The Midlife Reframe

Category: Halifax

  • BlogJam 2015, Ativan and How 8 1/2 x 11 Paper is Bad for Speaking Notes

    I Enjoyed Every Minute of BlogJam 2015!!

    Even though I wanted to vomit.  
    And not because I had a bug.
    My day started off early, as I was taking the Public Limo downtown.  This only runs every hour on Sunday.
    Once I arrived at the Ferry Terminal I was able to catch the amazing sunrise over the harbour 🙂

    After which I had to Periscope my Wake Up!
    I was early, so I grabbed my reusable coffee mug at work.  Because environment.
    My anxiety level was at a very low 10%.  Yay.
    On arrival, I was able to see the BlogJam Team in action.  They were awesome! Seeing them pull it all together before registration was kind of calming 😉
    One of my favourite parts.  MAKING MY OWN NAME TAG!!

     

    Sparkly 🙂

    I then fuelled up while I waited for my fellow bloggers to arrive.  I was so lucky to be able to spend the day with some of my favs!!

    Anxiety level was creeping up….like 25%.

    And Then it Began….

    KeyNote Speaker was Vicki Murphy (aka @MotherFumbler) who got the mood set with a down to earth, real, and HILARIOUS welcome.

    (GIRL CRUSH – I LOVE HER.)

    I was then on a mission to learn, all while attempting to silence the looming anti-voice inside my head.

    So off I went to follow the “be real” theme that ran through the 2nd floor of the Marriott Waterfront.
    (Some real:  I was slowly losing my shit.)
    I attended some awesome sessions.  I mean look at this.  It was so hard to chose!

    And then we eat.  You know, not long before MY presentation.

    Lunchtime arrived and every one broke off to eat.  I bought my lunch, so I grabbed my bag filled with chicken ceasar wrap awesomeness and took an Ativan.  Yep.  Medicated myself.
    Anxiety level….reaching 110%.  For real. 
    Luckily, after I scarfed my lunch down, I was able to hide behind Adam Purcell‘s table, where I charged my phone and tried NOT to vomit, while praying to the Ativan God to HURRY UP AND WORK ALREADY.

    I then removed myself from the area.  I could not attend a session before mine.  It was just NOT going to happen.
    I listened to some music and decided I NEEDED TO RUN.

    Yep.

    Took off my boots.


    I love these little boots 🙂

    I ran outside of the main presentation rooms.  For real.

    I did some downward dogs.  

    A few pushups.  

    And took a big deep breath.

    Anxiety level….CODE RED.

    But it was go time.

    And so I did it.

    I stood up in front of people and spoke.


    I had speaking notes, which was a printout of my bullet points.

    I can’t remember what I said, for the life of me, but I remember this:  that paper is big, maybe not in the paper world, but for someone who was killing paperclips by the millisecond, it was the largest paper I had ever seen.

    By this point, even with my friend Ativan, the voice of my mental illness was LOUD inside my head.  I was doubting every word that came out of my mouth.  
    That being said, I hope something got across to the absolutely wonderful folks who came and sat in on my session.  You were a wonderful group of people.  Some who I knew, and some I met that morning.  
    I kind of lost myself near the end, mostly because of THAT PAPER, but I did it.

    I survived the voices in my head.
    Also, I got some AWESOME JAM!!

    This jam ROCKS!

    What Did I Learn?

    BE REAL.  Above all else.

    We all have a voice.  Find it.  Write with it.

    Say yes, no matter what the outcome.

    Group Panel sessions are great to get different perspectives.

    If you get stuck when writing, it’s okay.  We all get stuck.

    Put yourself out there by taking chances.

    Bloggers are awesome people….and I am one of them.

    Thank you BlogJam 2015!  You let me step outside of my comfort zone.  I learned so much!

    See you next year 🙂



    @crazymamaruns







  • The Post of Awkward Feet and Back to Running!

    Yes, BACK TO RUNNING!

    My Feet were VERY EXCITED to lace up 🙂  Happy Heart, Happy Soul!

    My first run took me around the Marsh.

    And by one of the ponds!



    I started running on Monday of this week, setting up a schedule to run M/W/F mornings and strength train on my off days.  Hauling my behind out of bed at 5:45 am to get dressed, feed the cats and haul ass out the door.

    Boy did it ever feel weird…..actually RUNNING.

    I mean, it’s been over a year now since I seriously logged some kms.

    I did run this time last year, but it was only for a couple of runs.  I was told NO RUNNING shortly after.  In hindsight, this was best as I was running with a piece of femur in my knee.  I mean, I knew it was there, but I had no idea how big it was at the time…..like 2cms big…..gah!

    I am wobbly as all get out.  Have no idea how to pace myself anymore (insert BIG sad face here).  I take walking breaks to try and keep a good pace because I speed up and sound like I am dying….huffing and puffing.  Sheesh.  Trying to find my feet again is like a baby learning to walk.  I remind myself to look UP and straight (I tend to look down at my leg…..worrying about my knee, it’s fine…..I am so paranoid right now!  lol).  I remind myself to keep my stride shorter so I don’t heel strike. 
    (And here I am telling people I run to clear my head…..that seems to be the last .7 kms of my run this week.)
    Probably quite the sight in my neck of the woods as the sun rises.  
    It’s good that I am running early in the morning where there is only me, the road/trail, some cyclists, dog walkers and the odd early morning runner. It keeps me motivated to keep going if there are not many people around my “running time” right now…hahaha.
    (It’s good for me AND for others, as ‘Flailing Amy’ is best kept to a low spectator count until she starts running with her BRF and finally gets a GPS watch 😉  )

    On Monday, I start all over again.  Maybe I will run the route in the opposite direction next week.  Strength training and yoga will be the fillers, maybe a Tuesday spin class.  Shake it up.  Keep it fun.
    If you want to keep track of my new flailing running adventures, I am on Strava (and with the Another Mother Runner Group – #BAMR!) and will follow you back.  I love this Kudos thing!
    The take away from this post is this:  I feel great.  My knee feels great.  I. AM. HAPPY.
    Stay tuned for further #RunningWithAmy awesomeness/random blogginess coming soon!!
    #crazymamaruns




     



  • BlueNose Marathon Weekend 2015 Expo with #RunAtCan – #Giver!

    A Long Weekend Calls for a Race

    And here in Halifax, the “May 2-4” Weekend is the BlueNose Marathon Race Weekend!
    This was my very first race as a runner, so I am a little biased as to it’s awesomeness.

    I did this on a whim – and haven’t looked back.
    Halifax is hilly, so if you want a flat race, you won’t get that here!  Just check out #BNMarathon2015 or @BlueNoseMarathon to see pics 🙂
    I could not race this year, as I am only cleared to run in August, so I hopped on the Volunteer train and signed up to hand out the bling!

     

     

     

    Race Expo

    This year I was able to hang out with some of my super awesome Twitter fam at the Expo.  The Twitter Group @RunAtCan had a panel discussion on Social Media and Running.  The panel was great at sharing their experiences, their views on Social Media and what platform they found useful to connect with other runners.

    Left to Right: Andrew Paris, Anna Sherwood, Andrew Chak and Paul Merrigan
    Our Sunday Night #RunAtCan Twitter chats have grown from a small Atlantic Canadian group to folks from all over North America and beyond!  The #RunAtCan community is one I am proud to be a member of.  We have created a family, and I am very lucky to call these people my friends.

    Group Shot with John Stanton 🙂  With Charlotte Flewelling and Durwin Brennan peeking out in the back.

    Vancouver MARATHON Finisher Nicola!  Wheeeeeee!

    Photobombed by that Paul Merrigan while getting a shot with Renee!

    The awesome Krysten 🙂

    The running community is amazing.  When I first started to run, I had no idea that there was this giant family of runners out there.  No matter what level you are at, there are always runners there to give you encouragement, advice and accolades.

    Race Day

    I was up a 5:15am.  And there was SOME light.  Forecast was calling for 60% chance of showers.

    Layering up – it was a little chilly!

    Arrived at the Scotiabank Centre for my shift and took a few quick shots of the runners heading up to the Start Line.

    And….

    Here they come!

    Look – my hand!  lol  And a little bit of rain…that’s Team Myles going up Carmichael!


     

    You will definitely get an arm workout giving out the bling.  Some wicked bicep curls were going on for sure 😉  I worked with a fantastic group of people.  We cheered folks in and helped out some Marathoners walk down the hill into the Scotiabank Centre….yes, down the hill.  It rained a little bit at the start of the main races, but held off for the remainder!  Yay!

    I was able to give SO MANY of my friends their medals, and I was able to meet SO MANY Twitter peeps!


    Steph – YOU ROCK!
    I have said it before, and I will say it again, if you have the chance VOLUNTEER!  You get to see the “inner workings” of a race and you get to give back to the running community.
    Next year, I am running the BlueNose, and I am hoping to PB for the half (2:10 is my time to beat).  
    To everyone that ran today, you all did AMAZING!  Congrats 🙂

    #crazymamaruns

  • What The Heck Has Been Going On??? (Part 2)

    Wellll……

    What we woke up to during Storm #1
    This past week on the East Coast of Canada has not been ideal.  While other parts of the country have actually been having a transition into Spring, we have had THIS. Snow snow and more snow 😦

    After the Storm #1 (EC has the snow on the ground for this day at 34 cms) during Saturday evening/Sunday Morning, they were forecasting (at first) 5cms for Tuesday eve into Wednesday.
    My 4:30ish am shot on Wednesday.
    We woke up to SNOWMAGGEDON. 
    For those who are not aware, in February 2004 we had quite a blizzard, which was dubbed “White Juan”.  It was given this name because on September 29, 2003, Halifax was hit with Hurricane Juan.  (The name Juan was retired after this storm)
    I was living here during both storms.  Both powerful, both causing damage and states of emergency.
    So when I looked out my window on Wednesday morning, I was not hopeful that it would be ending any time soon.

     

    So much for 5cms…which was then upgraded to 30cms, and then….this.

    And it didn’t.  It snowed….ALL DAY…..and into the evening.  My office was closed, Halifax was basically shut down.


    And yes, we actually ventured out…

    My brother had graduated from the Military Policy Academy earlier this month and came home to move his family to CFB Suffield.
    They were in a hotel not far from us.
    We had ventured down later in the evening (to say our goodbyes) on roads that used to be two lanes, but were cut down to one.
    You could not really get down my street, although cabin fever got to some folks and they braved the elements.

    The bite-y snow
    It was not easy getting around and the snow seemed to be coming from every direction.
    I ventured out once earlier in the day to see what was going on.  I made it to the end of my road and turned around.
    It was very bite-y.
      
    To get to my brother and his family, my daughter and I had to get to the main road to be picked up by my parents.

    We encountered a dad with his two littles who were out (mostly for dad’s sanity I am sure…).  And then a truck came up the main road and stopped.  Not sure if he was just stuck, tired or maybe waiting to turn around in disgust.


    The Main Road – inbetween wind gusts.
    As we said our goodbyes, the storm raged on.
    We left the hotel just before it got too dark.  And the travelling was just as crappy.
    People were driving like jerks and the weather was getting to everyone.  We hunkered down for the rest of the evening and waited for an announcement on Halifax Transit for Thursday (they cancelled all services on Wednesday).

    My Street Wednesday Evening…
    My office was closed again Thursday.  Halifax Transit delayed service as the main garage was unstable (the snow on the roof causing some issues) and only provided the basic service from 3pm on.
    Luckily, my physiotherapy office is just down the road from my place.  My Wednesday appointment had been cancelled, so I went in on Thursday morning.
    Those drifts on Thursday morning – twice my height. 

     

    And then, another yucky mess

    We had another gross “weather event” last night.  This did bring some rain, but then it snowed.

    This morning…with the mocking sun behind the clouds…sigh.
    Not like our last two storms, but still, I think we are all tired now.
    Some folks here have shovelled out their own streets, sidewalks and roofs.  There are still sidewalks by my place that we may not see until June (yes, that is sarcasm, lol).
    Some building roofs collapsing under the heavy snow.  Some retailers have been closed for the past couple of days because of the structural concern.

    The wind howls outside today.
    And March Break is over.
    I am wondering what tomorrow will bring, as Friday was not an ideal commute to OR from the office.  A lot of kids will be walking on the street (as us adults were last week).  Being a pedestrian is a little dangerous right now.
    So, if anyone is hiring legal staff in Belize, let me know.  I’d be willing to seriously consider it 😉

    #crazymamaruns

     

     

  • The Home Stretch for #ProjectAmy

    Wow….the time has flown by!!

    I can’t believe I am 10 sleeps away from my knee surgery.

    10.

    Nervous?  HELL YES!  Even with all the activity of the past little while, it seeps into my brain late at night.

    Nervous Girl by themedusa on DeviantArt

    How has #ProjectAmy been doing?

    Well, I must say, it has kept me moving.  Being a 9-5er has it’s moments, but I have been able to get physical activity into each day.  Well, except yesterday…I took that as a rest day.

    Today my activity will happen later this evening.  I kind of slept in this morning and chaos ruled my morning.  My gym bag is sitting in my bedroom at home.  But no worries, I’ll be on it like white on rice!

     

    All my Tweeples and friends have been keeping me on point, which I am very thankful for!

    After my surgery, #ProjectAmy will be taking on a whole different path as I will be focusing on recovery….and not losing my marbles (this is where #FightForHappy will be in FULL EFFECT).  



     

     

     This also means I won’t have to eat cat fur for while doing my pushups.

    I’ll miss the pushups, not the cat fur!

    Cat fur will probably be more prominent as they will hover over me the first little while, lol.

     

     

     

    Are you ready for surgery CrazyMama?

    Well, I rearranged my bedroom on the weekend.  Sleeping was weird.  I was deeper in my bedroom than I am now.  And being closer to the door is just a little freaky.

    I started other cleaning/purging projects on the weekend as well.  Then got completely overwhelmed and had to stop.  So this week will be about tackling one thing at a time.  I also took the day off before surgery next week (and Monday is Heritage Day here in Nova Scotia), so Friday is my last full day of work.

    There will be lots of cooking going on this weekend and meal prep for sure.  Clothing prep and post-op station will also be done this weekend.

    Okay…enough before I get overwhelmed again, lol.

    So, yes, for the most part I think I am.  Just need to keep myself on the steady until the 18th.

    Next post will be bringing ya’ll up to speed on the final week on this installment of #ProjectAmy, and sharing my extreme nervous energy days before surgery.  

    So if you thought THIS post was scattered, lol.

    #crazymamaruns

     

  • #ProjectAmy/#FightForHappy Update and Plans for the Upcoming Week!

    #ProjectAmy Got Off To a Great Start!

    I logged 17kms walking – woop!  This included taking the stairs as often as I could when I was at work.  I also got outside as much as humanly possible.  The Vitamin D was good for me!

    I was also able to get in some yoga at home and at a class 🙂  I was able to get some Yin Yoga in at home as well.  I really am seeing the benefit of a regular practice!

    Started my upper body training…which is being kicked into high gear!  

    WHY?

    In 17 days I am going to need that upper body strength to haul myself from my “pod of no weight on the leg” to the bathroom and kitchen area (or just move my coffee makers to the living room, and yes, I said makerS).  I know I won’t see MEGA changes, but I need that strength, for now and later!
    I may need this Tshirt for my recovery…lol

    February…

    I started off my February with a meditation this morning.  It is also the beginning of the Meditation Challenge with DoYouYoga.com!  I will be saving that one for later this evening.
    Meditation = Happy 🙂

    What’s on for this week?

    Well, more walking for sure.  
    Packing my bag tonight for yoga class tomorrow at the gym (going to try and make the three classes this week – two being my goal).
    Working on the upper body and core.
    As before, keep on me people!  If you don’t see a #ProjectAmy on Twitter (@crazymamaruns) or my Facebook Page (Crazy Mama Runs)….send me a “Hey, did you get out to walk, to the gym, or meditate today?” message.  I need it!  
    (Props to Peady for sending me one of these this week!!  And to my Greg for making sure I stick to my guns!)

    And I just want to say…

    Thank you.
    Thank you to my “Greg” for the #ProjectAmy inspiration and being my biggest source of encouragement.  I love ya!
    Thank you to my Ginger Friend for making sure I get out with the girls!
    Thank you to all my Twitter peeps who keep me looking forward, and reminding me of how much closer I am to lacing up my sneakers 🙂
    Thank you to all my FitBit peeps who keep me moving.  Even if I don’t reach my daily goal, you keep the challenges coming 😉
    And thank you to my family for being there, as always.
    #crazymamaruns
     

  • #ProjectAmy and #FightForHappy

    Sometimes I have great ideas…

    But I don’t follow through.  I’ve been caught up in so much lately that I’ve dropped the ball on myself.

    Part of the problem with depression/anxiety is you have so many great ideas, but when you go to carry them out, the “doubt voice” pops up.  It can be pretty darn convincing.

    “Why can’t you just DO IT?”

    If I could turn that voice off I would.  Unless you suffer from mental illness it is hard to explain to someone.  I WANT to do all my great ideas. Sometimes I can get started, but the inner doubt voice catches up to you.

    “It’s just an excuse…”

    No – it’s not.  It’s an illness.  Like every other illness you have good and bad times.  When I am overwhelmed, it gets worse.  It’s like sitting at the bottom of the well, knowing that you can get out because the rope and bucket is sitting right there.  You just can’t grab it. 

    “Just ask for help!”

    Well, I do. But sometimes I don’t know how to phrase it.  Or I am afraid that it will overwhelm me even more, so I don’t ask.  It’s a double-edged sword.

    What the heck is #ProjectAmy?

    Well, #ProjectAmy was started today, by my Greg, who was trying to help me earlier when I became extremely overwhelmed.  I cried all over the phone.  

    He is my rock, especially when I do break down.  He can turn it around for me and lead me in the right direction.  Baby steps he told me today.  Start with one thing.

    So tonight is food prep and tomorrow morning is gym bag packing.  I always forget to take care of myself, even when I am feeling good.  I worry about everything and everyone else.  

    That’s not a bad thing per se, but when I forget about me….well I’m no good to anyone if I am not at my best.

    #ProjectAmy is about renewal and recovery.  

    I have my Mantra: I Am Open.

    I need to keep on track until the knee scope. I need to move for me at least once a day.  I need some #Earthathon kms.

    So my friends.  I need your help.  

    I need you to make sure I am doing at least one thing for myself every day.  If you follow me on Twitter and do not see #ProjectAmy, kick me in the butt and give me a challenge (i.e. plank, situps, etc.).  

    Ask me if I have meditated, taken a few minutes to just sit and be aware.  

    Keep sending me FitBit challenges and annoy the crap out of me until February 18th! (Surgery Day!).

    After that, I will just need help with my sanity until I am cleared to weight bear, lol.

    #ProjectAmy and the continued #FightforHappy are on.

     

            

  • Year End Round Up!

    Well, we’re almost there.

    The end of another year.  Sitting back and reflecting on what has gone by and what we will be working towards in 2015.

    Getting close to Christmas always make me reflect and think about the time I get to spend with my family and friends.  They have supported me through so much over the past while and I love them so much.  I am looking forward to spending some much deserved time with them over the holidays 🙂

    Over the past year I have noticed so much.  I am beginning to think it’s because I am over 40 now, lol.

    So, what’s going on with me fitness wise?

    With my surgery date up in the air, it is hard for me to forge ahead with races and registrations, as it could be late 2015 before I am able to run again.

    A lot of my time has been moving towards yoga with light cardio and starting back up with weight training.  Keeping up with my fitness will ensure a better recovery after surgery.

    What have I been thinking about?

    Having a mental illness has made me sit down and think of the ways I can cope better now that the “dark times” have descended on us weather wise, and to use those skills throughout the year.  Fitness has always served me well, and this year I have added steady meditation to the mix.  This has certainly helped, but I still need to realize that I will have bad days and not beat myself up over them.  There will be days I will just want to live in my nest, and that’s okay.

    A big “thing” for me is sleep.  Sleep is very important.  For both physical and mental health.  I have been tracking my sleep for the past 16 weeks. My average sleep efficiency has been 93% over those past weeks.  I am finding this a great tool.

      

    Last night wasn’t super – but yay deep sleep!


    And hey, thanks for coming along with me so far!!

    Starting this blog has been an adventure and something I am very proud of.  (With the craziness and chaos of life, I am able to say that I now learned that writing and scheduling my posts are the way to go!!)  I have “met” some fantastic people and looking forward to what the New Year brings for myself and for the blog 🙂 

    You knew there had to be a badass drawing! 😉

    What’s on for 2015?

    As I look ahead, I am hoping to share more with you about my journey with surgery, recovery and my plans to become a Certified Yoga Teacher in 2016!  Adding yoga to my fitness regime has been a blessing.  It has allowed me to slow down, learn to breathe, and brought some peace to my hectic life.  To share this with others would be awesome.

    I will still be me….you won’t see anything different here on the blog, other than some cooooooool super awesome pics like THIS!

    I look awesome-er in X-Ray vision!!

    So.

    To sign off for my last MAJOR blog post of 2014 (because there will be the small random super fun holiday posts!) I wish everyone the most happiest of the Season.  Spend time with those you love.  Hug them.  Enjoy them 🙂


     #crazymamaruns


  • Getting Close to the End – 30 Day Yoga Challenge!

    Today was Day 22 – Restorative Yoga

    What I love about this challenge is that Erin throws in restorative days.  These are days with nice, slow stretches that feel sooooooooooo goooooooooooood.

    Another thing I love about this challenge, is that it has opened me up to so many poses.  I get excited for the next email to pop into to see what I am doing the next day!

    What I can offer as advice is this:  If you are not comfortable with any pose – do not feel like you have to do it.  A big part of any physical activity is listening to your body.  

    Runners are guilty of ignoring certain tweaks 😉  But – since I can’t ignore my tweak, it reminds me that I really SHOULD listen to anything that doesn’t feel right.

    Any runners out there as stubborn as me?  Does anyone else have a weirdo knee issue?  Floating cartilage?  lol

    (What did she do with the Coconut Butter??)

     

    This is the coconut butter I won at yoga 🙂

    WELL, this past week has been crazy busy at work and at home.

    I have been using it in smoothies.  Let me tell you – it is the BOMB!  Of course, it helps if you love coconut, which I do.  A lot.  I am searching recipes for fudge (yum) using coconut butter, so I may be doing some fun food stuff on the weekend.  Already planning for apple butter 🙂  

    If anyone has a great easy recipe for slow cooker apple butter, please let me know!

    So, what’s coming up in the next little while?  THE GYM.  You’ll be seeing some gym blog posts in the near future…and look out for my gym selfies 😉

    Until next time my interweb peeps!

    #crazymamaruns


     

  • I MISS RUNNING!!!!!

    No matter how much yoga or planks or burpees I do…

    I miss my running.

    All over the yoga challenge.  Love it.

    But my running – I miss my endorphins.

    I will continue on with my yoga and my challenges and my gym going.

    And I will love it.

    But not as much as my running 😉

    Next post:  using coconut butter – good? bad? smoothie? with a spoon? fudge?

    Oh the possibilities!!!

    #crazymamaruns