The Midlife Reframe

Category: blog

  • My Life as a Single Mom: The Mom Brain

    A Mom and her TeenThing

    I can probably get a shirt that says “Permanent Mom Brain”.

    Working, raising a child, avoiding the rabbit hole of depression, and trying to fit in my running/fitness takes up most of my time.  The blog has suffered a little bit lately because of this juggling act.

    I have had many ideas for posts.  I have sat down to write a draft so I could have it saved and get back to it.  DISTRACTION.  No writing.

    Let’s be real, this applies to my life in general.  I have, over the years, gone from one room to the other with full intention of “doing the thing”.  Insert phone call, child, other random thought, on my way to the other room.  I’ve lost the whole “doing the thing”.

    Why was I walking into this room?

    What was so important that I had to come here?

    What’s my name?

    WHO AM I ANYWAY?

    You’d think keeping physically active would magically sort everything out.

    NO.

    I can think I have my shit sorted out on a run.  All of life’s problems are solved (hahahaha) during this time by myself.

    I’ll get home and forget about 80% of my solutions.

    (This is so much worse on my “bad days”.  On those days, I am just happy I remember to put on pants.)

    Then people say “put it in your phone”.

    I’ve tried, but the red circles distract me and I automatically check out my notifications.

    GOLDFISH.

    I’m pretty sure it has gotten worse over the past few years (thank you hormones).

    I even went and bought paper agendas.  I have an agenda for regular life, and one for my running life.

    I was like:  “Hell Yeah!  Look out world I am coming for you!!  Take that Mom Brain!”

    But let’s be honest, I still can’t remember to write half of my shit down.

    So, I’ll just continue to wander through my life, content in knowing that at some point, I’ll know why I went into the other room AND what I am going to do there.

    @crazymamaruns

     

  • Remembering Who I Am

    img_0986
    Pic courtesy of George Inglis Photography

     

    It’s been a while since I’ve posted.

    I wanted to wait until I was “situated” in my “new home” to do so.

    I’ve moved the blog from one platform to another.  So feel free to let me know what works and what doesn’t work!  Feedback is appreciated while I continue to tweak some things 🙂

    TeenThing has a job and is working.  She is finding her way and I need to find mine again.  I’ve been a mom for so long I forgot who I am, lol.  So now I begin the whole process of “Finding Amy” and remembering what it is that I want to do with my free time (this is outside of running, lol, that I got covered).

    In other news, I have been slowly getting my physical fitness back.  Early morning yoga and HITT workouts have been keeping me going until I rejig my gym schedule and get some classes/swimming/track time figured out.

    Half Marathon training begins full force in January.  I will be running inside and outside this year.  So when it’s full on bitey wind and bitey snow, I will be at the Canada Games Centre busting up the track.  A nice option to have this year, lol.

    I should be back to regular posts this weekend, so keep your eyes peeled, I have LOTS of stuff to share!

     

    @crazymamaruns

     

  • Manitoba Harvest Hemp Heart Bar Review!

    A Little Break in my Chronicles…

    So we can talk about Hemp Heart Bars!

    (A little disclaimer here:  I was provided these bars for a review.)

    A while back I wrote about Hemp Hearts.  Which I love. Those little suckers are awesome.
    So, when the opportunity to review these bars came, I was all over it!
    As a mom and a runner, I am always looking for something to “get me by” after my runs or workouts OR something to grab prior to my runs or workouts.  (I am known to grab a quick sandwich or scarf down some raw veggies beforehand.  But both of those are not exactly portable!)

    It just wanted to jump into my gym bag!
    Now, for those of you who have issues with food texture, these may not be for you.  They are compacted bars of hemp heart, which means a bazillion little hemp hearts. If you regularly eat protein bars, then you will notice quite a difference in texture.  Where protein bars are dense, these bars are light and easier to eat.  (Each bar (45g) contains 10g of plant-based protein and 10g of omegas.)
    My “OMG I left it really late to go to Costco” face.
    I was given an apple cinnamon and chocolate as my review bars, and I must say, I enjoyed the apple cinnamon much more than the chocolate (insert shocking music here)!  They are filling, and can get you through the post workout to actual meal time no problem.
    I had my apple cinnamon bar before one of my lunchtime training runs.  It was easy on my stomach and provided me with what I needed to get my kms in without being ravenous afterwards.  I had the chocolate bar before I ran errands and it kept me sane (read:  less hangry) as I shopped my way through Costco!  (Costco can be a scary place!)
    So, if you are looking for something light, but filling, I would definitely recommend these bars.  They can be thrown in your gym bag or in your purse and are great to keep you moving through a workout or when you are out doing all your “mom” stuff!
    Wanna win a box of these to call your VERY OWN?
    Here is what you gotta do – PHOTO CONTEST:
    Tag @manitobaharvest #hempheartbar #fuelledbyhemp #sweatpink @fitapproach on social media for a chance to win!  (A winner will be chosen each month!  Eligibility: Open to US and Canadian residents)
    **If you want to get a discount on your order of bars, use code hhbarlaunch1016 to get 15% off (expires 3/31/2016).
    So, go on, get out there and be #fuelledbyhemp!
    @crazymamaruns   

  • It’s Like Withdrawal

    Even With a Step Down Plan…

    It’s been a roller coaster ride.
    I had tweeted how ALIVE I felt on Monday.
    Alive.
    Maybe too much.
    Going from feeling pretty much level to the point of becoming numb to dealing with the influx of feelings has been hard.  My brain is trying to “rewire” itself after letting medication do it for so long.  Giving me the big WTF.
    Keeping things in focus has been a challenge.  Trying to remain on task has been hard.
    I want to laugh, cry, and punch someone.
    I know right?
    And yet, I am thankful for it.
    (I know what you are thinking – you’re THANKFUL for your mental illness?  THANKFUL for coming off the drugs and feeling overwhelmed?)

    Yes (I haven’t been to India, lol, but this song really sums things up).
    Because even with all the hard parts, I am now remembering how it feels to be passionate, engaged, hopeful.
    It’s a struggle, even on my best days.  Those around me probably often wonder “What the WHAT?” as I flounder through my day.  But they let me flounder, knowing that I will own up to my obsessive thinking and back up the bus if told.
    I am hoping to get an update on physio if there is an actual ETA on when I can run again so I have something to focus on and work towards.
    I try and pick small things daily to focus on, hence all my planks, lol.

     

    Keeping my core strong will come in handy big time when I get back to running.  Also with the yoga and workouts I am able to do right now I am keeping my upper body strength in check.

    Strong core and a strong upper body can help me push through even when my legs may not want to.

    They come in handy on hills!



    I am still real about it…

    Don’t get me wrong, I am under no illusion that I am “healed”.  I know that there may be a chance that I will need help, that I may not be able to “do it all” on my own.

    My support system rocks, and I know at times they are overwhelmed as well.

    So, I want to say thank you to you.  Those of you who are with me every day.  Who work with me, live with me, hang out with me, and love me.

    Thank you as well to my online family.  You are there no matter what time of day I vent, even at 2:00am.  Advantages of Twitter, lol.

    To those who are still not sure about sharing their mental illness, know that you are not alone.  Those of us who speak out feel just like you do.
    Hang in there.
    I am 🙂

    #crazymamaruns

  • What The Heck Has Been Going On??? (Part 2)

    Wellll……

    What we woke up to during Storm #1
    This past week on the East Coast of Canada has not been ideal.  While other parts of the country have actually been having a transition into Spring, we have had THIS. Snow snow and more snow 😦

    After the Storm #1 (EC has the snow on the ground for this day at 34 cms) during Saturday evening/Sunday Morning, they were forecasting (at first) 5cms for Tuesday eve into Wednesday.
    My 4:30ish am shot on Wednesday.
    We woke up to SNOWMAGGEDON. 
    For those who are not aware, in February 2004 we had quite a blizzard, which was dubbed “White Juan”.  It was given this name because on September 29, 2003, Halifax was hit with Hurricane Juan.  (The name Juan was retired after this storm)
    I was living here during both storms.  Both powerful, both causing damage and states of emergency.
    So when I looked out my window on Wednesday morning, I was not hopeful that it would be ending any time soon.

     

    So much for 5cms…which was then upgraded to 30cms, and then….this.

    And it didn’t.  It snowed….ALL DAY…..and into the evening.  My office was closed, Halifax was basically shut down.


    And yes, we actually ventured out…

    My brother had graduated from the Military Policy Academy earlier this month and came home to move his family to CFB Suffield.
    They were in a hotel not far from us.
    We had ventured down later in the evening (to say our goodbyes) on roads that used to be two lanes, but were cut down to one.
    You could not really get down my street, although cabin fever got to some folks and they braved the elements.

    The bite-y snow
    It was not easy getting around and the snow seemed to be coming from every direction.
    I ventured out once earlier in the day to see what was going on.  I made it to the end of my road and turned around.
    It was very bite-y.
      
    To get to my brother and his family, my daughter and I had to get to the main road to be picked up by my parents.

    We encountered a dad with his two littles who were out (mostly for dad’s sanity I am sure…).  And then a truck came up the main road and stopped.  Not sure if he was just stuck, tired or maybe waiting to turn around in disgust.


    The Main Road – inbetween wind gusts.
    As we said our goodbyes, the storm raged on.
    We left the hotel just before it got too dark.  And the travelling was just as crappy.
    People were driving like jerks and the weather was getting to everyone.  We hunkered down for the rest of the evening and waited for an announcement on Halifax Transit for Thursday (they cancelled all services on Wednesday).

    My Street Wednesday Evening…
    My office was closed again Thursday.  Halifax Transit delayed service as the main garage was unstable (the snow on the roof causing some issues) and only provided the basic service from 3pm on.
    Luckily, my physiotherapy office is just down the road from my place.  My Wednesday appointment had been cancelled, so I went in on Thursday morning.
    Those drifts on Thursday morning – twice my height. 

     

    And then, another yucky mess

    We had another gross “weather event” last night.  This did bring some rain, but then it snowed.

    This morning…with the mocking sun behind the clouds…sigh.
    Not like our last two storms, but still, I think we are all tired now.
    Some folks here have shovelled out their own streets, sidewalks and roofs.  There are still sidewalks by my place that we may not see until June (yes, that is sarcasm, lol).
    Some building roofs collapsing under the heavy snow.  Some retailers have been closed for the past couple of days because of the structural concern.

    The wind howls outside today.
    And March Break is over.
    I am wondering what tomorrow will bring, as Friday was not an ideal commute to OR from the office.  A lot of kids will be walking on the street (as us adults were last week).  Being a pedestrian is a little dangerous right now.
    So, if anyone is hiring legal staff in Belize, let me know.  I’d be willing to seriously consider it 😉

    #crazymamaruns

     

     

  • Manitoba Harvest Hemp Heart Review AND Giveaway!!!!

    Hemp Heart Awesomeness and GIVEAWAY!

    Here we go my fit friends.

    I am a lover of food, those of you who follow me know that (well, food and coffee!!).

    I was asked to do a hemp heart review with Manitoba Harvest 🙂

    What ARE hemp hearts??

    Well, hemp is a species of Cannabis sativa. Hemp is NOT the same as marijuana. Hemp hearts are the raw shelled hemp seed.

    From their website:

    • Great tasting – Hemp Hearts have a slightly nutty taste, similar to a sunflower seed or pine nut.
    • Easy to use – Simply sprinkle Hemp Hearts on salad, cereal & yogurt, add to smoothies and recipes, or eat them straight from the package!
    • Nutritious – per 30 gram serving, Hemp Hearts contain 10 grams of plant-based protein and 10 grams of Omegas.
    • Hemp Hearts have more protein and omegas and less carbs than the same serving of chia or flax.
    Getting down to business!

    I am a lover of greek yogurt.  So much so that regular yogurt holds no place in my heart…lol.  So, hemp hearts in hand, and after my trip to Costco for my fruits and veggies, I began.

    Yes, there is yogurt here 🙂

    I am telling you, these little babies really added a little something more to my greek yogurt and berries!  The nutty taste is NOT overwhelming at all.  It rounded out the taste and was DELICIOUS!

    I also put them in my smoothies – just a tablespoon was good for me. 

    These hemp hearts are SO versatile.  I used them on my salads, and really really loved them with pineapple.  I do enjoy them more than flax seed as I find they don’t get stuck in my back teeth 😉  They would be great for those folks who may not be a fan of chia.  I love chia seeds, but they have a certain texture that some people are not a fan of.

     

    On Pineapple – OMG!

    I loved these so much I went a purchase a larger bag from Costco.  I will be putting these in some No Bake Energy Bites in place of the chia seeds.

    So….who wants to try these?  Manitoba Harvest is kind enough to let me give away a package to one of my lucky readers!!!

    To win some of these little yummy guys – enter below!

    a Rafflecopter giveaway//widget-prime.rafflecopter.com/launch.js
    Good Luck!

    #crazymamaruns

     

  • Knee Surgery BABY!!!!!

    Yes, I Have a Surgery Date!

    Relief is in sight!!  Happy Dance all around!

    When I arrived home last evening after getting the new hairs (check out my FaceBook Page for pics!) I checked my voicemail.

    *Insert Angelic Music Here*

    There was a message from the Surgeon’s Assistant telling me off I go for surgery on February 18th.

    Happy is just one word I can use.  Nervous and excited for sure!  All depending on what the CT Scan shows and what he sees when he gets in there – there MAY be a bone graft for my femur.  Crossing my fingers that this is not the case and he can just screw the hangy piece back in and work on the dead fractured area.

    What does this mean?

    Well, we are looking at a 6-8 week recovery where I can not have any weight on my leg AT ALL (unless I am doing well, and may be able to put weight on my toes after a few weeks).  Then physio and check ups.  Not sure of the full recovery time yet, but it would be wonderful to run in the late summer early fall.  Just recreational at first, but man, I CAN’T WAIT!!!!!

    So NOW

    I begin my crazy Virgo induced worrying and preparing for the worst, lol.  My V and I will get the apartment in order (two level two bedroom = stairs) so I will be able to survive the first little bit without moving too much.

    And then meal planning and prepping after that.  V will be able to help out big time since she’s 16, but to have simple, fast things to pull out and heat up would be great, and some slow cooker stuff frozen so she can dump it in before she heads to school.

    All that being said, I know I have some great resources at my hands – YOU!

    • What are some quick and easy freezer meals?
    • Any sites you would recommend for easy recipies?
    • Any injury experiences you would like to share?

    Feel free to comment below – I love getting feedback!

    #crazymamaruns

     

  • And I am CLOSER to my Surgery!

    I never thought this day would come!

    This April will have been one full year since my slip in the Dominican and this journey began!

    What started out as a possible meniscus tear was discovered to be an actual joint condition that I’ve had since I was a teenager!

    Osteochondritis Dissecans

    So, since the knee has been getting progressively worse over the past couple of weeks, I went back into the surgeon last Friday.
     
    He asked me some questions about my activity (“You’re doing no sports….RIGHT?”) and manipulated my knee.

    We discussed the options:  If the piece that was still in there hanging on was still, in fact, hanging on, there will be a screw put through that to save it and stimulate healing.  

    As for the piece(s) still floating around, they will be removed.  All depending on whether or not the CarGel is available, there will probably be some microfracturing as to regenerate the bone and cartilage.

    IF the piece hanging on for dear life is NOT able to be screwed in – the words “bone graft” were spoken.

    FUN TIMES!

    So I sit now and wait for the phone call to come this week telling me my actual surgery date.

    I am in good hands, but, I am nervous, excited and vomit-like all at the same time.

    And then I remember, in the not too distant future, I CAN RUN!

    Stay tuned for further updates in the Knee Chronicles!

    #crazymamaruns

  • I Mustache You A Question……

    So I was nominated by my Twitter runner bud Rod over at Runnersmythos to answer these 12 questions so that ya’ll can learn some more about little ole ME!

    Here we go, hang on for dear life!

    1. Four names that people call me, other than my real name:

    • Mom – well this one is obvious.  I have a beautiful 16 year old daughter 🙂
    • Auntie – another obvious one.  I have two awesome nieces!
    • Aim/Amz/Aimz – when you thought you couldn’t shorten Amy, you can 😉
    • Whiskers – this was a nickname given to me in junior high by my friend Ernie Wasson.  I had a large sweatshirt with a pink cat face on it.  He called me that for the remainder of my time back in Oromocto.

    2. Four jobs I have had:

    • Candy Concession Stand Chick – I worked at the Famous Players Theatre in Penhorn Mall during Grades 11 and 12.
    • Legal Secretary – I worked at one firm for 4.5 years before I got pregnant.
    • IT Helpdesk Support – I went back to school to obtain my Network Internet Support Specialist (Microsoft Stream) Diploma when my daughter was 3 and landed a job right out of school at a law firm in their IT Department.
    • Paralegal/Litigation Support – I left IT in that firm to become a Paralegal in their Litigation Department, it was there that I transitioned to a Litigation Application Specialist role.  (I left that firm after 6 years and went to the firm I currently work at where I am a Litigation Support Paralegal and part of a great team!)

     3. Four movies that I have watched more than once:

    • Star Wars Trilogy – I mean come on, you HAVE to watch these over and over!
    • Back to the Future Trilogy – These are just awesome, enough said.
    • Grease – My mom and dad had the album and I listened to it religiously.  When my mom took me to see the movie in the theatre, I sang EVERY SONG.  lol
    • The Exorcist – Because I love to scare the living crap out of myself and sleep with the bible under my pillow for a week after I watch it.

    4. Four Books I recommend:  I have so many more than 4, because I LOVE to read, but I pick these…

    • The Book Thief – Because it is narrated by Death.
    • Under The Dome – Stephen King.  Need I say more?  I love how he dives into human nature and the whole “what would people really be like in this situation?”.
    • Gone Girl – I could not put that book down.
    • The Game of Thrones Series – I started reading these when I was diagnosed with depression.  It really helped me escape and relax.

     5. Four places I have lived:  (My dad was a Military Policeman, so we moved around a bit)

    • Baldy Hughes, British Columbia – This was a Canadian Forces Station – a Radar Base.  In the middle of NOWHERE.  We lived in a barrack block that had been split into “apartments”. (This is now home to the Baldy Hughes Therapeutic Community)
    • Oromocto, New Brunswick – I was born here, and we were posted back to CFB Gagetown when I was a teen (where I completed Grades 8-10 before we were posted to Halifax).
    • Summerside, Prince Edward Island – I started school here (Kindergarden to Grade 3), we did not live on base, but in the actual City of Summerside in the PMQs. 
    • Cornwallis, Nova Scotia – Where we were posted after Summerside.  I completed Grades 4-7 here. I love the Annapolis Valley. (This is now home to Cornwallis Park – a business park).

    I made some awesome friends through my travels.  But now I have this weird desire to move every 3-4 years.  It kind of stays with you.
     
     6. Four Places I have been:

    • St. John’s, Newfoundland – A business trip, but I saw it!
    • Orlando, Florida – Took my daughter to Disney in 2010 🙂  She was an awesome travel buddy, and we totally want to go back!
    • Punta Cana, Dominican Republic – My Greg and I went.  LOVE. Stayed at the Grand Bahia Principe.
    • Calgary, Alberta – I was there when I was really young, we went to the Zoo and the Tower.  That’s all I remember, lol.

      7. Four places I would rather be right now:

    • The Bahamas – Because it’s cold here now.
    • Hawaii – Because it’s cold here now.
    • Spain – Because SPAIN.
    • Scotland – Because my parents both have Scots in their backgrounds.

     8. Four things I don’t eat:

    • Brussel Sprouts – GAG
    • Liver – GAG
    • Caviar – GAG
    • Snails – GAG

     9. Four of my favourite foods:

    • Pizza – YUM.
    • Chocolate – I would swim in it if I could.
    • Coffee – Don’t mess with my caffeine intake…I will hurt you.
    • Peanut Butter – MMMMMMmmmmmmm 🙂

     10. Four TV Shows I watch(ed):

    • The X Files – Mulder and Scull were my peeps.
    • NCIS (the original) – I just love Gibbs, and Abby.
    • SOA – Hello, need I say more?
    • Salem – This is pretty cool so far.  Just watched Season One.

    11. Four things I am looking forward to in 2015:

    • MY SURGERY!!!!!!!!!!!
    • Running again.
    • Growing my yoga practice.
    • SUMMER!

     12. Four things I am always saying:

    • WHATEVER – Sometimes there is a name attached to it, depending on the situation.
    • Really? – Because I am a mom.
    • F Off – I have a potty mouth, sorry!  I do know when NOT to be a potty mouth, for real.
    • Because – usually attached to “I told you so”, “I said so”, and “I am the parent”.

    So, there you have it.  A little bit more about me.

    Thanks Rod for tagging me, this was really fun!

    #crazymamaruns 

  • This Year I Give Myself Permission….

    To Write About It All….

    The good stuff, the frustrating stuff, the goofy stuff, you get it 😉

    Everything.

    It’s a big part of why I started this blog after all.

    Pic from http://www.snoopy.com

    And So….

    It may seem trivial….but I am back to chewing the skin off around my fingernails.

    Gross right?

    Damn straight it is.  But this is how my nervous energy manifests.  My frustration, anxiety, stress, etc., boils up and I can’t help it.  My fingers look disgusting right now.  So I have to stop it.  More meditation?  Maybe acupuncture?

    All I know is.  I have to stop it!  GAH!

    And Then…

    One of the ways I cope with my depression/anxiety is through humour.  I call myself crazy, make jokes with family and friends.

    Some folks may be offended by that.  And if I have offended anyone, I am truly sorry.  But it’s my coping mechanism and I find it helps.  Because sometimes underneath that laughter, I am breaking apart inside.  Laughing helps me.

    It helps me help others.  Let’s them see that they too can function, even on the bad days.  And then I remind myself that those that love you, they just want to help you, to love you, to hold your hand and tell you it will be okay.  So they will laugh with you, cry with you and hang out in your nest when you don’t want to leave.

    So, I’ll keep talking about it, keep calling myself crazy and keep laughing.

    I am also

    Keeping myself open.  It’s my Mantra for 2015.  I AM OPEN.

    I am going to slow down a bit more (not like slothy slow down) and notice more.  We rush rush rush.  Wear ourselves down.  Forget to stop and SEE things.  We scan and move on.

    And so I hope

    That you will continue to come along on my journey this year.  It’s going to be an interesting one for sure!

    Interesting:  I joined Earthathon!  #teamhumanrace  (this is a virtual relay race around the globe and results are tweeted daily)

    I can’t run, but I can walk.  So it motivates me, along with my FitBit, to keep mobile.

    What do you give yourself permission for this year?

    What is YOUR disgusting habit/coping skill?  We all have one!

    What is something that motivates you?

    #crazymamaruns  Â