The Midlife Reframe

Tag: changes

  • And then…..

    Here I am, hoping that I am on the path to burnout recovery.

    I’m getting some energy back, and I don’t want to hide from everyone all the time (only about 85% of the time, lol).

    I’m still on hormone replacement therapy…pills and gel because the patch is not available and always on back order. I am certain that this has been holding me together.

    I have fully embraced my “fuck it” era. I say what needs to said now.

    Therapy helps, a lot.

    I’m also planning for an event for next fall, and this is sparking up my creative brain. I am a planner, so diving into something has been refreshing.

    Vacation is coming up soon. I see beach time in my future and I’ve booked an overnight in a glamping dome.

    I’m using those two weeks to recharge and recover.

    A lot of things are changing, and most of them are for the good.

    This is a short and sweet check in.

    I’m currently on my balcony relaxing, and I hope you are finding the time to unwind and breathe.

    Until next time!

  • A New Journey

    Well.

    I have been struggling with perimenopause for quite some time, along with my other latest and greatest health issues.

    During one of my visits to the doctor, she had suggested HRT as another option for me. “It’s not what it was, there are safe options”.

    I’ve also been doing a lot of reading, especially Dr. Jen Gunter’s book (The Menopause Manifesto).

    I try to make decisions armed with as much information as possible, and ask questions.

    So, this week I went back to the doctor. My symptoms have progressively been getting worse, and I was not able to manage them effectively.

    We had a well informed discussion. She laid out the options, pros and cons of each, and made her recommendation.

    The advantages to early treatment were what sold me: alleviating my menopausal symptoms, improving vaginal health, bone health protection, potential cognitive benefits, mood stabilization, and improved sleep quality.

    Duration?? I can be on it for 10 years.

    I put my first Estalis patch on this morning. (also, thank you insurance).

    The package comes with a removable “here’s when to take your patch” checklist. So my days are Saturday and Tuesday.

    The patch is a small, clear circle, and needs to go on my abdomen or buttocks. I have opted for my abdomen.

    I have been told that I should expect to see changes within 2 weeks to a month.

    I’m opting to document this, as I am all about sharing, lol.

    As a woman at this stage in life, sharing this experience is important. We are given alllll the information for puberty, but have been pushed aside when it comes to this significant shift later in life.

    So, I am planning to kick into weekly posts.

    Let’s go girls.

  • Growth

    I’ve been on a journey.

    Through therapy I have found that I am growing and learning.

    With my new relationship I am in a safe space, and it has allowed me to open up and not be afraid of expressing myself.

    This doesn’t mean I don’t have bad days anymore, because I still have them.

    I’m getting better at explaining how I feel on those days, and I am coping better.

    I’ve started reading again, and I am opening up myself to learning new things, both at work and home.

    Am I scared? Yep.

    Scared of feeling okay, scared of things going south, and scared of getting hurt. But that’s okay. It’s normal to be feeling these things.

    I’m no longer shoving those feelings down to “deal with later”. I’m learning to be uncomfortable to get to being comfortable.

    It’s a day by day thing, and it’s not going to be easy.

    But I’m ready.

  • New Meds All Around!!

    So it’s not only me with some new meds, my daughter has been prescribed something new as well.

    It hasn’t been easy these past few months with her trialing ADHD meds. She started out on Biphentin, and when that wasn’t working out, moved onto Vyvanse.

    The Vyvanse was definitely an experience. She was overstimulated ALL THE TIME, and it was like she was manic. I started questioning whether there was something deeper here that we weren’t seeing.

    I made an appointment with our family doctor (she is Val’s doctor too, and delivered her as well) to express my concerns with the mood swings, the manic type behaviour and her depression. Then, by some sort of weird coincidence, Val told me she had made an appointment with the doc right after my phone call with her.

    We found a psychiatrist close to home that bills through MSI for an assessment and some therapy, so at her appointment, Val mentioned that to our doctor. She sent off the referral that day. It is time we get a concrete diagnosis for her mental illnesses so we can manage it properly.

    Needless to say, the doc told her to immediately stop taking the Vyvanse and to just stay on her Sertraline. We waited two weeks for her system to regulate.

    We just saw the doc the other day, where I attended to help corroborate her symptoms. At this time, she is adding some Wellbutrin as a boost for the Sertraline. She told us that she had yet to hear from the psychiatrist, but hopes it will be soon.

    So we are moving forward in the right direction, but it has been hard watching Val struggle with all of this.

    She’s been amazing though, and keeps on giving what she has to get better.

    My hope is that we hear from the psychiatrist soon. That will be the determining factor in medication management and a better future.

    So, the roller coaster keeps rolling, and we keep riding.

    Hopefully we’ll be able to get off soon and move to the lazy river!

  • Shedding Those Insecurities

    It’s not easy.

    I am having a hard time letting go of the insecurities that keep holding me back.

    They’re like a warm blanket I am afraid to take off in the winter. Knowing I will be cold and vulnerable after the cover comes off.

    It’s making me feel restless, like I want to jump out of my body.

    Owning these insecurities is a big deal, and letting them go will make a big difference in me moving forward.

    The fear remains though, and that’s something I am working towards. Finding out how to confront that fear so I can get over the hurdle.

    It’s time to dig a bit deeper, and see what my fear is trying to stop me from becoming.

    It’s time to be vulnerable and gentle with myself.

    Leaving feelings and obstacles in the past isn’t easy, but I need to keep pushing forward to get out of this brain fog and discover those hidden parts of myself that are aching to get out.

    I knew this wouldn’t be an easy journey.

    Learning isn’t always straight path, and this curve has been difficult.

    I’ll continue to make the turn, and see where it leads me.

    First, let’s face my fear, and prepare for the next bend in the road.

  • What I’m Leaving Behind

    Well, here we are. 2022.

    I’ve decided there are things I am leaving behind in 2021, because they no longer serve me.

    I am keeping myself open to good things. Leaving behind my fear of not being good enough to receive the good things.

    I am owning my faults. Leaving behind the thought that I need to be perfect. I am embracing my full self.

    I am also leaving behind the thought that my body is ugly. I embrace the beauty of this vessel I have been given to live in.

    I am leaving behind the thought that I am unlovable. I am so loveable it’s crazy.

    I am leaving behind my jaded views. They only bog me down.

    I am on a mission to find the joy in simple things, leaving behind the idea that the big things are the only joyful things in my life.

    I will be easier on myself, leaving behind the idea that I need to be hard on myself to be better.

    I am always learning, and will not be ashamed to say so, leaving behind the shame.

    I will no longer run away from the good things in my life, nor will I back down when challenged.

    This will take work, bit I am willing to do it. There is still so much of my life to live, and I want to LIVE it.

    Let’s do this.

  • I Don’t Know

    I don’t know a lot right now.

    I don’t know how long COVID-19 will keep it’s grip on the Earth.

    I don’t know how long I will be working from home (but I am thankful I have the opportunity to do so).

    I don’t know how I am getting through each day without breaking down.

    It’s a different world. I don’t know how to fully navigate in it.

    I try and get outside every day. Sometimes it’s hard, because everyone seems to be out at the same time, and you have to keep 6ft apart.

    This morning I screamed into my pillow and then did 10 push-ups. I needed both. It helped.

    It’s like we woke up one morning engulfed in a Stephen King novel. Killer virus takes over the planet. It’s all so surreal.

    I am thankful my daughter still lives with me. We keep each other going. We take walks together.

    It’s a day by day battle. One I plan on winning until I do have my breakdown. I know it will happen, no matter how much I walk, how much I run, or how much I scream, the dam will burst. I actually need it. It’s funny how cleansing the dam burst is. I need to start over. I need to be able to reset.

    So until the dam bursts, I’ll keep pushing forward.

    Stay Home. Stay Safe. Wash Your Hands.