The Midlife Reframe

Tag: mental illness

  • Week 2: And The Beat Goes On

    Before I started Estalis, my periods were starting to space out.

    50, 60 day cycles.

    I made it to almost 70 days this time, then it descended. No warnings, no PMS, no cramps. It was a short one. But intense.

    I’m also finding out where the patch is best placed. Lower abdomen seems to work for me. Anywhere else and the patch starts to come off. I had to put medical tape on one….oops!

    I must say that so far I am not having any adverse effects from the patch, so I am keeping fingers crossed.

    I have been evening out with the ups and downs with my anger. There are still some outbursts, but not as heated. I am starting to have the ability to focus more. This has made such a difference.

    Less hot flashes (maybe 1 or 2 per day), night sweats are mostly gone, and I am sleeping better.

    Not gonna shy away from the fact that I still have my bad days…as I type this I am struggling with some gross emotions.

    So, still a day day thing.

    But, sooooo much better than I have been.

    Let’s hope the trend continues!

  • This Phase of Life is Stupid

    See that smile?

    I’m not smiling now. I’m awake and it’s 1:55 am.

    I went to sleep at 10:00 pm.

    Been awake for an hour. I am so tired, but I can’t sleep.

    Even as I am typing this, I am yawning.

    I remember being told 8 gazillion things about the upcoming changes in my life when I was in health class in elementary school.

    No one prepares you for the changes that come later in life.

    And your options are limited.

    I am starting to read The Menopause Manifesto by Dr. Jen Gunter, because I need some answers/guidance/relief.

    I’ve been reading Menopause/Perimenopause posts on Reddit.

    I’m commiserating with other women, and you know what?

    We’re all tired.

    This phase of life IS stupid.

    There needs to be more research…more doctors who do not say “Oh well, that’s the stage of life you’re in”.

    Because if men had to go through this, you bet the uproar would produce results.

    But instead, us “hormonal” women will continue to suffer…out loud…

    Screaming into the void.

  • Newfoundland Adventures

    It has been a week since my visit to Newfoundland.

    It is a beautiful province, and if you’ve never been I highly recommend.

    I spent my time on the Avalon Peninsula and did some hiking.

    In St. John’s, there is Pippy Park, which I would compare to Victoria Park in Truro, Nova Scotia (no big waterfalls though). Lots of hills and stairs to work muscles you totally forgot you had, lol.

    It was a beautiful day for hiking!

    The second hiking adventure was a portion of the East Coast Trail, and included the LaManche Suspension Bridge. Hiked until we got to a spot where I was nervous (trail width was questionable and the drop to the ocean was a little too steep) so a turn around to head back was necessary, haha. Might chance it the next time!

    Quite an appetite was worked up, so a stop at Keith’s Diner on the way back to town was required for some refuelling.

    Chicken Wings and Fries with Dressing and Gravy

    The last nice day was a hike around a lake in Torbay. Got a little muddy on that one, lol.

    All in all it was a fantastic trip, and I am looking forward to another visit!

  • I’m Hanging Up My Racing Shoes

    This has been a decision I’ve been struggling with for some time now.

    I’ve had some amazing experiences racing (hello Team Myles!!) and have accumulated some hardware that hangs in my front hall.

    I’m not stopping running, just the racing.

    I started out running for the pure fun in 2011, and as it sits right now, the whole racing aspect has turned into a chore. I want to run for the fun of it again.

    I’ve been struggling with perimenopause and my runs have sometimes been a ride on the struggle bus. Trying to adapt to this new experience has been rough.

    My brain has also been struggling with the whole race idea and the pressure I put in myself can be tremendous. I have even deleted my Strava account so I don’t stress out about where and when I run.

    It’s time to give myself a break and run for the fun of it again. To find the joy in movement.

    I’ll probably volunteer at races, just to see the joy of others finishing their races will be enough to fill my bucket.

    So if you see me out and about, say hey!

    I’ll be cruising the trails around my area and out at the BLT.

  • Here’s Where I’m At

    Well, four months now on Pristiq.

    My doc and I decided that my dose was good, so I am continuing with the med and my antipsychotic as well.

    Now that the cobwebs are clearing I can start purging my surroundings and my brain of everything that isn’t serving me.

    Time to get back on track with the things I enjoy doing.

    I started reading again. Small books so I don’t get discouraged. I am picking up my crochet hook again, and I plan on getting outside for movement.

    I’m not totally delusional, I know there will be hard days, there always are, but this new med has given me some hope that there are more better days than bad.

    I’m recovered from my second bout of COVID, relatively unscathed. We’ll see how things go there.

    My daughter is also on a new med, and seems to be doing much better. We even attended a small Halloween Gathering as The Great Pumpkin and Linus.

    As we roll into “the dark season”, I am hoping to use the tools in my toolbox to keep moving and stay ahead of my brain. And on those days my brain gets the better of me, I will show myself some grace.

    Let’s help each other get through the winter together.

    We can all give ourselves some grace this time of year.

  • Shedding Those Insecurities

    It’s not easy.

    I am having a hard time letting go of the insecurities that keep holding me back.

    They’re like a warm blanket I am afraid to take off in the winter. Knowing I will be cold and vulnerable after the cover comes off.

    It’s making me feel restless, like I want to jump out of my body.

    Owning these insecurities is a big deal, and letting them go will make a big difference in me moving forward.

    The fear remains though, and that’s something I am working towards. Finding out how to confront that fear so I can get over the hurdle.

    It’s time to dig a bit deeper, and see what my fear is trying to stop me from becoming.

    It’s time to be vulnerable and gentle with myself.

    Leaving feelings and obstacles in the past isn’t easy, but I need to keep pushing forward to get out of this brain fog and discover those hidden parts of myself that are aching to get out.

    I knew this wouldn’t be an easy journey.

    Learning isn’t always straight path, and this curve has been difficult.

    I’ll continue to make the turn, and see where it leads me.

    First, let’s face my fear, and prepare for the next bend in the road.

  • Fall Equals…Anxiety??

    I love fall!

    So many great things about this season. The trees changing, the crisp air, and of course, Halloween!

    I am getting closer to my 10k race in November. Looking forward to running with all my peeps in Team Myles 💚

    For some reason though, I am full of anxiety. Like over the top full.

    I can’t really discern the reason why. There really is no specific reason.

    It’s like I want to jump out of my own skin. I’m restless. I’m full of the heebie jeebies.

    It’s going to take some work to figure this one out.

    As I ran on the weekend I did feel a little bit of relief. But that’s when the calf tightened up and I got some anxiety on top of the regular anxiety.

    Sigh.

    Having to face the anxiety is something I would like to avoid, but that won’t help me.

    So it’s up to me to sit down and write this stuff out, and confront my saboteurs. They’re trying to tell me something, I just need to figure out what they think they’re protecting me from.

    Wish me luck.

    I have a feeling I am going to need it this time.

  • Team Myles Ambassador

    I’m a Team Myles Ambassador for 2021!

    I am very excited for this opportunity, because I had fallen off of the consistency wagon when it came to running. My mental health was suffering as a result.

    When I saw the moment applications were open, I jumped on it, not knowing if it would be accepted. Hoping that I would because I needed the running community once again.

    Team Myles 2021

    Much to my surprise, by mid-August, I received the email that I was in! I was so happy and excited to be a part of an amazing group of people working towards the same goal.

    We are all split into pods, and each pod is assigned a Mentor. We still have to come up with a pod name, but I have a great pod of peeps to keep me motivated!

    My Team Myles Pod!

    We started our training on a Tuesday evening at Citadel Hill here in Halifax. We had a meet and greet, with some great speakers, we warmed up and started our first training session. We ran intervals up and down Citadel Hill.

    I was proud (and surprised) that I was able to do the intervals and didn’t die, lol.

    Everyone can move at their pace, which is great. We all motivate and support each other.

    Our Saturday morning training is held in Point Pleasant Park. This is where we do our “long runs”. Such a beautiful spot. Our first run was 20mins today 1:1 intervals. I felt great afterwards!!

    I (and my brain) are excited to be starting this journey. I need to get back into a routine, and this is guiding me back into it.

    Come along with me and Team Myles here on the blog!! I’ll be sharing the good and the bad (because we know my brain won’t cooperate all of the time), and all the fun I’m going to have.

  • Absent, to be Present

    I’m on a bit of a social media break (which will be ironic, because I’ll be posting this on social media, lol) so I can be present and show up in my life.

    I’ve been absent for quite some time. Detached from things since COVID-19 reared it’s ugly head. Been living in fight or flight for far too long. So I am taking a step back for a couple of weeks to readjust and be with my family, and getting used to physically being back in the office full time.

    I am sitting back, watching, listening and learning. I am reconnecting with myself during this little disconnect. It’s good for mind and body.

    I need this. Being distracted and not focused is not good for my brain. I need direction and goals to work towards, and I’ve lost that.

    I may be doing these little breaks more often, to stay engaged and aware. I think we all need a disconnect every now and then.

    So, the next couple of weeks will be my reset, then I am going on vacation. I plan on taking lots of videos and pictures to share, so stay tuned.

    Until then I am channeling my energy to the things that matter most, to me.

    Ciao!

  • And I Ran

    Last weekend was Maritime Race Weekend, and my birthday (wooohooo!).

    I had signed up for this race (the Tartan Twosome: one race Friday night, one race Saturday morning) when I was jacked up on endorphins from another race. I figured, what would be an awesome way to welcome 47!

    It has one of the best atmospheres and some wicked scenery.

    (I’ve run this race before, and I’ve volunteered for it as well.)

    The weather was AMAZING. Perfect running weather both days!

    It’s been a bit since I’ve run on a regular basis. I went into the weekend ready to run for the pure joy of it.

    I. Had. A. Blast.

    The 5km Sunset Run is probably one of my favs. So many folks are dressed for the occasion (it’s a pirate themed weekend), and I also love seeing all the kids participating with their parents as well. (Also, I had the chance to meet up with my fellow Worth Living Run Ambassador Co-Lead Shannon Lelievre beforehand, which is always awesome!! We also had Charlotte Flewelling, another ambassador, running in the races that weekend as well.)

    Saturday Morning was the Coastal 10k for me. I haven’t done this distance for this race weekend before, but I remember someone saying something about a hill. It came early on, and I got a bit of the way up before I decided to walk it, along with quite a few others, lol. I loved, loved, loved the view along the ocean. I high fived as many kids as I could, stopped at every water stop, and had a great time!

    This is one race weekend I would recommend to any runner. There is a big after party, which also includes pirate fun for the kiddos.

    Also, the medals are amazing.

    I am already planning to run this race weekend again next year 😊