The Midlife Reframe

Category: walk

  • What To Do

    It has been quite some time since I have sat down and had the urge to write.

    So many changes.

    Some health issues resolved while others seem to be making a new appearance.

    I have been experiencing physical issues that I am going to see my family physician about: fatigue, headaches, itchy skin (and inner ears), and exacerbation of my psoriasis, amongst other things.

    I’m happy to say that I am feeling good on just my antidepressant. Coming off of Abilify was something I wasn’t sure I would be able to do, but I have been successful.

    I turned 52 recently, and had my own revelations of my self worth, and what I willing to tolerate. This is going to come as a surprise to some, but I am no longer willing to sacrifice pieces of myself to make others whole.

    Alllllll of this doesn’t help with the fatigue, the lethargy.

    One of the things I really need to do, is get back to walking. My body is no longer in a state to run. The multiple injuries, body changes, the feeling of running through molasses, and the general loss of joy while doing so made me sit down and reevaluate how I would move forward with physical activity. I loved my 12 years of running, met some absolutely amazing people,and cherish those friendships.

    I am hoping during my visit with my physician, we can figure out if I am lacking something (iron, magnesium, Vitamin D, etc.) so I can get back to doing things that I love.

    I know I am at “that age”, and that I am going through changes. It’s also something I am currently struggling with.

    Navigating all this is challenging.

    Standing up for myself is scary, and long overdue.

    What does the road ahead look like?

    Not sure, but willing to face whatever comes, because I have an amazing support system.

    As I start coming back into my own, be sure that I will be keeping up with my writing.

    Stay tuned as I move forward on this new path!

  • Scotland Adventure Part 2: Edinburgh Castle, Grassmarket, Harry Potter, and Greyfriars Bobby

    Entrance to Edinburgh Castle

    Our next couple of trips into town took us to quite a few spots.

    First stop:  Edinburgh Castle

    I think I took a million pictures here.  This castle could have it’s own blog post!  Things we could not take pictures of:  The Crown Jewels and the Stone of Destiny.  I did take photos of some of the areas leading up to the room.  We had to go up a winding staircase to get up to the Honours of Scotland.  Thankfully not ALL the way up, lol.

    There is so much to see at the Castle.  You need at least 2 hours here, if not more, to really see everything.  Also, going between 10-2 means a BUCKET LOAD of people, so if you want to feel like you need a little more space, head in a little later.

    There is even a dog cemetery.

    There is a prison exhibit, war/regimental museums and St Margaret’s Chapel, which was built in 1130.  The views from the Castle are well worth some extra time to take in.

    Grassmarket, Harry Potter and Greyfriars Bobby

    Some neat little pubs along this stretch

    Grassmarket. This area has a Saturday Market filled with vendors.

    Parts of Grassmarket (and The Royal Mile) are pedestrian only.

    We ventured down to Grassmarket through some little side streets and walked around for a bit.  This area is full of food and stories.

    We ate at The Last Drop.  A fitting name for a pub sitting across from where public hangings used to take place 😉  There was good food here (TeenThing had mac and cheese and I had haggis sausages and mash), a great drink selection,  and the staff were very nice.

    Now, Harry Potter.

    Potter fans know that JK Rowling started writing Harry Potter in Edinburgh.  Once you are here and travel along the streets, you see the magic around you.  The history, the architecture, and the atmosphere is definitely inspiring.  There are a couple of streets that claim to be the inspiration for Diagon Alley.  With so many small winding side streets, it would be easy to get inspiration from any of them!

    You can see the inspiration for Harry Potter everywhere.

    Supply List

    Victoria Street lays the claim to Diagon Alley 😉

    A little HaHa to break up the day 🙂

    The Elephant House Cafe is an extremely busy spot, as you can well imagine (JK Rowling wrote two books at this location), and is very close to Greyfriars Kirkyard.  The Kirkyard is where the grave for Tom Riddle is located, and behind the Kirkyard is George Heriot’s School, the inspiration for Hogwarts.

    This Cafe is always packed. You can sign your name on the bathroom wall here, along with a bazillion other Harry fans.

    Tom Riddle’s Grave

    There is NO grass left here, lol.  Also, the Kirkyard staff will lead you down to this area if need be.

    Greyfriars Bobby

    This was one of my favourite stories of Edinburgh.  Bobby was a partner for his human John Gray, who was a night watchman for the Edinburgh Police but died of tuberculosis.  Bobby was a constant visitor to his master’s grave.   He has his own stone in the Greyfriars Kirkyard where visitors leave him sticks.

    And yes, we did rub his nose for luck 😉

    Using our own two feet to explore the city was amazing, and I am glad we did because you really get to see all of the small nooks and crannies of the city.

    Side Note:  We had great experiences on all of our walking tours.  You’ll get to see some of the sights on one of the tours in a later post 🙂

    Next week:  Outlander!

    (p.s. If you are not a fan of the show, feel free to just come back for the pictures, the set locations we got to visit were amazing!)

    @crazymamaruns

     

  • When Two Sentences Bring Back a Memory So Vivid…

    It’s Funny….

    You would think that having a mental illness would make one steer clear of reading or immersing one’s self in the topic.

    But being who I am I need to learn more.  Not only about my illness, but about other mental illnesses as well.

    I am reading Fast Girl right now by Suzy Favor Hamilton.  I had heard about this book while listening to my Another Mother Runner podcast where Suzy was the guest and spoke so candidly about her Bipolar Illness.

    After I heard her speak to Sarah and Dimity, I needed to read this book.

    I got to page 84 on my iPad.

    I read this:

    “When my doctor walked through the door and smiled at me, I immediately started weeping uncontrollably.  She sat down really close to me and made me look at her.”

    Then I started to cry (and not for the first time, this book is a tear jerker).

    This was EXACTLY what happened the day I went to see my doctor in 2011.  Exactly.  I’ve known my doctor forever.  She delivered my daughter.  We’ve always had a great rapport.  So when she walked in and smiled, I broke down.  

    It was so surreal reading those words.

    I never want to forget that day, and I know I never will.  It is permanently etched in my psyche.

    It was the day I couldn’t run away from what was happening.  The day I hit the wall and fell right back on my ass.

    But at some point, that ass has to move.

    I remember finally getting the courage to get out and run one morning during my recovery.  I had been on my meds for a few weeks and was feeling okay.  I pulled on my gear and went out the door.

    I failed.  So bad.

    My body was still broken down.  My body was still suffering from depression.  I didn’t realize how mental illness affected your whole body.  Not being able to just suit up and run was very devastating to me at the time.

    I walked, a lot.  I worked with my trainer for a bit.  I focused on getting better mentally.  I realized how much running helped me centre. 

    It’s why I cherish every run I have.  Even the bad ones.  Because I know there will be days that I just can’t get out there, and I have accepted that.

    It is a struggle when you are batting depression to get moving.  So the days I do move, I celebrate them.

    I know that having a training plan will force me to move come mid-January.  This time of the year I need something to push me forward.  

    The shorter days with longer periods of darkness are hell.

    I just want to come home and sleep.

    So to those of you who struggle:  

    Keep on keeping on.  Any movement is good.  Walking, yoga, cycling, a gym class.

    And if you can’t do it today, it’s okay.  There is always tomorrow.  

    @crazymamaruns



     

  • Not Gonna Lie…I’ve Been a Slacker

    Yes, I’ve Been Absent…

     

    It’s not because I haven’t wanted to write, because I have a gazillion things in my brain, but a lot of life has gotten in the way.

    I have been flat out at work, and when I get home, I have enough in me to make supper, do “something” and then crash.

    Not a fantastic or ideal scenario, but as a single mom, sometimes this happens.

    That’s right….sometimes, life DOES get in the way!

    This has also affected my physical fitness, which means less yoga (but I was still doing my physio exercises – because my comeback is looming!).

    I noticed how much I was affected IN A BIG WAY when I went for my massage therapy last Friday.

    I haven’t had a massage in well over a year (bad Amy) and when I came out of that deep tissue massage, I was a different person.

    I didn’t hurt immediately.  But by 9pm, I was super sleepy and sore.  Not a bad sore, but a “holy-crap-I-was-so-tight-this-feels-weird” sore.

    We worked on my “running parts” – so everything from my lower back down was out of commission, lol.  It took a couple of days for everything to come back, but I can tell a difference for sure.  He also gave me some stretches which are making a big difference as well.

    So….when do you think you will be running again?

     

    I have been “cleared” for August.  And that was me saying “August is good, right?” to my PT.

    Not saying I won’t listen, but if I continue my strength training and start as a beginner, I am hoping to start a run/walk in July.  This is so I can include my daughter in my training and hopefully foster a love of running in her, as she has shown interest (woop!).

    What about the gym?

     

    This week has been a write off.  Two full day meeting with working lunches zapped me.  Small yoga shesh at home.  Wednesday was another day that I just had nothing and today, well I just wanted to get through today. 

    My “Meh” Wednesday Face…

    (TeenThing and I will be partaking in some sort of pilates/yoga/walk thing here shortly.)

    Are these excuses?  No.

    In my short past life as a personal trainer, I would have said yes.  But, being a human being managing her mental illness, these are not excuses.  Stress takes a toll and with the anxiety lurking, it can knock me down.  

    I know that, for me, I need to take a step back and meditate, relax and sleep.  Physical activity sometimes, is just not an option.  My brain needs the step down.  My body will bounce back quicker.

    What about your FitBit?

     

    I know you are all wondering about it.

    It is still on my dresser.

    Will I wear it again?  Yes.

    Next month?  Maybe.  We’ll see.

    Now that I can confidently say it doesn’t define me as person, I will be comfortable putting it back on.

    Comeback Race?

     

    Deciding.  Once I get a good solid running foundation under my belt, I will be able to book something confidently.

    I have some lined up.  So come back soon to see what I’ve got up my sleeve!

    #crazymamaruns

  • Weight of the World….

    And Why It Reminds Me to Refocus

    I carry a lot on my shoulders.  Some of it is placed there by me.

    I over think everything, obsessively.

    Not being able to control my environment throws me into a tailspin sometimes.

    So, until I am cleared to run (my ultimate stress reliever), I’ve been walking and packing my gym bag to shake off everything that has been weighing me down.  Also, a heavy rotation of Silva Meditation. 

    The elliptical is kinda like running!

    Like a lot of moms, I place unrealistic expectations on myself.  I am probably my most harshest critic. 

    We carry way too much, and need to give ourselves a break.  We CAN’T do it all.  And we should NOT feel bad about that.

    Being able to workout gives me peace of mind and reminds me that I need to take care of myself!

    Aren’t you sore from just jumping back in?

    Heck ya!  Everything HURTS.  I am jonesing to run, so taking on the elliptical and rowing machine are my replacement…lol.  Hoping to have my strength training plan written up shortly so I can put it into rotation this week.

    Physio?

    It’s going great!  I have started weight bearing exercises with my right leg, so we are making great progress.

    Yoga?

    Soooooooon.  Once I get the “yes, you can REALLY single leg weight bear” from Joel, look out!  LOL.  I really really really miss my hot yoga.

    What’s on tap for this week?

    Work (duh).

    My usual Physio Appointments Tuesday and Thursday.

    The last of the #JustPlankIt challenge.

    This is killing me, but the brownie today helped, lol.

    Gym time, and my walks.

    So, if you are hooked up with MapMyWalk, let me know!  I just started tracking my walks…….yesterday, lol.

    #crazymamaruns



     

  • This Year I Give Myself Permission….

    To Write About It All….

    The good stuff, the frustrating stuff, the goofy stuff, you get it 😉

    Everything.

    It’s a big part of why I started this blog after all.

    Pic from http://www.snoopy.com

    And So….

    It may seem trivial….but I am back to chewing the skin off around my fingernails.

    Gross right?

    Damn straight it is.  But this is how my nervous energy manifests.  My frustration, anxiety, stress, etc., boils up and I can’t help it.  My fingers look disgusting right now.  So I have to stop it.  More meditation?  Maybe acupuncture?

    All I know is.  I have to stop it!  GAH!

    And Then…

    One of the ways I cope with my depression/anxiety is through humour.  I call myself crazy, make jokes with family and friends.

    Some folks may be offended by that.  And if I have offended anyone, I am truly sorry.  But it’s my coping mechanism and I find it helps.  Because sometimes underneath that laughter, I am breaking apart inside.  Laughing helps me.

    It helps me help others.  Let’s them see that they too can function, even on the bad days.  And then I remind myself that those that love you, they just want to help you, to love you, to hold your hand and tell you it will be okay.  So they will laugh with you, cry with you and hang out in your nest when you don’t want to leave.

    So, I’ll keep talking about it, keep calling myself crazy and keep laughing.

    I am also

    Keeping myself open.  It’s my Mantra for 2015.  I AM OPEN.

    I am going to slow down a bit more (not like slothy slow down) and notice more.  We rush rush rush.  Wear ourselves down.  Forget to stop and SEE things.  We scan and move on.

    And so I hope

    That you will continue to come along on my journey this year.  It’s going to be an interesting one for sure!

    Interesting:  I joined Earthathon!  #teamhumanrace  (this is a virtual relay race around the globe and results are tweeted daily)

    I can’t run, but I can walk.  So it motivates me, along with my FitBit, to keep mobile.

    What do you give yourself permission for this year?

    What is YOUR disgusting habit/coping skill?  We all have one!

    What is something that motivates you?

    #crazymamaruns   

  • Year End Round Up!

    Well, we’re almost there.

    The end of another year.  Sitting back and reflecting on what has gone by and what we will be working towards in 2015.

    Getting close to Christmas always make me reflect and think about the time I get to spend with my family and friends.  They have supported me through so much over the past while and I love them so much.  I am looking forward to spending some much deserved time with them over the holidays 🙂

    Over the past year I have noticed so much.  I am beginning to think it’s because I am over 40 now, lol.

    So, what’s going on with me fitness wise?

    With my surgery date up in the air, it is hard for me to forge ahead with races and registrations, as it could be late 2015 before I am able to run again.

    A lot of my time has been moving towards yoga with light cardio and starting back up with weight training.  Keeping up with my fitness will ensure a better recovery after surgery.

    What have I been thinking about?

    Having a mental illness has made me sit down and think of the ways I can cope better now that the “dark times” have descended on us weather wise, and to use those skills throughout the year.  Fitness has always served me well, and this year I have added steady meditation to the mix.  This has certainly helped, but I still need to realize that I will have bad days and not beat myself up over them.  There will be days I will just want to live in my nest, and that’s okay.

    A big “thing” for me is sleep.  Sleep is very important.  For both physical and mental health.  I have been tracking my sleep for the past 16 weeks. My average sleep efficiency has been 93% over those past weeks.  I am finding this a great tool.

      

    Last night wasn’t super – but yay deep sleep!


    And hey, thanks for coming along with me so far!!

    Starting this blog has been an adventure and something I am very proud of.  (With the craziness and chaos of life, I am able to say that I now learned that writing and scheduling my posts are the way to go!!)  I have “met” some fantastic people and looking forward to what the New Year brings for myself and for the blog 🙂 

    You knew there had to be a badass drawing! 😉

    What’s on for 2015?

    As I look ahead, I am hoping to share more with you about my journey with surgery, recovery and my plans to become a Certified Yoga Teacher in 2016!  Adding yoga to my fitness regime has been a blessing.  It has allowed me to slow down, learn to breathe, and brought some peace to my hectic life.  To share this with others would be awesome.

    I will still be me….you won’t see anything different here on the blog, other than some cooooooool super awesome pics like THIS!

    I look awesome-er in X-Ray vision!!

    So.

    To sign off for my last MAJOR blog post of 2014 (because there will be the small random super fun holiday posts!) I wish everyone the most happiest of the Season.  Spend time with those you love.  Hug them.  Enjoy them 🙂


     #crazymamaruns


  • Back to the GYM!!!

    I know, Super Pumped RIGHT???


    Don’t get me wrong.  I’ve actually been to gym before.  Worked in one even.  Trained people too 😉

    This is a nice small gym at my workplace (big bonus points – it’s RIGHT THERE) and I know the guy who runs it very well.  I always feel welcome and he knows that I was a trainer in the past.  So he lets me do my thing and we chat about my injury and what I am thinking of doing in the future with my fitness.  It’s nice and chill.

    There is only one other gym I would frequent in the HRM – and that is 360 Fit

    Devin and the gang at 360 Fit are wicked awesome.  If they were closer to me in Halifax, I would be kickin’ it there 😉  But  they’re in Burnside…and it would take me forever to get there at lunch.  If you are over the bridge and are looking for some killer bootcamps and trainers…GO TO THIS GYM!

    As I sit here typing, my legs are nice and sore (legs on the elliptical day yesterday).  I chose the elliptical because cardio…and it gave me something to hold onto while I worked the legs.  I am not a “bouncer” on the elliptical.  I want to work my muscles, not jiggle my junk…lol.  It felt great and I am once again hooked!

    I went for a walk with my friend T today on the waterfront, and we climbed the Danger Wave 😉  

    Danger Wave….beware



    Tomorrow is yoga at the gym , which is good because these legs need a good stretch and my inner peace needs some major peace (and there is a nice spot for me to hang where I can keep my balance, not fall over and hurt others!).  This is also in addition to my yoga challenge – Day 29 tomorrow!!!!

    I do miss my hot yoga….maybe after surgery, and recovery, and physio….

    So, stay tuned for some workouts and gym selfies!  Woooooo!

    And Christmas stuff…because it’s December, and I love Christmas!!

    But my next post is my review of my 30 Day Yoga Challenge.

    #crazymamaruns

     

  • When Life Gets in the Way….

    Like this past week.

     

    Yep, that was my look when last Tuesday hit.

     I’ve had an EVIL cold.  Not just a regular old head cold.  It is accompanied by this lovely hacking cough.

    And of course it’s that really random cough that happens at the most inappropriate times:  on a long bus ride, laying down, sitting up, during regular breathing, when you are trying to have a regular conversation…..you get the idea.  I sound like seal.

    I only wish I looked this cute!

    Fluids, rest, get what fitness I can in during my day, and rest some more.  This has been my agenda since last Tuesday.

    Now I know some folks would think…

    Hey fitness chick, sweat that puppy out!

    If it was a head cold and a week later, I would agree.  I would have been moving and grooving once the head cleared up.  A cough is a different story. Especially with running.  I need the lungs in good shape!! (even with my gimpy short runs right now) This has, of course put a stop to my hot yoga classes and any other group oriented fitness.  I don’t want to spread that love around.  Besides, I’d scare the living crap out of everyone in Savasana!!

    Since I am older, wiser and not AS stubborn

     

    I am taking the time I NEED to get better.  I am walking, I am moving and I am RESTING.  I am no good to anyone else, especially me, if I don’t take the time I need to get better.  

    That last statement goes for any situation that life throws at you.  Take the time YOU need to deal with it.  Not what anyone else (outside of the medical profession of course) tells you is the appropriate amount of time.  AND DON’T FEEL GUILTY ABOUT IT EITHER!

    I remember when I was diagnosed with depression, asking the doc how long would it take for me to “feel better”.  She told me not to worry about “how long”.  Everyone is different.

    So, I am hoping my cough makes it exit and I can get back to it sooner rather than later.  If it gets worse, off to the doc.  If it doesn’t and disappears soon – all good.  Just have to patient, and take care of me 🙂




     

     

  • September, Surgeon, and Looking Towards Late Fall…

    Friday – Awesome Cookie Delivery

    This weekend was awesomeness!

    There were many celebrations this weekend, as yours truly turned yet another year older!

    The awesomeness started on Friday with a delivery to my office…COOKIES!  My “Greg” is super duper fantastic.  These are from Halifax Cookie Cravings. Handmade, with locally sourced ingredients.  She delivers on her bicycle 🙂  MUCH LOVE to this lovely woman!

    Had a great hike on Saturday in Victoria Park (the bottom pics in my mega pic).  It has Jacob’s Ladder, which are the stairs I am walking up…all 175 of them.

    Media preview
    Saturday – Hiking, Luau, and Fire!

    This park is awesome.  We haven’t had much rain lately, so the waterfalls were waterdribbles 😦  But still a great day for a trail hiking adventure!

    Then…..we came home, refuelled and got ready for an evening of Luau BBQ Party Time! Was a ton of fun!  Games, food and great people.  Definitely a great day 🙂 

    Surgeon Appointment!!!  Yahoooo!

    Love love love hot yoga!

    Since I had not heard from anyone for about six weeks, I made a call to Dr. S as he told me to if I had not heard about a referral by this time.  Thank goodness the super awesome receptionist was able to find the info and hand me off to the surgeon who will be doing my knee surgery.  I meet with him in October 😀   Since it will be day surgery, I am hoping I get in BEFORE Christmas.  I would love to be able to run some races next summer/fall!

    For now, I am to stick to my yoga and my short runs.  No racing.

    So, What’s Going on Now?

    Winner Winner Chicken Dinner!

    The winning shirt arrived from Runalicious!  Soft, comfortable and fit me perfectly.  It is definitely in my rotation of super fantastic weekend shirts 😀  They have some really great t shirts and running singlets.  Give them a look see!

    Been looking to get some new smoothie recipies.  I’ve gone through Pinterest, but if any of you out there have some quick and easies, please comment below!  I love trying new smoothies 🙂

    For now, I am trying to keep myself healthy and not cause further damage to the knee.  With this condition, where there are already mini fractures and floatie pieces in my knee, sometimes just taking a step can cause it to lock or let go.  Argh.  So my running is spotty, my walking questionable and my yoga full of adjustments.

    So keeping the knee “good” is hard, because I am clumsy.  Really clumsy.  I once sprained my ankle running across the street to a Dairy Queen and I’ve been known to walk into door jambs, while walking towards the door.

    Is anyone else clumsy like me?  lol