I have had two weeks of vacation, which were sorely needed.
My first week was a complete wind down.
I took my peeps out to Peggy’s Cove to at least get off the balcony for one day….
One of the views from Peggy’s Cove Lighthouse
My daughter and I got matching tattoos. Ponyo!
Astrid does amazing work!!
We headed to the beach on the second week…temps in the city were close to 30 celsius and there was humidity, which meant melting on the balcony was not an option!
Hubbards BeachCatching some rays
Back in June, I was able to snag a reservation for a glamping dome down in the Annapolis Valley. What a quiet, relaxing little spot. We grabbed some food from The Noodle Guy (delish) and some local wine from Luckett Vineyards.
You can almost drive by….so take it slowWe hung out while waiting for our orderLuckett Vineyards are absolutely beautiful….I picked up a bottle of Tidal Bay and a couple of spritzers
Valley Sky is a MUST, and we are already planning a fall visit. Check it out!
I added a charcuterie board to our stay. Local eats!And I turned the temperature down for a soak in the hot tub! (It was 38 celsius with the humidity, blargh!)
We stayed in the Tidal Dome. The bed was super cozy, the lounge chairs with ottomans were soooo comfortable, and all the amenities made for a great stay. I was kind of sad when we had to pack up the next morning!!
So serene, and so many birds to listen to!My first cup of the day…
On the way home, we popped into Just Us Coffee for some fuel….and I needed a latte, haha.
Vanilla Latte…. Deeeeelicious
Now I am turning the corner to start getting ready for Back To Work on Tuesday (Monday is the Natal Day Holiday here).
While I am sad to be coming to the end of my vacation, I had some good times. I got a lot of rest.
I’m finding that I am getting my energy back, and I’m able to handle my days better.
Keeping my boundaries at work is making a difference.
Taking care of myself, and getting the rest I need is also helping.
It’s Mother’s Day, and sunny. I have always known how the weather affects my mood, and I am thankful that after the grey and rainy day yesterday I am able to enjoy a boost in mood.
Also, summer vacation will be something to look forward to. Will need to plan that out soon, so I can get it in my work calendar and have a much needed break with my peeps!
I hope that this increase in energy is the turning point in my burnout.
I’m beginning to take other steps to safeguard my mental health, and moving forward is a big step.
Increasing my learning, planning hikes, and giving myself permission to put myself first are some of the first steps once I am back at 100%.
The past two months have been hard. I am close to burnout.
It’s a fine line, medicated or not. Am I thankful for my meds? 1000%
My antidepressants and the HRT are keeping me alert, and stable. I’m pretty sure it has kept me aware of where I am on a mental health level.
Therapy is another key. Being able to check in with someone who is objective and will help me work through the jumbles in my brain has been worth everything.
Home is the safe space. Even when things are chaotic there, I know I can unload, unwind, and be a lump on the couch if I need to. I have a supportive family.
It’s hard to gauge some days if I am at my breaking point. Is it a day where I cry in my office? When I come home and cry?
I tell myself I will know when I need to throw in the towel…but will I? Will I be able to admit to myself that it’s time?
One thing I have learned over the years, especially those AFTER my depression, is that I need to come first. That gets lost sometimes, because you get into a routine and things get comfortable. It’s hard for a reforming people pleaser to stop trying to take care of others first and make sure you are putting yourself at the helm.
Unfortunately it took me longer than I wanted to be aware of the state I am in. It took my therapist saying the words “survival mode” to snap me back into reality.
So now I am taking steps to get myself back.
Making sure I get enough rest is paramount. Sleep is important.
Then it’s making sure I eat properly.
I need to start moving again to make sure my body is also taken care of. I have downloaded the AllTrails app and will start exploring.
Some side notes: HRT is still working well for me. I am having issues with the ulnar nerve in my left elbow – which has been going on for a while, but at first I thought it may have been a B12 deficiency. Not the case. I have a doctor’s appointment this week coming up.
I’m off to have a nap now.
Take care of yourselves, and I’ll be back within the next couple of weeks!
The daily struggle of getting out of bed was hard, and my life mojo was low.
Having a moment in each and every day to sit and be present with myself caused me to face some of my demons head on. Taking time to stop and breathe made me extremely aware.
I am thankful I am making time for me on and off my yoga mat. (Not running hasn’t been easy, but I am making headway and my calves don’t hate me.)
These moments of self reflection made me aware of how well I can convince myself that I am not mentally ill.
Now, just hang on there: I said convince myself . This is not a good thing. This is where I shove everything down into the core of my being where it sits to fester.
The big ball of festering feels starts to manifest outward: I chew the skin around my fingers. I don’t care if my house isn’t clean. I get snippy. Hearing people speak makes me rage-y. Being in a large area with lots of people really makes me want to curl into a ball. I can go on and on. The list is frigging LARGE.
Facing my demons is not always easy. It can be goddamn scary. Not knowing what the outcome will be can be very overwhelming. But I need to do it. This is how I know if I need to ask for help.
For now, I’m good. Things are okay. I’m still hanging out in my cocoon a bit, because it’s cozy in here, but I am slowly coming around.
Another rough patch done.
I know there will be another.
For now, I am embracing this moment, looking out from the in.
A very happy me (a sick me, lol) after a wonderful 5k at the Valley Harvest Marathon Weekend in Wolfville.
As I sit here and type this post, it is Thanksgiving Monday in Canada.
We had a great turkey feast yesterday, after a very early morning traveling so I could run a 5k at the 25th Anniversary of the Valley Harvest Marathon.
I have a lingering head cold, and was thankful I felt well enough to run this beautiful course.
I have one more run this season, the Food Run to support Feed Nova Scotia next weekend here in my neighbourhood.
After having a great run yesterday in Wolfville, part of me started to question my decision to take a break from racing next year (I say this as I think…”well, maybe a few 5ks wouldn’t be so bad”, or “well, maybe some trail running would be better for me”, lol). As runners we push ourselves to our physical and mental limits. We question why we do this to ourselves as we run, but then bask in the afterglow.
Running has always been cathartic for me. I see things differently after a run. It gives me a fresh perspective on things. It connects me to my inner peace.
The reality of the situation is this: my body is out of balance. My weak muscles are the ones that need to be strong, and my strong muscles are making up for the weak. This is why I need to dial back and work on the imbalances.
Mentally I need the break from the constant pressure I put myself under. No one is harder on me, than me. Trust me on that.
The running community is a great source of support for me. I can draw strength and ask for advice. They do not judge. They seek to understand and offer advice. I am grateful for that. They see my back and forth as a struggle to do what’s right for me and my need to lace up and head out.
I am truly looking forward to working on myself, taking the time to figure out my body at 45 years old, and find out what it is truly capable of.
So, you’ll still see me out on the road, but you’ll also see me in the gym. It’s part of the mind/body relationship I’ve ignored for too long.
This is where things sit, and I’m really okay with it 🙂
Hoping you’ll continue to come along with me to see where my running will take me down this fork in the road.
To really see Scotland we would have to have spent at least a month. To see just a small part of the Highlands in the time that we did has a tease really.
It just makes us want to go back for more!
We did a day tour with Rabbie’s to explore the Western Highlands. Our tour guide was Fran. She was AWESOME.
We began our trip from Princes Street in Edinburgh and did the round of introductions on the bus. Fran talked about the lowlands and highlands and spoke of the three bridges, the Kelpies, and what our trip would entail for the day. The weather wasn’t super, but TeenThing and I were pretty pumped, so weather be damned!!
Our entrance into the Highlands started once we entered Callander, the Gateway to the Highlands.
Our first stop was at Loch Lubnaig (pronounced Loch Awe).
What a beautiful start to the Highlands.
You could camp along here. There was a nice little spot to grab a snack.
It was raining right before we got off the bus. But once we got out to explore it started to clear up!
We gathered our snacks and hopped back on the bus. If this was just the beginning we couldn’t wait to see what was in store for us 🙂
That also meant: Castles!!
Our first Castle was Doune Castle. We did the audio tour here. You could listen to audio specifically for Monty Python (Terry Jones) and Outlander (Sam Heughan). It was super fun. We had a blast here.
I still wonder how they maneuvered those turrets. TIGHT FIT!
Doune Castle: Monty Python and the Holy Grail, Castle Leoch (Outlander) and Winterfell (Game of Thrones)
All of the delicate furniture had thistles on them to deter people from sitting.
Our next stop was further up in the Highlands at Kilchurn Castle, built in the mid-1400s (Clan Campbell). I’ll show you the pictures and THEN tell the story, lol.
Kilchurn from afar.
Aaaaaaand a little closer.
And there it is 🙂
Now for the story.
So, as you can tell from the first pic, this is quite a distance from the road. We all hopped off the bus and started making our way through the “field”.
It was a bog.
Once another passenger and I sunk a little bit (mid calf), everyone else pulled back.
NOT ME. This was the first castle built by the Campbell Clan. My Nanny was a Campbell. I WAS GETTING THIS PICTURE DAMMIT.
So, off through the bog I ran. Got down to the Loch and ran into a lovely man fishing on the shore. I took my pictures, cleaned myself up a bit in the loch, turned around and went back into the bog, this time keeping to the other side which was more water than mud.
I got to the road and Fran was like “Yes!!! I knew you were going to keep going!”
Rock. Star.
Our next stop was Inveraray. What a beautiful little spot. There was also another castle.
Inveraray Castle (Clan Campbell since the 18th century).
If you watch Downton Abbey, this was the Castle they visited in Christmas 2012 episode. We didn’t go into this Castle, instead choosing to go into Inveraray and have a bite to eat at Brambles 🙂
A gorgeous little spot.
Loch Fyne
Some Scottish beer 🙂
This burger was AMAZING!
With our bellies full and treats bought at the little candy store, we were ready to get moving!
We drove through some amazing scenery. My GoPro died early (wah) so I was unable to get some good video of the area.
One of the most amazing spots of the day was the Rest and Be Thankful Pass.
I can’t even explain how beautiful this place was.
Cheeeeeeeese!
So many teeny tiny cars.
We were able to take some time here and really soak up the atmosphere.
Our next stop: Loch Lomond.
O ye’ll tak’ the high road, and I’ll tak’ the low road, And I’ll be in Scotland a’fore ye, But me and my true love will never meet again, On the bonnie, bonnie banks o’ Loch Lomond.
So beautiful. I could have sat here forever.
But Fran wouldn’t leave without us, lol.
It was time to load up and head back. All the sads 😦
We were very lucky to stop and see Stirling Castle, some hairy coos and the Kelpies on our way back to Edinburgh.
Stirling Castle
Highland Cows (Hairy Coos)
The Kelpies
This was our FAVOURITE road trip.
The beauty of the Highlands is something to see.
I want to go back and just experience the Highlands next time!
It was fairly late when we arrive back into Edinburgh. There was a concert at the National Gallery, so we checked that out before grabbing a bite and getting back to our rental.
Evening Concert
Come back next week for Walking Tours of Edinburgh and our trip to the Edinburgh Zoo!
I’ve had an EVIL cold. Not just a regular old head cold. It is accompanied by this lovely hacking cough.
And of course it’s that really random cough that happens at the most inappropriate times: on a long bus ride, laying down, sitting up, during regular breathing, when you are trying to have a regular conversation…..you get the idea. I sound like seal.
I only wish I looked this cute!
Fluids, rest, get what fitness I can in during my day, and rest some more. This has been my agenda since last Tuesday.
Now I know some folks would think…
Hey fitness chick, sweat that puppy out!
If it was a head cold and a week later, I would agree. I would have been moving and grooving once the head cleared up. A cough is a different story. Especially with running. I need the lungs in good shape!! (even with my gimpy short runs right now) This has, of course put a stop to my hot yoga classes and any other group oriented fitness. I don’t want to spread that love around. Besides, I’d scare the living crap out of everyone in Savasana!!
Since I am older, wiser and not AS stubborn
I am taking the time I NEED to get better. I am walking, I am moving and I am RESTING. I am no good to anyone else, especially me, if I don’t take the time I need to get better.
That last statement goes for any situation that life throws at you. Take the time YOU need to deal with it. Not what anyone else (outside of the medical profession of course) tells you is the appropriate amount of time. AND DON’T FEEL GUILTY ABOUT IT EITHER! I remember when I was diagnosed with depression, asking the doc how long would it take for me to “feel better”. She told me not to worry about “how long”. Everyone is different. So, I am hoping my cough makes it exit and I can get back to it sooner rather than later. If it gets worse, off to the doc. If it doesn’t and disappears soon – all good. Just have to patient, and take care of me 🙂
The Midlife Reframe 