I miss my running.
All over the yoga challenge. Love it.
But my running – I miss my endorphins.
I will continue on with my yoga and my challenges and my gym going.
And I will love it.
But not as much as my running 😉
Next post: using coconut butter – good? bad? smoothie? with a spoon? fudge?
Oh the possibilities!!!
#crazymamaruns
I did some research today for which challenge I would like to try.
I signed up with the 30 Day Yoga Challenge with Erin Motz.
Once you sign up you get your first class. I will be doing my first class tomorrow. I am partnering this up with daily meditation 🙂
I will post my thoughts and comments on each class.
If you decide to join me, please leave your comments and thoughts here as well!
If anyone is brave enough to take photos, I’d love to share them here on the blog!
If I get adventurous, you may even see a video or two as a blog post!
So, see you on the mat!!!
#crazymamaruns
I know it’s not FOREVER, but the thought of not even having my surgery for another 6 months is very disheartening. But that is how free health care works. Unless I get worse, I wait.
Can I do other things? Yes.
Problem being, it will become a robotic motion. Working out will become about counting reps and coming up with something that will spark my interest.
Biggest problem, it was my job when I was first diagnosed with depression. I was a zombie – not remembering what exercise was next, not counting reps. It was a whole bunch of bad.
It’s hard to separate the event from the time in my life.
Running was my way to reconnect. To run was to be free. To decompress.
Is yoga good? Yes, I love yoga. Yoga does help me reconnect. It helps me sleep.
Am I drowning in my own pity party? Most would think so.
But for me, I can’t just turn it off. Then I get angry.
Angry that I feel like this. Angry at those who love me for suggesting other options. Options I know, but don’t want to hear right now.
Then – Stubborn Amy rises and says all the things she will do after the knee is operated on – because depression/anxiety = irritation and defensive.
Hoping that there are some workouts that spark my interest. Workouts I can do at home. Doing them at home is safe for me right now.
Having a piece of bone/cartilage floating around makes your stability difficult. If I am home and fall, I can adjust and move on – there is no one around me.
Do you find that weird? It may be to the regular gym going person.
I just don’t want to talk about it I guess. I am afraid that if I go somewhere and have my knee give out or lock, someone will try to help me. Then I will get mad, not at them, but at my knee. Then they may wear my anger.
I don’t want anyone to wear my anger.
It’s the reason why I get quiet, or change the subject.
I’m not mad at anyone.
I’m mad at the situation.
I’m mad at my knee.
I just keep reminding myself….better days are coming. Even when I don’t feel like they are.
#crazymamaruns
And I have my nervous face on.
I mean, I pretty much have a good idea about what is going to happen. It’s just hearing him say it, and I can ask detailed questions about recovery.
I’ll be fine going into surgery. I just know it won’t be pretty when I am done.
So, as of tomorrow it’s one week. Let the finger chewing….BEGIN!
Canadian Thanksgiving. Food, Family and what we are all thankful for…..TURKEY! I had my share, both Sunday and the holiday Monday. Some say our Thanksgiving coincides with the start of hockey season….and that is why we celebrate in October, lol. Who am I to debate THAT!
Today was my turkey hangover. It involved A LOT of coffee and water. Bad combo for my Tuesday-Monday.
Races. When can I run them? Will I ever do a full marathon? I have so many races that I want to do. I’ll have to sit down and make a plan once I have full details of surgery and recovery.
So I am continuing with my yoga practice at home. I will be volunteering the first weekend of November at the Lucky 7 Relay here in Haliwood, NS, and getting some runs in where I can. (As long as my knee behaves!)
I was lucky on my Sunday run to tweak my stride a little and lead with my hips. What a big difference that made! I am learning more and more about my body and it’s mechanics as the years go by. It is definitely an adventure, especially getting older and having injuries 😉
So, what does everyone do during their downtime? Do you cross train more? Lift? Cycle? Swim?
I’d love to hear from you out there. Drop me a comment!
This is what I am doing right now….running while I can!
I see the surgeon in 20 days. So as long as it is not torrential downpour or hurricane force winds, I am going to try and get as much running time in as is humanly possible.
I’m not going gangbusters mind you, but with the thought of being laid up for possibly 6-8 weeks and then recovery…well I am going to get it all in.
Same with my yoga. Home and at the studio. I will practice every day!
I want to be in great condition so I can kickass in recovery.
The better shape I am in, the quicker my recovery time.
So, as some of you know, I am a single mom. This is both challenging and rewarding. Challenging when the other parent is not involved, but rewarding because I see the awesome human I am raising on my own.
There have been times when I have doubted the job I am doing, just like every other parent. Parenting is hard, period. Even with both parents. There are times you doubt every decision you make.
As parents, we are always hard on ourselves. Harder than anyone else would be on US. We keep our doubts and inner criticisms to ourselves. No parent is perfect, no matter people may think or say. We’ve all made mistakes and we learn from that. We need to help each other out. Give each other some pats on the back. This is one hard gig!
I get the schlumpies.
That’s what I call my bad days with depression. The days I want to hibernate.
I find it gets worse when I don’t see the sun for more than 2 days.
No matter how much I run, how much I yoga, sometimes they just come along and pull the rug out from beneath me.
Rude, yes. I just find ways to get through them. Whether it’s medidation, chocolate or some downtime with Netflix, I make it. If it is really bad, I reach out, because sometimes the schlumpies leak out my eyes.
I am still here. Grateful for everything I have. Grateful for everyone in my life. Grateful for those who didn’t hang around. I try to learn from every experience, good or bad. There is a lesson in everything if you step back and look.
Am I stubborn? Yes. Will I make decisions that suck? Yes. But I get up the next day and start over. Every day is a new beginning. Yesterday is gone. Put your feet on the ground and start over.
It’s the best part, starting over.
I’ve done it a lot. You can too 🙂
Sending out high fives and hugs! We are all doing the best we can to get through this life.
And it was Jessica with the slogan “Chasing My Sanity” 🙂 Congrats Jessica!!
The Ladies posted a teaser pic today:
I love love love it! AND….Runalicious is going to share the whole “how does this shirt thing happen” process with us! Stay tuned to my blog for the awesomeness of shirt making!! Thank you so much for this opportunity Runalicious!
because my running is sketchy at best with this lovely condition I have. So, I figured, let’s get a fix of running through the written word. I am still attending yoga classes and walking with sporadic running, so I am maintaining fitness, and the Bosu Burpee Challenge is still going strong!
[Today was 15 burpees.
I did them.
The Bosu gets kind of heavy after a while….that IS a good thing. I tell myself that every extra burpee.]
Anyway, back to books.
On one of my last trips to Chapters, I wandered around aimlessly, looking for an actual book (My e reader is broken…I kind of inadvertently stepped on it while half asleep, because it had fallen on the floor. I was reading in bed).
While I was hunting down another title with my daughter and my mother, I came across Running with the Mind of Meditation by Sakyong Mipham. It rang out to me and I had to have it. I am just about finished 🙂 It is an easy and enjoyable read.
I know some people are not “meditation” people, but for me and for some with a mental illness, meditation can be a way to bring ourselves BACK to ourselves. To steady the mind. To synchronize the mind and body.
I am always learning and I love to read. My next book will be the Hansons Half Marathon Method . I have read a teaser, and can’t wait to get started!
For those who are here on a regular basis, you know that I have been battling depression/anxiety for a little over 3 years now.
Sometimes, I get over confident, and think that I am “feeling better”. When this happens, I kind of forget to take my medication every now and then.
So, yeah, I did forget quite a few days last month. After a good dose of whoopass from my mother, I am back on track.
So if you are being treated and think you “may” be feeling better….check in with yourself. Check in with your doctor. Talk to someone you love and trust. They will tell you the truth, and kick you in the butt (in a good way).
Hope to see you back here soon. Keep your eyes open for the next post!
Tonight was my first class at Moksha Yoga in Bedford, NS 🙂 I signed up on Saturday as they had their “Summer Special” on. $60 for 60 days.
I have taken yoga before, and thoroughly enjoyed it. I figured with the deal on it was a great time to try it out and see if it was something I would be into.
I arrived well before the 15 mins they ask for, as I needed to change. Melissa greeted me at the desk and we had a quick chat. She made sure I was armed with water, mat and towels (they rent them if you don’t have any) and sent me on my way to the change room. (No late people here. You’re late, you are out of luck. NO YOGA FOR YOU!)
This studio is wonderful. Clean, quiet and welcoming.
I changed and walked into the “Brazil” room….and the wall hit me. IT’S HOT.
I walked to what I thought was the back of the class and set up my mat, beach towel over the mat and grabbed some blocks and a strap. With my water and little face towel beside me, I settled into Savasana. I figured this would help me acclimatize. I laid there and sweat BIG TIME, like someone had turned on a sweat faucet. But eventually that did slow down…until class started…
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| Because you’ll be full of it! |
Tonight’s class was Yin Yoga (90 minutes). Melissa was our instructor.
Yin Yoga is a little different as you hold your poses anywhere from 3-10 minutes. It is all about relaxing and letting gravity do the work. The focus is on the breath and the stretch. No activating muscles. Release.
Upon Melissa’s arrival into the class, she advised today we would be focusing on legs! (AND that the back of the room…..was actually the front…no looking at the mirror and so much for hiding…lol)
I though “wooooohooooo!”….because today, I ran 5kms!!!!! (Go ME!) My legs were a little tight as this is the most I’ve run since the discovery of my OCD knee.
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| I am just a little excited in this photo…lol |
We got started and at first I was struggling to get into a pose, until Melissa said to go with my body and when I felt the edge to stop and breathe. At first I thought “How am I going to stay in these positions for 3-5-10 minutes??”. The trick is (for me anyway) to close your eyes and focus on your breathing. I found that once I did that (like in meditation) I let go. I stopped worrying about where I was in the moment and let my body guide me. There was a moment of “Ummm, I am kind of hot…am I going to puke….”, but that passed once I got control of my breathing 🙂
I was dripping sweat everywhere! And thankfully, so was the rest of the room…lol.
At the end, while in Savasana (yay!) the lovely Melissa came around with cold facecloths and placed them over our eyes – BEST EVER!
Afterwards, she congratulated me. Not only on my first class, but for doing so well in a 90 minute class 🙂 I told her it was probably one of the best classes I have taken.
So, guess where I am going tomorrow night???
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| Next time…tank top! Holy sweat 🙂 |
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| My first run…hesitation in that face? Umm, yes. |
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| My second run – happy face, lead in the legs 😉 |
Two small runs, under 3kms, but RUNNING 🙂 This is a test of patience for me right now, as I have to #1: listen to my body, and #2: know that this running will only be until the fall when my surgery is scheduled.
We are just about all settled in our new apartment. I LOVE IT, it’s quiet and I get this awesome breeze on the balcony…SWEEEEEEEEEEEET. The kitties have settled in well, although Jax is a scavenger of fluff from a chair…..
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| The “fluff” and the finder of the “fluff” |
We (My “Greg” and I) also did some hiking along the trail at Crystal Crescent Beach.
It was not really sunny when we left, but boy oh boy, the sun came out and it was AWESOME!
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| In other spots, there were like a MEGA BEES |
And there were bees, LOTS of bees…
In some spots, that’s all you could hear….
Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…..(it was a little freaky for a bit, but they weren’t concerned with us).
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| This doesn’t even capture the awesome rockage |
Once we hit the part of the trail they do not maintain (WARNING: there is a nude beach just before this part….so if you take the kids, you’ve been warned…lol), then we hit the rocky part. Super awesome rocks…we hung out here for a bit.
So with my two runs and my hike, I am definitely feeling it in the leg region. It’s been about 4 1/2 months since I have run, or done anything really physical with my legs, as I thought I was nursing a meniscus tear. It feels great though!! I am listening to my body and walking when necessary. I need to get on a trail to run soon. Those two runs were just around my area and with the pavement and downhills, that is causing some pain in the knee for sure.
I have scheduled in some yoga for tomorrow and Saturday morning on my phone app. Need my flexibility back!
So, with My Soxy Feet blazing the trail with my Asics and LunaRacers, I am taking back my running 🙂
Well, until the Fall anyway!
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| My Soxy Feet waiting to see Dr. S 🙂 |
When I was 15 I had to go in for a scope on my knees. They told my mother that I had “some loose cartilage” floating around and they were going to remove it.
Little did I know that it would haunt me later in life!
So, no meniscal tear! (But, it mimics a lot of the same symptoms as a meniscal tear.)
So what the heck is it? It’s like little stress fractures in my joint cartilage. A piece of the cartilage and bone has broken off and is floating around in my knee (FUN!).
So, a scope is in my future for removal of the floatie cartilage and they will fill in the space where it once was with a new product called CarGel. The surgery will be in the Fall, as Dr. Stanish wants to wait for the release of CarGel in Canada. This is going to “fill in” the space where the bone/cartilage has broken off.
Yes Amy, you can run 🙂 Not crazy run, and not long. Use pain as my guide. Run/walk is probably the best bet for now.
Now comes the controlling my reckless abandon and not lacing up to run my legs off…
OH HAPPY DAY 🙂
Boy did I ever! Happened on Saturday when my now “old” apartment was full of boxes and chaos.
Too much stress and too much chaos. Amy crashed and burned. Much thanks to “my Greg”, mom and daughter for being there to put ol’ Humpty Amy back together again!
My muscles were feeling the good kind of sore yesterday. So the functional fitness was a success! Was careful with my knee (thanks to “my Greg”…again), even though it is sore, it is still together 😉
So needless to say, I am now living in chaos, but it is one I can handle over time, so we are all good. I really miss running…
Thursday. The day I see the specialist and my game plan will be on the table. So so soooooooooooooooo happy!
Next post will be the update. Just wanted to let you all know I did survive, with only one meltdown 🙂
So stay tuned – I will mobile blog after my appointment!
Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
The Midlife Reframe 