The Midlife Reframe

Category: #ProjectAmy #FightForHappy

  • When Life Throws You Lemons…..

    Well, we all have our ending to this phrase, lol.

    I say throw because the good and bad are not always handed to you.  Sometimes it comes right at you.
    To say the last week has been trying would be correct.
    I won’t sit here and lament or wax poetic.  Mostly because a lot of it is private and I am respecting other people’s privacy.  They all deserve that.

    What the heck does that have to do with lemons and crap?

    Well, struggling with depression on and off for 4 years has really given me insight.  Being off my meds and dealing with ALL THE FEELINGS has been working out okay. Sometimes I follow my own insight.  Sometimes I hide in my fort. 

    But it’s a choice.

    A choice to hide from the world and think about all the crappy things….OR….find what makes you happy and embrace life.  Even the crap.  Because the crap is a lesson.

    A good friend of mine challenged a few of us to write down what we were grateful for this week.  I’ve saved it in my email, because it’s something I want to add to and when I look at it I remember that my life isn’t so sucky as I sometimes think.

    It has, this week anyway, put things into perspective for me.

    I know what motivates me, and what doesn’t.

    With this knowledge I am beginning this week anew.

    Building a better, faster, stronger Amy.

    (A small snippet from my list:

    Water.

    Watermelon.

    Kites.

    Skates.

    Sneakers.

    Lululemon….lol.

    Running skirts.

    My depression and anxiety – because I am forced to take a step back and focus.)

    What will this entail Amy??

    Well, I am looking into purchasing a bike.  Not being cleared to run yet (BUT, I have been cleared to run in the Fall – Booya!) I am looking for something challenging that will get me outside.  Don’t get me wrong, I love walking.  I just need something different.
    Also, much core and upper body work (don’t worry, I will not cancel leg day, haha) to carry me through when my legs are thinking about giving up during my races next year.


    This is a “start again” moment, and I am taking advantage of it.

    What will we be seeing?

    More insightful posts (hopefully! lol), related to my new journey.

    Encouragement, support, some high fives, and lots of funny.

    Because what’s life without funny!

    So come along, ask questions, and join in on the conversation 🙂

    #crazymamaruns

     

  • Being a Mom with Mental Illness – The Short Story

    I know I’ve written about my mental llness before….

    But I haven’t really written how it’s changed me as a Mom.

    That’s important, because I am raising a teenage human.

    Here we are – you can barely see us, lol

    Since it is just V and I, she is on the front lines with me.  She endures my good days and my bad.  She is there when I break down and can’t stop crying.

    I hate that she has to see me that way.

    I hate that she feels that she has to take care of me when I do melt down.

    I hate that she sometimes doesn’t know what to do.

    Mini Background Moment:

    When I was diagnosed with Clinical Depression, I was put off of work.  I told V at the time that Mommy was very very tired and that her doctor told her she needed lots of rest (which was partially true, depression sucks everything out of you).

    Once the summer was over and I was able to function on a daily basis, I told her about my mental illness while at my parents for supper.

    She had a lot of questions.  But I must have done something right in the years before, because she took it like a champ.  She still comes to me with questions, and we talk about things openly.

    How does this work now???

    Well, I think that having Clinical Depression and anxiety has made me more aware.

    I look after myself a little better than I did before (besides my klutzy accidents!).

    But on the same hand, there are times I feel like I have a parenting defect.  

    One of the symptoms of depression is being tired.  Not just regular tired, but tired to the point of even moving is a herculean task.

    There are nights that I shut down, when I should be talking with her, being more engaged, but I just can’t.  And I feel awful for it.

    There are also feeling of extreme irritation.  Angry outbursts.  I’m like a landmine some days.

    With surgery looming before me, my depression and anxiety seem to be ramping up.

    I catch myself getting snappy.  Being short.  Going back on some of my decisions.  Just not wanting to move (hence #ProjectAmy and #FightForHappy – blog update on Sunday!)

    It’s a daily struggle lately.

    My to do list most days will look like this:

    Even though I look like this:

    Because depression doesn’t look sad.

    We hide it very well.

    But I do my best.  

    Because as a parent, that’s all we can do.  

    I use my support system when I can.

    And some days, V is my support system.

    We are a team.

    The more team members you have, the better your days get.

    So go…..gather up your team.

    You’re worth it.

    #crazymamaruns

     

     

     

  • #ProjectAmy/#FightForHappy Update and Plans for the Upcoming Week!

    #ProjectAmy Got Off To a Great Start!

    I logged 17kms walking – woop!  This included taking the stairs as often as I could when I was at work.  I also got outside as much as humanly possible.  The Vitamin D was good for me!

    I was also able to get in some yoga at home and at a class 🙂  I was able to get some Yin Yoga in at home as well.  I really am seeing the benefit of a regular practice!

    Started my upper body training…which is being kicked into high gear!  

    WHY?

    In 17 days I am going to need that upper body strength to haul myself from my “pod of no weight on the leg” to the bathroom and kitchen area (or just move my coffee makers to the living room, and yes, I said makerS).  I know I won’t see MEGA changes, but I need that strength, for now and later!
    I may need this Tshirt for my recovery…lol

    February…

    I started off my February with a meditation this morning.  It is also the beginning of the Meditation Challenge with DoYouYoga.com!  I will be saving that one for later this evening.
    Meditation = Happy 🙂

    What’s on for this week?

    Well, more walking for sure.  
    Packing my bag tonight for yoga class tomorrow at the gym (going to try and make the three classes this week – two being my goal).
    Working on the upper body and core.
    As before, keep on me people!  If you don’t see a #ProjectAmy on Twitter (@crazymamaruns) or my Facebook Page (Crazy Mama Runs)….send me a “Hey, did you get out to walk, to the gym, or meditate today?” message.  I need it!  
    (Props to Peady for sending me one of these this week!!  And to my Greg for making sure I stick to my guns!)

    And I just want to say…

    Thank you.
    Thank you to my “Greg” for the #ProjectAmy inspiration and being my biggest source of encouragement.  I love ya!
    Thank you to my Ginger Friend for making sure I get out with the girls!
    Thank you to all my Twitter peeps who keep me looking forward, and reminding me of how much closer I am to lacing up my sneakers 🙂
    Thank you to all my FitBit peeps who keep me moving.  Even if I don’t reach my daily goal, you keep the challenges coming 😉
    And thank you to my family for being there, as always.
    #crazymamaruns