The Midlife Reframe

Category: fitness

  • Not Gonna Lie…I’ve Been a Slacker

    Yes, I’ve Been Absent…

     

    It’s not because I haven’t wanted to write, because I have a gazillion things in my brain, but a lot of life has gotten in the way.

    I have been flat out at work, and when I get home, I have enough in me to make supper, do “something” and then crash.

    Not a fantastic or ideal scenario, but as a single mom, sometimes this happens.

    That’s right….sometimes, life DOES get in the way!

    This has also affected my physical fitness, which means less yoga (but I was still doing my physio exercises – because my comeback is looming!).

    I noticed how much I was affected IN A BIG WAY when I went for my massage therapy last Friday.

    I haven’t had a massage in well over a year (bad Amy) and when I came out of that deep tissue massage, I was a different person.

    I didn’t hurt immediately.  But by 9pm, I was super sleepy and sore.  Not a bad sore, but a “holy-crap-I-was-so-tight-this-feels-weird” sore.

    We worked on my “running parts” – so everything from my lower back down was out of commission, lol.  It took a couple of days for everything to come back, but I can tell a difference for sure.  He also gave me some stretches which are making a big difference as well.

    So….when do you think you will be running again?

     

    I have been “cleared” for August.  And that was me saying “August is good, right?” to my PT.

    Not saying I won’t listen, but if I continue my strength training and start as a beginner, I am hoping to start a run/walk in July.  This is so I can include my daughter in my training and hopefully foster a love of running in her, as she has shown interest (woop!).

    What about the gym?

     

    This week has been a write off.  Two full day meeting with working lunches zapped me.  Small yoga shesh at home.  Wednesday was another day that I just had nothing and today, well I just wanted to get through today. 

    My “Meh” Wednesday Face…

    (TeenThing and I will be partaking in some sort of pilates/yoga/walk thing here shortly.)

    Are these excuses?  No.

    In my short past life as a personal trainer, I would have said yes.  But, being a human being managing her mental illness, these are not excuses.  Stress takes a toll and with the anxiety lurking, it can knock me down.  

    I know that, for me, I need to take a step back and meditate, relax and sleep.  Physical activity sometimes, is just not an option.  My brain needs the step down.  My body will bounce back quicker.

    What about your FitBit?

     

    I know you are all wondering about it.

    It is still on my dresser.

    Will I wear it again?  Yes.

    Next month?  Maybe.  We’ll see.

    Now that I can confidently say it doesn’t define me as person, I will be comfortable putting it back on.

    Comeback Race?

     

    Deciding.  Once I get a good solid running foundation under my belt, I will be able to book something confidently.

    I have some lined up.  So come back soon to see what I’ve got up my sleeve!

    #crazymamaruns

  • It’s Like Withdrawal

    Even With a Step Down Plan…

    It’s been a roller coaster ride.
    I had tweeted how ALIVE I felt on Monday.
    Alive.
    Maybe too much.
    Going from feeling pretty much level to the point of becoming numb to dealing with the influx of feelings has been hard.  My brain is trying to “rewire” itself after letting medication do it for so long.  Giving me the big WTF.
    Keeping things in focus has been a challenge.  Trying to remain on task has been hard.
    I want to laugh, cry, and punch someone.
    I know right?
    And yet, I am thankful for it.
    (I know what you are thinking – you’re THANKFUL for your mental illness?  THANKFUL for coming off the drugs and feeling overwhelmed?)

    Yes (I haven’t been to India, lol, but this song really sums things up).
    Because even with all the hard parts, I am now remembering how it feels to be passionate, engaged, hopeful.
    It’s a struggle, even on my best days.  Those around me probably often wonder “What the WHAT?” as I flounder through my day.  But they let me flounder, knowing that I will own up to my obsessive thinking and back up the bus if told.
    I am hoping to get an update on physio if there is an actual ETA on when I can run again so I have something to focus on and work towards.
    I try and pick small things daily to focus on, hence all my planks, lol.

     

    Keeping my core strong will come in handy big time when I get back to running.  Also with the yoga and workouts I am able to do right now I am keeping my upper body strength in check.

    Strong core and a strong upper body can help me push through even when my legs may not want to.

    They come in handy on hills!



    I am still real about it…

    Don’t get me wrong, I am under no illusion that I am “healed”.  I know that there may be a chance that I will need help, that I may not be able to “do it all” on my own.

    My support system rocks, and I know at times they are overwhelmed as well.

    So, I want to say thank you to you.  Those of you who are with me every day.  Who work with me, live with me, hang out with me, and love me.

    Thank you as well to my online family.  You are there no matter what time of day I vent, even at 2:00am.  Advantages of Twitter, lol.

    To those who are still not sure about sharing their mental illness, know that you are not alone.  Those of us who speak out feel just like you do.
    Hang in there.
    I am 🙂

    #crazymamaruns

  • Back at Work and Weaning Off My Meds

    I am not talking post surgery meds.

    I am talking about my anti-depressants.

    With the advice of my physician, we did the Step Down Plan during my last visit.  We are both confident that I now have the ability to do so.  I know my triggers and have better coping skills than before and I am in a much better place in my life.

    I’ve been on Step Down #1 for about a week now.  We have moved onto Step Down #2 until my current box of meds are empty.

    Scared?  Apprehensive?

    Not really.  Now that I am on the road to recovery with my knee, I can get outside and move.  Kind of, if I walk on the street and not the killer icewalks we have here in Halifax right now.

    Killer Icewalk – on just about every street.  This is INCHES of ice.



    What About Your Physical Activity?

    I WILL be getting back to running and yoga with the help of my physiotherapist!  I just need to be patient and take it day by day.  I hope to be running once the weather is much nicer and I can SEE the actual sidewalks.

    How Will You Continue to Cope Off the Meds? 

    I am continuing my meditation, which really works wonders for me.  The same thing with Yoga.  The movement and self focus is really great.  Self care is important.

    First Day of Work?  How did THAT go?

    Really well!  Some time was spent catching up this morning.  I also sat on the phone in the queue for some software that I needed product activation for.  Chair danced to some jazz tunes.  Not a bad day all in all.

    I have a little bit of back pain, lingering from a herniated nucleus pulposis – FUN!  I really have to watch that I don’t slump and retain the natural curve in my back.

    All in all though,  I did really well today.  The knee is a little sore and stiff, but with time and physio, all good 🙂  The main point is keep moving, listen to my body, and believe in the process.  

    Also – WINNING THE MANCOLD BATTLE!

    Where From Here?

    UP!

    I am super positive about my recovery and look forward to continuing on my journey.

    To get back to my fitness regime – pumped.  To do more with my TeenThing – pumped.  To be able to work out and run with my Greg – pumped.  To run with my BRB – PUMPED!

    Also, keeping it positive and in check with my mental health.  There is always a chance that I may have to go back on my meds.  If I do, it’s not a setback.  It’s a pit stop on my journey where I need to reset and move forward.

    And now – I leave you with an earworm.  Because I can’t get this song out of my head!!!!!!


    #crazymamaruns




  • The Home Stretch for #ProjectAmy

    Wow….the time has flown by!!

    I can’t believe I am 10 sleeps away from my knee surgery.

    10.

    Nervous?  HELL YES!  Even with all the activity of the past little while, it seeps into my brain late at night.

    Nervous Girl by themedusa on DeviantArt

    How has #ProjectAmy been doing?

    Well, I must say, it has kept me moving.  Being a 9-5er has it’s moments, but I have been able to get physical activity into each day.  Well, except yesterday…I took that as a rest day.

    Today my activity will happen later this evening.  I kind of slept in this morning and chaos ruled my morning.  My gym bag is sitting in my bedroom at home.  But no worries, I’ll be on it like white on rice!

     

    All my Tweeples and friends have been keeping me on point, which I am very thankful for!

    After my surgery, #ProjectAmy will be taking on a whole different path as I will be focusing on recovery….and not losing my marbles (this is where #FightForHappy will be in FULL EFFECT).  



     

     

     This also means I won’t have to eat cat fur for while doing my pushups.

    I’ll miss the pushups, not the cat fur!

    Cat fur will probably be more prominent as they will hover over me the first little while, lol.

     

     

     

    Are you ready for surgery CrazyMama?

    Well, I rearranged my bedroom on the weekend.  Sleeping was weird.  I was deeper in my bedroom than I am now.  And being closer to the door is just a little freaky.

    I started other cleaning/purging projects on the weekend as well.  Then got completely overwhelmed and had to stop.  So this week will be about tackling one thing at a time.  I also took the day off before surgery next week (and Monday is Heritage Day here in Nova Scotia), so Friday is my last full day of work.

    There will be lots of cooking going on this weekend and meal prep for sure.  Clothing prep and post-op station will also be done this weekend.

    Okay…enough before I get overwhelmed again, lol.

    So, yes, for the most part I think I am.  Just need to keep myself on the steady until the 18th.

    Next post will be bringing ya’ll up to speed on the final week on this installment of #ProjectAmy, and sharing my extreme nervous energy days before surgery.  

    So if you thought THIS post was scattered, lol.

    #crazymamaruns

     

  • #ProjectAmy and #FightForHappy

    Sometimes I have great ideas…

    But I don’t follow through.  I’ve been caught up in so much lately that I’ve dropped the ball on myself.

    Part of the problem with depression/anxiety is you have so many great ideas, but when you go to carry them out, the “doubt voice” pops up.  It can be pretty darn convincing.

    “Why can’t you just DO IT?”

    If I could turn that voice off I would.  Unless you suffer from mental illness it is hard to explain to someone.  I WANT to do all my great ideas. Sometimes I can get started, but the inner doubt voice catches up to you.

    “It’s just an excuse…”

    No – it’s not.  It’s an illness.  Like every other illness you have good and bad times.  When I am overwhelmed, it gets worse.  It’s like sitting at the bottom of the well, knowing that you can get out because the rope and bucket is sitting right there.  You just can’t grab it. 

    “Just ask for help!”

    Well, I do. But sometimes I don’t know how to phrase it.  Or I am afraid that it will overwhelm me even more, so I don’t ask.  It’s a double-edged sword.

    What the heck is #ProjectAmy?

    Well, #ProjectAmy was started today, by my Greg, who was trying to help me earlier when I became extremely overwhelmed.  I cried all over the phone.  

    He is my rock, especially when I do break down.  He can turn it around for me and lead me in the right direction.  Baby steps he told me today.  Start with one thing.

    So tonight is food prep and tomorrow morning is gym bag packing.  I always forget to take care of myself, even when I am feeling good.  I worry about everything and everyone else.  

    That’s not a bad thing per se, but when I forget about me….well I’m no good to anyone if I am not at my best.

    #ProjectAmy is about renewal and recovery.  

    I have my Mantra: I Am Open.

    I need to keep on track until the knee scope. I need to move for me at least once a day.  I need some #Earthathon kms.

    So my friends.  I need your help.  

    I need you to make sure I am doing at least one thing for myself every day.  If you follow me on Twitter and do not see #ProjectAmy, kick me in the butt and give me a challenge (i.e. plank, situps, etc.).  

    Ask me if I have meditated, taken a few minutes to just sit and be aware.  

    Keep sending me FitBit challenges and annoy the crap out of me until February 18th! (Surgery Day!).

    After that, I will just need help with my sanity until I am cleared to weight bear, lol.

    #ProjectAmy and the continued #FightforHappy are on.

     

            

  • And I am CLOSER to my Surgery!

    I never thought this day would come!

    This April will have been one full year since my slip in the Dominican and this journey began!

    What started out as a possible meniscus tear was discovered to be an actual joint condition that I’ve had since I was a teenager!

    Osteochondritis Dissecans

    So, since the knee has been getting progressively worse over the past couple of weeks, I went back into the surgeon last Friday.
     
    He asked me some questions about my activity (“You’re doing no sports….RIGHT?”) and manipulated my knee.

    We discussed the options:  If the piece that was still in there hanging on was still, in fact, hanging on, there will be a screw put through that to save it and stimulate healing.  

    As for the piece(s) still floating around, they will be removed.  All depending on whether or not the CarGel is available, there will probably be some microfracturing as to regenerate the bone and cartilage.

    IF the piece hanging on for dear life is NOT able to be screwed in – the words “bone graft” were spoken.

    FUN TIMES!

    So I sit now and wait for the phone call to come this week telling me my actual surgery date.

    I am in good hands, but, I am nervous, excited and vomit-like all at the same time.

    And then I remember, in the not too distant future, I CAN RUN!

    Stay tuned for further updates in the Knee Chronicles!

    #crazymamaruns

  • This Year I Give Myself Permission….

    To Write About It All….

    The good stuff, the frustrating stuff, the goofy stuff, you get it 😉

    Everything.

    It’s a big part of why I started this blog after all.

    Pic from http://www.snoopy.com

    And So….

    It may seem trivial….but I am back to chewing the skin off around my fingernails.

    Gross right?

    Damn straight it is.  But this is how my nervous energy manifests.  My frustration, anxiety, stress, etc., boils up and I can’t help it.  My fingers look disgusting right now.  So I have to stop it.  More meditation?  Maybe acupuncture?

    All I know is.  I have to stop it!  GAH!

    And Then…

    One of the ways I cope with my depression/anxiety is through humour.  I call myself crazy, make jokes with family and friends.

    Some folks may be offended by that.  And if I have offended anyone, I am truly sorry.  But it’s my coping mechanism and I find it helps.  Because sometimes underneath that laughter, I am breaking apart inside.  Laughing helps me.

    It helps me help others.  Let’s them see that they too can function, even on the bad days.  And then I remind myself that those that love you, they just want to help you, to love you, to hold your hand and tell you it will be okay.  So they will laugh with you, cry with you and hang out in your nest when you don’t want to leave.

    So, I’ll keep talking about it, keep calling myself crazy and keep laughing.

    I am also

    Keeping myself open.  It’s my Mantra for 2015.  I AM OPEN.

    I am going to slow down a bit more (not like slothy slow down) and notice more.  We rush rush rush.  Wear ourselves down.  Forget to stop and SEE things.  We scan and move on.

    And so I hope

    That you will continue to come along on my journey this year.  It’s going to be an interesting one for sure!

    Interesting:  I joined Earthathon!  #teamhumanrace  (this is a virtual relay race around the globe and results are tweeted daily)

    I can’t run, but I can walk.  So it motivates me, along with my FitBit, to keep mobile.

    What do you give yourself permission for this year?

    What is YOUR disgusting habit/coping skill?  We all have one!

    What is something that motivates you?

    #crazymamaruns   

  • 2015

    A blank canvas.

    Where there is much uncertainty in the land of Crazy Mama.

    Yep…whole lotta empty right there.

    I had what I am sure was the beginning of Knee-mageddon on Saturday where I went to stand up and something moved….something REALLY moved inside my knee.  

    There was pain and quite a few bad words.

    When I woke up the next morning, there was a smallish lump up above my knee.  I tried to show my Greg, but he SO did not want to see it.

    So I moved it.  Smooshed it back to where it came from…I think.  Then something tried to escape on the inside of my leg from inside my knee.  So, I smooshed IT back to where it came from.  

    I think.

    I called the surgeon’s office on Monday and got an appointment for January 9th.

    I figure the piece of cartilage/bone that is already in there really wants to escape, or a friend has joined it from FemurTown.

    This also happened after my FitBit christening.  I took over 13,000 the first day.  Now I am lucky to make it to 10,000.  Boo-urns.  My cousin’s wife is currently kicking my BUTT.

    Not that I am taking this lying down!

    Because I am not.  I am still goal planning with yoga, and gym stuff, and my whole life in general.

    I just want to be able to plan a run.  Not a big run, but a run.

    And I know I will.

    But back to my FitBit…

    I absolutely LOVE my FitBit Flex! My Greg gave it to me for Christmas. It has a lime green band and I am absolutely enthralled.

    This puppy tracks my steps, my sleep (the quality and quantity), I can also plug in my food and water on the app.  I don’t know how I survived before it!!!  (Well, okay, I DO, but shut up…..lol)

    This is my first “device” that I have attached to my body to track anything, so I am totally biased right now.  I believe that you have to find what works for you.   But I just love this little guy and so enjoy having it buzz and light up when I hit 10,000 steps!  So addicted!

    I am still really digging into all it can do.  So awesome.

    So, resolutions?

    Have to say, not really making any this year.  Only because it really is a blank canvas for me.  A lot of unknowns.  

    Usually, as a person with depression/anxiety, this would send me around the bend.

    But for some reason.  I’m okay.

    I think that maybe I needed this break to realign.  To get back to the other forms of fitness that compliment my running.

    A crappy way to take a break, but you have to play the cards you were dealt.

    So, I have begun to read The Complete Guide to Yin Yoga

    I am writing down things that inspire me, so that I can share them on my blog.

    I am also doing a 10 day Yoga InstaG Challenge with Erin Motz.

    What has been inspiring you lately?  Who has been inspiring you lately?

    #crazymamaruns

     

     

     

     

  • Christmas Vacation Check In

    Okay, Are You Ready??

     I will do a pic post today 😉

    Christmas Eve – Spotted Christmas Car
    Candied Bacon on my cupcake after Turkey Dinner #3
    Christmas Day – My “Greg” was good to me! xo
    Christmas Day with Auntie – Turkey Dinner #4
    I now scare my kitties with my Yeti Feet I got for Christmas 🙂

    I logged 13,800 steps yesterday with my FitBit Flex, and I am loving it!  Not being able to run until surgery in the New Year had me bummed, but my FitBit has movitated me to kick butt!

    I hope you are enjoying your Christmas! And yes, I am totally doing a FitBit Blog Post in the near future!!!

    #crazymamaruns

  • Year End Round Up!

    Well, we’re almost there.

    The end of another year.  Sitting back and reflecting on what has gone by and what we will be working towards in 2015.

    Getting close to Christmas always make me reflect and think about the time I get to spend with my family and friends.  They have supported me through so much over the past while and I love them so much.  I am looking forward to spending some much deserved time with them over the holidays 🙂

    Over the past year I have noticed so much.  I am beginning to think it’s because I am over 40 now, lol.

    So, what’s going on with me fitness wise?

    With my surgery date up in the air, it is hard for me to forge ahead with races and registrations, as it could be late 2015 before I am able to run again.

    A lot of my time has been moving towards yoga with light cardio and starting back up with weight training.  Keeping up with my fitness will ensure a better recovery after surgery.

    What have I been thinking about?

    Having a mental illness has made me sit down and think of the ways I can cope better now that the “dark times” have descended on us weather wise, and to use those skills throughout the year.  Fitness has always served me well, and this year I have added steady meditation to the mix.  This has certainly helped, but I still need to realize that I will have bad days and not beat myself up over them.  There will be days I will just want to live in my nest, and that’s okay.

    A big “thing” for me is sleep.  Sleep is very important.  For both physical and mental health.  I have been tracking my sleep for the past 16 weeks. My average sleep efficiency has been 93% over those past weeks.  I am finding this a great tool.

      

    Last night wasn’t super – but yay deep sleep!


    And hey, thanks for coming along with me so far!!

    Starting this blog has been an adventure and something I am very proud of.  (With the craziness and chaos of life, I am able to say that I now learned that writing and scheduling my posts are the way to go!!)  I have “met” some fantastic people and looking forward to what the New Year brings for myself and for the blog 🙂 

    You knew there had to be a badass drawing! 😉

    What’s on for 2015?

    As I look ahead, I am hoping to share more with you about my journey with surgery, recovery and my plans to become a Certified Yoga Teacher in 2016!  Adding yoga to my fitness regime has been a blessing.  It has allowed me to slow down, learn to breathe, and brought some peace to my hectic life.  To share this with others would be awesome.

    I will still be me….you won’t see anything different here on the blog, other than some cooooooool super awesome pics like THIS!

    I look awesome-er in X-Ray vision!!

    So.

    To sign off for my last MAJOR blog post of 2014 (because there will be the small random super fun holiday posts!) I wish everyone the most happiest of the Season.  Spend time with those you love.  Hug them.  Enjoy them 🙂


     #crazymamaruns