The Midlife Reframe

Category: conference

  • Scrambled Eggs

    I don’t really know how to write. Most of the time I just sit and type, hoping that what is coming out of my brain makes sense.

    Let’s face it, a mentally ill brain is a lot like scrambled eggs. A bunch of thoughts all shaken up and then plopped down on a plate, and you hope that what you’ve made is good.

    I’d like to think that most of the time I make some sense, but I know there are times when I don’t. I know there are times that I ramble on and sometimes repeat myself.

    I’m afraid that if I don’t get it all out of my head that I’ll forget to say something I find important. But it can get caught up in my jumbled thoughts and come out as a giant ball of irrational words.

    I need to learn how to pause, and breathe.

    In the moment, it’s hard. That pause may make me lose my train of thought, or so I think. But in all honesty it may give me that one moment of clarity that I am so desperately seeking.

    I was at a conference in Montreal this week. A lot of presentations focused on leadership. One thing I noticed was the ability of some of the presenters to have that uncomfortable pause. To wait for however many seconds before repeating a question, or moving on.

    I guess I need to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. To have that pause. To not be afraid of it.

    So I will be making a small not to have at my desk this week.

    Pause. Breathe. Start again.

    Here’s to finding clarity, and to being uncomfortable.

  • BlogJam 2015, Ativan and How 8 1/2 x 11 Paper is Bad for Speaking Notes

    I Enjoyed Every Minute of BlogJam 2015!!

    Even though I wanted to vomit.  
    And not because I had a bug.
    My day started off early, as I was taking the Public Limo downtown.  This only runs every hour on Sunday.
    Once I arrived at the Ferry Terminal I was able to catch the amazing sunrise over the harbour 🙂

    After which I had to Periscope my Wake Up!
    I was early, so I grabbed my reusable coffee mug at work.  Because environment.
    My anxiety level was at a very low 10%.  Yay.
    On arrival, I was able to see the BlogJam Team in action.  They were awesome! Seeing them pull it all together before registration was kind of calming 😉
    One of my favourite parts.  MAKING MY OWN NAME TAG!!

     

    Sparkly 🙂

    I then fuelled up while I waited for my fellow bloggers to arrive.  I was so lucky to be able to spend the day with some of my favs!!

    Anxiety level was creeping up….like 25%.

    And Then it Began….

    KeyNote Speaker was Vicki Murphy (aka @MotherFumbler) who got the mood set with a down to earth, real, and HILARIOUS welcome.

    (GIRL CRUSH – I LOVE HER.)

    I was then on a mission to learn, all while attempting to silence the looming anti-voice inside my head.

    So off I went to follow the “be real” theme that ran through the 2nd floor of the Marriott Waterfront.
    (Some real:  I was slowly losing my shit.)
    I attended some awesome sessions.  I mean look at this.  It was so hard to chose!

    And then we eat.  You know, not long before MY presentation.

    Lunchtime arrived and every one broke off to eat.  I bought my lunch, so I grabbed my bag filled with chicken ceasar wrap awesomeness and took an Ativan.  Yep.  Medicated myself.
    Anxiety level….reaching 110%.  For real. 
    Luckily, after I scarfed my lunch down, I was able to hide behind Adam Purcell‘s table, where I charged my phone and tried NOT to vomit, while praying to the Ativan God to HURRY UP AND WORK ALREADY.

    I then removed myself from the area.  I could not attend a session before mine.  It was just NOT going to happen.
    I listened to some music and decided I NEEDED TO RUN.

    Yep.

    Took off my boots.


    I love these little boots 🙂

    I ran outside of the main presentation rooms.  For real.

    I did some downward dogs.  

    A few pushups.  

    And took a big deep breath.

    Anxiety level….CODE RED.

    But it was go time.

    And so I did it.

    I stood up in front of people and spoke.


    I had speaking notes, which was a printout of my bullet points.

    I can’t remember what I said, for the life of me, but I remember this:  that paper is big, maybe not in the paper world, but for someone who was killing paperclips by the millisecond, it was the largest paper I had ever seen.

    By this point, even with my friend Ativan, the voice of my mental illness was LOUD inside my head.  I was doubting every word that came out of my mouth.  
    That being said, I hope something got across to the absolutely wonderful folks who came and sat in on my session.  You were a wonderful group of people.  Some who I knew, and some I met that morning.  
    I kind of lost myself near the end, mostly because of THAT PAPER, but I did it.

    I survived the voices in my head.
    Also, I got some AWESOME JAM!!

    This jam ROCKS!

    What Did I Learn?

    BE REAL.  Above all else.

    We all have a voice.  Find it.  Write with it.

    Say yes, no matter what the outcome.

    Group Panel sessions are great to get different perspectives.

    If you get stuck when writing, it’s okay.  We all get stuck.

    Put yourself out there by taking chances.

    Bloggers are awesome people….and I am one of them.

    Thank you BlogJam 2015!  You let me step outside of my comfort zone.  I learned so much!

    See you next year 🙂



    @crazymamaruns







  • The Post About BlogJam 2015 and Recharging My Batteries

    I am Presenting at a Conference!!

    My very first time speaking outside of work related office talks…..sharing my story.  Mental illness, physical fitness and my bloggy journey.  It will be real.  It will be fun. It will be filled with lots of ME, lol. 
    I am hella nervous.
    I am hella excited.
    I may bend ALL the paperclips!!!!
    Sooooo, which conference?
    This one:

     

    So, if you are a Blogger, Wanna Be Blogger, or are interested in connecting with your fellow Bloggers on the Atlantic Coast of Canada, register soon!  It’s free! (You can make a small donation for coffee that is provided throughout the day to all conference attendees – I did, because we all know how much I love coffee!).  There will be some amazing presenters!!!

    Fresh off a Long Weekend

    Boy did I ever need the break.  It was good to get out of the familiar, everyday environment of home/work/gym/run and spend some time away from the city.
    We did a roadtrip with my parents to beautiful Cape Breton Island, Nova Scotia. 
    Both of my parents are from there.
    We stayed with family and had such a good time 🙂  I ate what I wanted, had lots of java juice, family BBQ on Sunday and I started to learn how to knit socks. (It may take me 2 years to finish them….but…..lol.) 
    The pictures do not do this awesome part of the Province justice.  

    So, where do you love to go to recharge YOUR batteries?  Doesn’t have to be a trip that takes you far. Day trips are great.  Long hikes are also wicked awesome.
    Remember, we all need self care.  I forget this, a lot.
    So book some time with yourself.  It’s totally worth it 🙂