The Midlife Reframe

Tag: pandemic

  • I Thought I Was Doing Good

    I have been eating better. I have been drinking more water. I am getting ready to start some consistent running and yoga on June 1st.

    What I didn’t really pay attention to during this time was my underlying fatigue. That not so good depression sleep.

    It’s the sleep that takes over. Sleeping in is every day. Sleeping until the last possible minute. This is not me. I am a wake up and get stuff done kind of person.

    I’ve slept in every single morning for quite some time now. It’s not restful sleep. It’s a dead sleep. It’s a sleep filled with weird dreams.

    I was wondering when it would happen to be honest.

    It is a slow progression, the depression sleep. It creeps in and sloooowly takes over. An extra 10 minutes here, another 15 minutes there. The next thing you know, you’re sleeping in an extra 2 hours and you’re scrambling to get up for work.

    I am hoping to change this starting tomorrow. If I can get up and get a small run in, it will be a win.

    Making this commitment to myself is necessary, for both my body and mind during these uncertain time.

    Wish me luck!

  • Running, In The Time of COVID

    Or…..not running?

    I have been struggling lately. I haven’t been running as much as I would like. Honestly, it’s been a while.

    I have some really bad anxiety when I go outside. If I do want to go for a run, it needs to be early in the morning so I am not around that many people. I am so nervous that I am going to unexpectedly turn a corner and run into someone. It really weighs on my mind, and I have pretty much played out all the possible scenarios in my head of what could happen (i.e. I’ll get hit by a car because I move onto the street to give a wide berth to those on the sidewalk).

    I know for me, getting outside and moving is important for my mental health. I am working from home right now, so it’s a break I need from the inside of my apartment. It’s all I see, from Sunday to Saturday, the inside of my apartment. The only other break from “the inside”, is when I go to get groceries.

    What does being inside all the time do?? Well, my hibernation mode sets in, and that’s not a good thing. My brain goes “Meh, outside is overrated.” “Look at all the things you need to do INSIDE.” “Nobody needs to see you slogging around out there.” Then, it begins to tug at my motivation, and it burns that wick down quickly. My get up and go, got up and went.

    I even fell off the yoga wagon. That was my equalizer. Now I am off balance.

    One wagon I did not fall off of, was the depression wagon. That wagon has me as a full time passenger. This is the voice behind hibernation mode. This is the voice that is winning because of the stress and anxiety I am experiencing.

    I know I can change this. I know that I CAN run outside without being pummelled by Covid (and people). It’s convincing my depression and my anxiety that I can do it. That’s not such an easy task.

    I have signed up for a virtual race in July, and my race in September, that has been postponed until 2021, will be having some sort of virtual event the same weekend of the race. I am hoping that these events will give me that little push to get moving regularly again.

    Now, I just need to have a chat about this whole situation with my mental illness. Wish me luck!

  • Is This The New Normal?

    I guess I am getting used to this new normal. It’s still surreal, this world we are currently living in.

    I live for the sunny days. Even when I am having a bad day on a sunny day, it doesn’t seem so awful.

    Still thankful to be able to work from home. It keeps my mind focused.

    I am ordering my groceries online and doing pickup. I was no longer able to go into the stores as my anxiety attacks beforehand exhausted me, and I was not able to focus while shopping.

    I have been keeping myself occupied during the weekends with crocheting and housework. The crocheting is great for calming my nerves. The housework just makes me feel better.

    I am thankful for video apps that keep me in touch with people, it has made a big difference.

    I am thankful that I am able to get outside, even if it’s only for 10-20 mins during my work day.

    I miss running with friends. I miss the gym. I miss all things right now. Knowing that it may be a while before being able to do “normal” things is a little disheartening at times, but this is the world we live in right now. We need to do what’s best, and that is physical distancing and staying at home. (Also, WASH YOUR HANDS.)

    I often wonder how I will look back on this time when I’m older. Will I remember the the things I learned about myself? Will I remember the good things? We’ve had so much heartbreak here in Nova Scotia. I want to remember all the good that has happened. They ways we came together. How we supported one another.

    I guess it’s a choice really, on how I remember these times.

    I am hoping I choose to remember the good.