Rumination, second guessing everything, answering work related emails at midnight (when I didn’t have to).
Once I answered that email at midnight (which arrived way earlier than that), I knew it was time to call my doctor.
I set up a phone call, and we talked about my HRT and antidepressants.
It was decided that since there was room to move up on my antidepressants, we would go this route.
Tomorrow I start the new dose.
I’m hopeful this will work.
Perimenopause is doing me dirty and I am not a fan.
One thing I am grateful for is all the work I put in through therapy over the past few years to recognize when I hit my wall BEFORE it crumbles.
I’m not one to suffer in silence anymore. If I need help, I ask.
With the Fall ramping up and year end on its heels, I want to keep myself healthy mentally.
To help me physically, I need regular movement again. I have a bike (and it is a workout let me tell ya), taking marine collagen, and starting to consider yoga again.
Feeling like I am falling apart is no good, so one step at a time.
I have a follow up in two months.
As women, we really need to be louder about this stage of our life – and I am glad to see more of us out there speaking our truth.
When I started my new position, I was reading every single email about what was happening: events, charity work, training sessions, educational pathways, etc.
One day, I saw a call out for an Easter Seals fundraiser called Drop Zone.
I’m familiar with the event, knowing those who participated in the past. I was also aware of the good work that Easter Seals does for accessibility.
Accessibility is essential because it ensures everyone can participate fully, regardless of ability. When we design spaces, technology, and information to be inclusive from the start, we remove barriers that limit people’s independence, dignity, and opportunity. Prioritizing accessibility isn’t just a compliance checkbox—it’s a commitment to equity, innovation, and creating environments where all people can thrive.
Drop Zone is a rappel event held across Canada. In Halifax, it is a 23 story rappel off of an office building.
It took me about a minute, and I asked to be signed up.
Now….
I have never rappelled.
I have been on theme park rides. You’re usually in a secure “vehicle” and “strapped in”. The ride is usually not long, and before you realize it, it’s over.
I’m not gonna lie…I have a slight fear of heights.
This event would pit me against one of my fears. It also would allow me to raise awareness about accessibility.
It seemed so far away when I signed up and started fundraising.
Then I had to sign up for rappelling sessions.
Then I took those lessons (the scariest part was sitting back) off of a half wall at a climbing gym.
I thought: “I got this!”
Reader: It was false bravado, lol.
Nothing was real until I reached the roof in my gear.
Is she laughing? Yes (Is she scared to death? 100%)
I was at the 23rd story (the roof) of an OFFICE BUILDING. I could see forever everywhere I looked.
The team at Tacten were amazing (all the volunteers were!).
They checked and adjusted my harness, walked me through each step, and got me over to my spot. I was hooked up at the waist and chest.
I was facing inward, and was told to step backwards onto the ledge and get into the brace.
Holding on for dear life.
This is where I questioned my life choices, lol.
Then I remembered WHY I was doing this, and the people who I was doing it for.
So, when they helped me adjust my feet so that my heels were off the ledge, and told me to sit back – I took a deep breath (they gave me so much support!) and said out loud: “This is the hardest part.”
Then I sat back.
Took my first steps down.
The photographer said: “Hey, Amy!”
I looked up.
He suggested the pose.
I never looked down – haha
From there, I started my descent. They said we should enjoy the view…so I enjoyed the reflection in the office building windows!
It was a surreal experience.
Once in a lifetime for me!
A day to remember, and a great fundraising effort by my work colleagues.
Facing one of my fears gave me the opportunity to see what I am capable of, even under a great amount of anxiety.
Before I started Estalis, my periods were starting to space out.
50, 60 day cycles.
I made it to almost 70 days this time, then it descended. No warnings, no PMS, no cramps. It was a short one. But intense.
I’m also finding out where the patch is best placed. Lower abdomen seems to work for me. Anywhere else and the patch starts to come off. I had to put medical tape on one….oops!
I must say that so far I am not having any adverse effects from the patch, so I am keeping fingers crossed.
I have been evening out with the ups and downs with my anger. There are still some outbursts, but not as heated. I am starting to have the ability to focus more. This has made such a difference.
Less hot flashes (maybe 1 or 2 per day), night sweats are mostly gone, and I am sleeping better.
Not gonna shy away from the fact that I still have my bad days…as I type this I am struggling with some gross emotions.
It has been a week since my visit to Newfoundland.
It is a beautiful province, and if you’ve never been I highly recommend.
I spent my time on the Avalon Peninsula and did some hiking.
In St. John’s, there is Pippy Park, which I would compare to Victoria Park in Truro, Nova Scotia (no big waterfalls though). Lots of hills and stairs to work muscles you totally forgot you had, lol.
It was a beautiful day for hiking!
The second hiking adventure was a portion of the East Coast Trail, and included the LaManche Suspension Bridge. Hiked until we got to a spot where I was nervous (trail width was questionable and the drop to the ocean was a little too steep) so a turn around to head back was necessary, haha. Might chance it the next time!
Quite an appetite was worked up, so a stop at Keith’s Diner on the way back to town was required for some refuelling.
Chicken Wings and Fries with Dressing and Gravy
The last nice day was a hike around a lake in Torbay. Got a little muddy on that one, lol.
All in all it was a fantastic trip, and I am looking forward to another visit!
This has been a decision I’ve been struggling with for some time now.
I’ve had some amazing experiences racing (hello Team Myles!!) and have accumulated some hardware that hangs in my front hall.
I’m not stopping running, just the racing.
I started out running for the pure fun in 2011, and as it sits right now, the whole racing aspect has turned into a chore. I want to run for the fun of it again.
I’ve been struggling with perimenopause and my runs have sometimes been a ride on the struggle bus. Trying to adapt to this new experience has been rough.
My brain has also been struggling with the whole race idea and the pressure I put in myself can be tremendous. I have even deleted my Strava account so I don’t stress out about where and when I run.
It’s time to give myself a break and run for the fun of it again. To find the joy in movement.
I’ll probably volunteer at races, just to see the joy of others finishing their races will be enough to fill my bucket.
So if you see me out and about, say hey!
I’ll be cruising the trails around my area and out at the BLT.
My doc and I decided that my dose was good, so I am continuing with the med and my antipsychotic as well.
Now that the cobwebs are clearing I can start purging my surroundings and my brain of everything that isn’t serving me.
Time to get back on track with the things I enjoy doing.
I started reading again. Small books so I don’t get discouraged. I am picking up my crochet hook again, and I plan on getting outside for movement.
I’m not totally delusional, I know there will be hard days, there always are, but this new med has given me some hope that there are more better days than bad.
I’m recovered from my second bout of COVID, relatively unscathed. We’ll see how things go there.
My daughter is also on a new med, and seems to be doing much better. We even attended a small Halloween Gathering as The Great Pumpkin and Linus.
As we roll into “the dark season”, I am hoping to use the tools in my toolbox to keep moving and stay ahead of my brain. And on those days my brain gets the better of me, I will show myself some grace.
Let’s help each other get through the winter together.
We can all give ourselves some grace this time of year.
I am having a hard time letting go of the insecurities that keep holding me back.
They’re like a warm blanket I am afraid to take off in the winter. Knowing I will be cold and vulnerable after the cover comes off.
It’s making me feel restless, like I want to jump out of my body.
Owning these insecurities is a big deal, and letting them go will make a big difference in me moving forward.
The fear remains though, and that’s something I am working towards. Finding out how to confront that fear so I can get over the hurdle.
It’s time to dig a bit deeper, and see what my fear is trying to stop me from becoming.
It’s time to be vulnerable and gentle with myself.
Leaving feelings and obstacles in the past isn’t easy, but I need to keep pushing forward to get out of this brain fog and discover those hidden parts of myself that are aching to get out.
I knew this wouldn’t be an easy journey.
Learning isn’t always straight path, and this curve has been difficult.
I’ll continue to make the turn, and see where it leads me.
First, let’s face my fear, and prepare for the next bend in the road.
So many great things about this season. The trees changing, the crisp air, and of course, Halloween!
I am getting closer to my 10k race in November. Looking forward to running with all my peeps in Team Myles 💚
For some reason though, I am full of anxiety. Like over the top full.
I can’t really discern the reason why. There really is no specific reason.
It’s like I want to jump out of my own skin. I’m restless. I’m full of the heebie jeebies.
It’s going to take some work to figure this one out.
As I ran on the weekend I did feel a little bit of relief. But that’s when the calf tightened up and I got some anxiety on top of the regular anxiety.
Sigh.
Having to face the anxiety is something I would like to avoid, but that won’t help me.
So it’s up to me to sit down and write this stuff out, and confront my saboteurs. They’re trying to tell me something, I just need to figure out what they think they’re protecting me from.
I am very excited for this opportunity, because I had fallen off of the consistency wagon when it came to running. My mental health was suffering as a result.
When I saw the moment applications were open, I jumped on it, not knowing if it would be accepted. Hoping that I would because I needed the running community once again.
Team Myles 2021
Much to my surprise, by mid-August, I received the email that I was in! I was so happy and excited to be a part of an amazing group of people working towards the same goal.
We are all split into pods, and each pod is assigned a Mentor. We still have to come up with a pod name, but I have a great pod of peeps to keep me motivated!
My Team Myles Pod!
We started our training on a Tuesday evening at Citadel Hill here in Halifax. We had a meet and greet, with some great speakers, we warmed up and started our first training session. We ran intervals up and down Citadel Hill.
I was proud (and surprised) that I was able to do the intervals and didn’t die, lol.
Everyone can move at their pace, which is great. We all motivate and support each other.
Our Saturday morning training is held in Point Pleasant Park. This is where we do our “long runs”. Such a beautiful spot. Our first run was 20mins today 1:1 intervals. I felt great afterwards!!
I (and my brain) are excited to be starting this journey. I need to get back into a routine, and this is guiding me back into it.
Come along with me and Team Myles here on the blog!! I’ll be sharing the good and the bad (because we know my brain won’t cooperate all of the time), and all the fun I’m going to have.
