The Midlife Reframe

Category: physical activity

  • Swimming Against the Current

    I know, what you’re thinking: with this title, why in the hell is she smiling in this picture? Is she really happy? Is this a maniacal smile and did she totally go over the edge?

    Well, in a weird way I am smiling because I am becoming an expert in swimming upstream.

    It goes like this: stubborn, you meet the current head on. You double down and you start your swim.

    You think you are making headway.

    You look up.

    You’re in the same spot.

    You put your head back down, swim harder. Get frustrated. Look up.

    Same. Fucking. Spot.

    This is what it feels like when I am having a bad day.

    (Heads up: Apparently this is now every Wednesday.)

    I can’t control when my depression, or it’s companion anxiety, will smack me upside the head.

    I can’t control when my body, dragged down by my mental illness, shuts down.

    I can’t control much of anything.

    But I can ‘keep swimming’.

    Even if it is upstream.

    @crazymamaruns

  • Contemplating 2018

     

    So as I sit and mellow out for the next little while, I am contemplating my “plan” for 2018.

    2017 has been a weird roller coaster ride.  Running, injuries, body imbalances, Mom and TeenThing madness and general chaos.

    I have given myself some time off from running, as I needed to work on a few things.  Hoping to start on fresh feet in 2018 and get back to enjoying my running, instead of seeing it as something I have to work into my schedule.

    Running was my go to for joy, and giving myself some time away from any regular running has me missing it.  So I am happy that that is the case.  Otherwise I’d have some serious thinking to do, lol.

    I have a virtual run to do this week, and would love to do some snow running….we just need the snow to stick around here 😉

    One thing I am sticking to is my plan of no race registration for 2018 (THIS HAS BEEN SO FRIGGING HARD!).  My muscle imbalances are a big reason for my injuries and my frustration.  I need to take care of me.

    As always, when approaching a new year I always have hope that it will be full of awesomeness.  How that awesomeness comes my way I really don’t mind.  I just always try to be thankful for things I have.  This isn’t always easy, but I try my best.

    Have a wonderful holiday season.

    Hold those you love close.

    Take some time to unplug and just enjoy the world around you.

    Practice self care.

    Remember that NO ONE is perfect.  We don’t have to be.  It is the imperfections that make us individuals.

    Do not conform.  Be loud.

    Be you.

    No regrets.

    I hope your new year brings you much awesomness, in all shapes and forms.

    I hope to share my re surge of running love in the coming year 🙂

    @crazymamaruns

     

     

     

  • Where Things Sit

    A very happy me (a sick me, lol) after a wonderful 5k at the Valley Harvest Marathon Weekend in Wolfville.

    As I sit here and type this post, it is Thanksgiving Monday in Canada.

    We had a great turkey feast yesterday, after a very early morning traveling so I could run a 5k at the 25th Anniversary of the Valley Harvest Marathon.

    I have a lingering head cold, and was thankful I felt well enough to run this beautiful course.

    I have one more run this season, the Food Run to support Feed Nova Scotia next weekend here in my neighbourhood.

    After having a great run yesterday in Wolfville, part of me started to question my decision to take a break from racing next year (I say this as I think…”well, maybe a few 5ks wouldn’t be so bad”, or “well, maybe some trail running would be better for me”, lol).  As runners we push ourselves to our physical and mental limits.  We question why we do this to ourselves as we run, but then bask in the afterglow.

    Running has always been cathartic for me.  I see things differently after a run.  It gives me a fresh perspective on things.  It connects me to my inner peace.

    The reality of the situation is this:  my body is out of balance.  My weak muscles are the ones that need to be strong, and my strong muscles are making up for the weak.  This is why I need to dial back and work on the imbalances.

    Mentally I need the break from the constant pressure I put myself under.  No one is harder on me, than me.  Trust me on that.

    The running community is a great source of support for me.  I can draw strength and ask for advice.  They do not judge.  They seek to understand and offer advice. I am grateful for that.  They see my back and forth as a struggle to do what’s right for me and my need to lace up and head out.

    I am truly looking forward to working on myself, taking the time to figure out my body at 45 years old, and find out what it is truly capable of.

    So, you’ll still see me out on the road, but you’ll also see me in the gym.  It’s part of the mind/body relationship I’ve ignored for too long.

    This is where things sit, and I’m really okay with it 🙂

    Hoping you’ll continue to come along with me to see where my running will take me down this fork in the road.

    @crazymamaruns

     

  • That’s All Folks!

    Well, I did it.

    The weather was perfect.  The energy was amazing. I was ready.

    Hydration baby!

    Once I got downtown, I ran into some of my running friends 🙂   We had a chat before they went our for their 10k.

    I went into my training with the A/B/C plan in my head.  A: Go for my best time. B: Go for my best time when I am not my best.  C: Don’t die and finish, lol.

    I went with my Plan B, and decided to hang out with the 2:15 Pace Bunny and see how it went.

    I was concerned, I won’t lie.  Not running the last few weeks of training really had me worried.  Thankfully my PT and RMT told me I would be okay.

    I was okay.

    I felt good.  I met a Twitter bud Shelley while running along Agricola Street.  My body was feeling okay. After the first 5kms I went a little bit ahead of the Pace Bunny, but kept close enough to hear when we would take our walk breaks.  I stayed out front until Point Pleasant Park and “the hill”.  I wanted to walk it, mostly because I know when I hit my wall, and if walking that hill cut into my time, I was willing to save my legs to get me through until the end.

    I caught up with the group on our way out of Point Pleasant and tried to stay with them as much as I could.  Shelley and I met up again and we hung out for a bit until her knee got angry with her and she told me to soldier on.

    I soldiered.  I walked when I needed to.

    I was treated to a dance and a hug by my friend Tab who was out there cheering all the runners on South Park Street 🙂

    I chugged along until I hit the last couple of kms.  I then ran into my Twitter friend Sherry who was volunteering at a water station. She ran with me until the corner of Citadel Hill (thanks girl!).  Then I walked a bit, because this is “almost the end”.   It’s downhill.  Then the slow painful incline of Brunswick Street, lol.

    I hoofed it down Cogswell Street, heard someone yelling my name (later found out who that was – another social media peep, Chantal!), and got down to Brunswick.  I took a short walk break.  Then started running again.

    Not too long before the Finish Line I heard a familiar voice coming up beside me.  Shelley had made it!  We ran across the finish line together 🙂

    Shelley and I heading into the Scotiabank Centre for some TLC (and I had a hankering for chocolate milk!)

    I am lucky to have a good Sherpa Team waiting at the finish line of every race.  My Mom and TeenThing 🙂

    This race, as rough as it was for me the last few kilometres, reminded me why I love to run.

    So very thankful.

    @crazymamaruns

  • Why I Am Retiring the Half Marathon

    Need to find this feeling again.

    So if you follow me on Twitter or Instagram, you know that I announced that my half marathon on May 21st will be my last half marathon.

    I struggled with this decision through training.  Even though I started out strong, every bump in the road seemed like a mountain.  Running started to become a burden.  The thing I love was becoming something I did not look forward to.

    It had nothing to do with my support team and my friends.  They were the ones who helped me get my butt out the door.  I could not have made it this far in my training without them!

    I place a very high expectation on myself.  When things don’t go as I think they SHOULD have, I can fall into a big black hole of self doubt that is not exactly fun.

    The remainder of my race season is made up of shorter distance races.

    I am in need of a reset.

    During some of my solo training runs I went off the beaten path.  I found that it was in those moments that I felt more at peace.  I enjoyed myself.

    I do believe that the trails are calling.  More time in Mother Nature is required.  I need it.  My soul needs it.  I need to find the joy in running again.

    2018 will be about running for just for me.  No concerns about pace, time, or serious training.  I am going to run for fun.  Find my love of lacing up early in the morning and being outside before the chaos of the day begins.

    So, next weekend I hope to crush this last half marathon and enjoy the remainder of the year which will be filled with a few fun things including: TeenThing’s Prom, Graduation, and Graduation Trip (Hello SCOTLAND!).

    Looking forward to finding the joy.

    @crazymamaruns

    p.s. We will be vlogging Scotland.  So excited!!

     

     

     

     

     

  • Crappy Sleep, Training, and Yay Team Nuun!

    It’s been a bit of a go lately

    This week has been a full one of ups and downs, crappy sleep and some high level anxiety with a dose of blech.

    One happy thing that happened to me since we last sat around the bloggy campfire:  I am now a Nuun Ambassador for 2017!!

    nuun

    I used Nuun as my electrolyte drink of choice last year.  There is always a tube (or two) of these electrolyte tablets in my bag.  I have used a lot of alternatives in the past, and this has been the only drink that doesn’t cause GI issues for me.  When the opportunity came up to apply I jumped on it!!  So happy to have been chosen this year for #TeamNuun 🙂  (Also:  Watermelon may be my new favourite flavour.  Stay tuned as I have yet to try my Boost Lemon Lime, hahaha.)

    In other news:

    This week sucked hard when it came to sleep.  It wasn’t until Thursday night that I actually had a full 8 hours.  Wednesday night I was up and down with anxiety, only getting about 4 hours.   Sleep is important for me, especially with mental illness.  When it comes to training, sleep is one of the biggest things I try to keep as steady as I can.  When I do, things are relatively easier to deal with.  Also, I’m happier when I sleep well, lol.

    A tad snowy on my way home from the track today!
    A tad snowy on my way home from the track today!

    I am getting close to the start of half marathon training.  Yesterday and today have been very good days.  I did upper body strength training on Saturday and was able to get 6.9kms in today with my BRF on the track at the Canada Games Centre.

    Look at those sexy compression socks ;)
    Look at those sexy compression socks 😉

    I am hoping to keep this good momentum going this week, but I realize that life will have it’s own ideas and I may need to readjust to make things work.

    As long as I sleep well, things should be okay!

    Here’s to a week of good sleep and good kilometres 🙂

    @crazymamaruns

     

     

  • Races, Brain Melts, and the Return of the FitBit

     

    Began 2017 on the right foot. Let's hope I don't injure anything, lol.
    Began 2017 on the right foot. Let’s hope I don’t injure anything, lol.

    Okay,

    So over the holidays I decided that I seriously needed to keep moving this year.  Not just for my physical health, but for my mental health.  I sat and muddled about a fall half marathon.  I wanted something close to home (because I am without my own vehicle, and would need to acquire one for long distance travel) and fun.

    I ended up choosing the Half at Maritime Race Weekend.

    Here is the elevation for MRW Half :)
    Here is the elevation for MRW Half 🙂

    I did the Tartan Twosome there last year (5ks) and really enjoyed the atmosphere and all the goodies offered post race.  Also, the views in Eastern Passage are amazing!

    Also, I purchased a Believe Journal over the holidays.  SUPER EXCITED.

    Plan Amy, plan.
    Plan Amy, plan.

    I am ramping up to start training for the BlueNose Half Marathon shortly and have been writing in my journal daily.  I should be receiving my plan soon and am looking forward to getting back on the training train 😉

    You said Brain Melts?

    Oh yes, brain melts.

    Once I had registered and started to plan out my races, I had a brain melt.

    Then panic.

    What had I done?!?!?

    I am usually a one big race and then all the smaller distances to keep me moving.

    I did not get the kms in that I wanted my first week and by the weekend, it caught up with me:  work, life, running, KERSMASH.

    I had an anxiety moment.  A brain melting, bugs crawling on my skin, flight (not fight), moment.

    I’m good now, but it was yuck.

    And now, let’s talk about the FitBit.

    I Thought You Divorced Your FitBit?

    I did.

    We recently made up, for now.  I put my step goal down to 8,000 and joined a challenge.

    Results from first full week:  I can’t do challenges.  It still ramps up my brain and makes me super anxious.

    But I decided to still wear it.  If anything I can see my sleep patterns and make sure I do get up and move around (she says as she sits and types, lol).

    It gives me some motivation to be active, and see lovely sights such as this on my lunch hour:

    Halifax Waterfront
    Halifax Waterfront

    That is what’s been happening here in the land of Amy so far in 2017.  Come back around soon, as we get ready to document the Odyssey that is my life and how I am going to manage 2 Half Marathons and my brain!

    @crazymamaruns

  • Cupping, Christmas, and Weights


    Yes, let’s talk about my back shall we?
    When I arrived at the Saint Mary’s University Lifemark location, my RMT asked me the usual questions:  How are things?  What have you been up to? What are we working on today?  Welllllll…
    December is a hard month.  More so for those of us who suffer from depression and anxiety.  The lack of sun is a mood crusher all on its own.  You add in the social events, the gift purchasing, and the cooking,  some sort of meltdown is inevitable.
    For me, everything needs to be perfect: the tree, the food, and the presents.  My need for everyone else to be happy trumps all.  Everything else goes out the door: the gym, my running, the things that keep me centered.  I know what it feels like to hit the bottom, so my desire to make sure that those around me have a great holiday is strong.
    This year my body got me through various races.  I was 2 minutes off my 1/2 marathon personal best in May (coming back from a knee injury, I was so happy!), I ran a 10km in the hottest weather I’ve ever run in (not my best, lol), I ran a 5km personal best, and I got through 2 calf strains (each leg).
    My RMT is amazing (so is my PT and Chiro) and has gotten me back on my feet more times than I can count.  When I told him my body was shutting down, he knew exactly what I meant.  I was tightly wound AND my right calf was still not 100%.  Also, my desire to sleep forever and eat all the food was starting to become an issue.
    He suggested cupping.  I am game to try new things, and I have had friends who had cupping done, so I said sure!
    Holy Hurt Batman.
    I have a pretty high tolerance for pain.  It was a weird experience at first, but once I got used to the suction ‘zlurp’ noise and the feeling, I focused on my breathing and cursed when required 😉.  I could feel the release in my calf, and as he worked on my back, it was then I realized juuuust how tight I was.  Stress had my upper back all tied up.
    He took the above picture and had me look at it before he left the room.  I had an idea of what it might look like, but that is intense, lol.  Biggest hickies EVER.  Still tender today as write this post, but boy did I ever had a great sleep!
    He left me with post massage/cupping instructions and we discussed what I was going to do to get myself through December and prep for my half training in the new year: Weight training.  I felt great when I worked with a trainer and had a plan.  It will also prep my body for running.  I need this for my mental health as well.
    So until Crazy Mama starts to run, Crazy Mama’s gonna lift!
    For real.  Just watch me 🙂.
    @crazymamaruns
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  • The Things I Struggle With During Injury Recovery

    I’ve Been Absent

    Photo courtesy of Bitmoji 🙂

    I have found it hard to express everything I have been doing/feeling lately.

    It dawned on me that this is what I should right about.

    I haven’t been unable to run for a bit.  I injured my left calf when I attempted to bolt out of the apartment with my daughter’s lunch after she left early one Sunday morning for work and had left it on the floor.  That was before Thanksgiving (Canadian Thanksgiving, lol).  I have been in physio ever since, and was just cleared for fast walking.  I had my first DNS because of this injury, and I was not overly upset.

    At 44 I am more concerned about being able to continue my running journey into my retirement years than I am about running a race.  I was more bummed that I had just planned my reboot and was sidelined in an instant, lol.

    After fast walking, leg day!

    Needless to say that since the onset of this injury, the schlump has been around.  I think every injured runner goes through it.  Lethargic, doing other activities hardheartedly (even though you really should suck it up and get at it), and just being absolutely miserable.  I could not get myself out of “that place”.  I tried other things to get me out of the schlumps, but no go.

    It was like I was stuck in molasses.  When I talked about my racing stripes (physio tape) and where I was with this injury, I just wanted others to know I was in “that place”.  We all have been and will be. You’re cranky that you can’t run.  You don’t care about anyone else.  It’s very self centered really.  A selfish pity party.  I share my  pity parties because I think it’s important to let other runners know it’s okay to be in that frame of mind.  It’s human to feel that way.    I am not looking for anything, I just want to share the good and the bad.

    (It also wasn’t helping that we are entering into Fall/Winter darkness.  That makes me want to hibernate.  Arrive home – enter PJs – become one with chair.)

    I didn’t need inspirational quotes (we all know how much I LOVE those – see HERE). I didn’t need a motivational speech.  I didn’t want a “well it could be worse” blurb.

    I needed to figure it out on my own.

    Why On My Own?

    Because unless I am going down the rabbit hole, I am the only person who can kick myself in the ass.  I know what my motivators are.  If I can’t kick myself in the ass, then I know something bigger is looming, and I ask for help.

    Once I was able to start stretching and doing small amounts of activity, I started to feel better.

    Now that I can do full on “Leg Day” (without explosive movements, not there yet) and fast walking, I am more optimistic.

    I struggled with how to write this down without sounding like I was complaining.

    I struggled with how to lift myself out of the schlump.

    I struggled with how I was dealing with it.

    I am struggling with how to remained focused on making myself a stronger runner before my half marathon training in January.

    I Won’t Struggle For Long

    Because I know what needs to be done.  I just need to sit down and plan it.

    If I need to, I’ll ask for help.

    I will get over this schlumpy schlump, hopefully better prepared for the next one 😉

    @crazymamaruns

  • Confessions of a Social (Anxiety Filled) Introvert

    Sounds Funny Right?

    I love being out around people.

    Sometimes.

    I know that my mental illness contributes to my “I can’t people” moments.  I’ve learned that is just a part of who I am now, and that’s okay.

    I had a really bad anxiety filled “OMG I am going to be out in a group on the open water” moment Friday night.  This was right before my 2nd sea kayaking adventure at East Coast Outfitters on Saturday.  Now, I absolutely LOVE this activity.  Like LOVE LOVE.  But I had this “how can I get out if it” moment that I had to sit down and talk myself out of.

    It is always worth it in the end, going out and doing something I love.

     

    Happy Me.  I have awesome friends.

    The struggle is real.  REAL.  So, to show you the weirdness that is me, here are some of my confessions:

    1.  I get the heebie jeebies just about every morning on the bus.  Especially if it is full.  I have to listen to my meditation app, a podcast, or turn up my music and try to make myself small so no one is touching me. I only talk if it is necessary, like if the bus is on fire.
    2.  I love people watching, just sitting out amongst the everyday hustle and bustle, but being in a large crowd turns me into a flight risk on occasion.  The “world is closing in on me” feeling sneaks up and turns me into a panic stricken ball looking for the nearest way out.
    3.  I get excited to make plans with my friends to do something AWESOME.  About 4 to 24 hours after the fact, my brain hijacks my heart and starts to plan an escape route. 
    4.  I can work a party like a rockstar, once I’ve had time to analyze the room. If there are too many “in my face people”, I start to plan my stealth, ninja-like, exit.
    5.  I love being in crowds and meeting new people.  Depending on my level of social energy, you may get the low down of who I am and what I stand for, or you just get the Cole’s Notes version of me.
    6.  I may want to spend every weekend out and about, but that drains the fun out of me.  There are days I don’t leave the apartment, and it doesn’t bother me at all.  Silence and a reboot are what I need.

    In the right environment, I will flourish.  I just need to be with the right energy.

    So, if I seem a little “stand offish”, I’m not.  I’m just feeling you (and my surroundings) out.

    @crazymamaruns