After unpacking some of my shit, it was time to forge a new path.
(I am not done unpacking all my shit. Far from it.)
I need to start following my own path. For years I have been following someone else’s path, or the path that I thought was expected of me.
I am still trying to navigate my new path. It’s going to be rough some days, but I am really looking forward to moving ahead, instead of looking back.
I am learning many things about myself, and I am keeping an open mind when things don’t go the way I hoped they would.
I am continuing to embrace my mental illness (even on the bad days), and coming to terms with how it is a part of me, but yet doesn’t define me as a human.
I am slowly making changes in my life, and it feels good.
So if you see me feeling lost, or putting myself down, give me a poke and remind me: you are moving forward.
Something our family is good at is finding the humour in adverse situations.
This past week has been rough with a family member’s surgery, but we’ve been able to have a laugh (Thanks Snapchat).
Laughing has gotten me through some pretty rough times.
Example: When I was first diagnosed with my depression, the first couple of weeks were pretty rough.
I was at my parent’s apartment one day when my brother arrived. He came into the kitchen and said hi. He then asked me how the voices in my head were. I paused, and said “Just one minute…..Yep, we’re good today.”
We had a good laugh. It wasn’t at my expense. My brother knew what I needed at that moment.
That being said, I really think you need to know your audience when being a goof during rough times.
Bad form can just hurt feelings, and that is not cool.
I had my check in today with my doctor. We had a good sit down, and even though the tides are slowly turning, there are still some issues. One being: my anxiety is being a jerkwad.
I go back again in six weeks. We may have to supplement my current prescription if my anxiety doesn’t come down enough.
This is really good news for me. Starting to feel better this early in the game is a good thing!
Moving forward is important. Looking back (or too far forward) can be an unpleasant thing for me, so I am trying to focus on each day as it comes.
Each day I try and start fresh. Sometimes it’s hard, and I try not to complain, but as a human I know I will. So I try to forgive myself.
One thing I am trying to not do: crush things that make people happy. It serves no purpose to put down something that makes someone happy. I may not like the same things as others, but it doesn’t mean I have to rip someone/something apart because it’s not my thing (except draggy pants because that shit is wrong and not attractive so pull your pants UP! …and criminal activity – jail/prison = NO).
So, you want to take 500 pictures of yourself with your tongue sticking out? Do it.
You want to eat Cheez Whiz and (insert whatever here)? Do it.
You love playing Pokemon Go? Do it.
You love Crossfit and want to profess your love for it daily? Do it.
A person’s happiness should not be driven by what everyone else likes.
DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY.
[Like buying yet another Rae Dunn mug…even though you may have no room in your cupboards because it’s full of other Rae Dunn mugs 😀
On that note, I better go find a spot for that new mug.]
I know, what you’re thinking: with this title, why in the hell is she smiling in this picture? Is she really happy? Is this a maniacal smile and did she totally go over the edge?
Well, in a weird way I am smiling because I am becoming an expert in swimming upstream.
It goes like this: stubborn, you meet the current head on. You double down and you start your swim.
You think you are making headway.
You look up.
You’re in the same spot.
You put your head back down, swim harder. Get frustrated. Look up.
Same. Fucking. Spot.
This is what it feels like when I am having a bad day.
(Heads up: Apparently this is now every Wednesday.)
I can’t control when my depression, or it’s companion anxiety, will smack me upside the head.
I can’t control when my body, dragged down by my mental illness, shuts down.
So as I sit and mellow out for the next little while, I am contemplating my “plan” for 2018.
2017 has been a weird roller coaster ride. Running, injuries, body imbalances, Mom and TeenThing madness and general chaos.
I have given myself some time off from running, as I needed to work on a few things. Hoping to start on fresh feet in 2018 and get back to enjoying my running, instead of seeing it as something I have to work into my schedule.
Running was my go to for joy, and giving myself some time away from any regular running has me missing it. So I am happy that that is the case. Otherwise I’d have some serious thinking to do, lol.
I have a virtual run to do this week, and would love to do some snow running….we just need the snow to stick around here 😉
One thing I am sticking to is my plan of no race registration for 2018 (THIS HAS BEEN SO FRIGGING HARD!). My muscle imbalances are a big reason for my injuries and my frustration. I need to take care of me.
As always, when approaching a new year I always have hope that it will be full of awesomeness. How that awesomeness comes my way I really don’t mind. I just always try to be thankful for things I have. This isn’t always easy, but I try my best.
Have a wonderful holiday season.
Hold those you love close.
Take some time to unplug and just enjoy the world around you.
Practice self care.
Remember that NO ONE is perfect. We don’t have to be. It is the imperfections that make us individuals.
Do not conform. Be loud.
Be you.
No regrets.
I hope your new year brings you much awesomness, in all shapes and forms.
I hope to share my re surge of running love in the coming year 🙂
A very happy me (a sick me, lol) after a wonderful 5k at the Valley Harvest Marathon Weekend in Wolfville.
As I sit here and type this post, it is Thanksgiving Monday in Canada.
We had a great turkey feast yesterday, after a very early morning traveling so I could run a 5k at the 25th Anniversary of the Valley Harvest Marathon.
I have a lingering head cold, and was thankful I felt well enough to run this beautiful course.
I have one more run this season, the Food Run to support Feed Nova Scotia next weekend here in my neighbourhood.
After having a great run yesterday in Wolfville, part of me started to question my decision to take a break from racing next year (I say this as I think…”well, maybe a few 5ks wouldn’t be so bad”, or “well, maybe some trail running would be better for me”, lol). As runners we push ourselves to our physical and mental limits. We question why we do this to ourselves as we run, but then bask in the afterglow.
Running has always been cathartic for me. I see things differently after a run. It gives me a fresh perspective on things. It connects me to my inner peace.
The reality of the situation is this: my body is out of balance. My weak muscles are the ones that need to be strong, and my strong muscles are making up for the weak. This is why I need to dial back and work on the imbalances.
Mentally I need the break from the constant pressure I put myself under. No one is harder on me, than me. Trust me on that.
The running community is a great source of support for me. I can draw strength and ask for advice. They do not judge. They seek to understand and offer advice. I am grateful for that. They see my back and forth as a struggle to do what’s right for me and my need to lace up and head out.
I am truly looking forward to working on myself, taking the time to figure out my body at 45 years old, and find out what it is truly capable of.
So, you’ll still see me out on the road, but you’ll also see me in the gym. It’s part of the mind/body relationship I’ve ignored for too long.
This is where things sit, and I’m really okay with it 🙂
Hoping you’ll continue to come along with me to see where my running will take me down this fork in the road.
To really see Scotland we would have to have spent at least a month. To see just a small part of the Highlands in the time that we did has a tease really.
It just makes us want to go back for more!
We did a day tour with Rabbie’s to explore the Western Highlands. Our tour guide was Fran. She was AWESOME.
We began our trip from Princes Street in Edinburgh and did the round of introductions on the bus. Fran talked about the lowlands and highlands and spoke of the three bridges, the Kelpies, and what our trip would entail for the day. The weather wasn’t super, but TeenThing and I were pretty pumped, so weather be damned!!
Our entrance into the Highlands started once we entered Callander, the Gateway to the Highlands.
Our first stop was at Loch Lubnaig (pronounced Loch Awe).
What a beautiful start to the Highlands.
You could camp along here. There was a nice little spot to grab a snack.
It was raining right before we got off the bus. But once we got out to explore it started to clear up!
We gathered our snacks and hopped back on the bus. If this was just the beginning we couldn’t wait to see what was in store for us 🙂
That also meant: Castles!!
Our first Castle was Doune Castle. We did the audio tour here. You could listen to audio specifically for Monty Python (Terry Jones) and Outlander (Sam Heughan). It was super fun. We had a blast here.
I still wonder how they maneuvered those turrets. TIGHT FIT!
Doune Castle: Monty Python and the Holy Grail, Castle Leoch (Outlander) and Winterfell (Game of Thrones)
All of the delicate furniture had thistles on them to deter people from sitting.
Our next stop was further up in the Highlands at Kilchurn Castle, built in the mid-1400s (Clan Campbell). I’ll show you the pictures and THEN tell the story, lol.
Kilchurn from afar.
Aaaaaaand a little closer.
And there it is 🙂
Now for the story.
So, as you can tell from the first pic, this is quite a distance from the road. We all hopped off the bus and started making our way through the “field”.
It was a bog.
Once another passenger and I sunk a little bit (mid calf), everyone else pulled back.
NOT ME. This was the first castle built by the Campbell Clan. My Nanny was a Campbell. I WAS GETTING THIS PICTURE DAMMIT.
So, off through the bog I ran. Got down to the Loch and ran into a lovely man fishing on the shore. I took my pictures, cleaned myself up a bit in the loch, turned around and went back into the bog, this time keeping to the other side which was more water than mud.
I got to the road and Fran was like “Yes!!! I knew you were going to keep going!”
Rock. Star.
Our next stop was Inveraray. What a beautiful little spot. There was also another castle.
Inveraray Castle (Clan Campbell since the 18th century).
If you watch Downton Abbey, this was the Castle they visited in Christmas 2012 episode. We didn’t go into this Castle, instead choosing to go into Inveraray and have a bite to eat at Brambles 🙂
A gorgeous little spot.
Loch Fyne
Some Scottish beer 🙂
This burger was AMAZING!
With our bellies full and treats bought at the little candy store, we were ready to get moving!
We drove through some amazing scenery. My GoPro died early (wah) so I was unable to get some good video of the area.
One of the most amazing spots of the day was the Rest and Be Thankful Pass.
I can’t even explain how beautiful this place was.
Cheeeeeeeese!
So many teeny tiny cars.
We were able to take some time here and really soak up the atmosphere.
Our next stop:Â Â Loch Lomond.
O ye’ll tak’ the high road, and I’ll tak’ the low road, And I’ll be in Scotland a’fore ye, But me and my true love will never meet again, On the bonnie, bonnie banks o’ Loch Lomond.
So beautiful. I could have sat here forever.
But Fran wouldn’t leave without us, lol.
It was time to load up and head back. All the sads 😦
We were very lucky to stop and see Stirling Castle, some hairy coos and the Kelpies on our way back to Edinburgh.
Stirling Castle
Highland Cows (Hairy Coos)
The Kelpies
This was our FAVOURITE road trip.
The beauty of the Highlands is something to see.
I want to go back and just experience the Highlands next time!
It was fairly late when we arrive back into Edinburgh. There was a concert at the National Gallery, so we checked that out before grabbing a bite and getting back to our rental.
Evening Concert
Come back next week for Walking Tours of Edinburgh and our trip to the Edinburgh Zoo!
The Midlife Reframe 