The Midlife Reframe

Category: anxious

  • Races, Brain Melts, and the Return of the FitBit

     

    Began 2017 on the right foot. Let's hope I don't injure anything, lol.
    Began 2017 on the right foot. Let’s hope I don’t injure anything, lol.

    Okay,

    So over the holidays I decided that I seriously needed to keep moving this year.  Not just for my physical health, but for my mental health.  I sat and muddled about a fall half marathon.  I wanted something close to home (because I am without my own vehicle, and would need to acquire one for long distance travel) and fun.

    I ended up choosing the Half at Maritime Race Weekend.

    Here is the elevation for MRW Half :)
    Here is the elevation for MRW Half 🙂

    I did the Tartan Twosome there last year (5ks) and really enjoyed the atmosphere and all the goodies offered post race.  Also, the views in Eastern Passage are amazing!

    Also, I purchased a Believe Journal over the holidays.  SUPER EXCITED.

    Plan Amy, plan.
    Plan Amy, plan.

    I am ramping up to start training for the BlueNose Half Marathon shortly and have been writing in my journal daily.  I should be receiving my plan soon and am looking forward to getting back on the training train 😉

    You said Brain Melts?

    Oh yes, brain melts.

    Once I had registered and started to plan out my races, I had a brain melt.

    Then panic.

    What had I done?!?!?

    I am usually a one big race and then all the smaller distances to keep me moving.

    I did not get the kms in that I wanted my first week and by the weekend, it caught up with me:  work, life, running, KERSMASH.

    I had an anxiety moment.  A brain melting, bugs crawling on my skin, flight (not fight), moment.

    I’m good now, but it was yuck.

    And now, let’s talk about the FitBit.

    I Thought You Divorced Your FitBit?

    I did.

    We recently made up, for now.  I put my step goal down to 8,000 and joined a challenge.

    Results from first full week:  I can’t do challenges.  It still ramps up my brain and makes me super anxious.

    But I decided to still wear it.  If anything I can see my sleep patterns and make sure I do get up and move around (she says as she sits and types, lol).

    It gives me some motivation to be active, and see lovely sights such as this on my lunch hour:

    Halifax Waterfront
    Halifax Waterfront

    That is what’s been happening here in the land of Amy so far in 2017.  Come back around soon, as we get ready to document the Odyssey that is my life and how I am going to manage 2 Half Marathons and my brain!

    @crazymamaruns

  • Looking Back….Looking Ahead

    Christmas at Mom and Dad's
    Christmas at Mom and Dad’s

    So here we are.

    2016 is slowly coming to a close.

    2017 is on the doorstep, patiently waiting.

    I decided a year or so ago that I would not do resolutions.  It’s just not me.  It sets me up to self sabotage my well thought out plans.

    This month has been hard mentally.  Deciding what to hold onto and what to let go of was a big thing.  Like taking out my mental garbage.  It’s surprising how much we can hold onto.  Some of it drags us down and some lifts us up.  This week I have been trying to take out my mental garbage.  That has not been an easy task.  I’m doing it.  I. Am. Doing. It.

    I am also thinking about the year ahead and what I want to do when it comes to running.  I won my registration to the BlueNose Marathon this year and I will be gearing up for the half marathon again.  My desire is that I finish it in under 2 hours 10 minutes, as that is my current personal best.

    I’d like to do a fall half marathon as well.  This means I REALLY need to train and run smart in 2017.  It also means I have to take care of myself mentally as well.  Not being on top of my illness and letting it take over my body can throw a big wrench into my plans.  Depression can shut your body down.  If you don’t pay attention it will show up as aches, pains and then injury.  Total body shut down means it hurts to move all the time:   getting out of bed, walking down the stairs, breathing, etc.  Not good.

    I have started weight lifting again (as I type this I have some major DOMS going on in my upper body, and the typing struggle is real, hahaha) and will make an effort to schedule in my yoga daily.  I bought new gloves for weights, a yoga strap (I had been using an old scarf), and a block (again, using something other than a block, read:  my travel foam roller) today to keep me in the groove.

    I am hoping that I can keep this train rolling into 2017 and focus on good food as fuel, proper hydration, and a smart plan when it comes to training.

    I will be thoroughly documenting my ups and downs this year.  My trials and tribulations 😉  Weekly posts will give you an idea where my body and brain are, I promise!

    My train derailed early last year, and I plan to keep it on the rails for 2017.

    I hope everyone has had a wonderful holiday season so far, and I wish you all the best for the New Year! xo

    @crazymamaruns

     

     

  • When Anxiety Comes Knocking….

    You Put On Your Best Face

    Okay, maybe not THIS face, lol.

    Because we, the mentally ill, it’s what we do.  Until we can’t.

    Last week was bad for me.
    My anxiety was bad.  It started on Monday.
    I woke up with it, like the bottom fell out of my stomach.  There was no reason for it.  It’s just how I started the day.
    Then, for me, everything and everyone around me changes.  I feel like I am under the microscope.  Being examined.  Secretly criticized.
    I bury myself in work, and hope that I can just get through the day without an attack.  Most times, when I get home I am good.  Home is safe.  Home has no people (well, other than TeenThing, lol). 
    I am lucky to have drugs that I can take to calm the racing heartbeat and panic.  It was used a few times this week.

    After Wednesday I was better, and by Friday I was okay.  But on Friday, I crashed.  So tired.  Tired from keeping my head above water.  It’s exhausting fighting that battle every day, working, and being a mom.
    Why do I NOT say anything sometimes?  I don’t want to worry anyone.  Funny isn’t it.  I am worrying about others worrying about me.  Guess where THAT put my anxiety, DEFCON 1.  If what I was feeling lasted longer, I would have said something.  Sometimes, I am also tired of explaining what I can’t explain.  So I keep it to myself.  Sometimes, THAT is my coping mechanism.
    It’s not that I don’t want to share it with those that care about me, it’s that sometimes sharing it is overwhelming.  

    I am happy to say that I am feeling much better now.  Fitness works well for me as a way to create balance.  I was not as vigilant with it last week as I should have been.  Movement is medicine (thanks Clara Hughes!) and I needed more movement.

    One Month Away From The Half Marathon?

    Yes, one month away!

    I was discharged from physio last week (YAAAAAAY).

    I also switched my gym membership to a spot closer to home.  I have some major ass kicking to do.
    I did get out on the trails here last week, and that felt amazing.

    (I have my base laid down for my running, so I am lucky there.  This whole calf strain had me worried for a bit.)
    I am planning some HIIT classes, some spin, weight training and some pool time until Race Day to complement my running.  
    I am glad to be running with my BRF again.
    I have TeenThing to gym it with me.
    A new week ahead means a chance to start fresh.
    Time to Giv’r.

  • Calf Strain, Compression Sleeves, and Recovery

    The Chronicles of Half Marathon Training:  Calf Strain, Compression Sleeves and Recovery

    Thinking Face:  On
    I’ve been all over the place lately.
    Physio, work, small runs and workouts.
    My motivation waxes and wanes, even though I have a half marathon coming up.
    I think a lot during my physio appointments.  Even when she is dry needling my calf, lol.  It is my first dry needling experience (I have had acupuncture before, for my IT band).  I am a big convert!
    A visit to my RMT last weekend also played a big part in my return to running this week…even though he did beat my leg up 😉
    I swing my right hip out more than my left.  He hurt my hips too.  But he rocks, so I take it all in stride.  The end result is worth the pain.

    Thinking.  About what??

    At one point, I had considered pushing my distance back.  The “You Can’t Do This” voice was strong.  Sometimes, that voice is hard to fight.  I told it to frig off.
    Then my thoughts went to prevention.  How can I NOT get hurt again before my race in May after my physio and massages?  (Outside of keeping my fitness regime intact, of course.)
    Answer:  Compression.  I have socks.  I was wearing them for recovery.  Now I am wearing compression when I run.   I have also purchased compression calf sleeves.  This way I can wear my regular socks while I have my sleeves on under my pants 🙂
    Before my knee injury in 2014, I really didn’t give a thought to compression.  None.  I trudged along after my runs and races.  Now that I have been wearing compression, I wonder how I got along all those years without it!!!  My legs feel better, and it puts my mind at ease.

    So, the recovery/race mission?

    My pretty Brooks Glycerin 13s
    I ran my longest distance in a while yesterday.  6kms.
    Compression socks on.  Ran with Clayton Park Runners.
    I tried to not think about my leg while I ran.
    This made me think MORE about my leg while I ran, lol.
    Both of my legs/hips are sore today, even with stretching and yoga.  But the compression is making SUCH a difference in my run recovery.
    I feel good.  I felt good running yesterday.
    So the plan is:
    • Down to physio once a week now.
    • Run slow and long.  Endurance is key.
    • Fuel properly.
    • Sleep well.
    • Strength train.
    • Remind myself what I am capable of.
    Sounds easy enough.
    What are your tips and tricks for squishing YOUR “You Can’t Do This” voice?  It doesn’t need to be fitness related.  Can be anything.
    Let’s share ’em.  We can all use a little help in that department 🙂

  • As I Sit Here and Write This…

    It is almost EXACTLY one week until my presentation at BlogJam 2015.

    I would be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous.

    October will hold two firsts for me.  The first being: I am stepping out my box, big time, doing this presentation.

    If I look like this, just hug me….lol.



    It is so very easy to sit here and type my blog posts.  No can see if I am crying or upset or happy as I type. Although I try to emulate my emotions in writing, you can never be 100% sure if what you are feeling can come through the way you want.

    That is part of the miscommunication associated the written word.

    I am hoping that, as part of my foray out of the survival box, and out from behind my keyboard, that I can provide a real account of my blogging experience as a newbie and share the story that brought me here WITHOUT falling apart….too much, lol.

    The Second First?

    Running a 5km race on October 24th.

    That also has me very nervous.  Not the race part.  Just the fact that it is something I was unsure of this time last year.  Would I run again.  Not run again.

    Just plain old anxious, lol.

    So, hang on for the crazy ride known as October here in Crazy Mama’s world.

    You’ll have my recap next week to let you know how my first first goes 😉

    Until next time!

    @crazymamaruns