The Midlife Reframe

Category: fitfluential

  • The Chronicles of Half Marathon Training – Week 1

    And so, it begins…Run #1

    My training weeks go from Sunday to Saturday.
    I was down for 10kms broken down between Thursday and Saturday.  I ended up doing close to 9km.
    Thursday was a GREAT run!  It was cold as all get out, but I was layered sufficiently and had a route planned out.
    It was my very first run outside, post December,…EVER.
    I was hella tight on Friday, using muscles I haven’t used and not used to running in the snow….with some dodge and weave action, lol.  Running with snow….interesting.  Note:  More stretching required.

    No, I was NOT robbing any stores…

    Also, first run with my Garmin!

    It was snowing – so pretty

    Saturday: Run #2

    Well, today wasn’t as awesome as I wanted, close to 4kms.
    I was too fast out of the gate. Ran hunched over.  That made my lower back sore.  Just not my best run.
    But, I ran.  Better than no run.  (There was a break just before I ran up the trail to stretch out my back.)
    The difference between now and from years past was that I knew when I was done.
    I didn’t push it.
    Got home and had a good stretching session.
    Then came coffee and a hot shower. 
    Sweat Frost!  Woop!

    I love my Garmin!

    Clear sidewalks make awesome runs 🙂

    All in all, I am pleased with the first “week” (aka: two days, lol).
    Tomorrow starts a full, action packed week of running awesomeness.
    C’mon back next Saturday for a play by play of how a full week of training may or may not have killed me 😉

    @crazymamaruns

  • Countdown to Half Marathon Training – Blue Nose Marathon 2016

    Nervous is an understatement…

    So nervous that I miscalculated the the beginning date of my training plan when putting it in my calendar.  Oops!
    I had myself starting on January 14th.  When I was finishing up the calendar entries I noticed that I was ending the week BEFORE the Blue Nose…..GAH!
    So, this week I will redo the plan and get an extra week in at the gym and do some running outside (after both storms pass this week – eeep!).

    More winter running….outside……this year!!

     

    But you’ve run this race before RIGHT?!?!

    Yeeeeeeessssssssssssss.  But it’s been 3 years.
    I know once I start a regular training plan I will be fine.  It’s the getting started part that is the problem, hahaha.
    This time around, I am following the Hansons Half Marathon Method.  It’s usually my legs that are the issue when I hit the last 5kms or so of a Half.  This plan will get me used to cumulative fatigue.  I am coupling this with strength training and yoga to round it out.
    I have already started my yoga and strength training.  At the end of a 7 Day Bad Yogi Challenge this week.  Also doing The Year of Yoga. Starting back to a regular yoga practice has really brought attention to how tight my body is.  OWIE!

    I have calculated my required food intake to start training at my current weight and will do some intense grocery shopping this week.  I will be logging some serious kms with this plan and need the fuel to keep this body pumping.  Look out Costco!
    So from now until May 22nd be prepared for “The Chronicles of Half Marathon Training” by Yours Truly!!!

  • Why I am NOT making Resolutions for 2016….

    I Decided to Take a Different Approach.

    This year, I am making Intentions for 2016.

    5 of them.

    Wanna know what they are?

    Here you go!

    My 5 Intentions for 2016:

    1.  I intend to meditate daily.
    2.  I intend to create a solid yoga practice.
    3.  I intend to bring more peace into my life.
    4.  I intend to forgive myself more.
    5.  I intend to run more.

    There you have it.

    I am also carrying over my “give zero fucks” view on life into next year too.  Because really, we all need to do the stuff that makes us happy.  

    When we are happy, we radiate that to everyone around us.

    So radiate all over the place!!!

    @crazymamaruns

  • My 100th Post! WHOA!

    I’ve been sitting on this one for a while….

    What should I write about?

    Should I do something different?

    Should I talk about what’s ahead?

    WHAT SHOULD I DOOOOOOOOOOOOOO????

    Well, we’ll keep it real for one thing.

    Life has been crazy over the past while.  Work has been flat out.  Home has been busy with Christmas prep and making it a homemade Christmas (for a large part).

    Life is just getting in the way.  Stress is at an all time high and my mental illness is poking me with a long stick every now and then.

    I have been doing yoga, a run when I CAN get it in.  But not posting these as I haven’t been worrying about tech during my physical activities.

    I’ve mapped out my training plan for January.  Signed up for another race in May (Benny Bulldog 5km) and tossing the idea of a Maritime Race Weekend registration.

    2016??

    Well, as always, I had major plans for 2016, but shit happens and plans change.

    I have a teenager that will be graduating High School in 2017, so 2016 will be about planning for the “Grad Year”.  I can’t believe my little passenger will be graduating!  You blink and they’re all grown up.

    YTT will be put on the back burner, it’s just not in the cards.

    Buuuuuut, my running starts back in full force in January and I cannot wait to get back to training!

    I am just going to play next year by ear.  Which will be hard for me, because I am a planner, lol.

    Medication Free (well, daily medication free)…

    Since late February!  It was a rough go for a while, stepping down off the depression/anxiety medication, getting used to feeling everything again.  

    Then there was finding balance.

    Reassuring family that my cranky days were just that, cranky days.

    I am so much more aware now of what it feels like to go down the rabbit hole.
     
    Having something on an “as needed” basis for my anxiety has been a big help. There are times that the switch won’t shut off with my coping skills.

    It’s rare, but it does happen.

    What has changed this year?

    A LOT!

    My surgery, my recovery, my private life, my work life.

    I spoke at a Conference for the first time EVER!

    I learned to “Give Zero Fucks” (thank you MotherFumbler, much love!).

    Most of all, I learned that I actually love myself.  

    And I am pretty FRICKIN awesome!!

    So, THANK YOU!

    For staying.

    For reading.

    For sharing.

    Let’s ride out the rest of 2015 together and SMASH into 2016!!!!

    @crazymamaruns





     

      

  • When Two Sentences Bring Back a Memory So Vivid…

    It’s Funny….

    You would think that having a mental illness would make one steer clear of reading or immersing one’s self in the topic.

    But being who I am I need to learn more.  Not only about my illness, but about other mental illnesses as well.

    I am reading Fast Girl right now by Suzy Favor Hamilton.  I had heard about this book while listening to my Another Mother Runner podcast where Suzy was the guest and spoke so candidly about her Bipolar Illness.

    After I heard her speak to Sarah and Dimity, I needed to read this book.

    I got to page 84 on my iPad.

    I read this:

    “When my doctor walked through the door and smiled at me, I immediately started weeping uncontrollably.  She sat down really close to me and made me look at her.”

    Then I started to cry (and not for the first time, this book is a tear jerker).

    This was EXACTLY what happened the day I went to see my doctor in 2011.  Exactly.  I’ve known my doctor forever.  She delivered my daughter.  We’ve always had a great rapport.  So when she walked in and smiled, I broke down.  

    It was so surreal reading those words.

    I never want to forget that day, and I know I never will.  It is permanently etched in my psyche.

    It was the day I couldn’t run away from what was happening.  The day I hit the wall and fell right back on my ass.

    But at some point, that ass has to move.

    I remember finally getting the courage to get out and run one morning during my recovery.  I had been on my meds for a few weeks and was feeling okay.  I pulled on my gear and went out the door.

    I failed.  So bad.

    My body was still broken down.  My body was still suffering from depression.  I didn’t realize how mental illness affected your whole body.  Not being able to just suit up and run was very devastating to me at the time.

    I walked, a lot.  I worked with my trainer for a bit.  I focused on getting better mentally.  I realized how much running helped me centre. 

    It’s why I cherish every run I have.  Even the bad ones.  Because I know there will be days that I just can’t get out there, and I have accepted that.

    It is a struggle when you are batting depression to get moving.  So the days I do move, I celebrate them.

    I know that having a training plan will force me to move come mid-January.  This time of the year I need something to push me forward.  

    The shorter days with longer periods of darkness are hell.

    I just want to come home and sleep.

    So to those of you who struggle:  

    Keep on keeping on.  Any movement is good.  Walking, yoga, cycling, a gym class.

    And if you can’t do it today, it’s okay.  There is always tomorrow.  

    @crazymamaruns



     

  • I RUN MY FIRST 5K NEXT SATURDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    My First 5K….

    Man that sounds weird.

    I think my last race was in 2013.

    2013.

    I gimped up in 2014.

    Surgery and recovery for most of 2015.

    Am I ready?

    More than likely.

    Am I confident?

    No.  LOL.

    I wanted my first “race” to be a shorter distance, a fun run.  Something with NO CHIP TIME, lol.  So the BLT 5km Fun Run was the winner 🙂


    I will be in this pod of peeps next Saturday!!



    Will I want to make a good time?  

    Uh, DUH.

    Will it matter?

    Nope, because I will be crying.  Before, possibly during, and most definitely after.

    What matters most?

    The experience.  My first race back in 2 years.

    @crazymamaruns

     

  • The Post About BlogJam 2015 and Recharging My Batteries

    I am Presenting at a Conference!!

    My very first time speaking outside of work related office talks…..sharing my story.  Mental illness, physical fitness and my bloggy journey.  It will be real.  It will be fun. It will be filled with lots of ME, lol. 
    I am hella nervous.
    I am hella excited.
    I may bend ALL the paperclips!!!!
    Sooooo, which conference?
    This one:

     

    So, if you are a Blogger, Wanna Be Blogger, or are interested in connecting with your fellow Bloggers on the Atlantic Coast of Canada, register soon!  It’s free! (You can make a small donation for coffee that is provided throughout the day to all conference attendees – I did, because we all know how much I love coffee!).  There will be some amazing presenters!!!

    Fresh off a Long Weekend

    Boy did I ever need the break.  It was good to get out of the familiar, everyday environment of home/work/gym/run and spend some time away from the city.
    We did a roadtrip with my parents to beautiful Cape Breton Island, Nova Scotia. 
    Both of my parents are from there.
    We stayed with family and had such a good time 🙂  I ate what I wanted, had lots of java juice, family BBQ on Sunday and I started to learn how to knit socks. (It may take me 2 years to finish them….but…..lol.) 
    The pictures do not do this awesome part of the Province justice.  

    So, where do you love to go to recharge YOUR batteries?  Doesn’t have to be a trip that takes you far. Day trips are great.  Long hikes are also wicked awesome.
    Remember, we all need self care.  I forget this, a lot.
    So book some time with yourself.  It’s totally worth it 🙂

  • The Post Where We Catch Up!

    Because I’ve Been Busy…

    Busy at my 9-5ing. 
    Busy with family stuff.
    Busy helping TeenThing start her road to running 🙂

    Mom and TeenThing on her 2nd run!
    These feet were made for runnin’!

    Busy figuring everything out.
    I am on vacation this week and have spent the first part of this week keeping myself busy with appointments and crocheting (my sanity saver) and today I am taking time to rebuild home base.
    When you are sick with a mental illness, sometimes you need to sit back and reassess your coping skills.  Sometimes you develop habits that you think are your coping skills, but they’re not.  Mostly they are distractions.
    It’s hard to keep focused when the switch is flipped.  The one track mind that takes over is hard to derail.  It has a voice of it’s own.  An agenda of it’s own.
    Funny thing is, I know it’s happening.
    I can feel the cocoon that starts to wrap around me when my stress level rises. I fidget.  I need to do something with my hands…and not necessarily the task at hand.  I need to find an escape.  Something I can lose myself in.  Thankfully it isn’t drugs or alcohol.  It’s just plain old “what else can I be doing that isn’t what I really should be doing?”.  There are times I can pull back, and times that I can’t.

    But, you’re running.  Isn’t that helping?

    Yes.  Until I strained my calf.
    The intense NEED to run away from my stress, my illness……it was overwhelming.  I ran too much too fast.
    So much for running smart!  FACE PALM.
    *sigh*
    One of the good things about running with TeenThing is that she is keeping my pace and kilometres low.  This is allowing my calf to heal and is giving TeenThing a good start to this sport.  I love running with her.  She is doing great and knows when she can push herself and when she needs a break.

    Doesn’t all this unorganized chaos inside your head make it hard to keep moving forward?

    You are damn right it does.
    Some days I just want to sit down and cry, because I can’t get things straight.
    Some days my coping skills don’t help.  These are the days I want to escape.  But I can’t.  So I have to ride the roller coaster the best way I know how.  These are my hardest days.  Days that make me feel like I am treading water and someone has a hold of my feet. The days I do and say everything wrong.  The days that people look at me like “What the hell?”.  The days I can’t say “It is not a good day for me.”   Why can’t I say it?  Because people will see THAT always.  Not the focused, driven, has her shit together me.  They will always remember the chaotic, flustered, brain dead me.  The girl at the mall, or a store, that is trying desperately to GET OUT.  The thoughts, the people, the noise, all competing for space.  Space I do not have in my head.  Space that is taken up by all the negative energy that my mental illness manifests when I am not winning the daily fight.
    Days that I am not myself.
    Even with all of the talking, all of the wonderful people coming out and sharing their stories about their struggles, all of the focus on mental health, the campaigns, the awareness, there is still a stigma.  People that will still look at me different, not want to “upset” me.
    I don’t always feel comfortable saying I am having a bad day.  People hear “bad day” and associate it with “uh oh, is she having a breakdown?”.
    There is still so much more that needs to be done.  In the community, in the workplace, within media. More Mental Health First Aid needs to be rolled out.

    Why?  Can’t you just take meds or meditate?

    Sometimes meds just keep our heads above water.  They numb our feelings.  We need help on our bad days.  Not necessarily “hospital” help.  Just someone to say “Okay, let’s head out for a few minutes, grab a coffee, and tell me how you REALLY are.  Maybe we can figure something out.  Get you back on track.”  
    Sometimes this is all that is needed.
    I know we are all busy these days.  Deadlines, appointments, etc.  But sometimes, that 5-15 minutes can help someone.  Make them feel that they matter.  Make them feel that they are not going down the rabbit hole alone.  That there is someone there that cares.  Someone that sees what is underneath the chaos.  That will not focus on the “remember when you (insert a bad day here)”.
    NOTE: You can’t “fix” us.  We are the captain of this crazy train.  We know where the brakes are.  We just need to be guided.  We need to refocus.

    We are all human.

    We all have bad days.
    We all want to escape.
    We all want to be seen for who we really are.  Not what we “have”.
    So for now, I will rebuild home base.
    Run with TeenThing to build up our kilometre base.
    Set up future running dates with my BRF, because I miss her.
    Keep sharing my experiences when I can.  Keep the conversation going.
    Not all mental illness is “scary”.  
    A lot of us are just lost, confused, and need a hand to come out of the fog to lead us home.
    Don’t be afraid to be that hand.
    #crazymamaruns
     

     

     

  • The Post of Awkward Feet and Back to Running!

    Yes, BACK TO RUNNING!

    My Feet were VERY EXCITED to lace up 🙂  Happy Heart, Happy Soul!

    My first run took me around the Marsh.

    And by one of the ponds!



    I started running on Monday of this week, setting up a schedule to run M/W/F mornings and strength train on my off days.  Hauling my behind out of bed at 5:45 am to get dressed, feed the cats and haul ass out the door.

    Boy did it ever feel weird…..actually RUNNING.

    I mean, it’s been over a year now since I seriously logged some kms.

    I did run this time last year, but it was only for a couple of runs.  I was told NO RUNNING shortly after.  In hindsight, this was best as I was running with a piece of femur in my knee.  I mean, I knew it was there, but I had no idea how big it was at the time…..like 2cms big…..gah!

    I am wobbly as all get out.  Have no idea how to pace myself anymore (insert BIG sad face here).  I take walking breaks to try and keep a good pace because I speed up and sound like I am dying….huffing and puffing.  Sheesh.  Trying to find my feet again is like a baby learning to walk.  I remind myself to look UP and straight (I tend to look down at my leg…..worrying about my knee, it’s fine…..I am so paranoid right now!  lol).  I remind myself to keep my stride shorter so I don’t heel strike. 
    (And here I am telling people I run to clear my head…..that seems to be the last .7 kms of my run this week.)
    Probably quite the sight in my neck of the woods as the sun rises.  
    It’s good that I am running early in the morning where there is only me, the road/trail, some cyclists, dog walkers and the odd early morning runner. It keeps me motivated to keep going if there are not many people around my “running time” right now…hahaha.
    (It’s good for me AND for others, as ‘Flailing Amy’ is best kept to a low spectator count until she starts running with her BRF and finally gets a GPS watch 😉  )

    On Monday, I start all over again.  Maybe I will run the route in the opposite direction next week.  Strength training and yoga will be the fillers, maybe a Tuesday spin class.  Shake it up.  Keep it fun.
    If you want to keep track of my new flailing running adventures, I am on Strava (and with the Another Mother Runner Group – #BAMR!) and will follow you back.  I love this Kudos thing!
    The take away from this post is this:  I feel great.  My knee feels great.  I. AM. HAPPY.
    Stay tuned for further #RunningWithAmy awesomeness/random blogginess coming soon!!
    #crazymamaruns




     



  • The Post That is Brought to You by The Letter R

    Because Today……I RAN!!!!

    Yes.

    I ran.

    It is surreal.

    Best. Feeling. Ever.

    1.47kms at a 7:13km/hr pace in 10mins 38s

    It was a slow one.  Some walking was done.  But I DID IT.

    My body needed it.  My mind needed it.

    I signed up for the Terry Fox Run in September, BLT 5k Fun Run/Walk in October!

    Welcome back me.  Welcome back.

    #craxymamaruns