The drive. The hustle.
The badge of honour we place on how “busy” we are.
I have worn that badge many times. I have burnt myself OUT multiple times, to my detriment.
When I was younger I worked “harder”. Not always because I felt like I had to prove something, but because I was a single mother. I had another human depending on me.
In a recent therapy session, we discussed the “white knuckling” of the “9-5”.
I have been working on boundaries for a few years now. I have tendency to ALWAYS go above and beyond, all the while ignoring my own needs.
Hyper focusing on the task in front of me.
Demanding perfection and nothing less.
Boundaries are helping me work smarter. Learning to say no when it matters is making a big difference.
I can hear some of you now: “What about the client(s)? Do they not deserve our full attention and our best effort?”
They absolutely do.
Here’s the thing: If I overcommit myself, I am then attempting to “multitask”. This means I am not able to commit the time I need to each project. This means that I NOT giving the client(s) my best effort. This ensures that mistakes will be made.
My therapist asked me this simple question when I described my need to overperform: “What if you tried softer? What would that look like for you?”
That forced me to sit in something uncomfortable.
My need to please overshadowed all. My worth has been tied up in how I am perceived.
Trying softer for me means setting AND enforcing my boundaries. Those boundaries have consequences. They need to be reinforced.
That may not sound “soft”. It IS however necessary.
Every time I’ve pushed myself past what I can reasonably hold, the fallout has been predictable: rushed work, short patience and a version of myself that I don’t particularly like. There’s nothing noble about it. Nothing heroic.
I’m learning to stop before I hit that point – not because I am “fragile” or I cannot “handle it”, but because I want to be present, thoughtful, and human in the places that matter.
This means a win for everyone: my colleagues, clients, and family.
For me, the days of working “harder” are shifting.
I am honouring my actual capacity.
It’s not glamourous, but it’s honest.
I have “white-knuckled” my way through more workdays than I can count, believing that “grit” was the same thing as purpose.
It never was, and that era is over.
Midlife has given me the nerve to loosen my grip and walk toward something that feels like mine – not something I have survive.
The Midlife Reframe 