The Midlife Reframe

Category: run

  • I’m Hanging Up My Racing Shoes

    This has been a decision I’ve been struggling with for some time now.

    I’ve had some amazing experiences racing (hello Team Myles!!) and have accumulated some hardware that hangs in my front hall.

    I’m not stopping running, just the racing.

    I started out running for the pure fun in 2011, and as it sits right now, the whole racing aspect has turned into a chore. I want to run for the fun of it again.

    I’ve been struggling with perimenopause and my runs have sometimes been a ride on the struggle bus. Trying to adapt to this new experience has been rough.

    My brain has also been struggling with the whole race idea and the pressure I put in myself can be tremendous. I have even deleted my Strava account so I don’t stress out about where and when I run.

    It’s time to give myself a break and run for the fun of it again. To find the joy in movement.

    I’ll probably volunteer at races, just to see the joy of others finishing their races will be enough to fill my bucket.

    So if you see me out and about, say hey!

    I’ll be cruising the trails around my area and out at the BLT.

  • And So We Begin Again

    My first Parkrun, but starting out walking

    So.

    Running.

    Haven’t been doing it regular like.

    Decided I really need to, for my mental health more than anything.

    So this weekend I went to my first Parkrun.

    For those of you who are unfamiliar, Parkrun is a free timed 5k event run by volunteers. You register, get a barcode, and take that barcode with you to the event.

    You can run, walk, or run/walk the event. At the end you scan your barcode and the chip they give you. Your time is recorded and that’s it!

    I was thankful to run into friends for my first time around. We started out walking and the did a nice slow pace for running. It was a great way to get back into something I’ve been doing since 2011. I really moss getting out and hitting the pavement for some stress relief.

    I’ll be taking it slow and steady through the winter months, hopefully building up a good base for the spring/summer.

    I am looking at races and may wait until the spring/summer to tackle those, we’ll see how the winter treats me!

    For now, some small trips around the neighbourhood and Parkrun on Saturdays to start.

    So glad I took the first step this weekend.

    Here’s to more KMs under my belt!

  • My New Meds and The Crochet Adventure

    It’s been a little over a week on Pristiq.

    I am finding it easier to get out of bed, and my focus is starting to come back.

    I’ve started crocheting again, which was something I loved to do. I’m starting a small crochet business with my Aunt and I am making plushies, along with custom orders, blanket, and the like.

    I’m hoping this means the medication is turning things around for me. I’ve had a rough go and would like some up time. It’s been a while since I’ve WANTED to do things.

    I am hoping that my desire for my weekly running is in the queue for things I get back to soon. I’m missing my community and the good feelings I get when I get moving!!

    My crocheting really brings a sense of calm and accomplishment. It’s something I want to share so A & S Crochet Creations was born. We are aandscrochet on Instagram, and I have a little shop on the Tedoo app. Getting ready to also build a website soon so everyone can see what we’re up to!

    I will say that the itch to run HAS surfaced since I ran the 5k at the Bluenose. I just need it to ramp up so that I get back to doing what I love and get back to the people I have been missing!

    Are there still crappy things? Oh yeah. But ai think I am really finding my footing. I am really thinking about where my energy needs to be and WHERE and I want to spend it.

    I’m setting my boundaries and focusing on me, which I haven’t been doing.

    Therapy is also helping, and it’s a great tool for me to hash out my thoughts and feelings. So glad I took that leap.

    So, let’s keep collective fingers crossed that these tools keep me on the up and up!!

    I’m going to try and be optimistic 😉

    Until next time!

  • Running as a Mentor

    This year, I applied to be a Team Myles Mentor (Blue Nose Marathon). After my amazing experience with the Team late last year as an Ambassador, and a nudge from one of the previous mentors, I decided to share my love of Team Myles and running with others.

    The Ambassadors apply and can run the 5k and/or the 10k with Team Myles. In the end, we are all training for the 10k, and some folks have already run that distance in their training program!

    Watching this group of Ambassadors (some who have never run before) show up every day, for themselves and for their teammates, has really filled a hole for me. It is inspiring to say the least, and to see the smiles as everyone completes their long runs and hills training.

    Yes, there are the moments where they think they won’t be able to do it, but they do. A gentle reminder that it’s their race at their pace and they are back at it. The cheers from their teammates give them that extra boost as well.

    We have some amazing coaches that warm us up, and cool us down. Their program is slow and steady. So many Ambassadors have surprised themselves with what they have accomplished so far.

    To be able to support the Ambassadors has been so rewarding. I can’t even put into words how I feel to see them progress every week. Not only am I supporting them, but they are supporting me.

    We just started week 7 of training. The race is the long weekend in May.

    These Ambassadors have it in the bag.

    I am so proud of each and every one.

    Love my GangGreen.

    Love Team Myles.

    Love being a Mentor.

  • And She Did It

    It’s been a few weeks since my 10km race.

    It’s taken me that long to process this journey, one that I needed to go on to find my running mojo again.

    Running with Team Myles was an amazing experience. One I will never forget.

    I’ve made some new running friends, and I’ve even joined a local running group which runs every Monday evening and hosts other running events.

    The thing I will have to keep in check though, is my brain. It is really having a hard time with me running again.

    It has tried to revolt. It even tells me how awful I am now that I am slower than I used to be. It whispers “why even bother?” in my ear.

    One thing that running with Team Myles has reiterated is that it is MY PACE that I run at. I’ve changed. My body has changed. My pace has changed, and that’s okay.

    Running is meant to be enjoyable for me. To get caught up in the time/pace vortex would just throw me into a mental space where my obsession would take over. I’ve been there before, and it’s not always good for me.

    Training for a race at my new pace was a great experience. Training with a group of people running at different paces really made me appreciate the effort put forth by every single person that showed up.

    That’s the whole point: showing up.

    Showing up for yourself.

    Acknowledging YOUR effort.

    Appreciating what the body is capable of. It’s an amazing piece of machinery.

    I am willing to keep at it, and to fight my brain telling me why I shouldn’t.

    They say running is a mental game.

    I’m at the start again, and each move will be a challenge.

    I just have to keep rolling the dice.

  • Fall Equals…Anxiety??

    I love fall!

    So many great things about this season. The trees changing, the crisp air, and of course, Halloween!

    I am getting closer to my 10k race in November. Looking forward to running with all my peeps in Team Myles 💚

    For some reason though, I am full of anxiety. Like over the top full.

    I can’t really discern the reason why. There really is no specific reason.

    It’s like I want to jump out of my own skin. I’m restless. I’m full of the heebie jeebies.

    It’s going to take some work to figure this one out.

    As I ran on the weekend I did feel a little bit of relief. But that’s when the calf tightened up and I got some anxiety on top of the regular anxiety.

    Sigh.

    Having to face the anxiety is something I would like to avoid, but that won’t help me.

    So it’s up to me to sit down and write this stuff out, and confront my saboteurs. They’re trying to tell me something, I just need to figure out what they think they’re protecting me from.

    Wish me luck.

    I have a feeling I am going to need it this time.

  • And I Hurt Myself

    Smiling but in pain

    So, in true Amy fashion, I hurt myself last week on my Saturday run.

    Things were going great during the out and back route in Point Pleasant Park.

    Then we ran down a significant hill. We had a small flat area, and the started up a small incline….

    That’s when I felt a twinge and thought, ow. But I kept on running for two more intervals. Stupid me should have stopped running at the first twinge.

    I walked the rest of the route with one of the Team Myles Mentors I was running with, and we talked about injuries and treatments.

    I really knew it was bad when we all gathered to stretch. I couldn’t stretch. It started to hurt more.

    I drove home and immediately put my leg up with an ice pack. I’ve had this pain before, and hoping that I’ve caught it so it wasn’t too bad.

    That afternoon, I had a shoe fitting at Aerobics First for some new sneakers. I hobbled in and was fitted for some new sneakers. A lovely pair of Hoka Bondis.

    After hobbling back to the car, I head home again, put on a compression sleeve and did another round of ice.

    I am thankful that I was able to get into my physiotherapist on the Monday, where he confirmed one of my suspicions: a strained calf. He said it was also possible that some fibres from my Achilles let go as well (wah). Good news: treatment for both is the same.

    I haven’t run since that Saturday, and I’ve only been cleared to walk for 20 mins. I am listening to my physiotherapist and my body. Doing what I need to do so I can get back out running safely.

    Fingers crossed that I get some fitness upgrades after my next couple of physio sessions.

    Until then, this is an injured runner signing off!

  • Team Myles Ambassador

    I’m a Team Myles Ambassador for 2021!

    I am very excited for this opportunity, because I had fallen off of the consistency wagon when it came to running. My mental health was suffering as a result.

    When I saw the moment applications were open, I jumped on it, not knowing if it would be accepted. Hoping that I would because I needed the running community once again.

    Team Myles 2021

    Much to my surprise, by mid-August, I received the email that I was in! I was so happy and excited to be a part of an amazing group of people working towards the same goal.

    We are all split into pods, and each pod is assigned a Mentor. We still have to come up with a pod name, but I have a great pod of peeps to keep me motivated!

    My Team Myles Pod!

    We started our training on a Tuesday evening at Citadel Hill here in Halifax. We had a meet and greet, with some great speakers, we warmed up and started our first training session. We ran intervals up and down Citadel Hill.

    I was proud (and surprised) that I was able to do the intervals and didn’t die, lol.

    Everyone can move at their pace, which is great. We all motivate and support each other.

    Our Saturday morning training is held in Point Pleasant Park. This is where we do our “long runs”. Such a beautiful spot. Our first run was 20mins today 1:1 intervals. I felt great afterwards!!

    I (and my brain) are excited to be starting this journey. I need to get back into a routine, and this is guiding me back into it.

    Come along with me and Team Myles here on the blog!! I’ll be sharing the good and the bad (because we know my brain won’t cooperate all of the time), and all the fun I’m going to have.

  • Running? Really?

    I ran an actual “in person” race recently. It was a small event, with three different distances (4km, 6km, 8km). It was a lot of beach running.

    I did the 4km distance because who am I kidding, my running has been subpar lately. I knew in my inner being that the smallest distance would be the best choice for my disengaged body/mind.

    I drove down with my fellow co-founder of Road Warriors, Shannon. We booked a motel room for the night and made it into a girls road trip.

    The views from the motel were amazing, and we were super close to the beach.

    Sunset

    My run was a struggle. I fought my mind and body the whole way. There was no connection, no endorphin rush and no joy. I ran my worst 4km run ever.

    I’d like to blame it on running in the sand, in not fuelling properly (not a lot of restaurants where we were – hello, Subway for supper), in not training enough.

    Truth is, it was just a crappy run. One I struggled with. Mentally, I couldn’t fight the defeat in my head. Physically, my body listened to my brain. Complete disconnect from my soul.

    My win from this: I finished it, even when I seriously thought of running into the ocean and not finishing the race at all.

    I am starting another running journey soon, and I am really looking forward to the challenge and the sense of community it will bring.

    Keep your eyes peeled for posts on my next adventure, starting up next week!

  • So Done

    Full of fatigue.

    Lacking motivation.

    Fighting my depression.

    Navigating this pandemic.

    I’m so done. Done with feeling like I can’t do anything about how I’m feeling.

    I go in circles. A time where I’m feeling good and think I have everything under some semblance of control. I can handle a lot of things I cannot during a period of depression. I thrive during these times. Then comes the depression and I don’t trust myself, my decisions, or my thought process. Everything I do is wrong.

    This pandemic has made my depression periods more frequent, but in brief spurts and they hit me like truck. My circles become more chaotic and the times between my thrive and slump get shorter. I’m fighting against a strong undertow and it exhausts me.

    I know this is drilled down to exceptional circumstances. I know this pandemic is affecting me in ways I can’t control. I’m facing this every day, this lack of control.

    I try and step back, to see what is the underlying fear, and how can I work with that to move forward. It’s not easy, and sometimes there is no working with it. It is fear, and I need to feel it.

    I recently found out I was at a COVID exposure site, and had to self isolate while waiting to get a test and the results. I was scared the whole time. One trip to pick up my lunch may have landed me in viral swamp, putting others at risk as well.

    During that time, I couldn’t run. My coping mechanism was off limits. There were other ways of working out, but running lets me unwind in a different way. I may not be as fast as I used to be, but the ability to lace up is still my number one way to solve the overthinking brain.

    Thankfully my test results were negative and I could het back to “normal”.

    I am also lucky that I was able to book my vaccine, and I go in 10 days.

    I am very lucky, and I acknowledge that.

    I am just done with all of it. The pandemic, the damage and heartache it has caused, the fighting with my mental illness, watching people disrespect public health orders, all of it.

    I am done.

    But I will live to fight another day.

    I am lucky. So many others are not.

    I wish you love, health, and happiness.

    Stay safe.