The Midlife Reframe

Category: Halifax

  • When Anxiety Comes Knocking….

    You Put On Your Best Face

    Okay, maybe not THIS face, lol.

    Because we, the mentally ill, it’s what we do.  Until we can’t.

    Last week was bad for me.
    My anxiety was bad.  It started on Monday.
    I woke up with it, like the bottom fell out of my stomach.  There was no reason for it.  It’s just how I started the day.
    Then, for me, everything and everyone around me changes.  I feel like I am under the microscope.  Being examined.  Secretly criticized.
    I bury myself in work, and hope that I can just get through the day without an attack.  Most times, when I get home I am good.  Home is safe.  Home has no people (well, other than TeenThing, lol). 
    I am lucky to have drugs that I can take to calm the racing heartbeat and panic.  It was used a few times this week.

    After Wednesday I was better, and by Friday I was okay.  But on Friday, I crashed.  So tired.  Tired from keeping my head above water.  It’s exhausting fighting that battle every day, working, and being a mom.
    Why do I NOT say anything sometimes?  I don’t want to worry anyone.  Funny isn’t it.  I am worrying about others worrying about me.  Guess where THAT put my anxiety, DEFCON 1.  If what I was feeling lasted longer, I would have said something.  Sometimes, I am also tired of explaining what I can’t explain.  So I keep it to myself.  Sometimes, THAT is my coping mechanism.
    It’s not that I don’t want to share it with those that care about me, it’s that sometimes sharing it is overwhelming.  

    I am happy to say that I am feeling much better now.  Fitness works well for me as a way to create balance.  I was not as vigilant with it last week as I should have been.  Movement is medicine (thanks Clara Hughes!) and I needed more movement.

    One Month Away From The Half Marathon?

    Yes, one month away!

    I was discharged from physio last week (YAAAAAAY).

    I also switched my gym membership to a spot closer to home.  I have some major ass kicking to do.
    I did get out on the trails here last week, and that felt amazing.

    (I have my base laid down for my running, so I am lucky there.  This whole calf strain had me worried for a bit.)
    I am planning some HIIT classes, some spin, weight training and some pool time until Race Day to complement my running.  
    I am glad to be running with my BRF again.
    I have TeenThing to gym it with me.
    A new week ahead means a chance to start fresh.
    Time to Giv’r.

  • The Chronicles of Half Marathon Training – In Limbo

    Limbo looks like that…

    If you read my last post, you know my last run ended with a pull and some pain.
    Thankfully, I have not torn anything in my calf.  I have some tib post and some pulled muscles.
    My PT did an assessment, some ultrasound, dry needling and TENS with heat.  I was given home exercises and I have been sticking to them.  I was told NOT to stretch until Friday (this was on Wednesday) and when I did start, it was to be gentle stretching.
    No running.
    No running until I see her Tuesday.
    I know I’ll be fine for my training.  She assures me I am fine.
    But.

    (There is always a but, and you can’t tell me you didn’t see it coming.)


    I am very indifferent towards this situation.  I think I have to be.  If not, my depression and anxiety would be all up in my business.
    Don’t think it hasn’t been lurking.  It has.  I have just been keeping myself busy.  Core work, reading, crocheting, and meditation.  The less time I have to sit and think, the better.

    That is crucial for me.  The more time I have to think, the worse the situation will become (in my mind, anyway) and I will start to obsess over my calf and I would research the injury and think of all the ways I could get better faster, or how I could improve my stride.  THEN, well then I would think while I was running.  Overthink.  That is not why I run.  I run to clear my mind, not fire it up into overdrive.
    The one thing I have done is order compression sleeves.  I plan on wearing them during my runs.  A little proactive measure on the advice of an experienced marathoner 😉
    So, cross all available body parts that I am up and running again soon! 

    Anyone else injured out there?  If so, I hope you too are able to lace up and head out again in the very immediate future!




     

  • Post Plague, Burger Week, and a Pulled Calf

    Running


    Post Plague Amy had a couple of runs during the week with some gym time. Easing back into it.  I am loving my new Brooks Glycerin 13s 🙂


    The weather has been dicey here, but I lucked in with my timing.  Lots of core work and some legs/glute work (deadlifts anyone?).

    Ahhhhhh Burger Week



    The week when restaurants in Halifax, Nova Scotia, make some delicious burger offerings for us food lovers.  There are also burger combos with a portion of the combo donated to the local food bank!  TeenThing and I have had 3 so far.  I’ve been posting them in Instagram.  So good. Sooooo gooooood.


    Pulled Calf??


    Yes, at the end of my 5km run on Sunday I felt a pull.  By the time I got out of the bath I was limping *insert large sad face emoticon here*.  I pulled on my compression socks and put that calf on ice. Good thing:  no bruising.

    Today I can walk without limping, but I am getting this looked at.  Still a good amount of time out from my race, so I am not freaking out.  Yet 😉

    (Note:  When I saw the Doc last week, she gave me a note for physio.  Just in case.  Blargh!)

    So, March and I aren’t getting along right now, lol.


  • Those 10 Days I Didn’t Run

    Yes, 10 Days…

    I came down with what is being called “The Plague”.  Chest/head cold and lethargic.  Just downright GROSS.


    It all started with my Mom….then TeenThing…..then ME.
    Kicked my ass. 
    There was no way I was running.  None.  Especially with the chest cold.  So there really isn’t much more to say about the week that wasn’t 😉  I stayed home for the worst and then introduced myself back into the work environment.
    I am lucky that I started my training in January, and that my base has been built.  My training plan has afforded me the opportunity to run easy for a week after The Plague and then jump back into my schedule.
    Don’t get me wrong, I was anxiety filled the whole time.  I mean it’s MARCH.  I run my half in MAY.  It may seem like a lot of time, but it really isn’t.
    I am still not 100% heading into week 2, but feeling so much better.  Since I was done with the coughing and the hacking, I designated today as “get back to it day”.  I ran approximately 3kms.  A little too fast, but I was glad to lace back up, especially in my NEW KICKS!


    *Insert Angelic Music Here*
    I picked up my Brooks Glycerin13 sneakers on Friday during my long lunch.  I also picked up some Smartwool and Balega socks 🙂  I have run in Swiftwick socks before, but needed to try out some other options.

    Today I ran in my Smartwool socks (and capris!) and really enjoyed that my feet were not cold, nor did they get super hot.  Will try out the Balega socks later.
    That’s really it for this week my friends.  Come back next week for something a little more exciting!

    Run Happy 🙂

  • The Chronicles of Half Marathon Training – Week 4

    So Far, So Good….

    Week 4.  23 kms.
    I had some great runs this week.  It is also my last week with Mondays off.
    Saturday was a wash running wise.  It was a day of running errands and yoga.  I don’t beat myself up for days like those.  Especially this Saturday, because I FINALLY got fitted properly for sneakers.  Have to wait for them, but WOOHOOO!  Luke and his staff at Aerobics First are WONDERFUL.
    I keep reminding myself I am not an elite runner.
    I am a runner that has recovered from knee surgery, ran a 5k in the fall and said – Half Marathon!  FTW!
    I stick to my training plan as much as humanly possible, knowing the limits of my body.  Knowing when I need to back off and knowing when I can push it just that little bit over my threshold.

    Sunday was 5 miles with The Goonies!
    Tuesday saw me pull out 3 miles at lunch.

     

    I was able to get outside on Thursday at lunch – had a great run!

    Friday was COLD.  My phone stayed INSIDE for the 3 miles, lol.  These are my feet pre-run 😉

    I have to admit, I am finding it harder these days to get motivated.  This time of year can be hard.
    Depression and anxiety are like little “me” voices in my head.  One telling me “No big deal, you can run another time.  You’re not THAT great of a runner.  Won’t make a difference really.” and the other immediately contradicting that saying “If you DON’T run, you’ll stop and NEVER run again! You’ll fail and everyone will be disappointed.”
    This is partially why I try to run as much as I can outside.  I need the air, to see myself moving forward.  Hibernating in the winter is my first instinct.  Cover myself up and make the cocoon.
    So, even though I may NOT make the miles I need to on the days I run, I take the victory on the days I do.  I also take victories on the days I don’t make it to my training miles.  Why?  Because, I need to be proud of getting out there and DOING IT.
    I’ve said it before in a few posts:  Mental illness hurts.  It can shut your body down.  The more I move, the more I get outside and connect with the environment, the better off I am in the long run.
    I AM running for me after all.
    No one else.
    For MY voice to be heard.
    For MY health.
    For MY sanity.

    @crazymamaruns

  • The Chronicles of Half Marathon Training – Week 3

    Some Knotty Glutes!

    That’s right.  My ass was in knots.

    So much so that my lower back hurt.  Quite a bit actually.

    I didn’t run on Saturday.  I did yoga, stretching and some foam rolling.

    TEARS.

    Heat.

    Advil.

    But I Did Have a Good Week!

    Sunday was snowy but I felt AWESOME!

    We’ve had some strange weather.  Snow and then some okay days.

    Tuesday was CRAZY windy! Nice and sunny, but Wooooo!

    Once we hit Thursday, it rained…..and rained until Friday night.  So I opted for the treadmill at lunch.

    Thursday was a 5km run at the gym at work.
    3 miles on Friday….I had a great meal at The Keg later 🙂

    There was a staff event put on by my place of employment.  We have it every year……KEG NIGHT.  We eat and eat.  I had a great meal!  Yay steak!  After I got home the rain had started to change over to freezing rain.  Big mess.

    And Then……Saturday

    When I say I had a knots in my glute, I mean I had KNOTS.

    Nasty.  Foam roller and I had it out.

    Now, if this was me a few years ago, I would have been like….MUST RUN….AT ALL COSTS.

    Now that I am older and wiser.  I knew I had to take care of the situation to be able to keep running without any further issues.

    I am building my base right now, which means a day taking care of my body is not compromising my training.

    So, I was pretty close to running a half this week with total mileage.  I am totally good with that!

    New kicks are in order this week, which means a trip to Luke at Aerobics First 🙂

    C’mon back next weekend, not only to check out my new sneaks, but to see if we really DID get the kickass storm they are talking about Monday night into Tuesday!

    @crazymamaruns

  • Countdown to Half Marathon Training – Blue Nose Marathon 2016

    Nervous is an understatement…

    So nervous that I miscalculated the the beginning date of my training plan when putting it in my calendar.  Oops!
    I had myself starting on January 14th.  When I was finishing up the calendar entries I noticed that I was ending the week BEFORE the Blue Nose…..GAH!
    So, this week I will redo the plan and get an extra week in at the gym and do some running outside (after both storms pass this week – eeep!).

    More winter running….outside……this year!!

     

    But you’ve run this race before RIGHT?!?!

    Yeeeeeeessssssssssssss.  But it’s been 3 years.
    I know once I start a regular training plan I will be fine.  It’s the getting started part that is the problem, hahaha.
    This time around, I am following the Hansons Half Marathon Method.  It’s usually my legs that are the issue when I hit the last 5kms or so of a Half.  This plan will get me used to cumulative fatigue.  I am coupling this with strength training and yoga to round it out.
    I have already started my yoga and strength training.  At the end of a 7 Day Bad Yogi Challenge this week.  Also doing The Year of Yoga. Starting back to a regular yoga practice has really brought attention to how tight my body is.  OWIE!

    I have calculated my required food intake to start training at my current weight and will do some intense grocery shopping this week.  I will be logging some serious kms with this plan and need the fuel to keep this body pumping.  Look out Costco!
    So from now until May 22nd be prepared for “The Chronicles of Half Marathon Training” by Yours Truly!!!

  • Look Out 2016!! I AM COMING FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!

    Last Weekend I Put a Training Plan in my Calendar…

    I decided that the remainder of 2015 would be used to get back into a regular workout/running schedule.  So much to do between now and the Christmas Holidays that I didn’t want to commit to anything that I may not be able to follow through on.
    I then set my sights on 2016.

    What did I want to do?  Lots of races?  Some halfs and then lots of smaller distances?
    A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step, so I hunkered down and decided the Scotiabank BlueNose Marathon (Half) would be my first BIG race of 2016.
    I have always been half-assed about a training plan and kind of did a “pick and choose” approach, so I decided that this time I needed to follow an actual PLAN.  I had purchased the Hansons Half Marathon Method while I was gimped up and really got into the read.  The approach seems totally doable for me and I will be getting some good mileage in.  I have sat down and converted the miles to kilometres to make my life easier, lol.  
    Will be buckling down soon to plan out my eating for this time period as well.  Proper fuel is required if I am to be successful!

    I will be reuniting with my BRF this weekend as we get some recreation/catch up kilometres in.  And we have SO MUCH to catch up on!  This makes me super happy.
    The BlueNose is later in May (Victoria Day Long Weekend here).
    Yes, I start training mid-January.
    Yes, I will try to run outside as much as I can.
    Yes, I will be running on a treadmill (This does not bother me as much as it does with other people.  I will run where and when I need to, because it is my sanity).
    Yes, you will see lots of “Prepping for the BlueNose” blog posts.  (These will be coupled with “WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING” blog posts through the lovely season known as winter.)
    This also means I need to start utilizing my technology on a regular basis.  So I will be utilizing Strava for this specific purpose.  I’ve been a slacker with recording my workouts, so I will be planning some time each evening to get this done 🙂
    I AM SO EXICTED!!!!
    You’re excited too, I know you are 😉
    So, let’s hang out some more for the remainder of 2015 and then prepare for an awesome and bumpy ride in 2016!
     

     

     

  • Crazy Mama RAN!!!!!!!!!! The First Race in 2 YEARS!

    Yes, you read right.  I RAN on October 24th!

    A while back I signed up for the BLT 5km Fun Run/Walk out in Timberlea, Nova Scotia.  I needed to sign up for something to keep me going, and decided 5km was a good start.
    This run is an out and back from the BLT Elementary School and most of the run is on a gravel trail.  This trail is super familiar to me because I have done many runs on this trail prepping for races in the past.
    I did my mini carb load the night before (hello PIZZA!) and carried myself off to bed after midnight (oops).
    I had no problem waking up.  None.  Excitement/Adrenaline had me awake well before my alarm went off!
    Got myself some oatmeal, coffee and sat down to plan the race outfit de jour 🙂
    It was chilly, so layers were in order.  Not too many though.  Pants for sure.
    I dressed right away so I had no time to overthink anything.
    I arrived early enough to pick up my race kit and ran into some of my friends, including Peter, who was volunteering 🙂  I also ran into my PT from knee surgery recovery, lol.  What are the odds??

    Peter was excited to see me running again!**

    I stayed inside the school and waited with some of the other runners until it was close to “go time” because it was chilly.

    Then, out I went.

    And stood mid pack.

    Talked to my Twitter FitFam friend Myles and his lovely wife for a minute, just to shake the growing anxiety and remind myself that I AM A RUNNER, lol.
    Then, the voice from the loudspeaker made the announcements, I was surrounded by runners, heard the word “GO” and off we went!
    There I am – Top Far Right!  GO AMY GO!!!!!!!!!!
    Now, previous races, I would have shot out of there like a cheetah.  But, having learned from this lesson (during the Valley Harvest 10km where I went out like a cheetah and wanted to barf my guts out halfway), I just kept a nice slowish pace to get myself warm.
    I caught up to Myles’ lovely wife just after 1km and we ran for a bit until her walk break.
    Then, I was SOLO.
    I picked up my pace a bit and passed a few people.  Stopped for a minute because I picked it up a little more than I should, lol.  Then I decided to find someone that had a decent pace (by feel) and stayed a bit behind them for the next couple of kms.
    I reached the turnaround point feeling good.
    Then I saw the 3km marker and lost it.

    Tears.

    I had the moment I though I would have at the end.  The “HOLY CRAP I AM RUNNING IN AN EVENT” moment.
    3km.
    But crying and running don’t really mix, mostly because you can’t see, so I stopped for a minute, wiped my eyes and kept going.
    The last km has a hill.  BLECH.
    I walked up that hill.
    Because ME.
    And then, the last 500m I put the pedal to medal and came in like a FREAKING GAZELLE:


    SEE HOW HAPPY I AM?!?!?!??!

    Super happy.

    I was lucky to get a photo with my peeps afterward who were there to see my first race in forever!



    Time:  30mins 47secs.

    CRUSHED IT.

    Now, I am attempting to plan out what my 2016 Race Calendar will look like.

    And how to get that 30 mins to 25 or under, lol.

    Look out world.  I’M BACK!!!!


    **Thanks to Paul Wesson Photography for taking the wicked awesome Race pics!

  • BlogJam 2015, Ativan and How 8 1/2 x 11 Paper is Bad for Speaking Notes

    I Enjoyed Every Minute of BlogJam 2015!!

    Even though I wanted to vomit.  
    And not because I had a bug.
    My day started off early, as I was taking the Public Limo downtown.  This only runs every hour on Sunday.
    Once I arrived at the Ferry Terminal I was able to catch the amazing sunrise over the harbour 🙂

    After which I had to Periscope my Wake Up!
    I was early, so I grabbed my reusable coffee mug at work.  Because environment.
    My anxiety level was at a very low 10%.  Yay.
    On arrival, I was able to see the BlogJam Team in action.  They were awesome! Seeing them pull it all together before registration was kind of calming 😉
    One of my favourite parts.  MAKING MY OWN NAME TAG!!

     

    Sparkly 🙂

    I then fuelled up while I waited for my fellow bloggers to arrive.  I was so lucky to be able to spend the day with some of my favs!!

    Anxiety level was creeping up….like 25%.

    And Then it Began….

    KeyNote Speaker was Vicki Murphy (aka @MotherFumbler) who got the mood set with a down to earth, real, and HILARIOUS welcome.

    (GIRL CRUSH – I LOVE HER.)

    I was then on a mission to learn, all while attempting to silence the looming anti-voice inside my head.

    So off I went to follow the “be real” theme that ran through the 2nd floor of the Marriott Waterfront.
    (Some real:  I was slowly losing my shit.)
    I attended some awesome sessions.  I mean look at this.  It was so hard to chose!

    And then we eat.  You know, not long before MY presentation.

    Lunchtime arrived and every one broke off to eat.  I bought my lunch, so I grabbed my bag filled with chicken ceasar wrap awesomeness and took an Ativan.  Yep.  Medicated myself.
    Anxiety level….reaching 110%.  For real. 
    Luckily, after I scarfed my lunch down, I was able to hide behind Adam Purcell‘s table, where I charged my phone and tried NOT to vomit, while praying to the Ativan God to HURRY UP AND WORK ALREADY.

    I then removed myself from the area.  I could not attend a session before mine.  It was just NOT going to happen.
    I listened to some music and decided I NEEDED TO RUN.

    Yep.

    Took off my boots.


    I love these little boots 🙂

    I ran outside of the main presentation rooms.  For real.

    I did some downward dogs.  

    A few pushups.  

    And took a big deep breath.

    Anxiety level….CODE RED.

    But it was go time.

    And so I did it.

    I stood up in front of people and spoke.


    I had speaking notes, which was a printout of my bullet points.

    I can’t remember what I said, for the life of me, but I remember this:  that paper is big, maybe not in the paper world, but for someone who was killing paperclips by the millisecond, it was the largest paper I had ever seen.

    By this point, even with my friend Ativan, the voice of my mental illness was LOUD inside my head.  I was doubting every word that came out of my mouth.  
    That being said, I hope something got across to the absolutely wonderful folks who came and sat in on my session.  You were a wonderful group of people.  Some who I knew, and some I met that morning.  
    I kind of lost myself near the end, mostly because of THAT PAPER, but I did it.

    I survived the voices in my head.
    Also, I got some AWESOME JAM!!

    This jam ROCKS!

    What Did I Learn?

    BE REAL.  Above all else.

    We all have a voice.  Find it.  Write with it.

    Say yes, no matter what the outcome.

    Group Panel sessions are great to get different perspectives.

    If you get stuck when writing, it’s okay.  We all get stuck.

    Put yourself out there by taking chances.

    Bloggers are awesome people….and I am one of them.

    Thank you BlogJam 2015!  You let me step outside of my comfort zone.  I learned so much!

    See you next year 🙂



    @crazymamaruns