The Midlife Reframe

Category: East Coast Mom

  • Why I Am Retiring the Half Marathon

    Need to find this feeling again.

    So if you follow me on Twitter or Instagram, you know that I announced that my half marathon on May 21st will be my last half marathon.

    I struggled with this decision through training.  Even though I started out strong, every bump in the road seemed like a mountain.  Running started to become a burden.  The thing I love was becoming something I did not look forward to.

    It had nothing to do with my support team and my friends.  They were the ones who helped me get my butt out the door.  I could not have made it this far in my training without them!

    I place a very high expectation on myself.  When things don’t go as I think they SHOULD have, I can fall into a big black hole of self doubt that is not exactly fun.

    The remainder of my race season is made up of shorter distance races.

    I am in need of a reset.

    During some of my solo training runs I went off the beaten path.  I found that it was in those moments that I felt more at peace.  I enjoyed myself.

    I do believe that the trails are calling.  More time in Mother Nature is required.  I need it.  My soul needs it.  I need to find the joy in running again.

    2018 will be about running for just for me.  No concerns about pace, time, or serious training.  I am going to run for fun.  Find my love of lacing up early in the morning and being outside before the chaos of the day begins.

    So, next weekend I hope to crush this last half marathon and enjoy the remainder of the year which will be filled with a few fun things including: TeenThing’s Prom, Graduation, and Graduation Trip (Hello SCOTLAND!).

    Looking forward to finding the joy.

    @crazymamaruns

    p.s. We will be vlogging Scotland.  So excited!!

     

     

     

     

     

  • I’m Deficient

    Vitamin D3 deficiency.

    Never thought I would hear that as a result from my blood work.

    Google Search Image

    I didn’t have the insomnia issue, quite the opposite in fact.  I have been experiencing hair loss, but I have psoriasis on my scalp (and more recently in my ears), so I am used to some hair loss.  I have depression, but I didn’t feel hopeless or feel like I WANTED to stay in bed all day.  I was just SO TIRED.  Sleeping for 10 hours was doing nothing.  I still wanted to sleep.  *Sigh*

    I am so very thankful for my BRF Kara.  She got me through my 18km run last weekend.  We are a kickass team when we run together 🙂

    My BRF and I after that super tired 18kms.

    When I was at the doctor’s office I was shocked that this was my result.  I asked him if this could cause the extreme fatigue and excessive sleeping.  He said yes.

    He advised me to start Vitamin D3 supplements, 2000IU per day.  I should start feeling an improvement in a couple of weeks, and hopefully feel completely better in a month.

    I was relieved to be sure.  I had myself thinking it was  something awful.  Overthinking is my specialty 😉

    Pretty sure I’ve been a hot mess all week.  I have been so tired I’ve wanted to cry, and I almost have on quite a few occasions.

    Now, to reset and be thankful.  I’ll be fine to complete training and run my half in May!!

    @crazymamaruns

     

  • My Life as a Single Mom: The Mom Brain

    A Mom and her TeenThing

    I can probably get a shirt that says “Permanent Mom Brain”.

    Working, raising a child, avoiding the rabbit hole of depression, and trying to fit in my running/fitness takes up most of my time.  The blog has suffered a little bit lately because of this juggling act.

    I have had many ideas for posts.  I have sat down to write a draft so I could have it saved and get back to it.  DISTRACTION.  No writing.

    Let’s be real, this applies to my life in general.  I have, over the years, gone from one room to the other with full intention of “doing the thing”.  Insert phone call, child, other random thought, on my way to the other room.  I’ve lost the whole “doing the thing”.

    Why was I walking into this room?

    What was so important that I had to come here?

    What’s my name?

    WHO AM I ANYWAY?

    You’d think keeping physically active would magically sort everything out.

    NO.

    I can think I have my shit sorted out on a run.  All of life’s problems are solved (hahahaha) during this time by myself.

    I’ll get home and forget about 80% of my solutions.

    (This is so much worse on my “bad days”.  On those days, I am just happy I remember to put on pants.)

    Then people say “put it in your phone”.

    I’ve tried, but the red circles distract me and I automatically check out my notifications.

    GOLDFISH.

    I’m pretty sure it has gotten worse over the past few years (thank you hormones).

    I even went and bought paper agendas.  I have an agenda for regular life, and one for my running life.

    I was like:  “Hell Yeah!  Look out world I am coming for you!!  Take that Mom Brain!”

    But let’s be honest, I still can’t remember to write half of my shit down.

    So, I’ll just continue to wander through my life, content in knowing that at some point, I’ll know why I went into the other room AND what I am going to do there.

    @crazymamaruns

     

  • Looking Back….Looking Ahead

    Christmas at Mom and Dad's
    Christmas at Mom and Dad’s

    So here we are.

    2016 is slowly coming to a close.

    2017 is on the doorstep, patiently waiting.

    I decided a year or so ago that I would not do resolutions.  It’s just not me.  It sets me up to self sabotage my well thought out plans.

    This month has been hard mentally.  Deciding what to hold onto and what to let go of was a big thing.  Like taking out my mental garbage.  It’s surprising how much we can hold onto.  Some of it drags us down and some lifts us up.  This week I have been trying to take out my mental garbage.  That has not been an easy task.  I’m doing it.  I. Am. Doing. It.

    I am also thinking about the year ahead and what I want to do when it comes to running.  I won my registration to the BlueNose Marathon this year and I will be gearing up for the half marathon again.  My desire is that I finish it in under 2 hours 10 minutes, as that is my current personal best.

    I’d like to do a fall half marathon as well.  This means I REALLY need to train and run smart in 2017.  It also means I have to take care of myself mentally as well.  Not being on top of my illness and letting it take over my body can throw a big wrench into my plans.  Depression can shut your body down.  If you don’t pay attention it will show up as aches, pains and then injury.  Total body shut down means it hurts to move all the time:   getting out of bed, walking down the stairs, breathing, etc.  Not good.

    I have started weight lifting again (as I type this I have some major DOMS going on in my upper body, and the typing struggle is real, hahaha) and will make an effort to schedule in my yoga daily.  I bought new gloves for weights, a yoga strap (I had been using an old scarf), and a block (again, using something other than a block, read:  my travel foam roller) today to keep me in the groove.

    I am hoping that I can keep this train rolling into 2017 and focus on good food as fuel, proper hydration, and a smart plan when it comes to training.

    I will be thoroughly documenting my ups and downs this year.  My trials and tribulations 😉  Weekly posts will give you an idea where my body and brain are, I promise!

    My train derailed early last year, and I plan to keep it on the rails for 2017.

    I hope everyone has had a wonderful holiday season so far, and I wish you all the best for the New Year! xo

    @crazymamaruns

     

     

  • Cupping, Christmas, and Weights


    Yes, let’s talk about my back shall we?
    When I arrived at the Saint Mary’s University Lifemark location, my RMT asked me the usual questions:  How are things?  What have you been up to? What are we working on today?  Welllllll…
    December is a hard month.  More so for those of us who suffer from depression and anxiety.  The lack of sun is a mood crusher all on its own.  You add in the social events, the gift purchasing, and the cooking,  some sort of meltdown is inevitable.
    For me, everything needs to be perfect: the tree, the food, and the presents.  My need for everyone else to be happy trumps all.  Everything else goes out the door: the gym, my running, the things that keep me centered.  I know what it feels like to hit the bottom, so my desire to make sure that those around me have a great holiday is strong.
    This year my body got me through various races.  I was 2 minutes off my 1/2 marathon personal best in May (coming back from a knee injury, I was so happy!), I ran a 10km in the hottest weather I’ve ever run in (not my best, lol), I ran a 5km personal best, and I got through 2 calf strains (each leg).
    My RMT is amazing (so is my PT and Chiro) and has gotten me back on my feet more times than I can count.  When I told him my body was shutting down, he knew exactly what I meant.  I was tightly wound AND my right calf was still not 100%.  Also, my desire to sleep forever and eat all the food was starting to become an issue.
    He suggested cupping.  I am game to try new things, and I have had friends who had cupping done, so I said sure!
    Holy Hurt Batman.
    I have a pretty high tolerance for pain.  It was a weird experience at first, but once I got used to the suction ‘zlurp’ noise and the feeling, I focused on my breathing and cursed when required 😉.  I could feel the release in my calf, and as he worked on my back, it was then I realized juuuust how tight I was.  Stress had my upper back all tied up.
    He took the above picture and had me look at it before he left the room.  I had an idea of what it might look like, but that is intense, lol.  Biggest hickies EVER.  Still tender today as write this post, but boy did I ever had a great sleep!
    He left me with post massage/cupping instructions and we discussed what I was going to do to get myself through December and prep for my half training in the new year: Weight training.  I felt great when I worked with a trainer and had a plan.  It will also prep my body for running.  I need this for my mental health as well.
    So until Crazy Mama starts to run, Crazy Mama’s gonna lift!
    For real.  Just watch me 🙂.
    @crazymamaruns
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  • Our "Last Year of School"

    Class of 2017

    It seems like just yesterday I was getting TeenThing ready for Primary.

    This year, she is graduating from High School.  On September 8th, she starts Grade 12.

    Vacation Dessert = Happy TeenThing
    We’ve been through a lot throughout her school career.  Intense conversations with teachers, moving from one part of the city to another, toxic friends, her mom’s trip down the rabbit hole, etc.
    With “the odds” stacked against me as a single parent, I must say that all in all, I’ve kicked some parenting ass.  I mean, if you look at all the old “stats” out there, my kid should be a hot mess.

    But she’s not.  Why?  Because I was involved in her life.  I asked questions.  I left her to be who she wanted to be.  I didn’t force her down a path she was not comfortable traveling on.
    Did I guide her where I could?  Yes.
    Were there yelling and tears?  Yes.

    Did I sacrifice a lot?  Yes.

    Was it worth it?  You’re goddamn right it was.  I passed up quite a bit over the years, but to have her turn out the way she is, right now, it’s the greatest reward as a parent.  Even more so because I did it on my own, with a fantastic support system.

    I wouldn’t change a thing really.

    Now to navigate our way through this last year with Graduation photos, parent meetings, Prom, Graduation ceremonies, Graduation Trip planning, and trying not to go bankrupt in the process, lol.
    (Side Note:  Back to running this week.  Slow but sluggish progress to get my kilometres back.  Happy to be able to get back out there!)
    Happy Back to School Everyone!