The Midlife Reframe

Category: runner

  • As I Sit Here and Write This…

    It is almost EXACTLY one week until my presentation at BlogJam 2015.

    I would be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous.

    October will hold two firsts for me.  The first being: I am stepping out my box, big time, doing this presentation.

    If I look like this, just hug me….lol.



    It is so very easy to sit here and type my blog posts.  No can see if I am crying or upset or happy as I type. Although I try to emulate my emotions in writing, you can never be 100% sure if what you are feeling can come through the way you want.

    That is part of the miscommunication associated the written word.

    I am hoping that, as part of my foray out of the survival box, and out from behind my keyboard, that I can provide a real account of my blogging experience as a newbie and share the story that brought me here WITHOUT falling apart….too much, lol.

    The Second First?

    Running a 5km race on October 24th.

    That also has me very nervous.  Not the race part.  Just the fact that it is something I was unsure of this time last year.  Would I run again.  Not run again.

    Just plain old anxious, lol.

    So, hang on for the crazy ride known as October here in Crazy Mama’s world.

    You’ll have my recap next week to let you know how my first first goes 😉

    Until next time!

    @crazymamaruns

  • The Post About BlogJam 2015 and Recharging My Batteries

    I am Presenting at a Conference!!

    My very first time speaking outside of work related office talks…..sharing my story.  Mental illness, physical fitness and my bloggy journey.  It will be real.  It will be fun. It will be filled with lots of ME, lol. 
    I am hella nervous.
    I am hella excited.
    I may bend ALL the paperclips!!!!
    Sooooo, which conference?
    This one:

     

    So, if you are a Blogger, Wanna Be Blogger, or are interested in connecting with your fellow Bloggers on the Atlantic Coast of Canada, register soon!  It’s free! (You can make a small donation for coffee that is provided throughout the day to all conference attendees – I did, because we all know how much I love coffee!).  There will be some amazing presenters!!!

    Fresh off a Long Weekend

    Boy did I ever need the break.  It was good to get out of the familiar, everyday environment of home/work/gym/run and spend some time away from the city.
    We did a roadtrip with my parents to beautiful Cape Breton Island, Nova Scotia. 
    Both of my parents are from there.
    We stayed with family and had such a good time 🙂  I ate what I wanted, had lots of java juice, family BBQ on Sunday and I started to learn how to knit socks. (It may take me 2 years to finish them….but…..lol.) 
    The pictures do not do this awesome part of the Province justice.  

    So, where do you love to go to recharge YOUR batteries?  Doesn’t have to be a trip that takes you far. Day trips are great.  Long hikes are also wicked awesome.
    Remember, we all need self care.  I forget this, a lot.
    So book some time with yourself.  It’s totally worth it 🙂

  • The Post of Awkward Feet and Back to Running!

    Yes, BACK TO RUNNING!

    My Feet were VERY EXCITED to lace up 🙂  Happy Heart, Happy Soul!

    My first run took me around the Marsh.

    And by one of the ponds!



    I started running on Monday of this week, setting up a schedule to run M/W/F mornings and strength train on my off days.  Hauling my behind out of bed at 5:45 am to get dressed, feed the cats and haul ass out the door.

    Boy did it ever feel weird…..actually RUNNING.

    I mean, it’s been over a year now since I seriously logged some kms.

    I did run this time last year, but it was only for a couple of runs.  I was told NO RUNNING shortly after.  In hindsight, this was best as I was running with a piece of femur in my knee.  I mean, I knew it was there, but I had no idea how big it was at the time…..like 2cms big…..gah!

    I am wobbly as all get out.  Have no idea how to pace myself anymore (insert BIG sad face here).  I take walking breaks to try and keep a good pace because I speed up and sound like I am dying….huffing and puffing.  Sheesh.  Trying to find my feet again is like a baby learning to walk.  I remind myself to look UP and straight (I tend to look down at my leg…..worrying about my knee, it’s fine…..I am so paranoid right now!  lol).  I remind myself to keep my stride shorter so I don’t heel strike. 
    (And here I am telling people I run to clear my head…..that seems to be the last .7 kms of my run this week.)
    Probably quite the sight in my neck of the woods as the sun rises.  
    It’s good that I am running early in the morning where there is only me, the road/trail, some cyclists, dog walkers and the odd early morning runner. It keeps me motivated to keep going if there are not many people around my “running time” right now…hahaha.
    (It’s good for me AND for others, as ‘Flailing Amy’ is best kept to a low spectator count until she starts running with her BRF and finally gets a GPS watch 😉  )

    On Monday, I start all over again.  Maybe I will run the route in the opposite direction next week.  Strength training and yoga will be the fillers, maybe a Tuesday spin class.  Shake it up.  Keep it fun.
    If you want to keep track of my new flailing running adventures, I am on Strava (and with the Another Mother Runner Group – #BAMR!) and will follow you back.  I love this Kudos thing!
    The take away from this post is this:  I feel great.  My knee feels great.  I. AM. HAPPY.
    Stay tuned for further #RunningWithAmy awesomeness/random blogginess coming soon!!
    #crazymamaruns




     



  • The Post That is Brought to You by The Letter R

    Because Today……I RAN!!!!

    Yes.

    I ran.

    It is surreal.

    Best. Feeling. Ever.

    1.47kms at a 7:13km/hr pace in 10mins 38s

    It was a slow one.  Some walking was done.  But I DID IT.

    My body needed it.  My mind needed it.

    I signed up for the Terry Fox Run in September, BLT 5k Fun Run/Walk in October!

    Welcome back me.  Welcome back.

    #craxymamaruns

  • The Post Where I Talk About the Balance Between "Putting it Out There" and "Keeping Things Private"

    Because Let’s Face It…

    If I told you ALL of my life, ya’ll would definitely run away and hide, lol.

    When I first started on this Blog journey (over a year ago, wow!), it was after some deliberation.  Wallowing in my “I can’t run because I am injured” state was NOT helping matters and I needed an outlet since I couldn’t run.
    I wanted to be vocal about my mental illness and how my running was (and will be, come August 1st) a big factor to keeping myself focused.
    My ex was a big part of the beginning of this blog.  He was an amazing support to me with respect to choosing a platform and encouraging me to write when I expressed a strong opinion about something during our conversations.  He is a part of why this blog is what it is today.  Thank you!

    But…. I thought you loved sharing your story?

    I do.
    The big part of being vocal about anything you have a passion for on Social Media is keeping a part of yourself for you.  Learning to not “overshare” is a big lesson.
    I think we all need to keep our own bubble of privacy for whatever WE decide to keep for ourselves.  If I were to share my very very very innermost thoughts and daily goings on, you’d be two things: scared of me AND annoyed, lol.  Being my brain is a hard job 😉

    And I do love my followers!

    I have met some amazing people on Social Media.  Through my blog, Twitter, Facebook, PodCamp.  I am very glad to call quite a few folks my friends.  
    The running community has been a large support for me as I work my way back to starting to run again.
    Connecting with other moms, especially the local crew, has been awesome.

    I also love that I have so many people who get my anxiety and depression on Social Media.  This is great when I have insomnia or just need to talk about the funk I am in.  
    Those who suffer along with me get it, and if we can lift each other up, I am all for it.  I think sometimes just knowing you are not the only one who is feeling or thinking a certain way can alleviate a little bit of the load off of the shoulders.
    Because I know that I have an amazing Social Media family that will support me in whatever way I need, I do my best to reciprocate if needed.

    Now that being said…

    I share what I can about my struggles with both mental illness, physical fitness, and being a mom.  I try to keep private what I want to keep private.  Because life is life.  Sometimes it sucks and I don’t want to share the sucky parts.
    So trust me when I say you are getting a large piece of me on Social Media.  I keep the yucky parts to myself, for everyone’s peace of mind, lol.

    I hope that you continue to share what you can with me, with the interwebs, with the Twitter-ers, the FaceBookers.  
    Because I think we have a great thing going here.

    xo

    #crazymamaruns









     

  • Not Gonna Lie…I’ve Been a Slacker

    Yes, I’ve Been Absent…

     

    It’s not because I haven’t wanted to write, because I have a gazillion things in my brain, but a lot of life has gotten in the way.

    I have been flat out at work, and when I get home, I have enough in me to make supper, do “something” and then crash.

    Not a fantastic or ideal scenario, but as a single mom, sometimes this happens.

    That’s right….sometimes, life DOES get in the way!

    This has also affected my physical fitness, which means less yoga (but I was still doing my physio exercises – because my comeback is looming!).

    I noticed how much I was affected IN A BIG WAY when I went for my massage therapy last Friday.

    I haven’t had a massage in well over a year (bad Amy) and when I came out of that deep tissue massage, I was a different person.

    I didn’t hurt immediately.  But by 9pm, I was super sleepy and sore.  Not a bad sore, but a “holy-crap-I-was-so-tight-this-feels-weird” sore.

    We worked on my “running parts” – so everything from my lower back down was out of commission, lol.  It took a couple of days for everything to come back, but I can tell a difference for sure.  He also gave me some stretches which are making a big difference as well.

    So….when do you think you will be running again?

     

    I have been “cleared” for August.  And that was me saying “August is good, right?” to my PT.

    Not saying I won’t listen, but if I continue my strength training and start as a beginner, I am hoping to start a run/walk in July.  This is so I can include my daughter in my training and hopefully foster a love of running in her, as she has shown interest (woop!).

    What about the gym?

     

    This week has been a write off.  Two full day meeting with working lunches zapped me.  Small yoga shesh at home.  Wednesday was another day that I just had nothing and today, well I just wanted to get through today. 

    My “Meh” Wednesday Face…

    (TeenThing and I will be partaking in some sort of pilates/yoga/walk thing here shortly.)

    Are these excuses?  No.

    In my short past life as a personal trainer, I would have said yes.  But, being a human being managing her mental illness, these are not excuses.  Stress takes a toll and with the anxiety lurking, it can knock me down.  

    I know that, for me, I need to take a step back and meditate, relax and sleep.  Physical activity sometimes, is just not an option.  My brain needs the step down.  My body will bounce back quicker.

    What about your FitBit?

     

    I know you are all wondering about it.

    It is still on my dresser.

    Will I wear it again?  Yes.

    Next month?  Maybe.  We’ll see.

    Now that I can confidently say it doesn’t define me as person, I will be comfortable putting it back on.

    Comeback Race?

     

    Deciding.  Once I get a good solid running foundation under my belt, I will be able to book something confidently.

    I have some lined up.  So come back soon to see what I’ve got up my sleeve!

    #crazymamaruns

  • BlueNose Marathon Weekend 2015 Expo with #RunAtCan – #Giver!

    A Long Weekend Calls for a Race

    And here in Halifax, the “May 2-4” Weekend is the BlueNose Marathon Race Weekend!
    This was my very first race as a runner, so I am a little biased as to it’s awesomeness.

    I did this on a whim – and haven’t looked back.
    Halifax is hilly, so if you want a flat race, you won’t get that here!  Just check out #BNMarathon2015 or @BlueNoseMarathon to see pics 🙂
    I could not race this year, as I am only cleared to run in August, so I hopped on the Volunteer train and signed up to hand out the bling!

     

     

     

    Race Expo

    This year I was able to hang out with some of my super awesome Twitter fam at the Expo.  The Twitter Group @RunAtCan had a panel discussion on Social Media and Running.  The panel was great at sharing their experiences, their views on Social Media and what platform they found useful to connect with other runners.

    Left to Right: Andrew Paris, Anna Sherwood, Andrew Chak and Paul Merrigan
    Our Sunday Night #RunAtCan Twitter chats have grown from a small Atlantic Canadian group to folks from all over North America and beyond!  The #RunAtCan community is one I am proud to be a member of.  We have created a family, and I am very lucky to call these people my friends.

    Group Shot with John Stanton 🙂  With Charlotte Flewelling and Durwin Brennan peeking out in the back.

    Vancouver MARATHON Finisher Nicola!  Wheeeeeee!

    Photobombed by that Paul Merrigan while getting a shot with Renee!

    The awesome Krysten 🙂

    The running community is amazing.  When I first started to run, I had no idea that there was this giant family of runners out there.  No matter what level you are at, there are always runners there to give you encouragement, advice and accolades.

    Race Day

    I was up a 5:15am.  And there was SOME light.  Forecast was calling for 60% chance of showers.

    Layering up – it was a little chilly!

    Arrived at the Scotiabank Centre for my shift and took a few quick shots of the runners heading up to the Start Line.

    And….

    Here they come!

    Look – my hand!  lol  And a little bit of rain…that’s Team Myles going up Carmichael!


     

    You will definitely get an arm workout giving out the bling.  Some wicked bicep curls were going on for sure 😉  I worked with a fantastic group of people.  We cheered folks in and helped out some Marathoners walk down the hill into the Scotiabank Centre….yes, down the hill.  It rained a little bit at the start of the main races, but held off for the remainder!  Yay!

    I was able to give SO MANY of my friends their medals, and I was able to meet SO MANY Twitter peeps!


    Steph – YOU ROCK!
    I have said it before, and I will say it again, if you have the chance VOLUNTEER!  You get to see the “inner workings” of a race and you get to give back to the running community.
    Next year, I am running the BlueNose, and I am hoping to PB for the half (2:10 is my time to beat).  
    To everyone that ran today, you all did AMAZING!  Congrats 🙂

    #crazymamaruns

  • Why is my FitBit on my Dresser??

    Yes. On my Dresser.

     
    Those who saw my personal account post on Facebook know where I am going with this.
     
    My FitBit was a Christmas Gift.  I was super excited!!! Finally, I had a fitness tracker.
     
    The joy of watching my steps per day – awesome.
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    I would be so happy when the lights danced and it did it’s special little vibration. 

    Like a party on my wrist!  Plus, it could track my sleep AND wake me up!!

     
    Then, I had my knee surgery.
     
    Went off my anti-depressants/anxiety meds.
     
    My FitBit went from a device that I loved, to the “evil bitch” voice in my head.
     

    “Wow, look at his/her steps.”  

    “Why can’t you get that many steps?” 

    “Look, another challenge and your FitBit isn’t syncing your goal and steps over goal.”  

    “What are you doing wrong?”

     
    Basically, a Broken Record
     
    And so, I decided that for the month of May, I am going FitBit free.
     
    I posted it on Facebook, so that there would be some accountability.  A fellow FitBit lover questioned it, and because my anxiety was close to consuming me, I felt I had to respond.  It may have been a little over the top, but I wanted people to know that sometimes, having a mental illness can suck the fun out of fun stuff:
     
    “I’m not saying it isn’t great motivation, but when you have  a mental illness, and you are working on dealing with that med free, it becomes a problem. Part of my mental illness is obsessive thinking.  If I “think” something is wrong or “needs to be fixed”, I won’t stop until I think it is fixed.  I don’t necessarily NEED motivation to move, I’m a runner, albeit an injured one.  Instead of focusing on my strength training, I worry about steps.  Because it’s there, every day.  If my app syncs but my challenges don’t update, I obsess, syncing and syncing and freaking out when it doesn’t work.  THAT is not good for my mental health, which is a large part of MY motivation to move.  So for now, while I am in rehab mode from the surgery and strength training, no FitBit.  Until I can wear it and not “hear a skipping record that won’t shut off”, it will stay on my dresser.  I want to love my FitBit, not hate it.”
     
    So, will I wear it again?
     
    Yes.  No doubt in my mind.
     
    I will wear it when I know (and am comfortable with) the fact that I may or may NOT hit 10,000 steps a day.  
     
    When my steps do not define my day or myself.
     

    When the record stops skipping.

     
    #crazymamaruns

  • Weight of the World….

    And Why It Reminds Me to Refocus

    I carry a lot on my shoulders.  Some of it is placed there by me.

    I over think everything, obsessively.

    Not being able to control my environment throws me into a tailspin sometimes.

    So, until I am cleared to run (my ultimate stress reliever), I’ve been walking and packing my gym bag to shake off everything that has been weighing me down.  Also, a heavy rotation of Silva Meditation. 

    The elliptical is kinda like running!

    Like a lot of moms, I place unrealistic expectations on myself.  I am probably my most harshest critic. 

    We carry way too much, and need to give ourselves a break.  We CAN’T do it all.  And we should NOT feel bad about that.

    Being able to workout gives me peace of mind and reminds me that I need to take care of myself!

    Aren’t you sore from just jumping back in?

    Heck ya!  Everything HURTS.  I am jonesing to run, so taking on the elliptical and rowing machine are my replacement…lol.  Hoping to have my strength training plan written up shortly so I can put it into rotation this week.

    Physio?

    It’s going great!  I have started weight bearing exercises with my right leg, so we are making great progress.

    Yoga?

    Soooooooon.  Once I get the “yes, you can REALLY single leg weight bear” from Joel, look out!  LOL.  I really really really miss my hot yoga.

    What’s on tap for this week?

    Work (duh).

    My usual Physio Appointments Tuesday and Thursday.

    The last of the #JustPlankIt challenge.

    This is killing me, but the brownie today helped, lol.

    Gym time, and my walks.

    So, if you are hooked up with MapMyWalk, let me know!  I just started tracking my walks…….yesterday, lol.

    #crazymamaruns



     

  • When Life Throws You Lemons…..

    Well, we all have our ending to this phrase, lol.

    I say throw because the good and bad are not always handed to you.  Sometimes it comes right at you.
    To say the last week has been trying would be correct.
    I won’t sit here and lament or wax poetic.  Mostly because a lot of it is private and I am respecting other people’s privacy.  They all deserve that.

    What the heck does that have to do with lemons and crap?

    Well, struggling with depression on and off for 4 years has really given me insight.  Being off my meds and dealing with ALL THE FEELINGS has been working out okay. Sometimes I follow my own insight.  Sometimes I hide in my fort. 

    But it’s a choice.

    A choice to hide from the world and think about all the crappy things….OR….find what makes you happy and embrace life.  Even the crap.  Because the crap is a lesson.

    A good friend of mine challenged a few of us to write down what we were grateful for this week.  I’ve saved it in my email, because it’s something I want to add to and when I look at it I remember that my life isn’t so sucky as I sometimes think.

    It has, this week anyway, put things into perspective for me.

    I know what motivates me, and what doesn’t.

    With this knowledge I am beginning this week anew.

    Building a better, faster, stronger Amy.

    (A small snippet from my list:

    Water.

    Watermelon.

    Kites.

    Skates.

    Sneakers.

    Lululemon….lol.

    Running skirts.

    My depression and anxiety – because I am forced to take a step back and focus.)

    What will this entail Amy??

    Well, I am looking into purchasing a bike.  Not being cleared to run yet (BUT, I have been cleared to run in the Fall – Booya!) I am looking for something challenging that will get me outside.  Don’t get me wrong, I love walking.  I just need something different.
    Also, much core and upper body work (don’t worry, I will not cancel leg day, haha) to carry me through when my legs are thinking about giving up during my races next year.


    This is a “start again” moment, and I am taking advantage of it.

    What will we be seeing?

    More insightful posts (hopefully! lol), related to my new journey.

    Encouragement, support, some high fives, and lots of funny.

    Because what’s life without funny!

    So come along, ask questions, and join in on the conversation 🙂

    #crazymamaruns