The Midlife Reframe

Category: nervous

  • A New Journey

    Well.

    I have been struggling with perimenopause for quite some time, along with my other latest and greatest health issues.

    During one of my visits to the doctor, she had suggested HRT as another option for me. “It’s not what it was, there are safe options”.

    I’ve also been doing a lot of reading, especially Dr. Jen Gunter’s book (The Menopause Manifesto).

    I try to make decisions armed with as much information as possible, and ask questions.

    So, this week I went back to the doctor. My symptoms have progressively been getting worse, and I was not able to manage them effectively.

    We had a well informed discussion. She laid out the options, pros and cons of each, and made her recommendation.

    The advantages to early treatment were what sold me: alleviating my menopausal symptoms, improving vaginal health, bone health protection, potential cognitive benefits, mood stabilization, and improved sleep quality.

    Duration?? I can be on it for 10 years.

    I put my first Estalis patch on this morning. (also, thank you insurance).

    The package comes with a removable “here’s when to take your patch” checklist. So my days are Saturday and Tuesday.

    The patch is a small, clear circle, and needs to go on my abdomen or buttocks. I have opted for my abdomen.

    I have been told that I should expect to see changes within 2 weeks to a month.

    I’m opting to document this, as I am all about sharing, lol.

    As a woman at this stage in life, sharing this experience is important. We are given alllll the information for puberty, but have been pushed aside when it comes to this significant shift later in life.

    So, I am planning to kick into weekly posts.

    Let’s go girls.

  • The State of Things

    I’ve been absent.

    The world has been chaotic.

    I’m really all over the place right now, and I am absolutely exhausted.

    Navigating all of this world political landscape, while in late perimenopause, is challenging to say the least.

    I’m sad, angry, frightened, frustrated, and the list goes on.

    I’m not even American, yet the daily ramblings and decisions of a deranged orange blob is affecting me greatly.

    What lies ahead for the world in these next four years? As a Canadian, with said orange blob blathering on incessantly about making Canada the “51st State”, it is becoming harder to contain emotions.

    Are we any better? We have our transgressions, our shaded history. What makes us different?

    I would like to think that we would not go that route in our next election, but having seen what has happened since 2020 with Covid and all that followed, I can’t be sure.

    I can say this: I will speak up and out when I can. I will defend what I can. I will fight if I need to.

    For those who are suffering because of the recent events, I see you.

    I will do what I can, no matter how small.

  • Diverticulitis, Liquid Diet, and I Want a Cheeseburger

    Well, it has been an interesting week.

    A little background:

    About 20 years ago, I was diagnosed with IBS. After meds and a diet change, I was able to control flare ups.

    I then went into remission for years.

    But….

    The past few weeks I have some instances of issues, which I attributed to the return of IBS. I went to the doctor and she prescribed some antispasmodics and sent me off for bloodwork.

    So last Saturday, I went for said bloodwork. Felt a little off. By the evening I started to have intense cramping and feeling unwell overall.

    Took the antispasmodics…nothing.

    I marched myself up to bed, turned in my heating pad and relaxed until bed.

    Sunday, no better, and had switched to a bland diet.

    Woke up Monday, and thought I was feeling better, but I started back with the cramping and nausea.

    Went to the ER Monday afternoon, and they were over capacity. I had a five minute assessment. The doctor told me to come back in the morning.

    Was told to take Tylenol while I was there Monday. It didn’t even take the edge off.

    So, Monday morning my mother picked me up way before daylight. We drove out and I was fourth in line.

    After some tests, and a doctor’s physical assessment, I was diagnosed with diverticulitis.

    I was given a prescription for Amoxiclav and Naproxen, and also sent home with Tylenol 3, was advised on a diet, and told to have a colonoscopy in 3 months.

    I’m not really hopeful on the colonoscopy in 3 months, because our healthcare system is awful and slow and understaffed.

    Got the meds, went home, and went horizontal. The fatigue was unreal.

    So, taking mega antibiotics on a liquid only diet is NOT good on the stomach. It elevated the nausea.

    Long story getting longer, I was horizontal until about Thursday.

    I was able to get up and eat soft foods. That definitely made a difference when it came to the antibiotics.

    My strength started to come back.

    I started feeling human on Friday.

    Starting to slowly introduce food back into my diet.

    I really really really really want a cheeseburger.

    Knowing that this could possibly happen again, not a fan.

    Adjusting my diet again, and reading up on this godforsaken condition.

    This where I’m at.

    I’m hoping this is it for the weirdness that is 2024.

    Stay tuned…I’ll keep posting any other weird events!

  • Check In: First Week on Lower Antipsychotic Dose

    It’s been a full week.

    Things I have noticed:

    – a little fatigued

    – sometimes a little irritable

    – still leg bouncing

    – working through an anxiety spike is challenging

    I can say that’s been all so far. It’s really not that bad all things considered. I think the leg bouncing is more of a comfort mechanism more than anything, so that’s not such a big deal.

    Had a little moment yesterday where I worked my way through an anxiety spike. I did it without chewing the skin around my fingernails, so that was a win for sure.

    I’m letting myself feel the feelings, and talking my way through them, instead of trying to suppress everything like I used to do. Thankful for the tips therapy has provided in that regard.

    This will be my last week on the lower dose, then I will be completely off Abilify. I will be on vacation for the end of the med, which is good, in case things go a little wonky.

    Will keep you all in the loop once I totally come off and let you know how I am doing.

    Fingers crossed the symptoms stay as they have been!

    Until next time.

  • Shedding Those Insecurities

    It’s not easy.

    I am having a hard time letting go of the insecurities that keep holding me back.

    They’re like a warm blanket I am afraid to take off in the winter. Knowing I will be cold and vulnerable after the cover comes off.

    It’s making me feel restless, like I want to jump out of my body.

    Owning these insecurities is a big deal, and letting them go will make a big difference in me moving forward.

    The fear remains though, and that’s something I am working towards. Finding out how to confront that fear so I can get over the hurdle.

    It’s time to dig a bit deeper, and see what my fear is trying to stop me from becoming.

    It’s time to be vulnerable and gentle with myself.

    Leaving feelings and obstacles in the past isn’t easy, but I need to keep pushing forward to get out of this brain fog and discover those hidden parts of myself that are aching to get out.

    I knew this wouldn’t be an easy journey.

    Learning isn’t always straight path, and this curve has been difficult.

    I’ll continue to make the turn, and see where it leads me.

    First, let’s face my fear, and prepare for the next bend in the road.

  • I’m Scared to Death

    Just back from Cuba. I am well rested and full of anxiety!

    On Monday, I am starting a new position. I will be the Manager of my group. To say I’m not scared would be a big fat lie. I’m scared to death.

    It’s not that I will be working with a whole new group of people. I’m not. It’s the fact that I will be managing my former colleagues. I will be responsible for making decisions regarding my group and it’s direction.

    I know I’m capable. I know I can do this job. I deserve it. But that big self doubt monster looms over me like a raging thunderstorm. I fight with it every day, but even more so now.

    A big thing I struggle with is my confidence. I always think I am not good enough and that struggle will drain me some days. My depression likes to yell obscenities at me and turn me into a big pile of goo.

    So, every day when I get up, I have to remind myself that I’m a capable human being. It’s part of why running is important to my well being. It reminds me of what I can accomplish, what I’m capable of.

    Keeping myself focused and moving forward is my daily goal right now.

    And yes, I will go back and re-read my own posts to remind myself that I can get out of my own way.

    On my darkest days, I need these reminders.

  • Crazy Mama RAN!!!!!!!!!! The First Race in 2 YEARS!

    Yes, you read right.  I RAN on October 24th!

    A while back I signed up for the BLT 5km Fun Run/Walk out in Timberlea, Nova Scotia.  I needed to sign up for something to keep me going, and decided 5km was a good start.
    This run is an out and back from the BLT Elementary School and most of the run is on a gravel trail.  This trail is super familiar to me because I have done many runs on this trail prepping for races in the past.
    I did my mini carb load the night before (hello PIZZA!) and carried myself off to bed after midnight (oops).
    I had no problem waking up.  None.  Excitement/Adrenaline had me awake well before my alarm went off!
    Got myself some oatmeal, coffee and sat down to plan the race outfit de jour 🙂
    It was chilly, so layers were in order.  Not too many though.  Pants for sure.
    I dressed right away so I had no time to overthink anything.
    I arrived early enough to pick up my race kit and ran into some of my friends, including Peter, who was volunteering 🙂  I also ran into my PT from knee surgery recovery, lol.  What are the odds??

    Peter was excited to see me running again!**

    I stayed inside the school and waited with some of the other runners until it was close to “go time” because it was chilly.

    Then, out I went.

    And stood mid pack.

    Talked to my Twitter FitFam friend Myles and his lovely wife for a minute, just to shake the growing anxiety and remind myself that I AM A RUNNER, lol.
    Then, the voice from the loudspeaker made the announcements, I was surrounded by runners, heard the word “GO” and off we went!
    There I am – Top Far Right!  GO AMY GO!!!!!!!!!!
    Now, previous races, I would have shot out of there like a cheetah.  But, having learned from this lesson (during the Valley Harvest 10km where I went out like a cheetah and wanted to barf my guts out halfway), I just kept a nice slowish pace to get myself warm.
    I caught up to Myles’ lovely wife just after 1km and we ran for a bit until her walk break.
    Then, I was SOLO.
    I picked up my pace a bit and passed a few people.  Stopped for a minute because I picked it up a little more than I should, lol.  Then I decided to find someone that had a decent pace (by feel) and stayed a bit behind them for the next couple of kms.
    I reached the turnaround point feeling good.
    Then I saw the 3km marker and lost it.

    Tears.

    I had the moment I though I would have at the end.  The “HOLY CRAP I AM RUNNING IN AN EVENT” moment.
    3km.
    But crying and running don’t really mix, mostly because you can’t see, so I stopped for a minute, wiped my eyes and kept going.
    The last km has a hill.  BLECH.
    I walked up that hill.
    Because ME.
    And then, the last 500m I put the pedal to medal and came in like a FREAKING GAZELLE:


    SEE HOW HAPPY I AM?!?!?!??!

    Super happy.

    I was lucky to get a photo with my peeps afterward who were there to see my first race in forever!



    Time:  30mins 47secs.

    CRUSHED IT.

    Now, I am attempting to plan out what my 2016 Race Calendar will look like.

    And how to get that 30 mins to 25 or under, lol.

    Look out world.  I’M BACK!!!!


    **Thanks to Paul Wesson Photography for taking the wicked awesome Race pics!

  • As I Sit Here and Write This…

    It is almost EXACTLY one week until my presentation at BlogJam 2015.

    I would be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous.

    October will hold two firsts for me.  The first being: I am stepping out my box, big time, doing this presentation.

    If I look like this, just hug me….lol.



    It is so very easy to sit here and type my blog posts.  No can see if I am crying or upset or happy as I type. Although I try to emulate my emotions in writing, you can never be 100% sure if what you are feeling can come through the way you want.

    That is part of the miscommunication associated the written word.

    I am hoping that, as part of my foray out of the survival box, and out from behind my keyboard, that I can provide a real account of my blogging experience as a newbie and share the story that brought me here WITHOUT falling apart….too much, lol.

    The Second First?

    Running a 5km race on October 24th.

    That also has me very nervous.  Not the race part.  Just the fact that it is something I was unsure of this time last year.  Would I run again.  Not run again.

    Just plain old anxious, lol.

    So, hang on for the crazy ride known as October here in Crazy Mama’s world.

    You’ll have my recap next week to let you know how my first first goes 😉

    Until next time!

    @crazymamaruns

  • The Post of Awkward Feet and Back to Running!

    Yes, BACK TO RUNNING!

    My Feet were VERY EXCITED to lace up 🙂  Happy Heart, Happy Soul!

    My first run took me around the Marsh.

    And by one of the ponds!



    I started running on Monday of this week, setting up a schedule to run M/W/F mornings and strength train on my off days.  Hauling my behind out of bed at 5:45 am to get dressed, feed the cats and haul ass out the door.

    Boy did it ever feel weird…..actually RUNNING.

    I mean, it’s been over a year now since I seriously logged some kms.

    I did run this time last year, but it was only for a couple of runs.  I was told NO RUNNING shortly after.  In hindsight, this was best as I was running with a piece of femur in my knee.  I mean, I knew it was there, but I had no idea how big it was at the time…..like 2cms big…..gah!

    I am wobbly as all get out.  Have no idea how to pace myself anymore (insert BIG sad face here).  I take walking breaks to try and keep a good pace because I speed up and sound like I am dying….huffing and puffing.  Sheesh.  Trying to find my feet again is like a baby learning to walk.  I remind myself to look UP and straight (I tend to look down at my leg…..worrying about my knee, it’s fine…..I am so paranoid right now!  lol).  I remind myself to keep my stride shorter so I don’t heel strike. 
    (And here I am telling people I run to clear my head…..that seems to be the last .7 kms of my run this week.)
    Probably quite the sight in my neck of the woods as the sun rises.  
    It’s good that I am running early in the morning where there is only me, the road/trail, some cyclists, dog walkers and the odd early morning runner. It keeps me motivated to keep going if there are not many people around my “running time” right now…hahaha.
    (It’s good for me AND for others, as ‘Flailing Amy’ is best kept to a low spectator count until she starts running with her BRF and finally gets a GPS watch 😉  )

    On Monday, I start all over again.  Maybe I will run the route in the opposite direction next week.  Strength training and yoga will be the fillers, maybe a Tuesday spin class.  Shake it up.  Keep it fun.
    If you want to keep track of my new flailing running adventures, I am on Strava (and with the Another Mother Runner Group – #BAMR!) and will follow you back.  I love this Kudos thing!
    The take away from this post is this:  I feel great.  My knee feels great.  I. AM. HAPPY.
    Stay tuned for further #RunningWithAmy awesomeness/random blogginess coming soon!!
    #crazymamaruns