The Midlife Reframe

Tag: social distancing

  • The Cold, The Covid Test, and My Anxiety

    This week was a little stressful.

    I woke up on Monday morning with a chest cold and a cough.

    I took the online Covid assessment of my local health authority and was advised to get tested for Covid.

    I booked my test online and was lucky to get an appointment that morning, within 2 hours of the assessment.

    I told my daughter, which was a little scary, and get myself ready to go.

    I got to the assessment centre and checked in. I was assigned a number and given a socially distanced seat to sit in. I was registered and into the testing pod in 5 minutes. The health practitioner who was going to administer my test was very nice, explained the test and showed me the swab. The swab was teeny, so I relaxed a bit. He then made a joke about amnesia and we had a good laugh. It definitely broke the tension.

    The test took about 3 seconds. It was a little uncomfortable, but not as bad as I thought.

    I was told it could take up to 3 days for my results. I was let go and followed the path out, sanitized my hands and went back out to my car.

    I read the pamphlet I was given on self isolation and went directly home. I had to avoid common areas and choose which bathroom to use until my results came in.

    Luckily, my home office is in my bedroom, and I hunkered down to work. (My daughter got ready and went to work as well. She works retail, so she checked in to make sure she was okay to go in, and away she went.)

    It was very hard to focus while I was waiting for my results. I had supper delivered to my room by my daughter and had to announce every time I left my room.

    I slept, which was surprising.

    When I woke up Tuesday, the first thing I did was check my email. My results were in!

    I logged in with my health card. The results were NEGATIVE.

    I was so happy. I let my family members know and

    I immediately sent an email to work to let them know and to advise I would work from home until I was better.

    My self isolation was short lived, but I still had the stinking cold.

    Thankful that is wasn’t Covid, I worked from home (with some time off to get rest) for the rest of the week.

    Then, the cases started to rise and the places of possible exposures started to increase.

    My anxieties were on the rise again, and the thought of going back into lockdown ate at me. My psoriasis got worse. I started chewing the skin around my nails again. Sigh.

    I live in the Atlantic Bubble. We’ve done so good up until now. Our mandatory masking and the travel only within our 4 provinces seemed to keep us safely wrapped in a low cases blanket. Our restrictions in my area have been tightened up for the next 4 weeks to see if we can get things under control. If not, I fear we’ll be back into another lockdown around Christmas.

    For now, I am going out only when I need to and follow the public health protocols to keep those around me safe.

    For now, I’ll keep myself busy with crocheting and housework to slow the anxieties.

    For now, I’ll hope for a Covid free Christmas.

    For now, I’ll hope you’ll all stay safe and healthy.

    Take care of yourselves my friends.

  • Running, In The Time of COVID

    Or…..not running?

    I have been struggling lately. I haven’t been running as much as I would like. Honestly, it’s been a while.

    I have some really bad anxiety when I go outside. If I do want to go for a run, it needs to be early in the morning so I am not around that many people. I am so nervous that I am going to unexpectedly turn a corner and run into someone. It really weighs on my mind, and I have pretty much played out all the possible scenarios in my head of what could happen (i.e. I’ll get hit by a car because I move onto the street to give a wide berth to those on the sidewalk).

    I know for me, getting outside and moving is important for my mental health. I am working from home right now, so it’s a break I need from the inside of my apartment. It’s all I see, from Sunday to Saturday, the inside of my apartment. The only other break from “the inside”, is when I go to get groceries.

    What does being inside all the time do?? Well, my hibernation mode sets in, and that’s not a good thing. My brain goes “Meh, outside is overrated.” “Look at all the things you need to do INSIDE.” “Nobody needs to see you slogging around out there.” Then, it begins to tug at my motivation, and it burns that wick down quickly. My get up and go, got up and went.

    I even fell off the yoga wagon. That was my equalizer. Now I am off balance.

    One wagon I did not fall off of, was the depression wagon. That wagon has me as a full time passenger. This is the voice behind hibernation mode. This is the voice that is winning because of the stress and anxiety I am experiencing.

    I know I can change this. I know that I CAN run outside without being pummelled by Covid (and people). It’s convincing my depression and my anxiety that I can do it. That’s not such an easy task.

    I have signed up for a virtual race in July, and my race in September, that has been postponed until 2021, will be having some sort of virtual event the same weekend of the race. I am hoping that these events will give me that little push to get moving regularly again.

    Now, I just need to have a chat about this whole situation with my mental illness. Wish me luck!

  • These Precious Illusions

    It’s hard to keep smiling these days. I do my best to find something in each day that makes me happy, or gives me a smile.

    I am lucky to have my daughter living with me during this surreal time. We make each other laugh, and are there for each other when things are not so funny.

    I’d like to think this whole pandemic will be over sooner rather than later.

    Illusions of summer drives, family gatherings, vacations, going to Farmers Markets and being able to just enjoy waterfront walks constantly fill my head.

    Reality on the other hand, bites.

    I am slowly getting used to working at home. Having the opportunity to do so is something I am extremely grateful for during these times, but doing it every single day without human contact with my team and colleagues is challenging.

    I ordered a chair which should get to me by early May, as I am now sitting on a dining room chair at my desk. My daily breaks are news pressers.

    I know I should take a break from the news, but it’s wanting to be in the know that keeps me partially sane. Weird, I know. You’d think that I would want to shield myself to keep my mental health stable.

    I hang on to what I can control right now, in a world out of control.

    Times have changed. It’s like living in a nightmare .

    So, I keep day dreaming of better days. Keeping those precious illusions close.

  • I Don’t Know

    I don’t know a lot right now.

    I don’t know how long COVID-19 will keep it’s grip on the Earth.

    I don’t know how long I will be working from home (but I am thankful I have the opportunity to do so).

    I don’t know how I am getting through each day without breaking down.

    It’s a different world. I don’t know how to fully navigate in it.

    I try and get outside every day. Sometimes it’s hard, because everyone seems to be out at the same time, and you have to keep 6ft apart.

    This morning I screamed into my pillow and then did 10 push-ups. I needed both. It helped.

    It’s like we woke up one morning engulfed in a Stephen King novel. Killer virus takes over the planet. It’s all so surreal.

    I am thankful my daughter still lives with me. We keep each other going. We take walks together.

    It’s a day by day battle. One I plan on winning until I do have my breakdown. I know it will happen, no matter how much I walk, how much I run, or how much I scream, the dam will burst. I actually need it. It’s funny how cleansing the dam burst is. I need to start over. I need to be able to reset.

    So until the dam bursts, I’ll keep pushing forward.

    Stay Home. Stay Safe. Wash Your Hands.