled at me, I immediately started weeping uncontrollably.  She sat down really close to me and made me look at her.”

    Then I started to cry (and not for the first time, this book is a tear jerker).

    This was EXACTLY what happened the day I went to see my doctor in 2011.  Exactly.  I’ve known my doctor forever.  She delivered my daughter.  We’ve always had a great rapport.  So when she walked in and smiled, I broke down.  

    It was so surreal reading those words.

    I never want to forget that day, and I know I never will.  It is permanently etched in my psyche.

    It was the day I couldn’t run away from what was happening.  The day I hit the wall and fell right back on my ass.

    But at some point, that ass has to move.

    I remember finally getting the courage to get out and run one morning during my recovery.  I had been on my meds for a few weeks and was feeling okay.  I pulled on my gear and went out the door.

    I failed.  So bad.

    My body was still broken down.  My body was still suffering from depression.  I didn’t realize how mental illness affected your whole body.  Not being able to just suit up and run was very devastating to me at the time.

    I walked, a lot.  I worked with my trainer for a bit.  I focused on getting better mentally.  I realized how much running helped me centre. 

    It’s why I cherish every run I have.  Even the bad ones.  Because I know there will be days that I just can’t get out there, and I have accepted that.

    It is a struggle when you are batting depression to get moving.  So the days I do move, I celebrate them.

    I know that having a training plan will force me to move come mid-January.  This time of the year I need something to push me forward.  

    The shorter days with longer periods of darkness are hell.

    I just want to come home and sleep.

    So to those of you who struggle:  

    Keep on keeping on.  Any movement is good.  Walking, yoga, cycling, a gym class.

    And if you can’t do it today, it’s okay.  There is always tomorrow.  

    @crazymamaruns



     

  • And Then I Got Sick

    Yes, sick.

    Coming off my BlogJam high I went into work on Monday.
    It came and went with it’s usual routine.

    Then Tuesday.  Tuesday I woke up and felt like a slug.  Dragged my butt into work and made it through the day.

    What time did I get to bed?  8:35pm.
    Like a BOSS.
    Needless to say I was laid out Wednesday and Thursday with sinus pressure and total grossness.  No physical activity was had last week.

    The cats were checking in on me constantly.

    Time to re-evaluate…

    So, because I have a mental illness, there are times that my immune system is not at it’s best.  I mean, depression and anxiety = long term stress.  So the days leading up to my first speaking engagement, they were some super stressful days.  Exciting stress, but stress all the same.
    As I took care of myself those two days I was at home I started to think of my food, hydration, meditation and wondered if I needed something else to bolster my immune system so that I would not be as easy to infect.
    I decided to go back on a multivitamin.   A women’s multivitamin, because let’s face it, I am over 40 😉

    Now I know what some people think.

    You need to sweat that shit out.  Sweat out those germs.
    NO.
    Putting extra stress on my already weakened immune system?  Sorry, not an option.
    I learned a looooooong time ago, when TeenThing was a wee one, that pushing through being sick is not always a good thing.
    When she was just over a year old, I ended up in the hospital for a week.  My body was in shut down mode.  They had no idea what was wrong with me.  To this day, there is still no explanation as to what was wrong.  I was jaundiced, fatigued, and I hurt.  I was in isolation for the first few days.  They took 6 vials of blood every morning.  I saw so many different doctors and they wanted biopsies, yuck (which did not happen – yay).  Finally, I just started to feel better and was able to go home (in a raging snowstorm, but taxis were out and I was NOT staying in there any longer than I had to!).

    Lesson:  My life, my body, my child, are the most important things.  When you are sick, rest dammit. 

     

    And hey, getting better means apple picking baby!

     

    I’ve said it before, self care ROCKS.  Not only mental self care, but physical self care as well.  Being a person is hard these days.  We need to remember that just because the world is going a gazillion km per hour doesn’t mean WE have to keep that pace.
    So if you are sick, take care of yourself.  We have sick days for a reason.  Not using them is not going to win you any brownie points.  Same with exercise/training.  Taking a couple of days to rest is not going to set you back so far that you will suffer any major setback.
    Stay home.
    Get better.
    Then go and kick some ass.

     

     

  • The Post About BlogJam 2015 and Recharging My Batteries

    I am Presenting at a Conference!!

    My very first time speaking outside of work related office talks…..sharing my story.  Mental illness, physical fitness and my bloggy journey.  It will be real.  It will be fun. It will be filled with lots of ME, lol. 
    I am hella nervous.
    I am hella excited.
    I may bend ALL the paperclips!!!!
    Sooooo, which conference?
    This one:

     

    So, if you are a Blogger, Wanna Be Blogger, or are interested in connecting with your fellow Bloggers on the Atlantic Coast of Canada, register soon!  It’s free! (You can make a small donation for coffee that is provided throughout the day to all conference attendees – I did, because we all know how much I love coffee!).  There will be some amazing presenters!!!

    Fresh off a Long Weekend

    Boy did I ever need the break.  It was good to get out of the familiar, everyday environment of home/work/gym/run and spend some time away from the city.
    We did a roadtrip with my parents to beautiful Cape Breton Island, Nova Scotia. 
    Both of my parents are from there.
    We stayed with family and had such a good time 🙂  I ate what I wanted, had lots of java juice, family BBQ on Sunday and I started to learn how to knit socks. (It may take me 2 years to finish them….but…..lol.) 
    The pictures do not do this awesome part of the Province justice.  

    So, where do you love to go to recharge YOUR batteries?  Doesn’t have to be a trip that takes you far. Day trips are great.  Long hikes are also wicked awesome.
    Remember, we all need self care.  I forget this, a lot.
    So book some time with yourself.  It’s totally worth it 🙂