I hear it all the time. Goddammit I say it. I say it knowing what is really going to happen in my head: “Let it go.”
Well, what if you CAN’T let it go?
I bring this point of view from the ‘mental illness of me’ perspective:
Depression and anxiety are voices
Those voices whisper
Those voices WON’T let it go
When the switch is flipped, it won’t turn off. I can’t just let something go. My brain will relive the words/a situation over and over, especially if it’s bad. That shit feeds my brain like candy.
Out of the blue I will relive a moment that is not memorable to anyone, but because I may have said something that wasn’t necessarily good (in my brain), the movie of that moment plays out, and is unfortunately memorable TO ME. Not in a good way
This tends to happen right before I go to bed. FUN.
Although, I gotta say that I really enjoy it when it happens at work. Then I feel totally stoooopid. Makes for a great day of supreme self doubt. EXTREME SARCASM FONT.
My brain will release the vice grip every now and then and in that brief moment I can “let it go”.
In reality, my brain is really going through the hit list of Amy’s Awkward Moments. It resets my top 5 every week, choosing various memories from my early childhood, to something that happened yesterday. I know this and have fully accepted the rotating hit list.
So, if we could all try and use “let it go” a little less (unless you’re Elsa, and singing in a frozen castle), and try super awesome distraction methods instead, I think we could all avoid some pent up hostility.
They say the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.
My apple, she fell and bounced into a tree similar to her momma.
My smart and funny TeenThing was diagnosed with depression and anxiety this week.
This journey started a while back, and we had to go through a process of elimination (two rounds of birth control pills over the past couple of years) to be able to say that it wasn’t hormone related.
Like her mother, she is very good at hiding some of her symptoms. In preparation for the appointment with our family physician I had her write down everything, as she would have to share it so we could get a proper diagnosis.
I told her that she didn’t HAVE to tell me everything before we went, but she did have to tell the doctor. She was articulate, clear, and brave.
It’s been hard to keep myself from saying “you should do x, or y”. To remind myself that mental illness is a very individual beast.
I’ve compartmentalized alot. My focus now is on being there for her as we navigate her trial of medication and set her up with all the tools she will need to keep to a normal schedule so that she doesn’t hibernate.
I am proud of her for asking for help. Proud of how strong and brave she is.
This meant some shuffling around of activities, but we had a complete blast the last few days out and about in Edinburgh.
We took one beautiful day and did some walking tours.
Our first tour was through a part of the Underground South Bridge Vaults in Edinburgh with Auld Reekie Tours. These vaults date back to 1700. They were used as living quarters, brothels and bars over the years. They were also used for “black magic” and a local coven set up a temple in one of the vaults to banish the negative energy.
These vaults are creepy, that’s for sure.
The Wiccan TempleOutside the vault entrance of the Wiccan TempleThe cursed stone circleLooking out of the vault
After being creeped out by the most excellent tour guide, we bummed around town a bit before our evening walking tour.
We checked out Holyrood, Arthur’s Seat, Scottish Parliament and of course we had burgers, lol.
Loved all the little “secret streets” off the Royal MileOne of the quotes on the wall down to the Scottish ParliamentArthur’s Seat
Side Gate at HolyroodScottish ParliamentEntrance to HolyroodTea with the Queen anyone?You can see the Abbey in the back
Back up the Royal MileThe Heart of Lothian (you spit on this…for real)St. Giles Cathedral
Our evening tour was one of the free walking tours held by SANDEMANs. We chose this Dark Side tour to hear more about Edinburgh’s creepy history. Our guide was awesome. He was really funny and gave us multiple opportunities to stop and take pics along the way. The most amazing views were from Calton Hill. Calton Hill is the home of the National Monument and Nelson’s Monument.
Nelson’s Monument
The National Monument (also known as the National Shame)
Going down Jacob’s Ladder (they moved coffins up and down these stairs)
Walking Tours are a great way to learn about the city and the guides are great for giving you tips and tricks for food and attractions.
We were lucky enough to be staying close to the Edinburgh Zoo, so our next day was spent with the animals, after some food at the Cocobean Cafe. We were lucky enough to see one of the pandas 🙂
YUM
MeerkatsRed Panda
Sleepy TigerKangarooooooooosRhino
Heeeeeeeeeey
Hi Panda!Bye Panda!
Our last day of running around Edinburgh was spent in town gathering goodies to take home and making sure TeenThing had motion sickness meds, as the plane ride over was not fun for her.
So, before we packed it in, we had to go to The Scotch Whisky Experience! We did the Silver Tour and had a great time. I wish I had gotten a video of TeenThing’s face when she tasted her whisky, lol. The tour ended in the largest whisky collection (3,384 unopened bottles of whisky). It was amazing.
Off in a barrel we go!
I am so sick in this picture, lol.
We both chose to taste whiskey from the Speyside regionThe walls were alllllll bottles
The oldest whiskey in the collectionThe man who donated the 3,000+ bottles
Our Sunday was spent resting and getting ready to head home to Nova Scotia. We had to be in bed early to get up at 4:00 so we could grab the bus into the Glasgow Airport.
On our way, we talked about “the next time we visit”, and I sure hope we do get over again. I am in love with Scotland!
Thanks for coming along with me on our little adventure.
Usually it’s me. I either get the head cold at the end of a trip, or right when I get back (Spoiler: I got sick too, lol).
It was TeenThing’s turn this time. The first day she really started feeling it was a gorgeous sunny day. I really didn’t want to stay inside all day, so after popping down to the pharmacy and gathering an arsenal of cold meds, I hoofed it back to the house and suggested a walk along the Water of Leith Walkway.
Once she was sufficiently medicated and fed, we began our journey. It was a 10 minute walk to the spot where we could hop on, so enough time for us to see if TeenThing was really up for the trek.
She was 🙂
What a hidden gem! This is a definite must do if you ever get to Edinburgh. We walked to Dean Village and back, took us about 2 hours.
Murrayfield Stadium. No games while we were there, booo.
Here we go!“Mom, take a picture of me!”
Dean Village
There she goes.Another serious “trip selfie”.
So pretty
Could have walked for hours. So beautiful.
We could have walked further, but we didn’t pack snacks (oooops).
The next day was cloudy and cool. TeenThing was feeling a little rough, but she agreed to a trip into town to check out the National Gallery.
Rooms and rooms of art. So many serious people in there sitting and staring at all of the paintings and sculptures.
We wandered and took in all of the art. Some of the paintings were HUGE. It was difficult getting photos.
The Campbell Sisters
So serious in here….Man with Jawbone (this is the title, seriously)Cain and Abel
I was glad I didn’t have our time in Scotland fully planned, as it was good to have some downtime for TeenThing to get better. It was nice to have a couple of low key days.
After we had spent our time exploring the Gallery, we took the tram back to the house where we chilled for the rest of the day.
By the time our next adventure rolled around, TeenThing was feeling better 🙂
Since we were in Scotland, I could not pass up a tour to some of the Outlander locations!!
TeenThing and I hauled butt out of bed early one morning and got to the Royal Mile to take The Outlander Palaces, & Jacobites Experience Tour with Timberbush Tours.
This was a nice small group tour with like minded Outlander fans. It made for a really great day!
We started our tour with the drive to Midhope Castle. This property has ties to Hopetoun House, which you will see later in this post.
Midhope was the setting for Lallybroch. It is very run down, which is unfortunate as it is hauntingly beautiful walking up the dirt road. We took a few pictures here (and yay for fun travel mates who take pics for you!).
Waiting for Jamie 😉At the entrance. Let us in Jenny!
The small area where we parked was also used in filming as the spot where Claire first met Captain Randall, right before she was taken away by the Scots.
After we all scampered around in the woods, it was time to get in the bus and head to Blackness Castle, the setting for Fort William.
Blackness Castle – The “Ship That Never Sailed”
The scene of Captain Randall’s flogging of Jamie.
Inside – Amazing.
Walking around the Castle.
No fun was had at this location.
After a snack grab, it was time to head to Linlithgow Palace, the setting for Wentworth Prison!
Linlithgow Palace was also the birthplace of Mary Queen of Scots. It is a gorgeous castle. We checked out the spots used for the prison scenes and then took a guided tour.
Yep, that is prison like.
The Kirk. There was a funeral being held that day, so we were unable to go inside.
You can see where the roof and floors were.TeenThing gets the photo cred here.
The wine cellar was built with grave stones. This one was accidentally left facing out. Ooops!
The Loch.
Mary Queen of Scots
I could have stayed here for hours. The castle is amazing.
Our next stop, Callendar House. The location was used as the Duke of Sandringham’s kitchen in Season Two. It has also hosted Bonnie Prince Charlie and Mary Queen of Scots.
This was a really neat stop. This room was our only area to tour. We had a great time in here though!
Gorgeous from the outside!
We had a few minutes here to enjoy the grounds. It was super pretty here.
Our next stop – Culross. Used many times in Outlander. The Mercat Cross area was used as Cranesmuir, while the Palace had many rooms used in the series as well. The garden in back was used as Claire’s herb garden at Leoch. (Side Note: TeenThing was THRILLED to learn that Culross was also used as a location while filming Captain America, lol.)
A lot of the houses were painted grey or white during filming. This is such a cute little village.
A dram in Geillis’ parlour anyone?
Claire’s Herb Garden
Culross Palace
We had lunch in Culross and ate at a super cute spot called Biscuit Cafe. We had awesome sandwiches and some hot bevvies 🙂
Loved this little spot!Yum!This sandwich – the bombdotcom.
After lunch we hopped on the bus to head to Hopetoun House. This location was used as the home of the Duke of Sandringham. Two rooms upstairs were used as Claire’s rooms in France, and they also used a small area to the side to film where Claire and Mary were attacked.
But first……standing stones!!!
No touchy, lol.
Hopetoun House is AMAZING. It is Scotland’s largest home. It was host to a wedding while we were there. The staff here are wonderful.
This is the back of Hopetoun, where they filmed Jamie’s arrival to see the Duke. The duel was also filmed in the back yard as well.
The “back yard”.
Claire’s room in France.
Where Claire sat with the Duke asking for Jamie’s pardon.
I walked forever to get this shot, lol.
Part of the side of the estate where other filming was done (attack on Claire and Mary)
No serious selfies here.
You can see the “Three Bridges” from here.
We had lots of time here to look around and take everything in. The house is absolutely beautiful. The perfect spot to end our Outlander experience.
After all this excitement, we piled into the bus and head back into Edinburgh to the Royal Mile. We grabbed food, went back to our humble abode and crashed.
This post alone could have been multiple mini posts. I didn’t even put in a third of the photos, lol. It was a great day and the 9.5 hours flew by!
Even though TeenThing hasn’t watched Outlander, she loved every location we visited (with Culross becoming her number one favourite, because Captain America, lol).
Unfortunately, I never did run into Jamie Fraser.
Or did I?? 😉
It was as close as I could get, lol.
Come back next weekend. The Water of Leith and the Art Gallery are up next!
Our next couple of trips into town took us to quite a few spots.
First stop: Edinburgh Castle
I think I took a million pictures here. This castle could have it’s own blog post! Things we could not take pictures of: The Crown Jewels and the Stone of Destiny. I did take photos of some of the areas leading up to the room. We had to go up a winding staircase to get up to the Honours of Scotland. Thankfully not ALL the way up, lol.
There is so much to see at the Castle. You need at least 2 hours here, if not more, to really see everything. Also, going between 10-2 means a BUCKET LOAD of people, so if you want to feel like you need a little more space, head in a little later.
There is even a dog cemetery.
There is a prison exhibit, war/regimental museums and St Margaret’s Chapel, which was built in 1130. The views from the Castle are well worth some extra time to take in.
Grassmarket, Harry Potter and Greyfriars Bobby
Some neat little pubs along this stretchGrassmarket. This area has a Saturday Market filled with vendors.Parts of Grassmarket (and The Royal Mile) are pedestrian only.
We ventured down to Grassmarket through some little side streets and walked around for a bit. This area is full of food and stories.
We ate at The Last Drop. A fitting name for a pub sitting across from where public hangings used to take place 😉 There was good food here (TeenThing had mac and cheese and I had haggis sausages and mash), a great drink selection, and the staff were very nice.
Now, Harry Potter.
Potter fans know that JK Rowling started writing Harry Potter in Edinburgh. Once you are here and travel along the streets, you see the magic around you. The history, the architecture, and the atmosphere is definitely inspiring. There are a couple of streets that claim to be the inspiration for Diagon Alley. With so many small winding side streets, it would be easy to get inspiration from any of them!
You can see the inspiration for Harry Potter everywhere.Supply ListVictoria Street lays the claim to Diagon Alley 😉
A little HaHa to break up the day 🙂
The Elephant House Cafe is an extremely busy spot, as you can well imagine (JK Rowling wrote two books at this location), and is very close to Greyfriars Kirkyard. The Kirkyard is where the grave for Tom Riddle is located, and behind the Kirkyard is George Heriot’s School, the inspiration for Hogwarts.
This Cafe is always packed. You can sign your name on the bathroom wall here, along with a bazillion other Harry fans.Tom Riddle’s GraveThere is NO grass left here, lol. Also, the Kirkyard staff will lead you down to this area if need be.
This was one of my favourite stories of Edinburgh. Bobby was a partner for his human John Gray, who was a night watchman for the Edinburgh Police but died of tuberculosis. Bobby was a constant visitor to his master’s grave. He has his own stone in the Greyfriars Kirkyard where visitors leave him sticks.
And yes, we did rub his nose for luck 😉
Using our own two feet to explore the city was amazing, and I am glad we did because you really get to see all of the small nooks and crannies of the city.
Side Note: We had great experiences on all of our walking tours. You’ll get to see some of the sights on one of the tours in a later post 🙂
Next week: Outlander!
(p.s. If you are not a fan of the show, feel free to just come back for the pictures, the set locations we got to visit were amazing!)
Began 2017 on the right foot. Let’s hope I don’t injure anything, lol.
Okay,
So over the holidays I decided that I seriously needed to keep moving this year. Not just for my physical health, but for my mental health. I sat and muddled about a fall half marathon. I wanted something close to home (because I am without my own vehicle, and would need to acquire one for long distance travel) and fun.
I did the Tartan Twosome there last year (5ks) and really enjoyed the atmosphere and all the goodies offered post race. Also, the views in Eastern Passage are amazing!
Also, I purchased a Believe Journal over the holidays. SUPER EXCITED.
Plan Amy, plan.
I am ramping up to start training for the BlueNose Half Marathon shortly and have been writing in my journal daily. I should be receiving my plan soon and am looking forward to getting back on the training train 😉
You said Brain Melts?
Oh yes, brain melts.
Once I had registered and started to plan out my races, I had a brain melt.
Then panic.
What had I done?!?!?
I am usually a one big race and then all the smaller distances to keep me moving.
I did not get the kms in that I wanted my first week and by the weekend, it caught up with me: work, life, running, KERSMASH.
I had an anxiety moment. A brain melting, bugs crawling on my skin, flight (not fight), moment.
I’m good now, but it was yuck.
And now, let’s talk about the FitBit.
I Thought You Divorced Your FitBit?
I did.
We recently made up, for now. I put my step goal down to 8,000 and joined a challenge.
Results from first full week: I can’t do challenges. It still ramps up my brain and makes me super anxious.
But I decided to still wear it. If anything I can see my sleep patterns and make sure I do get up and move around (she says as she sits and types, lol).
It gives me some motivation to be active, and see lovely sights such as this on my lunch hour:
Halifax Waterfront
That is what’s been happening here in the land of Amy so far in 2017. Come back around soon, as we get ready to document the Odyssey that is my life and how I am going to manage 2 Half Marathons and my brain!
Your risk of complications increases over the age of 70.
TeenThing had them when she was 10/11 years old.
They appeared on the right hand side of my stomach, just across from my hip bone, just over a week ago.
At first, I though something had bitten me in my sleep, as I discovered them within an hour of waking. I stripped my bed looking for the culprit. NOTHING.
They were itchy, and warm. So I took a picture and sent it off to my mother. She told me I needed to get to the doctor, because it looked like shingles. So off I went.
My doctor (she was on duty at the walk-in clinic, yay!) confirmed that I did indeed have shingles. She wrote me a prescription, which I filled (and started taking) right away.
Now, before this happened, I thought I was getting a chest cold. A day or two before that I had a sty in my eye.
Those shingle things were itchy and burning. They also “tingled”, like electric shocks. I, thankfully, did not have much pain. I was very, very fatigued.
Everything came to a grinding halt
My training had to stop.
I had to rest.
I had to try and bring down the stress levels.
(I know what you are all thinking: Exercise is supposed to eliminate stress. It does. But sometimes you are burning the candle at both ends and you are blind to it. As a single mom I can sometimes get tunnel vision thinking I can do it all, when I can’t.)
I am still following the group I was training with on Running Moms. Still watching the running form videos. Still downloading my workouts and the meal plans. Carey’s HIIT workouts and running workouts were really showing me what I was neglecting in my training. This is going to come in handy for the rest of my running season and when I start my half marathon training in January.
For now, I am slowly going to work my workouts back into my day. Being on vacation for two weeks is going to make this easier 😉
Today, V (my daughter) and I attended a concert. Tales of A Charlie Brown Christmas.
Such classy broads 😉
I was lucky enough to win tickets to this event through a Twitter Chat I participated in last Wednesday with East Coast Moms
For those of you that don’t know, Jerry Granelli (drummer of the Vince Guaraldi Trio who wrote the score for A Charlie Brown Christmas), is from Halifax, Nova Scotia. His Trio performed for the audience today with the Vivace Children’s Choir.
We attended the Matinee, which was filled with families. Such a great atmosphere!
Once the Trio and the Choir took to the stage, Jerry shared many stories about Vince, the recording of the soundtrack and the cartoon itself.
Things I did NOT know:
Lee Mendelson heard Cast Your Fate to the Wind and contacted a jazz writer for the San Francisco Chronicle who put him in touch with Guaraldi, and asked Guaraldi to score the cartoon
Coca Cola commissioned and sponsored the special
CBS did NOT want to air it. Too slow. Did not like the Linus reading from Bible. They said “NO”
Coca Cola said “YES”
And we know who won. Thank you Coca Cola!
They also showed a clip during the performance of the Guaraldi Trio recording the score in the studio. I had no idea Vince had a stylin moustache!
Apparently, the ‘stache used to scare Jerry 😉
The afternoon was filled with the awesomeness of Charlie Brown and has totally gotten me in the Christmas mood!!
If they do something similar next year, I am totally getting tickets!
I think we often lose track of what Christmas is all about, and the reason I love A Charlie Brown Christmas is that it brings it all back to the real reason in a super cute way. So, take some time with your family and remember why we celebrate this wonderful holiday! #crazymamaruns
The Midlife Reframe 