The Midlife Reframe

Tag: mental-health

  • Where Things Sit

    A very happy me (a sick me, lol) after a wonderful 5k at the Valley Harvest Marathon Weekend in Wolfville.

    As I sit here and type this post, it is Thanksgiving Monday in Canada.

    We had a great turkey feast yesterday, after a very early morning traveling so I could run a 5k at the 25th Anniversary of the Valley Harvest Marathon.

    I have a lingering head cold, and was thankful I felt well enough to run this beautiful course.

    I have one more run this season, the Food Run to support Feed Nova Scotia next weekend here in my neighbourhood.

    After having a great run yesterday in Wolfville, part of me started to question my decision to take a break from racing next year (I say this as I think…”well, maybe a few 5ks wouldn’t be so bad”, or “well, maybe some trail running would be better for me”, lol).  As runners we push ourselves to our physical and mental limits.  We question why we do this to ourselves as we run, but then bask in the afterglow.

    Running has always been cathartic for me.  I see things differently after a run.  It gives me a fresh perspective on things.  It connects me to my inner peace.

    The reality of the situation is this:  my body is out of balance.  My weak muscles are the ones that need to be strong, and my strong muscles are making up for the weak.  This is why I need to dial back and work on the imbalances.

    Mentally I need the break from the constant pressure I put myself under.  No one is harder on me, than me.  Trust me on that.

    The running community is a great source of support for me.  I can draw strength and ask for advice.  They do not judge.  They seek to understand and offer advice. I am grateful for that.  They see my back and forth as a struggle to do what’s right for me and my need to lace up and head out.

    I am truly looking forward to working on myself, taking the time to figure out my body at 45 years old, and find out what it is truly capable of.

    So, you’ll still see me out on the road, but you’ll also see me in the gym.  It’s part of the mind/body relationship I’ve ignored for too long.

    This is where things sit, and I’m really okay with it 🙂

    Hoping you’ll continue to come along with me to see where my running will take me down this fork in the road.

    @crazymamaruns

     

  • It’s My “Anniversary”!!! Sort of……

     

    So here we are.

    June.

    My mental illness and I have our official 6th year anniversary together.

    I choose to remember my descent down the rabbit hole for many reasons.  One being:  I have learned so much.  Knowing (finally) what/why/how my brain works has been monumental in so many ways.

    I know when I shut down, and why (even though I may not be able to control when this happens).

    I know my limits.

    I know when to say no.

    I value my life more now than I did 6 years ago.

    It took me a while to feel “comfortable” saying “I have Depression/Anxiety”.  You need to be in that space to put it out there.  I have no problem sharing my experiences.   Some people are not okay with sharing their experience, and that is their choice.  I respect everyone’s choice, because everyone experiences this illness differently.  I also know that listening to others with mental illness is more important than saying “Well you should…..”.  Because that does not help.  At all.  Shut down.

    Every person experiences this illness differently.  Copes with it differently.  Thinks (or overthinks) about it differently.

    The thing is, those of us that suffer, we are all in it together and knowing that we can share our feelings, even if it just with each other is in itself a great comfort.

    This year, my “anniversary” will be different than in years past.

    My daughter (TeenThing) graduates this month.  Another shift in my time/space continuum.  Our dynamic will change again.  I have been mulling this over in my  head, probably more than I should, and even though  I am celebrating this, at the same time it’s extremely bittersweet. I remember her first day of school vividly.

    I have hopefully raised her right, lol 😉  She’s strong and stubborn like her Mama, so I think she’ll be okay.  She will be taking a year off to work before she solidifies her plans for the future.

    I am very glad I started planning the Grad Trip to Scotland with her in Grade 11.  It is giving us something to look forward to after all the chaos of this year 🙂

    So, “Happy Anniversary” to Me!

    I look forward to learning more about myself as things change over the next year or so.

    One thing that won’t change:  Running 😉

    @crazymamaruns

     

  • Why I Am Retiring the Half Marathon

    Need to find this feeling again.

    So if you follow me on Twitter or Instagram, you know that I announced that my half marathon on May 21st will be my last half marathon.

    I struggled with this decision through training.  Even though I started out strong, every bump in the road seemed like a mountain.  Running started to become a burden.  The thing I love was becoming something I did not look forward to.

    It had nothing to do with my support team and my friends.  They were the ones who helped me get my butt out the door.  I could not have made it this far in my training without them!

    I place a very high expectation on myself.  When things don’t go as I think they SHOULD have, I can fall into a big black hole of self doubt that is not exactly fun.

    The remainder of my race season is made up of shorter distance races.

    I am in need of a reset.

    During some of my solo training runs I went off the beaten path.  I found that it was in those moments that I felt more at peace.  I enjoyed myself.

    I do believe that the trails are calling.  More time in Mother Nature is required.  I need it.  My soul needs it.  I need to find the joy in running again.

    2018 will be about running for just for me.  No concerns about pace, time, or serious training.  I am going to run for fun.  Find my love of lacing up early in the morning and being outside before the chaos of the day begins.

    So, next weekend I hope to crush this last half marathon and enjoy the remainder of the year which will be filled with a few fun things including: TeenThing’s Prom, Graduation, and Graduation Trip (Hello SCOTLAND!).

    Looking forward to finding the joy.

    @crazymamaruns

    p.s. We will be vlogging Scotland.  So excited!!