The Midlife Reframe

Category: anxiety

  • Pushups, Packing and Where Did My Hair Go!!

    Having a supportive partner is great.

    Especially one who loves to share his love of fitness apps 🙂 We started using a push up app last week, and it’s great.  My arms, chest, core and back don’t think so, but, too bad!

    We are both waiting impatiently for the outcome of my MRI on Wednesday.  I miss working out with him and running with my bud K.

    The results will hopefully fly speedy like through the interweb to my specialist.  Because on Saturday, while just walking my niece in her stroller, my knee gave out….bad.  Like “can’t put my foot down and holy crap what will I do if I can’t walk home” bad.  But some elevation and ice…good to go.  I  dislike that uncertainty.

    My other super exciting fun thing this month has been packing.  Okay, big lie.  It’s not fun.  A necessary evil to get to my new place of awesome.  It’s coming along.  Bit by slooooooooooow bit.  Good news though, my new bedroom will have a space for me to set up a little serenity area 🙂  Yoga mat, super awesome fountain and chill.

    I did a total random thing on Friday.  Something that has caused many “WHOA” moments.  I cut my hair off.  Yep.  Snippedy Snip.  I’m not one who freaks out about it.  It grows back.  It’s hair.  But it has been quite a while since I’ve had it cut this short.  Feels liberating.  And it’s great for the heat 🙂

    Besides, it’s time to grow out this hair colour.  I’m not a real blonde. You’ll have to hang on over the next while to see what’s hiding underneath!

    Since we’re all here…

    Time for some irony.  Those of us who have a mental illness know that physical activity plays a big part in our recovery.  The ironic thing about my situation…I was working in the fitness industry when my world collapsed in on me.  Things happen for a reason at the weirdest times in our lives.  I continued to train with my trainer once I was put off of work.  I am so glad I did.  Even though my whole body had shut down, she got me through some tough shit.  It’s why I adore her to pieces and why I miss running with her.  Hopefully soon we can get back to our runs and our wonky jibber jabber.

    Signing off for tonight.  For those who run:  Run with your heart.  For those who are in their dark place and are uncertain:  There is a light in there, I promise.  For those who love us when we are in that dark place:  Thank you.       
       

  • Becoming Grounded…and Total Randomness

    With things being totally hectic over the past couple of months…

    I’ve found it hard to focus.  Especially with not being able to run  That was a form of meditation for me. 

    I have found other ways to get my fitness fix, with some prompting from the man in my life (we’ll call him Mr. Y) and I am grateful for that.  He is very patient with me as he is still getting to know my moods and my mental illness. 
     

    I have been doing meditation and yoga at home, as I have posted in the past.  But I have to say.  It has really made me pause the past couple of days and I am now trying to be more aware.  Of how I love the smell of my coffee in the morning.  How great smoothies taste.  How I have way too much “stuff”.  How I love my sneakers.  How comfortable I am in my running gear.  How much I love food – fruit, greek yoghurt, dried cranberries.  How grateful I am for my support system.  How much time I DON’T spend enjoying the silence around me…and I thought, “I’ve gotten caught up in stuff”.  Time to get grounded!

    This means more time to meditate, more yoga, a hunt for my mala beads (let them choose me), more fitness and more awareness.

    A yoga blog I love is Yoga Girl.  She shares a lot and I love it.  Her good times, bad times, her emotions.  It’s all laid bare.  She is non-apologetic about sharing her feelings and I think it ROCKS.  I mean, we’re not happy ALL the time…and I think that’s okay.

    I’ve also been reading other fitness blogs (i.e. Fit Grampa – a new blogger) and yoga blogs.  The blogging runners (some listed here on my page) I follow keep me excited about the prospect of running again, AND I am getting to learn of some really cool races outside of Nova Scotia.  Really looking forward to doing some of these!!  I also have a great twitter feed FULL of awesome supportive runners/bloggers (Bagtownblogtrotter, Michelle The Runner, Janet of jan.etc, and so many others!  To list them all….that’s another blog post…lol).  This is something I am really thankful for 🙂

    My mission for the rest of the summer is to not move so fast that I miss the things that make me HAPPY.  To enjoy what I can do now, knowing that eventually I will be able to lace up and run.  Because there are some that don’t have that luxury.
    ****As I finished editing this post ….I am happy to say that I have an MRI appointment!  I call tomorrow for details 😀      

  • Defeat Depression Day!!!

    Move for Mental Health

    So while my running tweeples and peoples were racing or attacking their long runs today, my daughter and I went to the local Defeat Depression Event 🙂

    This is a 1/3/5km run or walk.  Since I am gimpy, we walked.

    This event means alot to me, having the “fraternal twins” of mental illness (anxiety and depression). 

    The weather was 50/50, the threat of showers hanging over, but what a great group of people to walk around Downtown Halifax with! 


    Earlier this week I cycled with the man in my life.  Well he ran, I cycled 😉 

    We went around the beautiful Lake Banook in Dartmouth.  It has a run/bike train around it which is great.  It is also the home of many canoe clubs.  They also have the Dragon Boat Festival here every year!

    I caught this beautiful shot once we hit the other side of the Lake.  It felt great to be out and speedy…even if it was on two wheels.  lol

    I finally see the ortho specialist Wednesday morning and I can’t wait!!  I am surgical, of that I am certain.  So it’s just a matter of when and where.  I’ll go anywhere in this Province to get it done!

    Hoping to get out to the Public Gardens later for some relaxation and maybe some awesome pics 🙂

    Tonight is the regular #RunAtChat on Twitter.  Awesome runners and fun chats.  A good way to end a Sunday Night.

    Until next time….

  • It’s a Happy Friday the 13th! Random Post!

    I know that sounds weird….

    Especially if you are one that is a little superstitious (queue Stevie Wonder).

    Today I learned that my Ortho Specialist appointment is on the 25th 🙂  That is a little past two months since my injury.  I am super excited for this consult and look forward to moving on with my treatment!!  I have already started planning out my races for when I am better.  Because I’ll be able to run, which I miss, terribly.

    The past while has been hard with my depression/anxiety and finding new ways to work out.  Finding a new apartment, being super busy at work, making time for those I care about and making time for me, well, it has been a little draining.  I sleep a lot.  I find that some days the battle with my illness just drains me.  It’s hard to explain unless you’ve been in the situation I guess.

    In all of this, rescue kitty Jax has been settling in well.  She has met our other cat Nala and so far there has been minimal hissing and growling…..yay! lol

    The cats are a great stress reliever for me right now.  Having a rescue kitten is a great experience.

    So I am wondering what now….besides yoga, walking and strength training, are there any other suggestions from blogger peeps??

    (And yes, my bike is still broken, I need to remedy that and SOON)! 

  • Today is a Schlumpy Day

    A day where no matter what I do to make myself feel better…I still have the schlumps.

    I should have gone for a walk right now, but there are days that I just don’t have it in me.

    Like today.

    This is one of those moments that, for me, having depression/anxiety sets off some alarm bells.  Not because I think I am going to go “down the rabbit hole”, but because that is what the D/A combo does.  The panic switch is set and I can’t turn it off.

    THIS is when I miss running.  Even a bad run.  I should have gone for a walk…..BLARGH.

    If there are any of you out there that are experiencing the same thing….we all have these days.  Find an outlet…walk/run/bike/talk.  Even if you don’t want to…..take the first step.  It’ll make your day a little bit better 🙂

  • Why do I run??

    A question I get asked often.

    As I mentioned in my first post, I did my first real run at lunchtime.  It was 5k and I smoked it!!  I remember going out beforehand and buying my first pair of actual running sneakers.  Saucony Pro Grid 4s.  I was in love, with running and with my Sauconys.
     
    About 3 years ago I was diagnosed with depression, and then later, anxiety. After my body came back to life (because like the ad says….depression really DOES hurt) I began running again.  My doctor encouraged me to continue my physical activity, as this would help me in managing my depression and anxiety.

    I ran my first half marathon (Blue Nose) in 2012, with an IT band injury.  I was in pain, but stubborn and determined!  I was just so happy to finish.  And it was HOT.

    For me, running is a way for me to clear out the cobwebs.  To not HAVE to think about anything in particular.  To free myself from stress.  You hear people talking about runner’s high.  I get it.  Endorphins.  You want to run farther, longer.   It’s like you connect with something deep inside of you. 

    I am a better mom, a better person in general, after I workout or run.  It’s my “me time”…and I deserve every minute 🙂