The Midlife Reframe

Category: workout

  • What The Heck Has Been Going On??? (Part 1)

    Well, quite a bit.


    I am full on into physio and progressing.  Which is good, it is keeping me focused!

    My after physio face:

    Back to work and feeling good now that I am using my brain again (high fives all around).


    BUT…..

    Yep, there is a but.

    I have been experiencing some discontinuation symptoms from my step down off the meds.  Today is the first day since we started the plan that I have no nausea, dizziness or confusion.  I have also been getting tongue tied, experiencing some lethargy and fatigue.

    It hasn’t been a fun ride.  But neither was the fall down the rabbit hole.

    I’ve been on these meds for 4 years.  I was becoming numb though.  Not really “feeling”.  Just existing.

    It feels, in some ways, like an eternity.

    Like a really long movie.

    I carry every experience with me and have learned so much.  About myself, my coping skills, my feelings.

    I am an “obsessive thinker”. If I feel like I have done something wrong, or feel like I am under attack, my brain goes into overdrive.  Fight or flight ramps up and it could go either way.

    I have been using meditation as a coping skill.  To centre and focus so I can reign in those thoughts, feelings, and calm the fight or flight instinct.

    I own everything.  Every mistake, every feeling.

    And Now….Now I Start Taking it Back

    My power.

    My mental health.

    My physical health.

    I am very impatient.  My urge to run is very strong.

    But with surgery and now early arthritis medial compartment (where the OCD was in my femur) I have to be smarter.  More efficient.  And patient.

    I ask all kinds of questions.  I love learning.

    And So, I Start Over

    Back to Basics.

    Rebuild my strength while following the instructions from my physiotherapist.



    I will be patient.


    I will work hard.

    And I will try not to cry about our recent snowmaggedon in Halifax, NS

    Why did I use “snowmaggedon”?

    You’ll have to wait for Part 2 😉

    In the meantime, my #FightForHappy has ramped back up!


    #crazymamaruns

  • Back at Work and Weaning Off My Meds

    I am not talking post surgery meds.

    I am talking about my anti-depressants.

    With the advice of my physician, we did the Step Down Plan during my last visit.  We are both confident that I now have the ability to do so.  I know my triggers and have better coping skills than before and I am in a much better place in my life.

    I’ve been on Step Down #1 for about a week now.  We have moved onto Step Down #2 until my current box of meds are empty.

    Scared?  Apprehensive?

    Not really.  Now that I am on the road to recovery with my knee, I can get outside and move.  Kind of, if I walk on the street and not the killer icewalks we have here in Halifax right now.

    Killer Icewalk – on just about every street.  This is INCHES of ice.



    What About Your Physical Activity?

    I WILL be getting back to running and yoga with the help of my physiotherapist!  I just need to be patient and take it day by day.  I hope to be running once the weather is much nicer and I can SEE the actual sidewalks.

    How Will You Continue to Cope Off the Meds? 

    I am continuing my meditation, which really works wonders for me.  The same thing with Yoga.  The movement and self focus is really great.  Self care is important.

    First Day of Work?  How did THAT go?

    Really well!  Some time was spent catching up this morning.  I also sat on the phone in the queue for some software that I needed product activation for.  Chair danced to some jazz tunes.  Not a bad day all in all.

    I have a little bit of back pain, lingering from a herniated nucleus pulposis – FUN!  I really have to watch that I don’t slump and retain the natural curve in my back.

    All in all though,  I did really well today.  The knee is a little sore and stiff, but with time and physio, all good 🙂  The main point is keep moving, listen to my body, and believe in the process.  

    Also – WINNING THE MANCOLD BATTLE!

    Where From Here?

    UP!

    I am super positive about my recovery and look forward to continuing on my journey.

    To get back to my fitness regime – pumped.  To do more with my TeenThing – pumped.  To be able to work out and run with my Greg – pumped.  To run with my BRB – PUMPED!

    Also, keeping it positive and in check with my mental health.  There is always a chance that I may have to go back on my meds.  If I do, it’s not a setback.  It’s a pit stop on my journey where I need to reset and move forward.

    And now – I leave you with an earworm.  Because I can’t get this song out of my head!!!!!!


    #crazymamaruns




  • The Home Stretch for #ProjectAmy

    Wow….the time has flown by!!

    I can’t believe I am 10 sleeps away from my knee surgery.

    10.

    Nervous?  HELL YES!  Even with all the activity of the past little while, it seeps into my brain late at night.

    Nervous Girl by themedusa on DeviantArt

    How has #ProjectAmy been doing?

    Well, I must say, it has kept me moving.  Being a 9-5er has it’s moments, but I have been able to get physical activity into each day.  Well, except yesterday…I took that as a rest day.

    Today my activity will happen later this evening.  I kind of slept in this morning and chaos ruled my morning.  My gym bag is sitting in my bedroom at home.  But no worries, I’ll be on it like white on rice!

     

    All my Tweeples and friends have been keeping me on point, which I am very thankful for!

    After my surgery, #ProjectAmy will be taking on a whole different path as I will be focusing on recovery….and not losing my marbles (this is where #FightForHappy will be in FULL EFFECT).  



     

     

     This also means I won’t have to eat cat fur for while doing my pushups.

    I’ll miss the pushups, not the cat fur!

    Cat fur will probably be more prominent as they will hover over me the first little while, lol.

     

     

     

    Are you ready for surgery CrazyMama?

    Well, I rearranged my bedroom on the weekend.  Sleeping was weird.  I was deeper in my bedroom than I am now.  And being closer to the door is just a little freaky.

    I started other cleaning/purging projects on the weekend as well.  Then got completely overwhelmed and had to stop.  So this week will be about tackling one thing at a time.  I also took the day off before surgery next week (and Monday is Heritage Day here in Nova Scotia), so Friday is my last full day of work.

    There will be lots of cooking going on this weekend and meal prep for sure.  Clothing prep and post-op station will also be done this weekend.

    Okay…enough before I get overwhelmed again, lol.

    So, yes, for the most part I think I am.  Just need to keep myself on the steady until the 18th.

    Next post will be bringing ya’ll up to speed on the final week on this installment of #ProjectAmy, and sharing my extreme nervous energy days before surgery.  

    So if you thought THIS post was scattered, lol.

    #crazymamaruns

     

  • #ProjectAmy/#FightForHappy Update and Plans for the Upcoming Week!

    #ProjectAmy Got Off To a Great Start!

    I logged 17kms walking – woop!  This included taking the stairs as often as I could when I was at work.  I also got outside as much as humanly possible.  The Vitamin D was good for me!

    I was also able to get in some yoga at home and at a class 🙂  I was able to get some Yin Yoga in at home as well.  I really am seeing the benefit of a regular practice!

    Started my upper body training…which is being kicked into high gear!  

    WHY?

    In 17 days I am going to need that upper body strength to haul myself from my “pod of no weight on the leg” to the bathroom and kitchen area (or just move my coffee makers to the living room, and yes, I said makerS).  I know I won’t see MEGA changes, but I need that strength, for now and later!
    I may need this Tshirt for my recovery…lol

    February…

    I started off my February with a meditation this morning.  It is also the beginning of the Meditation Challenge with DoYouYoga.com!  I will be saving that one for later this evening.
    Meditation = Happy 🙂

    What’s on for this week?

    Well, more walking for sure.  
    Packing my bag tonight for yoga class tomorrow at the gym (going to try and make the three classes this week – two being my goal).
    Working on the upper body and core.
    As before, keep on me people!  If you don’t see a #ProjectAmy on Twitter (@crazymamaruns) or my Facebook Page (Crazy Mama Runs)….send me a “Hey, did you get out to walk, to the gym, or meditate today?” message.  I need it!  
    (Props to Peady for sending me one of these this week!!  And to my Greg for making sure I stick to my guns!)

    And I just want to say…

    Thank you.
    Thank you to my “Greg” for the #ProjectAmy inspiration and being my biggest source of encouragement.  I love ya!
    Thank you to my Ginger Friend for making sure I get out with the girls!
    Thank you to all my Twitter peeps who keep me looking forward, and reminding me of how much closer I am to lacing up my sneakers 🙂
    Thank you to all my FitBit peeps who keep me moving.  Even if I don’t reach my daily goal, you keep the challenges coming 😉
    And thank you to my family for being there, as always.
    #crazymamaruns
     

  • #ProjectAmy and #FightForHappy

    Sometimes I have great ideas…

    But I don’t follow through.  I’ve been caught up in so much lately that I’ve dropped the ball on myself.

    Part of the problem with depression/anxiety is you have so many great ideas, but when you go to carry them out, the “doubt voice” pops up.  It can be pretty darn convincing.

    “Why can’t you just DO IT?”

    If I could turn that voice off I would.  Unless you suffer from mental illness it is hard to explain to someone.  I WANT to do all my great ideas. Sometimes I can get started, but the inner doubt voice catches up to you.

    “It’s just an excuse…”

    No – it’s not.  It’s an illness.  Like every other illness you have good and bad times.  When I am overwhelmed, it gets worse.  It’s like sitting at the bottom of the well, knowing that you can get out because the rope and bucket is sitting right there.  You just can’t grab it. 

    “Just ask for help!”

    Well, I do. But sometimes I don’t know how to phrase it.  Or I am afraid that it will overwhelm me even more, so I don’t ask.  It’s a double-edged sword.

    What the heck is #ProjectAmy?

    Well, #ProjectAmy was started today, by my Greg, who was trying to help me earlier when I became extremely overwhelmed.  I cried all over the phone.  

    He is my rock, especially when I do break down.  He can turn it around for me and lead me in the right direction.  Baby steps he told me today.  Start with one thing.

    So tonight is food prep and tomorrow morning is gym bag packing.  I always forget to take care of myself, even when I am feeling good.  I worry about everything and everyone else.  

    That’s not a bad thing per se, but when I forget about me….well I’m no good to anyone if I am not at my best.

    #ProjectAmy is about renewal and recovery.  

    I have my Mantra: I Am Open.

    I need to keep on track until the knee scope. I need to move for me at least once a day.  I need some #Earthathon kms.

    So my friends.  I need your help.  

    I need you to make sure I am doing at least one thing for myself every day.  If you follow me on Twitter and do not see #ProjectAmy, kick me in the butt and give me a challenge (i.e. plank, situps, etc.).  

    Ask me if I have meditated, taken a few minutes to just sit and be aware.  

    Keep sending me FitBit challenges and annoy the crap out of me until February 18th! (Surgery Day!).

    After that, I will just need help with my sanity until I am cleared to weight bear, lol.

    #ProjectAmy and the continued #FightforHappy are on.

     

            

  • This Year I Give Myself Permission….

    To Write About It All….

    The good stuff, the frustrating stuff, the goofy stuff, you get it 😉

    Everything.

    It’s a big part of why I started this blog after all.

    Pic from http://www.snoopy.com

    And So….

    It may seem trivial….but I am back to chewing the skin off around my fingernails.

    Gross right?

    Damn straight it is.  But this is how my nervous energy manifests.  My frustration, anxiety, stress, etc., boils up and I can’t help it.  My fingers look disgusting right now.  So I have to stop it.  More meditation?  Maybe acupuncture?

    All I know is.  I have to stop it!  GAH!

    And Then…

    One of the ways I cope with my depression/anxiety is through humour.  I call myself crazy, make jokes with family and friends.

    Some folks may be offended by that.  And if I have offended anyone, I am truly sorry.  But it’s my coping mechanism and I find it helps.  Because sometimes underneath that laughter, I am breaking apart inside.  Laughing helps me.

    It helps me help others.  Let’s them see that they too can function, even on the bad days.  And then I remind myself that those that love you, they just want to help you, to love you, to hold your hand and tell you it will be okay.  So they will laugh with you, cry with you and hang out in your nest when you don’t want to leave.

    So, I’ll keep talking about it, keep calling myself crazy and keep laughing.

    I am also

    Keeping myself open.  It’s my Mantra for 2015.  I AM OPEN.

    I am going to slow down a bit more (not like slothy slow down) and notice more.  We rush rush rush.  Wear ourselves down.  Forget to stop and SEE things.  We scan and move on.

    And so I hope

    That you will continue to come along on my journey this year.  It’s going to be an interesting one for sure!

    Interesting:  I joined Earthathon!  #teamhumanrace  (this is a virtual relay race around the globe and results are tweeted daily)

    I can’t run, but I can walk.  So it motivates me, along with my FitBit, to keep mobile.

    What do you give yourself permission for this year?

    What is YOUR disgusting habit/coping skill?  We all have one!

    What is something that motivates you?

    #crazymamaruns   

  • 2015

    A blank canvas.

    Where there is much uncertainty in the land of Crazy Mama.

    Yep…whole lotta empty right there.

    I had what I am sure was the beginning of Knee-mageddon on Saturday where I went to stand up and something moved….something REALLY moved inside my knee.  

    There was pain and quite a few bad words.

    When I woke up the next morning, there was a smallish lump up above my knee.  I tried to show my Greg, but he SO did not want to see it.

    So I moved it.  Smooshed it back to where it came from…I think.  Then something tried to escape on the inside of my leg from inside my knee.  So, I smooshed IT back to where it came from.  

    I think.

    I called the surgeon’s office on Monday and got an appointment for January 9th.

    I figure the piece of cartilage/bone that is already in there really wants to escape, or a friend has joined it from FemurTown.

    This also happened after my FitBit christening.  I took over 13,000 the first day.  Now I am lucky to make it to 10,000.  Boo-urns.  My cousin’s wife is currently kicking my BUTT.

    Not that I am taking this lying down!

    Because I am not.  I am still goal planning with yoga, and gym stuff, and my whole life in general.

    I just want to be able to plan a run.  Not a big run, but a run.

    And I know I will.

    But back to my FitBit…

    I absolutely LOVE my FitBit Flex! My Greg gave it to me for Christmas. It has a lime green band and I am absolutely enthralled.

    This puppy tracks my steps, my sleep (the quality and quantity), I can also plug in my food and water on the app.  I don’t know how I survived before it!!!  (Well, okay, I DO, but shut up…..lol)

    This is my first “device” that I have attached to my body to track anything, so I am totally biased right now.  I believe that you have to find what works for you.   But I just love this little guy and so enjoy having it buzz and light up when I hit 10,000 steps!  So addicted!

    I am still really digging into all it can do.  So awesome.

    So, resolutions?

    Have to say, not really making any this year.  Only because it really is a blank canvas for me.  A lot of unknowns.  

    Usually, as a person with depression/anxiety, this would send me around the bend.

    But for some reason.  I’m okay.

    I think that maybe I needed this break to realign.  To get back to the other forms of fitness that compliment my running.

    A crappy way to take a break, but you have to play the cards you were dealt.

    So, I have begun to read The Complete Guide to Yin Yoga

    I am writing down things that inspire me, so that I can share them on my blog.

    I am also doing a 10 day Yoga InstaG Challenge with Erin Motz.

    What has been inspiring you lately?  Who has been inspiring you lately?

    #crazymamaruns

     

     

     

     

  • Christmas Vacation Check In

    Okay, Are You Ready??

     I will do a pic post today 😉

    Christmas Eve – Spotted Christmas Car
    Candied Bacon on my cupcake after Turkey Dinner #3
    Christmas Day – My “Greg” was good to me! xo
    Christmas Day with Auntie – Turkey Dinner #4
    I now scare my kitties with my Yeti Feet I got for Christmas 🙂

    I logged 13,800 steps yesterday with my FitBit Flex, and I am loving it!  Not being able to run until surgery in the New Year had me bummed, but my FitBit has movitated me to kick butt!

    I hope you are enjoying your Christmas! And yes, I am totally doing a FitBit Blog Post in the near future!!!

    #crazymamaruns

  • What I thought of the 30 Day Yoga Challenge!

    Kickin it with Erin Motz!

    So now that I have some time to breathe and reflect, here it is!

    When I was told not to run until my surgery, I was feeling kind of down.  I  knew I had to keep moving somehow!

    I hopped on the interwebs and searched diligently.

    It was then that I saw Erin Motz’s 30 Day Yoga Challenge.  It said “Hey, pick me!”

    Every morning I would roll out of my bed and fling out my mat.  Erin was happy and real.

    Because I have an injury, I had to modify my poses.  I picked a nice spot in my bedroom where I had access to furniture and walls in case I fell over during my knee “give out” moments.

    I was pleasantly surprised about how sweaty I was at the end of each session 🙂

    These are not super long sessions, which is another bonus.  It allowed me to get my yoga in before getting ready to start my day.  If I really enjoyed the session, I would sometimes do it again at night.  Because YOGA.

    One of the things I really enjoyed were the restorative days.  As in the photo above, there were days set aside for muscles we all forget about.  The wrists and hands are important!

    I also enjoyed the days focused on the lower backs and hip openers.  As a runner, these days were awesome!!

    I can say that there are many moves that I was not able to do, and wish there had of been a sidebar for a slow progression into Crow Pose or a Headstand.

    At the end

    All in all, I really enjoyed this challenge!  Would definitely recommend for anyone who has been doing some yoga 🙂

    Has anyone else done this challenge?  What did you think?  Any others you would like to share?

    #crazymamaruns
     

  • Getting Close to the End – 30 Day Yoga Challenge!

    Today was Day 22 – Restorative Yoga

    What I love about this challenge is that Erin throws in restorative days.  These are days with nice, slow stretches that feel sooooooooooo goooooooooooood.

    Another thing I love about this challenge, is that it has opened me up to so many poses.  I get excited for the next email to pop into to see what I am doing the next day!

    What I can offer as advice is this:  If you are not comfortable with any pose – do not feel like you have to do it.  A big part of any physical activity is listening to your body.  

    Runners are guilty of ignoring certain tweaks 😉  But – since I can’t ignore my tweak, it reminds me that I really SHOULD listen to anything that doesn’t feel right.

    Any runners out there as stubborn as me?  Does anyone else have a weirdo knee issue?  Floating cartilage?  lol

    (What did she do with the Coconut Butter??)

     

    This is the coconut butter I won at yoga 🙂

    WELL, this past week has been crazy busy at work and at home.

    I have been using it in smoothies.  Let me tell you – it is the BOMB!  Of course, it helps if you love coconut, which I do.  A lot.  I am searching recipes for fudge (yum) using coconut butter, so I may be doing some fun food stuff on the weekend.  Already planning for apple butter 🙂  

    If anyone has a great easy recipe for slow cooker apple butter, please let me know!

    So, what’s coming up in the next little while?  THE GYM.  You’ll be seeing some gym blog posts in the near future…and look out for my gym selfies 😉

    Until next time my interweb peeps!

    #crazymamaruns