The Midlife Reframe

Category: BlogJam2015

  • And Then I Got Sick

    Yes, sick.

    Coming off my BlogJam high I went into work on Monday.
    It came and went with it’s usual routine.

    Then Tuesday.  Tuesday I woke up and felt like a slug.  Dragged my butt into work and made it through the day.

    What time did I get to bed?  8:35pm.
    Like a BOSS.
    Needless to say I was laid out Wednesday and Thursday with sinus pressure and total grossness.  No physical activity was had last week.

    The cats were checking in on me constantly.

    Time to re-evaluate…

    So, because I have a mental illness, there are times that my immune system is not at it’s best.  I mean, depression and anxiety = long term stress.  So the days leading up to my first speaking engagement, they were some super stressful days.  Exciting stress, but stress all the same.
    As I took care of myself those two days I was at home I started to think of my food, hydration, meditation and wondered if I needed something else to bolster my immune system so that I would not be as easy to infect.
    I decided to go back on a multivitamin.   A women’s multivitamin, because let’s face it, I am over 40 😉

    Now I know what some people think.

    You need to sweat that shit out.  Sweat out those germs.
    NO.
    Putting extra stress on my already weakened immune system?  Sorry, not an option.
    I learned a looooooong time ago, when TeenThing was a wee one, that pushing through being sick is not always a good thing.
    When she was just over a year old, I ended up in the hospital for a week.  My body was in shut down mode.  They had no idea what was wrong with me.  To this day, there is still no explanation as to what was wrong.  I was jaundiced, fatigued, and I hurt.  I was in isolation for the first few days.  They took 6 vials of blood every morning.  I saw so many different doctors and they wanted biopsies, yuck (which did not happen – yay).  Finally, I just started to feel better and was able to go home (in a raging snowstorm, but taxis were out and I was NOT staying in there any longer than I had to!).

    Lesson:  My life, my body, my child, are the most important things.  When you are sick, rest dammit. 

     

    And hey, getting better means apple picking baby!

     

    I’ve said it before, self care ROCKS.  Not only mental self care, but physical self care as well.  Being a person is hard these days.  We need to remember that just because the world is going a gazillion km per hour doesn’t mean WE have to keep that pace.
    So if you are sick, take care of yourself.  We have sick days for a reason.  Not using them is not going to win you any brownie points.  Same with exercise/training.  Taking a couple of days to rest is not going to set you back so far that you will suffer any major setback.
    Stay home.
    Get better.
    Then go and kick some ass.

     

     

  • BlogJam 2015, Ativan and How 8 1/2 x 11 Paper is Bad for Speaking Notes

    I Enjoyed Every Minute of BlogJam 2015!!

    Even though I wanted to vomit.  
    And not because I had a bug.
    My day started off early, as I was taking the Public Limo downtown.  This only runs every hour on Sunday.
    Once I arrived at the Ferry Terminal I was able to catch the amazing sunrise over the harbour 🙂

    After which I had to Periscope my Wake Up!
    I was early, so I grabbed my reusable coffee mug at work.  Because environment.
    My anxiety level was at a very low 10%.  Yay.
    On arrival, I was able to see the BlogJam Team in action.  They were awesome! Seeing them pull it all together before registration was kind of calming 😉
    One of my favourite parts.  MAKING MY OWN NAME TAG!!

     

    Sparkly 🙂

    I then fuelled up while I waited for my fellow bloggers to arrive.  I was so lucky to be able to spend the day with some of my favs!!

    Anxiety level was creeping up….like 25%.

    And Then it Began….

    KeyNote Speaker was Vicki Murphy (aka @MotherFumbler) who got the mood set with a down to earth, real, and HILARIOUS welcome.

    (GIRL CRUSH – I LOVE HER.)

    I was then on a mission to learn, all while attempting to silence the looming anti-voice inside my head.

    So off I went to follow the “be real” theme that ran through the 2nd floor of the Marriott Waterfront.
    (Some real:  I was slowly losing my shit.)
    I attended some awesome sessions.  I mean look at this.  It was so hard to chose!

    And then we eat.  You know, not long before MY presentation.

    Lunchtime arrived and every one broke off to eat.  I bought my lunch, so I grabbed my bag filled with chicken ceasar wrap awesomeness and took an Ativan.  Yep.  Medicated myself.
    Anxiety level….reaching 110%.  For real. 
    Luckily, after I scarfed my lunch down, I was able to hide behind Adam Purcell‘s table, where I charged my phone and tried NOT to vomit, while praying to the Ativan God to HURRY UP AND WORK ALREADY.

    I then removed myself from the area.  I could not attend a session before mine.  It was just NOT going to happen.
    I listened to some music and decided I NEEDED TO RUN.

    Yep.

    Took off my boots.


    I love these little boots 🙂

    I ran outside of the main presentation rooms.  For real.

    I did some downward dogs.  

    A few pushups.  

    And took a big deep breath.

    Anxiety level….CODE RED.

    But it was go time.

    And so I did it.

    I stood up in front of people and spoke.


    I had speaking notes, which was a printout of my bullet points.

    I can’t remember what I said, for the life of me, but I remember this:  that paper is big, maybe not in the paper world, but for someone who was killing paperclips by the millisecond, it was the largest paper I had ever seen.

    By this point, even with my friend Ativan, the voice of my mental illness was LOUD inside my head.  I was doubting every word that came out of my mouth.  
    That being said, I hope something got across to the absolutely wonderful folks who came and sat in on my session.  You were a wonderful group of people.  Some who I knew, and some I met that morning.  
    I kind of lost myself near the end, mostly because of THAT PAPER, but I did it.

    I survived the voices in my head.
    Also, I got some AWESOME JAM!!

    This jam ROCKS!

    What Did I Learn?

    BE REAL.  Above all else.

    We all have a voice.  Find it.  Write with it.

    Say yes, no matter what the outcome.

    Group Panel sessions are great to get different perspectives.

    If you get stuck when writing, it’s okay.  We all get stuck.

    Put yourself out there by taking chances.

    Bloggers are awesome people….and I am one of them.

    Thank you BlogJam 2015!  You let me step outside of my comfort zone.  I learned so much!

    See you next year 🙂



    @crazymamaruns







  • As I Sit Here and Write This…

    It is almost EXACTLY one week until my presentation at BlogJam 2015.

    I would be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous.

    October will hold two firsts for me.  The first being: I am stepping out my box, big time, doing this presentation.

    If I look like this, just hug me….lol.



    It is so very easy to sit here and type my blog posts.  No can see if I am crying or upset or happy as I type. Although I try to emulate my emotions in writing, you can never be 100% sure if what you are feeling can come through the way you want.

    That is part of the miscommunication associated the written word.

    I am hoping that, as part of my foray out of the survival box, and out from behind my keyboard, that I can provide a real account of my blogging experience as a newbie and share the story that brought me here WITHOUT falling apart….too much, lol.

    The Second First?

    Running a 5km race on October 24th.

    That also has me very nervous.  Not the race part.  Just the fact that it is something I was unsure of this time last year.  Would I run again.  Not run again.

    Just plain old anxious, lol.

    So, hang on for the crazy ride known as October here in Crazy Mama’s world.

    You’ll have my recap next week to let you know how my first first goes 😉

    Until next time!

    @crazymamaruns