The Midlife Reframe

Category: perimenopause

  • And On That Note…

    This photo has nothing to do with this post. Yacht is my father’s new service dog, and we are all very happy he is now part of the family.

    I’m awake when I should be asleep. Nothing out of the ordinary in this world of perimenopause – just extremely aggravating when a couple of hours ago I came to bed because of how exhausted I was.

    Things are good, and I have nothing that is keeping me from going to sleep (well, that I know of).

    I have settled into my role and stepping into projects.

    Diving back into legal tech, and exploring all the options and possibilities.

    I take my ingestion of news in pieces, because if I don’t it robs me of the small joys.

    I bought a bike, and plan on getting back out there after I get a helmet and water bottle holder (I bought my fiance and I new bike bells for the trails).

    I’m finally in a place where I am comfortable with the skin I am in.

    Yet, as I yawn while writing this post…sleep eludes me.

    So, I think I will make myself a cup of tea and pick up a book, in the hopes that I will be able to put my head down soon and rest.

    I have so much more to write, I just need get my thoughts sorted.

    See you soon.

  • Sundays and Random Things

    Over the past few years my interest in reading has been spotty, as well as my interest in crochet.

    I’m starting to get that interest back, and I am not forcing things.

    Sunday mornings will be for reading, as it is a nice slow start to the day as the work week looms ahead.

    Depression is a funny thing. I no longer fight it. I have been riding the wave, especially with perimenopause.

    HRT has definitely made things manageable. It has been a godsend.

    The psoriasis on the outside of my ears has moved inside, which has made me want to tear the inside out. I have been putting my Dovabet in there and it has been helping.

    The HRT has more or less stopped my hot hot flashes and night sweats. Win!

    We are growing tomatoes on the balcony, along with some blueberries. This is helping with my depression as well, looking after something that will produce food!

    It has been hard doing that this year, as well are having extremely dry conditions. I have been using bottled water to keep them going.

    Thinking about planting some herbs next year.

    Not wishing away the summer, but I am looking forward to the fall. It is my favourite season.

    For now, I will continue to hope that we get some rain and enjoy the rest of the summer.

  • Am I Still Stressed? I think I’m Still Stressed

    Fidget Ball

    There was this little span of time.

    Just a little one.

    I thought that I was in “recovery”.

    Dear Friends,

    I was not in recovery. It was a facade I had willingly accepted because I needed to be okay. I needed to NOT be in burnout. The fatigue is still there. My motivation, gone. I want to sleep…ALL THE TIME. It takes everything in me to get up and get going. I just DON’T WANT TO.

    I have been here before.

    I would rather not be here.

    I tend to hermit in these conditions. Isolation is my solace.

    I don’t have the energy most days to connect. I want to come home after work and sleep.

    This isn’t good for anyone.

    I honestly do not know where to start. How do I turn this around? Can I turn this around?

    Can I survive this, again?

    I ponder this every morning. Can I conjure up a plan that will work?

    I’m surrounded by people I love at home. They help me as much as they can. But there are things that only I can do.

    So I need to start writing things out. Feelings, thoughts, ideas.

    Maybe then I can navigate this world I am in.

    This post is not exactly uplifting, but I’ve always been real about where I am when I write.

    So until I dig out, it’s not going to be good times. There may be a glimmer of good every now and then, so if you can be patient as I navigate these bends in the road, I would like to share those glimmers as well.

    Take care of yourselves. Don’t get too encompassed by the news. Disconnect every now and then.

    I’m off to bed, hopefully get a good sleep, and start again tomorrow.

  • Patch Shortage, Pills/Gel, and my Stupid Elbow

    I’ve been on hormone replacement therapy for a bit.

    When I had my refill done, they owed me a box of patches.

    I went to get my box at the Pharmacy on Saturday past….none.

    There is a “disruption in the manufacture” of my patch. it’s on back order and they don’t except it to be resolved until July.

    I was then at the mercy of the Pharmacist and my Doctor.

    So, on Wednesday the Pharmacist called to say my replacement was ready. I was sooooooo happy!

    I’m now on Progesterone pills and Estrogel.

    Gotta say, gel is not my favourite. It’s applied to my forearm (two pumps) and rubbed in. Then it’s sticky, and I can’t put anything long sleeved on until it dries. Boooooo.

    BUT, it’s something. I’ll take whatever if it means I won’t become an unbearable human.

    I’ve also been having issues with my left elbow….nerve issues.

    I have ulnar neuropathy. And unless it’s debilitating, there’s nothing they can do. So, I bought gel pads for my office chair. May also get a brace.

    It will take two months for it to calm down. And I have no patience, lol.

    I’m also still on a mission to stick to my boundaries, and it’s going pretty good.

    Been keeping my mental health at the forefront. So far, so good.

    Stay tuned for more in the coming weeks on my gel odyssey – HAHA!

  • On The Struggle Bus…Again

    Survival Mode.

    I am in it, again.

    The past two months have been hard. I am close to burnout.

    It’s a fine line, medicated or not. Am I thankful for my meds? 1000%

    My antidepressants and the HRT are keeping me alert, and stable. I’m pretty sure it has kept me aware of where I am on a mental health level.

    Therapy is another key. Being able to check in with someone who is objective and will help me work through the jumbles in my brain has been worth everything.

    Home is the safe space. Even when things are chaotic there, I know I can unload, unwind, and be a lump on the couch if I need to. I have a supportive family.

    It’s hard to gauge some days if I am at my breaking point. Is it a day where I cry in my office? When I come home and cry?

    I tell myself I will know when I need to throw in the towel…but will I? Will I be able to admit to myself that it’s time?

    One thing I have learned over the years, especially those AFTER my depression, is that I need to come first. That gets lost sometimes, because you get into a routine and things get comfortable. It’s hard for a reforming people pleaser to stop trying to take care of others first and make sure you are putting yourself at the helm.

    Unfortunately it took me longer than I wanted to be aware of the state I am in. It took my therapist saying the words “survival mode” to snap me back into reality.

    So now I am taking steps to get myself back.

    Making sure I get enough rest is paramount. Sleep is important.

    Then it’s making sure I eat properly.

    I need to start moving again to make sure my body is also taken care of. I have downloaded the AllTrails app and will start exploring.

    Some side notes: HRT is still working well for me. I am having issues with the ulnar nerve in my left elbow – which has been going on for a while, but at first I thought it may have been a B12 deficiency. Not the case. I have a doctor’s appointment this week coming up.

    I’m off to have a nap now.

    Take care of yourselves, and I’ll be back within the next couple of weeks!

  • My New Normal

    Right Before Nap Time, LOL

    Here I am.

    Minimal hot flashes, minimal night sweats, more mental clarity, ears not as itchy, and the ability to focus more.

    Some things that I still experience: feeling like my skin is crawling, the odd rage moment, some instances of insomnia, and I still have depression (lol).

    The Estalis is working for me overall, and I am very glad that I sat down with my doctor to discuss how much I was suffering.

    We are so fortunate to have choices. It can be unfortunate if you have a doctor that will not listen to you. Having to advocate for yourself is frustrating.

    I am extremely lucky. My doctor has been my doctor for over 30 years, delivered my daughter, is a woman, and stays up to date.

    If she ever retires, I will be soooooo sad.

    In other news, things are still sideways. It’s day by day. There have been some eye opening exchanges.

    I am thankful for therapy. Being able to hash things out and know that what I am feeling is valid, is a comfort.

    I may cut back to biweekly posts for now, unless something weird happens with my HRT.

    So, keep an eye out.

    I’ll be updating you as things progress!

  • Week 2: And The Beat Goes On

    Before I started Estalis, my periods were starting to space out.

    50, 60 day cycles.

    I made it to almost 70 days this time, then it descended. No warnings, no PMS, no cramps. It was a short one. But intense.

    I’m also finding out where the patch is best placed. Lower abdomen seems to work for me. Anywhere else and the patch starts to come off. I had to put medical tape on one….oops!

    I must say that so far I am not having any adverse effects from the patch, so I am keeping fingers crossed.

    I have been evening out with the ups and downs with my anger. There are still some outbursts, but not as heated. I am starting to have the ability to focus more. This has made such a difference.

    Less hot flashes (maybe 1 or 2 per day), night sweats are mostly gone, and I am sleeping better.

    Not gonna shy away from the fact that I still have my bad days…as I type this I am struggling with some gross emotions.

    So, still a day day thing.

    But, sooooo much better than I have been.

    Let’s hope the trend continues!

  • Week 1 Estalis Update

    Week 1.

    I put my third patch of Estalis on this morning. I had to remove the circles of adhesive fluff on my abdomen….kinda looked like eyes, lol.

    I can say that I haven’t had AS MANY hot flashes this week.

    I’m not as ready to “throw hands” at any minor inconvenience.

    Still a bit of brain fog. I do fins that I am starting to form my thoughts better and articulate what I am thinking.

    Night sweats are still sweating, but not as intense. I still have a fan at the bedside.

    Sleep is still a crap shoot, but I want to say that it seems to be okay most evenings.

    Time is going to tell….but so far I am doing well and pleased with my decision.

    If things change and I end up not having a great time, I know that I can head back to the doc and we can explore other options.

    Stay tuned for next weekend’s update!

  • A New Journey

    Well.

    I have been struggling with perimenopause for quite some time, along with my other latest and greatest health issues.

    During one of my visits to the doctor, she had suggested HRT as another option for me. “It’s not what it was, there are safe options”.

    I’ve also been doing a lot of reading, especially Dr. Jen Gunter’s book (The Menopause Manifesto).

    I try to make decisions armed with as much information as possible, and ask questions.

    So, this week I went back to the doctor. My symptoms have progressively been getting worse, and I was not able to manage them effectively.

    We had a well informed discussion. She laid out the options, pros and cons of each, and made her recommendation.

    The advantages to early treatment were what sold me: alleviating my menopausal symptoms, improving vaginal health, bone health protection, potential cognitive benefits, mood stabilization, and improved sleep quality.

    Duration?? I can be on it for 10 years.

    I put my first Estalis patch on this morning. (also, thank you insurance).

    The package comes with a removable “here’s when to take your patch” checklist. So my days are Saturday and Tuesday.

    The patch is a small, clear circle, and needs to go on my abdomen or buttocks. I have opted for my abdomen.

    I have been told that I should expect to see changes within 2 weeks to a month.

    I’m opting to document this, as I am all about sharing, lol.

    As a woman at this stage in life, sharing this experience is important. We are given alllll the information for puberty, but have been pushed aside when it comes to this significant shift later in life.

    So, I am planning to kick into weekly posts.

    Let’s go girls.

  • The State of Things

    I’ve been absent.

    The world has been chaotic.

    I’m really all over the place right now, and I am absolutely exhausted.

    Navigating all of this world political landscape, while in late perimenopause, is challenging to say the least.

    I’m sad, angry, frightened, frustrated, and the list goes on.

    I’m not even American, yet the daily ramblings and decisions of a deranged orange blob is affecting me greatly.

    What lies ahead for the world in these next four years? As a Canadian, with said orange blob blathering on incessantly about making Canada the “51st State”, it is becoming harder to contain emotions.

    Are we any better? We have our transgressions, our shaded history. What makes us different?

    I would like to think that we would not go that route in our next election, but having seen what has happened since 2020 with Covid and all that followed, I can’t be sure.

    I can say this: I will speak up and out when I can. I will defend what I can. I will fight if I need to.

    For those who are suffering because of the recent events, I see you.

    I will do what I can, no matter how small.