The Midlife Reframe

Tag: depression

  • Newfoundland Adventures

    It has been a week since my visit to Newfoundland.

    It is a beautiful province, and if you’ve never been I highly recommend.

    I spent my time on the Avalon Peninsula and did some hiking.

    In St. John’s, there is Pippy Park, which I would compare to Victoria Park in Truro, Nova Scotia (no big waterfalls though). Lots of hills and stairs to work muscles you totally forgot you had, lol.

    It was a beautiful day for hiking!

    The second hiking adventure was a portion of the East Coast Trail, and included the LaManche Suspension Bridge. Hiked until we got to a spot where I was nervous (trail width was questionable and the drop to the ocean was a little too steep) so a turn around to head back was necessary, haha. Might chance it the next time!

    Quite an appetite was worked up, so a stop at Keith’s Diner on the way back to town was required for some refuelling.

    Chicken Wings and Fries with Dressing and Gravy

    The last nice day was a hike around a lake in Torbay. Got a little muddy on that one, lol.

    All in all it was a fantastic trip, and I am looking forward to another visit!

  • Don’t Come At Me With Your “Diets“

    Or your cleanses. Or your meal plans. Or your supplements.

    I’ve tried lots of things for my body over the years. I’ve also not given my body the respect it deserves. I’ve treated it badly and denied it what it needs to sustain me.

    Even during training for races, I know I haven’t eaten enough. I was too worried about “getting bigger”, instead of worrying about “am I fuelling my body correctly?”

    I really realized during the pandemic how much I was neglecting giving my body the nutrients and calories it needed to keep me going. I was tired, bogged down, and just plan flatlining with everything I was doing.

    Am I bigger now? Yes. Do I really care? No. Can I still be active? Yes.

    I know that I am healthy. I do not have a medical condition that requires any special diets, like celiac or diabetes. I am very lucky.

    It’s time to start taking care of me in a way that’s GOOD for me. No more stressing over calories. Eating good food and moving is what is important.

    Don’t say I need a cleanse…your liver does that for you. Don’t say I need a specific fitness diet…I am not a pro athlete. Don’t say I need supplements…because I don’t.

    If I am not feeling right, I see my doctor, we get bloodwork done and she will tell me what I need to do to get back on track. If it is nutrition we need to work on, she can refer me to someone.

    I’m done neglecting and disrespecting my body. I eat for me and I move for me.

    I know what works for my body, and I am driving this machine. I know what’s good for it.

    Let me navigate this road as I see fit, for me.

  • And I Hurt Myself

    Smiling but in pain

    So, in true Amy fashion, I hurt myself last week on my Saturday run.

    Things were going great during the out and back route in Point Pleasant Park.

    Then we ran down a significant hill. We had a small flat area, and the started up a small incline….

    That’s when I felt a twinge and thought, ow. But I kept on running for two more intervals. Stupid me should have stopped running at the first twinge.

    I walked the rest of the route with one of the Team Myles Mentors I was running with, and we talked about injuries and treatments.

    I really knew it was bad when we all gathered to stretch. I couldn’t stretch. It started to hurt more.

    I drove home and immediately put my leg up with an ice pack. I’ve had this pain before, and hoping that I’ve caught it so it wasn’t too bad.

    That afternoon, I had a shoe fitting at Aerobics First for some new sneakers. I hobbled in and was fitted for some new sneakers. A lovely pair of Hoka Bondis.

    After hobbling back to the car, I head home again, put on a compression sleeve and did another round of ice.

    I am thankful that I was able to get into my physiotherapist on the Monday, where he confirmed one of my suspicions: a strained calf. He said it was also possible that some fibres from my Achilles let go as well (wah). Good news: treatment for both is the same.

    I haven’t run since that Saturday, and I’ve only been cleared to walk for 20 mins. I am listening to my physiotherapist and my body. Doing what I need to do so I can get back out running safely.

    Fingers crossed that I get some fitness upgrades after my next couple of physio sessions.

    Until then, this is an injured runner signing off!

  • Absent, to be Present

    I’m on a bit of a social media break (which will be ironic, because I’ll be posting this on social media, lol) so I can be present and show up in my life.

    I’ve been absent for quite some time. Detached from things since COVID-19 reared it’s ugly head. Been living in fight or flight for far too long. So I am taking a step back for a couple of weeks to readjust and be with my family, and getting used to physically being back in the office full time.

    I am sitting back, watching, listening and learning. I am reconnecting with myself during this little disconnect. It’s good for mind and body.

    I need this. Being distracted and not focused is not good for my brain. I need direction and goals to work towards, and I’ve lost that.

    I may be doing these little breaks more often, to stay engaged and aware. I think we all need a disconnect every now and then.

    So, the next couple of weeks will be my reset, then I am going on vacation. I plan on taking lots of videos and pictures to share, so stay tuned.

    Until then I am channeling my energy to the things that matter most, to me.

    Ciao!

  • Amy, TeenThing and The Flies

    WARNING:  This post is about flies and larvae.  If you are grossed out by either or both…RUN AWAY NOW!!!  I can’t run away because it’s my story, so apologies for what you are about to read.

    So, we’ve a hot and humid summer here on the East Coast of Canada.  This means windows, and sometimes my balcony (non-screen) door have been open to move the air around.

    The open balcony door was the biggest mistake I made this year:

    A few weeks ago, I was getting ready to do my usual sweep of the downstairs floors.

    While starting to sweep, I noticed smallish white things starting to wiggle their icky bodies on my floor.

    Me:  “WHAT IN THE FRIG IS THAT!”

    TeenThing:  “I DON’T KNOW BUT OH MY GOD THAT’S GROSS!”

    Me:  “OH MY GOD IT’S SOME SORT OF LARVAE!”

    TeenThing: “WHERE ARE THEY COMING FROM!”

    Me: “I THINK THE KITCHEN!”

    So, needless to say, TeenThing stayed away from the kitchen.

    I threw out EVERYTHING that was in the kitchen and on the floor:  compost bin, took out the recycling, and emptied the garbage can.

    I went to move the garbage can….THERE THEY WERE.

    I lifted it…they were all inside the “foot” area of the bottom.

    I hoofed it outside with that mofo and chucked it in the garbage bin outside my building.

    The mega clean up began.  No more wiggle worms.

    We got comfortable.

    We shouldn’t have.

    5 DAYS LATER:  I was informed by my Thing that she had killed a couple of flies that morning.  We shrugged it off as the balcony door being open.

    I got home that night after work (TeenThing was working) and went to turn around the window fan in the living room.

    IT WAS LIKE THE AMITYVILLE HORROR.

    There were a gazillion flies in the windows.

    I ran out to the kitchen.

    FLIES ALL AROUND THE KITCHEN WINDOW.

    [FYI, the cats were NOWHERE TO BE FOUND.  What kind of hunters are they…ugh.]

    I grabbed a magazine and began the housefly massacre of 2018.

    I took me two days to figure out where these flies were coming from….MY BROOM.  SHE LAID THE EGGS IN MY BROOM.

    I threw it out on the balcony.

    Two days post broom throwing, no more flies.

    Needless to say the balcony door has not been left open since, and I am now shopping around for a screen door (and air conditioners for next year).  I also need to get my super to put some new screens in the massacre windows.

    Itchy yet?

    You’re welcome!

    @crazymamaruns

     

     

  • Swimming Against the Current

    I know, what you’re thinking: with this title, why in the hell is she smiling in this picture? Is she really happy? Is this a maniacal smile and did she totally go over the edge?

    Well, in a weird way I am smiling because I am becoming an expert in swimming upstream.

    It goes like this: stubborn, you meet the current head on. You double down and you start your swim.

    You think you are making headway.

    You look up.

    You’re in the same spot.

    You put your head back down, swim harder. Get frustrated. Look up.

    Same. Fucking. Spot.

    This is what it feels like when I am having a bad day.

    (Heads up: Apparently this is now every Wednesday.)

    I can’t control when my depression, or it’s companion anxiety, will smack me upside the head.

    I can’t control when my body, dragged down by my mental illness, shuts down.

    I can’t control much of anything.

    But I can ‘keep swimming’.

    Even if it is upstream.

    @crazymamaruns

  • I’m Deficient

    Vitamin D3 deficiency.

    Never thought I would hear that as a result from my blood work.

    Google Search Image

    I didn’t have the insomnia issue, quite the opposite in fact.  I have been experiencing hair loss, but I have psoriasis on my scalp (and more recently in my ears), so I am used to some hair loss.  I have depression, but I didn’t feel hopeless or feel like I WANTED to stay in bed all day.  I was just SO TIRED.  Sleeping for 10 hours was doing nothing.  I still wanted to sleep.  *Sigh*

    I am so very thankful for my BRF Kara.  She got me through my 18km run last weekend.  We are a kickass team when we run together 🙂

    My BRF and I after that super tired 18kms.

    When I was at the doctor’s office I was shocked that this was my result.  I asked him if this could cause the extreme fatigue and excessive sleeping.  He said yes.

    He advised me to start Vitamin D3 supplements, 2000IU per day.  I should start feeling an improvement in a couple of weeks, and hopefully feel completely better in a month.

    I was relieved to be sure.  I had myself thinking it was  something awful.  Overthinking is my specialty 😉

    Pretty sure I’ve been a hot mess all week.  I have been so tired I’ve wanted to cry, and I almost have on quite a few occasions.

    Now, to reset and be thankful.  I’ll be fine to complete training and run my half in May!!

    @crazymamaruns

     

  • Running and the Seesaw of Depression

    See this girl here?  This is a happy runner.

    Sun, snow, and a happy 5k.
    Sun, snow, and a happy 5k.

    I am not always like this when I run.  Some of my solo runs are hard sloggy messes.  This is where running becomes more than a physical game.  Mentally a hard run is rough for any runner.  For me a hard run feels like complete failure and no matter what I tell myself, I agree with the voice that is whispering in my ear.   Lanni Marchant herself could sit beside me and say “It’s just one run”.  I still hear the voice.  The one that says “Why bother, you suck”.

    If I don’t get enough sleep, any run can turn into a soul sucking event.  This is why I love my sleep.  It is one of the most important parts of my half marathon training.  It is a big help mentally as well.

    I cherish my good runs.  A LOT.  These make my sloggy messes melt away and I am charged for my next run.  If I am having a good stretch of happies then I can pick myself up, dust myself off, and live to run another day.  🙂

    But if my next run is not so good, and I am not at my best, the seesaw stops being a regular flow and I crash to the ground.

    The equation varies, which creates so many possible outcomes.   I struggle with this every time I train.

    Sunshine can make a bad run not so bad.
    Sunshine can make a bad run not so bad when I am feeling okay.

    When I have a couple of sloggy messes that I need to remember that: #1 I am a human being, #2 I am not getting paid to do this, #3 That means it is not the end of my running, #4 Everyone has bad runs, even elite athletes, and #5 I am lucky to be able to lace up and do something I love.

    Running doesn’t always lift me to where I want to be, but it is something that I love to do.  Giving out big sweaty hugs post run can be quite enjoyable 😉

    Running bonus:  Long run celebratory treats 🙂

    My fav: Coffee and Chocolate Croissant!
    My fav: Coffee and Chocolate Croissant!

    Keep fighting for happy my friends, even on your darker days.

    @crazymamaruns

  • Crappy Sleep, Training, and Yay Team Nuun!

    It’s been a bit of a go lately

    This week has been a full one of ups and downs, crappy sleep and some high level anxiety with a dose of blech.

    One happy thing that happened to me since we last sat around the bloggy campfire:  I am now a Nuun Ambassador for 2017!!

    nuun

    I used Nuun as my electrolyte drink of choice last year.  There is always a tube (or two) of these electrolyte tablets in my bag.  I have used a lot of alternatives in the past, and this has been the only drink that doesn’t cause GI issues for me.  When the opportunity came up to apply I jumped on it!!  So happy to have been chosen this year for #TeamNuun 🙂  (Also:  Watermelon may be my new favourite flavour.  Stay tuned as I have yet to try my Boost Lemon Lime, hahaha.)

    In other news:

    This week sucked hard when it came to sleep.  It wasn’t until Thursday night that I actually had a full 8 hours.  Wednesday night I was up and down with anxiety, only getting about 4 hours.   Sleep is important for me, especially with mental illness.  When it comes to training, sleep is one of the biggest things I try to keep as steady as I can.  When I do, things are relatively easier to deal with.  Also, I’m happier when I sleep well, lol.

    A tad snowy on my way home from the track today!
    A tad snowy on my way home from the track today!

    I am getting close to the start of half marathon training.  Yesterday and today have been very good days.  I did upper body strength training on Saturday and was able to get 6.9kms in today with my BRF on the track at the Canada Games Centre.

    Look at those sexy compression socks ;)
    Look at those sexy compression socks 😉

    I am hoping to keep this good momentum going this week, but I realize that life will have it’s own ideas and I may need to readjust to make things work.

    As long as I sleep well, things should be okay!

    Here’s to a week of good sleep and good kilometres 🙂

    @crazymamaruns