The Midlife Reframe

Tag: winter

  • Here’s Where I’m At

    Well, four months now on Pristiq.

    My doc and I decided that my dose was good, so I am continuing with the med and my antipsychotic as well.

    Now that the cobwebs are clearing I can start purging my surroundings and my brain of everything that isn’t serving me.

    Time to get back on track with the things I enjoy doing.

    I started reading again. Small books so I don’t get discouraged. I am picking up my crochet hook again, and I plan on getting outside for movement.

    I’m not totally delusional, I know there will be hard days, there always are, but this new med has given me some hope that there are more better days than bad.

    I’m recovered from my second bout of COVID, relatively unscathed. We’ll see how things go there.

    My daughter is also on a new med, and seems to be doing much better. We even attended a small Halloween Gathering as The Great Pumpkin and Linus.

    As we roll into “the dark season”, I am hoping to use the tools in my toolbox to keep moving and stay ahead of my brain. And on those days my brain gets the better of me, I will show myself some grace.

    Let’s help each other get through the winter together.

    We can all give ourselves some grace this time of year.

  • It’s Almost Winter

    Yes, I know in a lot of places there is snow and it’s cold (both here right now), but the calendar says: not yet.

    I both love and hate this time of year. I love the coziness of winter. The sweaters and blankets, the hot chocolate (and other toasty warm beverages), and the holidays.

    I am not a huge fan of the darkness this time of year. I find it drags me down. This is when I need to start making sure I get in physical activity so that I don’t get into a slump. It’s not as easy as it sounds, that last sentence. It’s hard. I just want to hibernate this time of year. But now, more than any other time, is when I need to kick my own ass and get it out the door as much as I can.

    I’ve signed up for the Resolution Run this year to keep me on top of myself, and of course there is the Solstice Run on the 21st (a run a good friend of mine has organized the past few years to #FightTheDark). I have a 15k race planned for June, and should try and get another distance in between those so I don’t loose momentum.

    Taking 2018 off of running races was both good and bad. Good for my body, and kind of good for my mind, but bad for my momentum, lol.

    I know that others find this time of year hard, for many reasons, and we all need to be mindful that not everyone can “get out of the funk”.

    So, please, try not to belittle someone’s feelings when they just aren’t “festive” during the holidays. They may be struggling just to make it through the day.

    The darkness can really be hard on those who suffer from mental illness, both during the holidays, and after.

    Let’s try and support each other as much as we can through this season.

  • It’s Okay to Just Survive

    Hello January

    This time of year can be rough.

    Everyone is talking about their resolutions.

    Commercials on TV are trying to sell you a new life:  weight loss, gym memberships, etc.

    This does start well before the holiday season, and can be overwhelming as shit.

    I’ve done the resolution thing, and I’ve also done the intentions thing.  This year I am just continuing on with my journey.  A year of finding myself, reminding my body that it can do amazing things, and not crapping on myself every day, lol.

    It’s been weird not going into the start of year not training for a half marathon.  I’m full of restless energy, but yet super tired at the same time.

    With everyone around me on social media ploughing into the new year with training plans and mega runs, it is a struggle to not beat myself up if I don’t get in a run, or the gym, or a walk.   I’ve decided I am going to try and NOT make myself feel bad for not going out of the gate with any type of training plan (run or gym) as it is not in my best interest mentally.  I have just gotten back to WANTING to lace up,  and my calves are still a tad cranky.  Working on my glutes has made quite a difference, but there is still some work to do.

    I know, a lot of folks think that daily physical fitness is the best solution for mental illness.  Yes, it helps, but it isn’t the only solution.  Mental illness is complicated.

    Besides, this time of year is hard enough for me.  I honestly just want to curl up and hibernate.  Trying to embrace the winter is a challenge, but I am working on it.

    One way to embrace the colder weather:  I can skate outside.  There is a marsh up the road from me, so I went for a little spin the other day.  I had the spot to myself and had a great time. [MEGA BONUS: Today my calves are very happy, so this is something I am planning to enjoy more of this year.]

    Belchers Marsh. Skating with chairs and a tire, lol

    I am also trying to remind myself to breathe each day.  To take even one minute to just sit and pause (well, my watch reminds to do this, lol).

    So if you didn’t hop on the resolution train like me, don’t be concerned.  Continuing on your journey, your way, is what is important.

    Realistically, my moment in the journey is here:  I am just trying to survive right now, and that’s okay.

    @crazymamaruns

     

  • Running and the Seesaw of Depression

    See this girl here?  This is a happy runner.

    Sun, snow, and a happy 5k.
    Sun, snow, and a happy 5k.

    I am not always like this when I run.  Some of my solo runs are hard sloggy messes.  This is where running becomes more than a physical game.  Mentally a hard run is rough for any runner.  For me a hard run feels like complete failure and no matter what I tell myself, I agree with the voice that is whispering in my ear.   Lanni Marchant herself could sit beside me and say “It’s just one run”.  I still hear the voice.  The one that says “Why bother, you suck”.

    If I don’t get enough sleep, any run can turn into a soul sucking event.  This is why I love my sleep.  It is one of the most important parts of my half marathon training.  It is a big help mentally as well.

    I cherish my good runs.  A LOT.  These make my sloggy messes melt away and I am charged for my next run.  If I am having a good stretch of happies then I can pick myself up, dust myself off, and live to run another day.  🙂

    But if my next run is not so good, and I am not at my best, the seesaw stops being a regular flow and I crash to the ground.

    The equation varies, which creates so many possible outcomes.   I struggle with this every time I train.

    Sunshine can make a bad run not so bad.
    Sunshine can make a bad run not so bad when I am feeling okay.

    When I have a couple of sloggy messes that I need to remember that: #1 I am a human being, #2 I am not getting paid to do this, #3 That means it is not the end of my running, #4 Everyone has bad runs, even elite athletes, and #5 I am lucky to be able to lace up and do something I love.

    Running doesn’t always lift me to where I want to be, but it is something that I love to do.  Giving out big sweaty hugs post run can be quite enjoyable 😉

    Running bonus:  Long run celebratory treats 🙂

    My fav: Coffee and Chocolate Croissant!
    My fav: Coffee and Chocolate Croissant!

    Keep fighting for happy my friends, even on your darker days.

    @crazymamaruns